I didn't mean for it to happen

[wearingthestars]

WHO: Billy, Tommy, Bucky/The Soldier, OTA
WHERE: Temba, YA House
WHAT: The aftermath
WHEN: Early June
WARNINGS: TBD



The Return & What Follows (for Tommy)

Billy screamed, and the world dissolved. The Shadow had shielded him from the worst of it, assaulted by those memories in a non stop barrage for however long they were in there, but now he remembered it all. He dimly registered he was back in his calibration room, hoping he'd managed to release the others before he collapsed heavily onto the floor. He shouldn't have been able to perform that level of magic here. And whatever had allowed it abruptly cut it off with his return, utterly drained from the experience.

He was unconscious, in and out of nightmares for days before he finally jolted awake in a cold sweat, practically tumbling from the bed in his race to the bathroom to retch.

What had he done?

Avoidance [OTA]

Even after he awoke, Billy didn't want to leave the house. He was ashamed and scared, and used the excuse of resting for far longer than was true.

A few faces managed to hunt him down there, and it wasn't like Billy could turn them away, eventually relenting and breaking down a few of those barriers.

After that it was a little easier to venture out. It took a few smaller outing before he was able to get as far as the Hospital, but there at least he could focus on work.

(For Bucky/The Soldier)

Billy knew he probably wanted to stay hidden away as much as he did right now, but after what they'd been through together in the other world, he trusted the man to help him with this. Tommy and the others would refuse, but he was confident Bucky would understand. And he needed to apologize.

His magic was still weak, but it led him to the general location where he was meant to be. Billy couldn't quite meet his eye when he found him, swallowing thickly and looking uncomfortable.

"...Hey. Could we talk?"

Apology- Network- Text

I can't begin to make up for what I put you all through this last month. I had no right, and I'm so sorry you all got caught up in this mess.

I know that doesn't begin to make it right.

They did something to me. Like Calibrations...but worse. I don't know how. And I'm not trying to make excuses for what I did but- I'm scared they'll do it again. To any of us. I thought people should know.

Comments

[wearingthestars]

He nodded, scanning the surrounding buildings like he had a clue what he was doing.

"I feel like you would be super disappointed in Tommy and me if you saw the place we picked."

[sinistral]

"Would I?" He shrugged, moving from their current position to the next likely building. "If it meets your needs, and you are satisfied, then why would you care what someone else thinks?"

[wearingthestars]

"I dunno, I tend to care too much what other people think," Billy points out. It's a whole thing.

A squirrely-rat type thing scampered abruptly underfoot, disturbed from it's hiding place, and Billy started in surprise, cursing under his breath.

[sinistral]

"If it's right for you, then that is what I care about." Maybe a small part of him really had been genuine in that other world. He didn't want to think about it.

At the movement — Billy's and the creature's — the Soldier dropped into a defensive stance, immediately drawing a knife and moving to shield Billy before he realized that there was no true threat. Still, he was slow to straighten, awareness turned to their surroundings.

[wearingthestars]

Billy breathed out a bashful laugh to break the tension. A big reaction on both their parts for such a little thing. "...I think we're good," he assured, looking back after the creature curiously, and then to the Soldier with a small smile. Was he ready to protect him from whatever that threat was?

[sinistral]

Small things sometimes brought the biggest problems. But he straightened and stowed the combat knife, meeting Billy's gaze clearly. Yes, he had meant to protect the other man. And he'd done it without hesitation.

"I am... glad," he replied, a bit belatedly.

[wearingthestars]

"I mean, knowing this place it totally could've spat venom or something, who knows?" Billy mused, smiling and offering Bucky's shoulder a fond pat as he moved past him to venture inside the newest prospect.

[sinistral]

"Don't say that too loudly, you'll give it ideas." For all that they'd been able to transport creatures and plants here, that doesn't necessarily exclude more damaging transplants either. Fortunately the rat thing just scurried away, apparently content with not spitting at them.

After another moment of watching it, the Soldier moved to follow Billy into the interior of the next possible place.

[wearingthestars]

He laughed, not taking the threat too seriously. It was kind of cute when it was wasn't suddenly underfoot.

"It's uh...homey," Billy noted, nudging some rubble aside with his foot.

