What is grief?

[wearingthestars]

WHO: Billy/Various, some OTA (will be noted)
WHERE: First Breath, Vanquish, Temba, YA house
WHAT: Sad
WHEN: Day of Return
WARNINGS: Sad



Return
(OT Vanquish [or First Breath if you want to see him worrying on the ship], Mostly meant for Jon and/or Lauri-Ell)

When the compulsion to return to the ships had come, Teddy hadn't been there. It set a knot of worry in Billy's stomach, even as he tried to reason it didn't mean he was gone. He might have gotten up early, or felt the compulsion before him, or...something. Right?

Still, that dread kept him from messaging during the trip back, mind running over the dark possibilities until they had landed and Billy went running to wait outside Vanquish. He was just worrying for nothing, right??


Storm Clouds
(OTA)

Billy was at a loss. What was a he supposed to do? He was trying very hard not to fall back into that deep depression that had claimed him after Cassie- that dark numbness that seemed to swallow him up for months.

The weather around him seemed to be reflecting that conflict, isolated clouds, dark and stormy, possibly attracted by the electricity that occasionally flickered unbidden at his fingertips.

He didn't know how to find a proper balance, to feel these emotions without losing himself to them.

The clouds rumbled overhead, rain pelting down, and Billy offered up an apologetic look as he wasn't the only one caught up in this downpour.

"Sorry-"


Hold Me
(for Tommy)

The house didn't feel the same without him. Billy tried to set aside that steadily growing weight on his chest and put away some of what he'd brought back from their trip, but he kept seeing signs of Teddy everywhere. He couldn't quite bring himself to touch any of Teddy's stuff, leaving it where it was.

He tried to sleep that night, laying on his side of the bed, switching between tears and long stretches of sleepless silence, before finally giving up and leaving their his room for Tommy's.

He peered inside hesitantly, voice a little rough from the boughts of crying.
"...Could I sleep with you?"

Comments

[kree_soldieress]

Was it? Alliance Kree did this? They got to make decisions? Or was that just because she was now the only one with Kree blood here.

"I've never been anything but a Kree soldier, I would not know how to want."

[wearingthestars]

"...If I asked you if you wanted chocolate or strawberry right now, what would you say?" Billy tries abruptly, "No thinking."

[kree_soldieress]

What? Those words were not ones she understood. And so she's definitely confused.

"What are those?"

[wearingthestars]

Okay, bad example.

"I'll explain in a-...Red or Blue?" he adjusts.

[kree_soldieress]

Ah, this is something she can answer easily. "Blue."

[wearingthestars]

"Okay, good. And why'd you pick that? Did I tell you you had to?"

[kree_soldieress]

"I am a blue Kree. And Clarice said that warm colors are not right for me. Red is a warm color."

Yes, in a way, she took it as something that she may have been told she had to.

[wearingthestars]

You're going to be the death of him Lauri-Ell.

"So, you picked it because you wanted to," he tries to clarify.

[kree_soldieress]

No. She does not wish to be the death. Just the protection.

"I do not understand the point you are attempting to make."

[wearingthestars]

"My point is you know how to want things. And Teddy'd want you to-...to have that freedom to explore that," he argues, voice straining and catching a bit with Teddy's name, but he manages to get it under control.

[kree_soldieress]

"How can you be certain?" she asks, frowning at the other. It doesn't make sense.

"But you should not concern yourself with me, My Prince. I am here to protect you>"

[wearingthestars]

"I just am." And he seems sure, despite how little sense it seems to make.

"It's a two way street. You protect me, I protect you."

[kree_soldieress]

That... does not seem appropriate. Not at all. But if he willed it, she would... allow it.

"Then that shall be as it is. Because I will not fail him in your safety."

[wearingthestars]

Billy gives a nod, and then holds up a pinky, the rest of his fingers curled back.

"Lets promise then. We look out for each other. Come on. Like this. Link it with mine. It's the highest level of promise."

[kree_soldieress]

What a strange gesture. Lauri-Ell stares for a long moment before offering her own pinky. Not that she knows to curl it around his.

Yes, he says link it, but she doesn't know how. So for now she puts her tip to tip with his. Was this the link he desired.

"Would it not be better to swear the oath upon the crown? Or throne? Or the weapon? It would hold me honest."

[wearingthestars]

He smiles at her interpretation, before sliding his pinkie down along hers to link them properly. The scale makes it a little awkward, but it works.

He shakes his head solemnly.

"No- this is the ultimate oath on Earth. Cannot be broken," he assures, looking up to hold her gaze, "I swear, we protect each other."

[kree_soldieress]

Oh. The ultimate oath? She will take it quite seriously. She curls her pinkie as well.

"I swear, we will protect each other," she parroted.

[wearingthestars]

"Good." Billy nodded firmly and released their link. "So part of protecting each other is looking out for our hearts too. Which means need to find whatever it is that makes your heart happy."

[kree_soldieress]

Each other's hearts?

"Hearts cannot be happy. They are muscles."

The metaphor is absolutely lost on her.

[wearingthestars]

"..." Billy sighed, half laughing, and half exasperated with trying to explain. "Just...don't worry about it too much, okay? Just...be happy, when you can."

[kree_soldieress]

Be happy. Oh Billy, if only she knew how to do that.

"I shall try. But you must try as well."