What is grief?

[wearingthestars]

WHO: Billy/Various, some OTA (will be noted)
WHERE: First Breath, Vanquish, Temba, YA house
WHAT: Sad
WHEN: Day of Return
WARNINGS: Sad



Return
(OT Vanquish [or First Breath if you want to see him worrying on the ship], Mostly meant for Jon and/or Lauri-Ell)

When the compulsion to return to the ships had come, Teddy hadn't been there. It set a knot of worry in Billy's stomach, even as he tried to reason it didn't mean he was gone. He might have gotten up early, or felt the compulsion before him, or...something. Right?

Still, that dread kept him from messaging during the trip back, mind running over the dark possibilities until they had landed and Billy went running to wait outside Vanquish. He was just worrying for nothing, right??


Storm Clouds
(OTA)

Billy was at a loss. What was a he supposed to do? He was trying very hard not to fall back into that deep depression that had claimed him after Cassie- that dark numbness that seemed to swallow him up for months.

The weather around him seemed to be reflecting that conflict, isolated clouds, dark and stormy, possibly attracted by the electricity that occasionally flickered unbidden at his fingertips.

He didn't know how to find a proper balance, to feel these emotions without losing himself to them.

The clouds rumbled overhead, rain pelting down, and Billy offered up an apologetic look as he wasn't the only one caught up in this downpour.

"Sorry-"


Hold Me
(for Tommy)

The house didn't feel the same without him. Billy tried to set aside that steadily growing weight on his chest and put away some of what he'd brought back from their trip, but he kept seeing signs of Teddy everywhere. He couldn't quite bring himself to touch any of Teddy's stuff, leaving it where it was.

He tried to sleep that night, laying on his side of the bed, switching between tears and long stretches of sleepless silence, before finally giving up and leaving their his room for Tommy's.

He peered inside hesitantly, voice a little rough from the boughts of crying.
"...Could I sleep with you?"

Comments

[ezra_of_lothal]

"It's not bothering me. I mean-" He peers up. "It feels kinda sad to me, but it's not making me sad. But if that's coming from you..."

He looks over at Billy. "Not a good day?" he asks, more gently.

[wearingthestars]

"You can feel that?" Oh no. Billy looks guilty, and shy- electricity crackling at his fingertips, and he shakes it away again apologetically.

"Not...um...no, not really," he says softly, palming at the back of his neck, "My fiancé's gone..."

[ezra_of_lothal]

Some Jedi might have bad associations with electricity in that form - but Ezra doesn't. He just watches with curiosity and sympathy.

"I'm really sorry," he replies, emphatically. "He was with us on Coruscant and didn't come back? And...I'm a Jedi. Picking up what people are feeling happens sometimes. And when my emotions get big, sometimes I accidentally make things happen that other people might think's unusual, too. Like making dishes rattle. Or animals nearby might react."

He's been taught that sort of thing is dangerous, but the rain seems fairly harmless. A lecture certainly won't help, he knows.

[wearingthestars]

"Yeah, he was," Billy nods, offering a small smile, "Nicest guy in the universe- and I've checked- sorry you won't get to know him."

It helps, the humor, hearing Ezra talk about his own emotions, and the reactions that might come from them. Billy's definitely done worse than the rain before. He's afraid he might do worse here too, but for now it seems to be mostly harmless.

[ezra_of_lothal]

"Sounds like I'm missing out," Ezra agrees, readily.

"You're Billy, right? I've been trying to keep track of people on 'He Rows' list on my communicator," he explains. "Hadn't spotted Teddy is gone, yet. I'm Ezra."

[wearingthestars]

"Oh- uh- yeah, I am. Sorry." He hasn't even noticed he didn't give his name, flushing apologetically, "Hey Ezra. I wanna say next time we meet I probably won't douse you in water."

[ezra_of_lothal]

Ezra waves a hand dismissively, but smiling.

"Won't be the end of the world if it ends up that way somehow, will it? So, uh. Do you want to talk about Teddy? Or do you want to find something to do?"

[wearingthestars]

"..." There's a stretch of silence and Billy sighs.

"I...both? Does that even make sense? Part of me wants to do nothing but talk about him, but...it hurts." But so does trying to ignore that hurt.

[ezra_of_lothal]

"I get it." He's never had a love of his life, much less lost one, but does know about missing people and wondering if you'll ever see them again.

"I got some seeds for fruits and vegetables when were on Coruscant. Some of them will definitely need to be the greenhouse. Wanna come help me plant some?"

[wearingthestars]

"I can try, yeah. I'm not sure how much the data point affects that, but I can probably at least dig a hole under supervision," he agrees with a teasing smile.

[ezra_of_lothal]

"Perfect," Ezra says cheerfully, and starts heading in the direction of the greenhouse.

"I didn't see you around when we were on Coruscant. What did you think?"

[wearingthestars]

"It was ... big," he concludes with a laugh, "Um...it kind of reminded me of New York? That's the city I live in. Only...like New York in like a thousand years. Is that where you're from? Not Coruscant necessarily, but...that universe?"

[ezra_of_lothal]

"That universe, yeah. I'd never been even close to Coruscant before. I'm from Lothal, which is a planet that has a decent sized city, a few smaller ones, but it's most farmland, grassland, and mining."

[wearingthestars]

"Nice. You must be missing it," Billy guesses. He's missing New York. And if he got a taste of Earth before being dragged back here, he'd been feeling extra home sick.

[ezra_of_lothal]

He tilts his head, thinking. "I do miss Lothal. I miss my family more. I am glad I got to see the Jedi Temple, full of Jedi. There's only a few survivors, when I'm from."

[wearingthestars]

Billy nods, sort of able to understand that feeling. Not to the same scale, but- "We had something kind of similar happen with mutants back home." Though that's extra complicated given Billy's connection to Wanda.

"I'm glad you got to them all. It's interesting that there's so many of you here."

[ezra_of_lothal]

"Mutants. That's...people with unusual abilities?" he checks.

The thought that wiping so many people with powers out is something so many times and places have in common - that's discouraging.

[wearingthestars]

"Yeah, only- we weren't killed. Not that time at least. It was um...a sort of mass depowering?" he tries to explain.

[ezra_of_lothal]

"I'll go ahead and say that sounds less bad than mass murder, but still pretty not cool. If it was done intentionally," he ponders out loud. "If it was some sort of....cosmic rebalancing that just happens, it'd be hard and upsetting, but-"

If he had to lose his Force sensitivity as part of something that would be better for the vast majority of beings? He thinks his task as a Jedi would be to make his peace with that, as best he could.

"Oof. Yeah. It'd be tough."