I didn't mean for it to happen

[wearingthestars]

WHO: Billy, Tommy, Bucky/The Soldier, OTA
WHERE: Temba, YA House
WHAT: The aftermath
WHEN: Early June
WARNINGS: TBD



The Return & What Follows (for Tommy)

Billy screamed, and the world dissolved. The Shadow had shielded him from the worst of it, assaulted by those memories in a non stop barrage for however long they were in there, but now he remembered it all. He dimly registered he was back in his calibration room, hoping he'd managed to release the others before he collapsed heavily onto the floor. He shouldn't have been able to perform that level of magic here. And whatever had allowed it abruptly cut it off with his return, utterly drained from the experience.

He was unconscious, in and out of nightmares for days before he finally jolted awake in a cold sweat, practically tumbling from the bed in his race to the bathroom to retch.

What had he done?

Avoidance [OTA]

Even after he awoke, Billy didn't want to leave the house. He was ashamed and scared, and used the excuse of resting for far longer than was true.

A few faces managed to hunt him down there, and it wasn't like Billy could turn them away, eventually relenting and breaking down a few of those barriers.

After that it was a little easier to venture out. It took a few smaller outing before he was able to get as far as the Hospital, but there at least he could focus on work.

(For Bucky/The Soldier)

Billy knew he probably wanted to stay hidden away as much as he did right now, but after what they'd been through together in the other world, he trusted the man to help him with this. Tommy and the others would refuse, but he was confident Bucky would understand. And he needed to apologize.

His magic was still weak, but it led him to the general location where he was meant to be. Billy couldn't quite meet his eye when he found him, swallowing thickly and looking uncomfortable.

"...Hey. Could we talk?"

Apology- Network- Text

I can't begin to make up for what I put you all through this last month. I had no right, and I'm so sorry you all got caught up in this mess.

I know that doesn't begin to make it right.

They did something to me. Like Calibrations...but worse. I don't know how. And I'm not trying to make excuses for what I did but- I'm scared they'll do it again. To any of us. I thought people should know.

Comments

[sinistral]

"So I guess we understand each other." A little bit at least, which — if Billy's created world really was a reflection of how he felt about himself — shouldn't come as a surprise to the Soldier. Billy there had been his own sort of outcast; perhaps some of that carried over to here.

He didn't see a need to call attention to it though, not when he thought it might make Billy uncomfortable. They'd certainly covered enough uncomfortable things today. "As you wish," he replied to the question. "It was nothing pressing. And when I knew I was being followed, it was nothing at all except seeing what you would do."

[wearingthestars]

"Guess we do."

He smiled softly, head tilting a little, wondering what the Soldier had imagined Billy would do, and how long he'd been aware of Billy's stalking before he finally called out to him.

"Well, do you want some company then?" he offered, "I could help, with...whatever it was?"

[sinistral]

That was probably a question better left unasked; the Soldier could think of quite a few things a stalking presence might want, and very few of them pleasant. It was just how his mind approached things anymore; it also kept him alive.

He considered that offer carefully, head tipped to the side as he studied Billy. If he gave of the impression of evaluating trustworthiness, well, that wasn't far off the mark. "I was scavenging. And looking for a new camp," he finally explained. "If that interests you."

[wearingthestars]

Billy shifted a little awkwardly under that gaze, and gave a small laugh when he finally seemed to be judged acceptable enough.

"I'm not the best at it, but if you're okay having me trail along. You need a new place?"

[sinistral]

He shrugged. Need didn't quite describe it, not yet, but want was pretty spot on. The idea of settling in one spot still didn't sit well with him, especially not when he constantly felt the Agrii were a threat. "I prefer to move around."

[wearingthestars]

Fair enough. Billy nodded, "Okay, so what are we looking for? Something with a view?" he tried for a bit of humor, pushing to his feet again.

[sinistral]

The Soldier stood too, with a short nod. He did want a view, but probably not the way Billy meant it. "Yes. Clear sightlines. Defensible. More than one exit." A beat. "And dry. Preferably."

[wearingthestars]

"Preferably?-- Have- have you been staying in places that aren't dry??" he asked incredulously, very much channeling his mother in that moment. That was not going to fly. He could have bunker, or whatever else he wanted, but it had to be livable.

[sinistral]

"I've had worse." Not that it made everything better, but it was the truth. And it wasn't like there was a lot in terms of amenities; better they be used by people who need them more. For the Soldier, the idea of a defensible shelter was the most important thing, a place he could feel safe trying to sleep. "And the rain isn't the most annoying thing about storms in this place."

