What is grief?

[wearingthestars]

WHO: Billy/Various, some OTA (will be noted)
WHERE: First Breath, Vanquish, Temba, YA house
WHAT: Sad
WHEN: Day of Return
WARNINGS: Sad



Return
(OT Vanquish [or First Breath if you want to see him worrying on the ship], Mostly meant for Jon and/or Lauri-Ell)

When the compulsion to return to the ships had come, Teddy hadn't been there. It set a knot of worry in Billy's stomach, even as he tried to reason it didn't mean he was gone. He might have gotten up early, or felt the compulsion before him, or...something. Right?

Still, that dread kept him from messaging during the trip back, mind running over the dark possibilities until they had landed and Billy went running to wait outside Vanquish. He was just worrying for nothing, right??


Storm Clouds
(OTA)

Billy was at a loss. What was a he supposed to do? He was trying very hard not to fall back into that deep depression that had claimed him after Cassie- that dark numbness that seemed to swallow him up for months.

The weather around him seemed to be reflecting that conflict, isolated clouds, dark and stormy, possibly attracted by the electricity that occasionally flickered unbidden at his fingertips.

He didn't know how to find a proper balance, to feel these emotions without losing himself to them.

The clouds rumbled overhead, rain pelting down, and Billy offered up an apologetic look as he wasn't the only one caught up in this downpour.

"Sorry-"


Hold Me
(for Tommy)

The house didn't feel the same without him. Billy tried to set aside that steadily growing weight on his chest and put away some of what he'd brought back from their trip, but he kept seeing signs of Teddy everywhere. He couldn't quite bring himself to touch any of Teddy's stuff, leaving it where it was.

He tried to sleep that night, laying on his side of the bed, switching between tears and long stretches of sleepless silence, before finally giving up and leaving their his room for Tommy's.

He peered inside hesitantly, voice a little rough from the boughts of crying.
"...Could I sleep with you?"

Comments

[doubled_speed]

Tommy's learned, how to be a good bed partner. How to hold someone so they feel loved and supported. Guess David was teaching him without him even knowing. He reaches up and strokes his twin's hair, like he would with David.

"He's back home," Tommy agrees. "And you'll go back there some time too. You won't remember this place, but you'll go back to where you are. You're going to have so many adventures, Billy, and still be so in love. ANd look stupid in your new cape."

[wearingthestars]

Billy sniffs, nodding and closing his eyes. His thumb gives an absent stroke to Tommy's back as he hold him, wanting to offer him comfort too.

He snorts softly, breathing a fond laugh through his nose. "Yeah? How bad is it?" he asks. It feels surprisingly good to hear that teasing.

[doubled_speed]

Was it wrong, that he'd missed this? The way they were when they came to Agra 10, united and close? When Teddy had shown up there had been no choice but to take the distance it imposed between them.

In a way, he'd lost his brother. And now in the worst way he was getting him back.

"Dude, purple and green are NOT your colors."

[wearingthestars]

Billy smiles softly, trying to picture it.

"...I could pull it off."

He lifts his head to look up at Tommy. "You really don't remember any of it, when you're back home?" He wants the reassurance of knowing Teddy's happy, back where he belongs. Eventually Billy'll slide back in too and they'll continue on like nothing's happened.

[doubled_speed]

"You could. Fuck, man, you do. It was all beautiful. I actually cried."

But when his brother looks he meets the other man's eyes. He needs his brother to see that he's being honest.

"Yeah, I didn't. If I had, maybe I would have been less of a punk when Vizh back home started to reconnect with us through Viv. But, you know, I didn't give him a chance."

[wearingthestars]

Billy's expression softens. "Yeah? Are you only admitting that because I won't remember, or do you do it in front of me?"

"Mm, well, there's still time," he offers, "That's a complicated thing, even if you did remember everything here."

[doubled_speed]

"Both," Tommy answers with a soft chuckle. "I sorta hid it pretty well I think. You didn't call me on it."

There's time. There is a lot of time because they've got what they have here, but they have something there too. They have family.

"I wish I did remember here, though. Remember that it's okay to admit maybe people were wrong about me."

[wearingthestars]

"Mm, sounds like you're starting to learn that there too at least?" Billy points out, but he understands. It's frustrating to know they can't bring back the lessons learned here.

"...I feel stupid for being so upset when I know I get to go home eventually and see him again."

[doubled_speed]

"No, it's not stupid," Tommy insists, voice firm and annoyed. Because if Billy is stupid for being upset over Teddy, then Tommy was even more stupid over being upset for David.

And he won't accept that.

"No one trusts me to be smart or achieve things there," Tommy counters.

[wearingthestars]

Billy looks uncertain, not thinking about the parallels, just feeling guilty when there's so many people here who might not see their loved ones again if they're taken from them here.

"No one?" There's David, and Billy, and the rest of the Young Avengers. And the Actual Avengers. And the Kaplans. And whoever those people were who hired him to make those tech things. And the Runaways. And-

[doubled_speed]

Not really. David does, but Tommy hasn't given him a chance yet.

"Wow, Billy, listen to the words coming out of my mouth. People here have more faith in me. Even Tony."

[wearingthestars]

Billy frowns. But it's not an argument he knows how to win. Hell, he doesn't even know if he's right- Tommy's from the future, how can Billy possibly offer up something he hasn't all ready shot down?

Either way, he doesn't have the energy to press tonight, just sighing and giving his brother a pointed squeeze.

[doubled_speed]

Well, Billy wouldn't win it anyway. So instead he should just be glad that his brother was there, to hold him. To keep him strong.

"Just sleep, Billy. I've got you."