What is grief?

[wearingthestars]

WHO: Billy/Various, some OTA (will be noted)
WHERE: First Breath, Vanquish, Temba, YA house
WHAT: Sad
WHEN: Day of Return
WARNINGS: Sad



Return
(OT Vanquish [or First Breath if you want to see him worrying on the ship], Mostly meant for Jon and/or Lauri-Ell)

When the compulsion to return to the ships had come, Teddy hadn't been there. It set a knot of worry in Billy's stomach, even as he tried to reason it didn't mean he was gone. He might have gotten up early, or felt the compulsion before him, or...something. Right?

Still, that dread kept him from messaging during the trip back, mind running over the dark possibilities until they had landed and Billy went running to wait outside Vanquish. He was just worrying for nothing, right??


Storm Clouds
(OTA)

Billy was at a loss. What was a he supposed to do? He was trying very hard not to fall back into that deep depression that had claimed him after Cassie- that dark numbness that seemed to swallow him up for months.

The weather around him seemed to be reflecting that conflict, isolated clouds, dark and stormy, possibly attracted by the electricity that occasionally flickered unbidden at his fingertips.

He didn't know how to find a proper balance, to feel these emotions without losing himself to them.

The clouds rumbled overhead, rain pelting down, and Billy offered up an apologetic look as he wasn't the only one caught up in this downpour.

"Sorry-"


Hold Me
(for Tommy)

The house didn't feel the same without him. Billy tried to set aside that steadily growing weight on his chest and put away some of what he'd brought back from their trip, but he kept seeing signs of Teddy everywhere. He couldn't quite bring himself to touch any of Teddy's stuff, leaving it where it was.

He tried to sleep that night, laying on his side of the bed, switching between tears and long stretches of sleepless silence, before finally giving up and leaving their his room for Tommy's.

He peered inside hesitantly, voice a little rough from the boughts of crying.
"...Could I sleep with you?"

Comments

Storm Clouds

[thesepreciousthings]

Clarice had been moving some of the supplies she'd bought out of the hangar when the storm clouds gathered. She noticed them, and only had a brief moment to wonder if this was one of the storms Shiro had told her about when the heavens opened.

With a cry of surprise, she lifted the tarp covering her cargo and ducked underneath it, only to peer out when the boy nearby spoke up.

"Sorry? For what, the weather? Here, c'mon under, no sense in getting wet. Plenty've tarp."

[wearingthestars]

He nodded a bit numbly, not having the energy to explain at first, but sparing a guilty sort of smile when she welcomed him to take shelter with her. Billy shook out his fingers to try and dispel any lingering crackles of electricity before jogging to join her under tarp.

"Thanks- Yeah- sorry, I- it'll stop in a minute," he promised, pushing back dripping hair from his face and trying to put on a smile for the woman. "We haven't really met yet, have we? I'm Billy."

[thesepreciousthings]

"We haven't," she agreed, reaching out a hand for her to shake. She noticed his reluctance to smile, and combined with the fact that she'd only briefly glimpsed him on the First Breath, two and two crept slowly toward some sort of intuition. "I'm Clarice Starling. Glad to meet you, Billy."

She didn't quite smile, though, a sort of silent sign to him that it was okay if he didn't. "I get the impression you weren't having a good day even before it started raining..."

[wearingthestars]

Billy glanced down to make sure there were no stray sparks still leaping from his fingertips, before accepting the hand and giving a small shake. "Clarice," he repeated with a nod, head ducking gratefully with the lack of pressure to keep up appearances.

"Yeah...sorry. It's been- um...my fiancé was sent home...I think."

[thesepreciousthings]

Her face immediately fell into pained sympathy. Hannibal may not have exactly been her fiance, but she was still feeling the lack of him and his care for her in her daily life now. At moments, it was like a phantom limb. She could understand.

"Oh my goodness, honey...! That's terrible. Did you both arrive here together?"

Of Course He Will

[doubled_speed]

Tommy knew this was coming. He didn't know if it would be tonight or tomorrow night or some other time upcoming. But Tommy remembered what it had been like before Teddy was here. The way they'd been then. How his brother had needed him.

He didn't bother to rise when he heard Billy approach. He just scooted over a bit and lifted the blanket.

"Come on, kiddo."

<3

[wearingthestars]

Billy didn't even protest the nickname, offering a grateful- if sad- smile, and he crossed the room quickly to climb into the bed. He settled by his brother's side, silent for a long moment, just glad to have his presence.

"...How are you doing?" he asked finally.

[doubled_speed]

Idiot, how can you think that Tommy isn't going to pully you into his arms to hold? He's learned how to cuddle better.

"My best friend just, you know, disappeared. Not the greatest."

[wearingthestars]

Cuddles are good. And it was much easier to hide his face, ducking to press it against Tommy's shoulder.

"Yeah...I'm sorry." Billy knew it wasn't easy on any of them. "He's...back home, right? That's good..."

Return

[kree_soldieress]

She disembarks, and Lauri-Ell's expression is just as dark as Billy's eyes. Seeing her Prince, she knows he has noticed the same thing she had. And the woman bows her head in shame.

"My Prince, I do not know what happened."

[wearingthestars]

Oh, Lauri-Ell.

Billy's eyes well up, trying to stay strong, giving a few nods to try and force himself to accept the unspoken truth. He's really gone.

"...Neither of us could have stopped it," he offers, wincing a little at how his voice breaks.

[kree_soldieress]

It doesn't matter that she could not stop it. She has failed. The large woman goes to her knees before the royal and bows her head further.