[wearingthestars]

"Well that's not a good reason," Billy countered with a pointed frown. Yeah, it sucked here, but they could at the very least do dry. It was very low bar, and Billy tried to look like he meant business, as though he wasn't one of the least intimidating figures on the surface level in this place.

"It's like right there on the bottom tier of the hierarchy of needs, it's not a huge ask."

[sinistral]

"Security is more important," he replied. For all the good it did him anyway, considering the kind of power the Agrii held over them. What he didn't quite follow was why Billy seemed so insistent. The Soldier managed just fine. He didn't drain resources. That should be ideal. "And you don't always know a place won't be dry, until it isn't."

That had been a particularly nasty surprise. But it still beat cryo, so that was a slight point in its favor.

[wearingthestars]

"It's second." At least as far as Maslow's Hierarchy was concerned, and since Billy's still got all those psychology classes in his brain he might as well put the lessons to use in trying to prove he was right.

"The first two tiers are your basic needs, but physiological comes first- food, water, shelter, sleep. All that stuff. Then safety. And you know, then all the other stuff if you have time for it."

[sinistral]

He definitely hadn't been expecting argument on the point, much less an argument that sounded like it had some thought behind it. Billy surprised him, mostly in the fact that he seemed to care.

Then again, he'd created a world where they kept people safe, hadn't he?

When he answered, his voice was quiet. "What if you've had all of that, but the way you had it, the people who provided it, took away everything that was you?" Billy hadn't meant to do so, but HYDRA had.

[wearingthestars]

That...was a very good point, actually.

"...Okay, that could skew things," Billy relented with a guilty frown, "...Safety first. But I still think we can make basic level comfort something to shoot for. Deal? Anything with a giant hole in the roof maybe we pass over?"

[sinistral]

The Soldier looked at him for a moment longer than could be considered normal, deliberately stretching out the interval before replying. "How big is giant?"

Trolling: not just for normal people anymore!

[wearingthestars]

Billy tried to glare, but could hold back a snort of laughter, rolling his eyes in exasperation, and swatting at him good naturedly as he passed.

"Oh, I'm on to you, don't try that innocent look."

[sinistral]

"What innocent look?" he replied, then paused. It had come out so naturally, as had the impulse to steer the conversation away from a direction that might have caused Billy to think ill of his own actions. Curious.

"I don't mind the rain," he said eventually. "I don't like to sleep in it, but I don't mind it as weather. The cold is worse."

[wearingthestars]

"The look. With the eyes," Billy explained vaguely, "Come on Mr. House Hunter. We find any giant holes then I'll point them out."

"...I don't mind the rain either, as long as it's not raining inside. It's kind of peaceful," he added, and then amended- "Dry and warm then."

[sinistral]

"You do need eyes to look," the Soldier replied. "You're very sensible sometimes."

But he did fall easily into step next to Billy, eyes roaming over the landscape in an ever present effort to keep watch for threats. "Dry and warm and private," he added. Since one person will already know about it.

[wearingthestars]

Billy laughed, "You're a bit of a brat, you know that?" he teased, looking pleased. It might just be wishful thinking, but he felt like the Soldier had opened up a little.

"And private," he echoed, "Did you want something around here ideally, or somewhere else on the map?"

[sinistral]

"I don't know what you're talking about," was the completely flat reply. But if Billy was looking, he'd likely catch the curl of a smile before the Soldier's expression took on its neutral norm.

There was a very real question there though. "I only started looking around here because the buildings seemed intact enough for shelter, and no one else seemed to be around. I'm not committed to the area."

[wearingthestars]

Oh, look at that. Billy grinned, pointedly not calling attention to that smile, but feeling very pleased with himself for having caught it.

"Okay, you rule anywhere out yet?" Here seemed as good a spot as any to pick. He wondered if they should have put this much thought into picking their place...

[sinistral]

"Where we were sitting," he replied. "Dry and warm, but only one way in or out. Not good for a quick exit if the only exit is blocked. But something like it would be fine." It wasn't like he'd spend more than a month there anyway, too unable to settle down for long.

[wearingthestars]

He nodded, scanning the surrounding buildings like he had a clue what he was doing.

"I feel like you would be super disappointed in Tommy and me if you saw the place we picked."

[sinistral]

"Would I?" He shrugged, moving from their current position to the next likely building. "If it meets your needs, and you are satisfied, then why would you care what someone else thinks?"