revivalproject | What is grief?

WHO: Billy/Various, some OTA (will be noted)
WHERE: First Breath, Vanquish, Temba, YA house
WHAT: Sad
WHEN: Day of Return
WARNINGS: Sad

Return
(OT Vanquish [or First Breath if you want to see him worrying on the ship], Mostly meant for Jon and/or Lauri-Ell)

When the compulsion to return to the ships had come, Teddy hadn't been there. It set a knot of worry in Billy's stomach, even as he tried to reason it didn't mean he was gone. He might have gotten up early, or felt the compulsion before him, or...something. Right?

Still, that dread kept him from messaging during the trip back, mind running over the dark possibilities until they had landed and Billy went running to wait outside Vanquish. He was just worrying for nothing, right??

Storm Clouds
(OTA)

Billy was at a loss. What was a he supposed to do? He was trying very hard not to fall back into that deep depression that had claimed him after Cassie- that dark numbness that seemed to swallow him up for months.

The weather around him seemed to be reflecting that conflict, isolated clouds, dark and stormy, possibly attracted by the electricity that occasionally flickered unbidden at his fingertips.

He didn't know how to find a proper balance, to feel these emotions without losing himself to them.

The clouds rumbled overhead, rain pelting down, and Billy offered up an apologetic look as he wasn't the only one caught up in this downpour.

"Sorry-"

Hold Me
(for Tommy)

The house didn't feel the same without him. Billy tried to set aside that steadily growing weight on his chest and put away some of what he'd brought back from their trip, but he kept seeing signs of Teddy everywhere. He couldn't quite bring himself to touch any of Teddy's stuff, leaving it where it was.

He tried to sleep that night, laying on his side of the bed, switching between tears and long stretches of sleepless silence, before finally giving up and leaving ~~their~~ his room for Tommy's.

He peered inside hesitantly, voice a little rough from the boughts of crying.
"...Could I sleep with you?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

She disembarks, and Lauri-Ell's expression is just as dark as Billy's eyes. Seeing her Prince, she knows he has noticed the same thing she had. And the woman bows her head in shame.

"My Prince, I do not know what happened."

Oh, Lauri-Ell.

Billy's eyes well up, trying to stay strong, giving a few nods to try and force himself to accept the unspoken truth. He's really gone.

"...Neither of us could have stopped it," he offers, wincing a little at how his voice breaks.

It doesn't matter that she could not stop it. She has failed. The large woman goes to her knees before the royal and bows her head further.

"I will take whatever punishment you deem fit for failing in my duty."

Oh.

Billy takes a half step back, trying to shake his head, and looking around for someone to take control of this situation. But it's only him.

So he drops to his knees too, ducking his head to try and catch Lauri-Ell's eye, placing a hand over hers and shaking his head firmly. "Hey- You didn't do anything wrong."

Can he see that she too is crying? This had been the greatest duty entrusted to her by her Emperor, by her people. She would protect their new Emperor, to hold safe and sacred their peace. And now it was gone.

He was gone. Her purpose.

"I do not know what I am without the Alliance, without my duty."

Billy shuffles a little closer, and hesitantly rocks up on his knees to try and pull her into a hug.

"Well, maybe it's time to find out?" he offers softly, "Teddy'd want that for you. I want that for you. You aren't just your duty."

A hug. She had experienced so little in her life. There was no love for a Kree soldier. It is a nice thing, comforting, even if his arms are so small.

"I was made for my duty, William. I was made as a creature of war. Programmed to it."

They are. He hopes it still reads as a hug with their size difference.

"...So? Who says you have to follow that just because that's what some other people decided for you? You can be whatever you wanna be Lauri-Ell. Screw what anyone else wants, what do you want?

What she wants?

That's never mattered before. And Lauri-Ell really does look confused at the very question.

"I do not understand. Kree do not choose."

"...Maybe that's something Alliance Kree get to do then. They get to choose. You can be anything you want here." And she doesn't like it then she can take comfort in knowing she'll be snapped right back in place with Teddy if she leaves.

Was it? Alliance Kree did this? They got to make decisions? Or was that just because she was now the only one with Kree blood here.

"I've never been anything but a Kree soldier, I would not know how to want."

"...If I asked you if you wanted chocolate or strawberry right now, what would you say?" Billy tries abruptly, "No thinking."

What? Those words were not ones she understood. And so she's definitely confused.

"What are those?"

Okay, bad example.

"I'll explain in a-...Red or Blue?" he adjusts.

Ah, this is something she can answer easily. "Blue."

"Okay, good. And why'd you pick that? Did I tell you you had to?"

"I am a blue Kree. And Clarice said that warm colors are not right for me. Red is a warm color."

Yes, in a way, she took it as something that she may have been told she had to.

You're going to be the death of him Lauri-Ell.

"So, you picked it because you wanted to," he tries to clarify.

No. She does not wish to be the death. Just the protection.

"I do not understand the point you are attempting to make."

"My point is you know how to want things. And Teddy'd want you to-...to have that freedom to explore that," he argues, voice straining and catching a bit with Teddy's name, but he manages to get it under control.

"How can you be certain?" she asks, frowning at the other. It doesn't make sense.

"But you should not concern yourself with me, My Prince. I am here to protect you>"

"I just am." And he seems sure, despite how little sense it seems to make.

"It's a two way street. You protect me, I protect you."

That... does not seem appropriate. Not at all. But if he willed it, she would... allow it.

"Then that shall be as it is. Because I will not fail him in your safety."

Billy gives a nod, and then holds up a pinky, the rest of his fingers curled back.

"Lets promise then. We look out for each other. Come on. Like this. Link it with mine. It's the highest level of promise."

What a strange gesture. Lauri-Ell stares for a long moment before offering her own pinky. Not that she knows to curl it around his.

Yes, he says link it, but she doesn't know how. So for now she puts her tip to tip with his. Was this the link he desired.

"Would it not be better to swear the oath upon the crown? Or throne? Or the weapon? It would hold me honest."

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