"I will take whatever punishment you deem fit for failing in my duty."

[wearingthestars]

Oh.

Billy takes a half step back, trying to shake his head, and looking around for someone to take control of this situation. But it's only him.

So he drops to his knees too, ducking his head to try and catch Lauri-Ell's eye, placing a hand over hers and shaking his head firmly. "Hey- You didn't do anything wrong."

[ezra_of_lothal]

Ezra doesn't mind the rain. It's kind of nice after being on a Coruscant where even in the gardens of the Temple, the weather was controlled.

Or, well, it doesn't occur to immediately that this storm is a different sort of controlled.

He blinks once at Billy and then back up the sky, and then looks excited, "Wait, wait, is this you?"

[wearingthestars]

Billy flushes a bit and nods, his magic's harder to control when he's upset. If he looks closely Ezra might notice the very limited range of this storm, the ground dry within walking distance.

"...Yeah. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." He tries to focus, rain slowing to a drizzle, but he can't stop it completely.

[ezra_of_lothal]

"It's not bothering me. I mean-" He peers up. "It feels kinda sad to me, but it's not making me sad. But if that's coming from you..."

He looks over at Billy. "Not a good day?" he asks, more gently.

[wearingthestars]

"You can feel that?" Oh no. Billy looks guilty, and shy- electricity crackling at his fingertips, and he shakes it away again apologetically.

"Not...um...no, not really," he says softly, palming at the back of his neck, "My fiancé's gone..."

Return~

[beholding_archivist]

Of course Jon has noticed Teddy's absence on the Vanquish right away. Even the sudden presence of three toddlers couldn't distract from the obvious absence of a friend.

Teddy has been there when they left for Coruscant...

He has debated messaging Billy during the flight home, yet in the end decided against doing so. Such a message shouldn't be one to be texted.

So the first thing Jon does once the ships gets brought down on the ground isn't to gather part of his belongings. Instead, he heads right for the door of the ship, waiting for it to be safe to open. His own anxiety about the confrontation he knows is about to happen rings in his ears, but it is nothing compared to what he can sense outside.

"Billy..." He says softly once the door opens and he spots the young man there, that unspoken question much to clear on his face. Jon steps out of the ship and up to Billy, simply responding with a sad nod before reaching out to capture Billy in a tight embrace, simply whispering to him "I'm sorry."

[wearingthestars]

Damn.

His stomach drops out from under him just seeing Jon's face, and even without exchanging words he knows. He's unresponsive for a moment, blinking numbly as he's pulled close, before clinging to Jon, ducking his head against his chest to hide his tears.

"...Why him??" It's an impossible question, and he hates how strangled his voice sounds when he manages to choke it out.

[beholding_archivist]

"I don't know." Jon says, putting both their frustration into an obvious, yet honest answer. Neither of them knows. Now why they were brought here, nor why they leave. And it's never fair to those left behind.

Jon won't try to make Billy stop, but rather lets him have this moment of grief and loss. While they aren't great emotions to have, it's healthier to let them out than to bottle them up and Jon knows the best he can do is to be there for Billy and hold him while he processes this initial blow.

He can offer Billy tea later.

[wearingthestars]

He appreciates the honesty of it, nodding and biting at his lip. He stays in the safety of the hug a bit longer, taking comfort in that shared silence before hesitantly lifting his head and sniffing.

"Sorry- I know I shouldn't-...be this upset-" he tries to reason.

Storm Clouds

[kyley_b]

They've never met, but it was impossible to mistake Billy for anyone but Tommy's twin. After speaking to Tommy on the network and finding out what had happened, Kyle had been moved to do something for the poor guy. There wasn't a hell of a lot on Agra 10, but Kyle had at least thought to stock up on things on Coruscant and one of the things he'd brought back was some kind of tea. He thought it tasted a bit like mint. So he'd bundled it up in his coat and headed out.

He wasn't expecting to run into Billy, and especially not in the rain. His stupid green hat was keeping his hair from become a soaking wet mop in front of his eyes, at least, but it was still hardly the world's greatest first impression. Not that it mattered, he supposed.

"No, no, it's cool. Uhm. Hi. Are you Billy?"

[wearingthestars]

"Uh- y-yeah?" Billy answered with a slight delay, a little anxious that his reputation seemed to have preceded him. That or...Tommy. It was probably Tommy. Despite the striking visual similarities, it was obvious all ready that the twins were very different in personality.

"We haven't met, right?" he checked, worried he might have forgotten his name. He belatedly murmured a spell, hands glowing blue, an unseen barrier shielding them both from the rain, water pinging and dripping off of nothing.

[kyley_b]

"No, no we haven't." He's momentarily distracted by the fact that the rain is now just bouncing off of nothing. It's a small thing to Bully, probably, but to Kyle it's fantastical.

"I'm Kyle Broflovski, uh, I know your brother. Uhm. I heard about what happened..." That's awkward. He digs into his coat and holds out the box of tea with both hands.

"I know this won't help, because nothing's gonna help but time, but I got this on Coruscant and it's really relaxing. So. I'd like you to have it."

[wearingthestars]

Catch him on a good day and he'll show you way more fantastical things.

"Kyle, right- he mentioned- uh-" Billy's awkward right back, not entirely sure what to say, and he blinks in surprise at the offered box a moment before he clues in that he should take it.

"Oh um- I-...thanks." He flushes, afraid that might sound insincere, surprised that someone who didn't even know him was going to this kind of trouble.