[sinistral]

Cute when not suddenly underfoot actually described quite a few people as well...

"Don't look at it in terms of amenities," he suggested, moving past Billy and further into the interior. "Dry. Warm. Defensible. The rest doesn't matter."

[wearingthestars]

"Right, right-" Billy nodded, and tried to adopt a more serious posture. Dry. Warm. Defensible. He repeated it in his head as he looked around.

"...the floor's kind of...soft over here. Might be water damage?" Hey look at that! He could do the critical thinking when he set his mind to it.

[sinistral]

Crouching, the Soldier ran his hand along the floor, then shifted to the nearest wall. Soft, both of them, and signs of rot. He stood, shaking his head.

"Good eye." He couldn't see any damage to the ceiling, which probably meant smaller cracks. Those could be worse for leaks. "Eliminates this place. The rat can keep it."

[wearingthestars]

He grinned at having correctly assessed a problem before looking a bit sheepish. Billy didn't want there to be problems, obviously, but he felt good about being able to spot one on his own.

"Probably not the best housemate for you anyway."

[sinistral]

"I doubt I make a good housemate for it," he countered, moving once more toward the entrance. "It's probably relieved."

Outside there wasn't any sign of the creature; it had well and truly scampered off. Maybe it had low opinions of the visitors; weren't they technically trespassing?

[wearingthestars]

"Do super soldiers still get sick? It might have like...space plague or rabies or something," Billy considered. Best for both of them then that didn't settle together.

"So you move around a lot then? That's gotta get kind of exhausting, looking through all these places."

[sinistral]

"No," he replied. "Not the way you're thinking of illness. That wouldn't be efficient." Certainly HYDRA wouldn't make a super soldier who could be felled by the common cold. Though what infection could come from an alien species, he had no idea.

The Soldier shrugged. He had moved around a lot before he'd been taken by the Atroma too. There was safety in it, and in anonymity. "What else would you suggest I do?"

[wearingthestars]

"That's good I guess," though Billy was similarly uncertain about how the alien stuff might change all that, "You heard about the rage bugs, right?" he thought to caution. He'd be another one that would be hard to take down if he got bit, and that seemed a little more likely out here.

"I dunno. If you feel better that way it's fine, I just- I'd wanna settle down if it was me. Try and make the best of things?" Billy's spent a year on the run across the multiverse before he'd been brought here, it was hard for him to see the appeal when it didn't seem like there was as immediate a threat. Beyond the obvious and ever looming one that had brought them here.

[sinistral]

"It's. Useful." The same way his accelerated healing was useful, the same way his strength was. Useful, but also meant to bend to the will and use of others. "I—" he hesitated, frowning. "I believe that I wasn't here. That I was. Being used."

It was the first he'd mentioned it to anyone.

Settling down though, that was easier to explain. "Patterns, routines are predictable. You can be found. Used. Made to—" He shook his head. "Old habits. Doesn't matter."

[wearingthestars]

"...Used?" Billy repeated with a concerned look, steps slowing, "What do you mean??" Had this kind of stuff been happening before? How long had they been messing with the Solider and no one knew??

If definitely kept him from arguing further about the need to keep on the move.

[sinistral]

"I don't know." He shook his head, frustrated at his own memory, the holes in it. "I... the city, that place you made, is very clear. But what I was doing before it, I can't—"

His face twisted, clearly unhappy with the illusive memories. "I was. Sent somewhere. Doing something. I had orders, I think. I don't know." The last came out very quietly.

[wearingthestars]

That sounded horrifyingly familiar, and Billy struggled for a moment, not sure what to say. His mind was a jumble of guilt, and concern, glancing about like he finally really understood the Soldier's fear now.

"How- I-...shit what's...what's the last thing you think you do remember clearly? From here?" How long had he been gone and they hadn't figured it out?

[sinistral]

"It was getting cold." He shivered, though the day was far from cool. No, it was more the involuntary kind of shiver that came from cryo, from the freeze going deeper than bone—

No. He forced his thoughts away from that pitfall, focused instead on remembering this place. "After the return from liberating the Agrii. It goes — fuzzy." A beat, and a quiet admission: "my memory cannot be considered reliable."

[wearingthestars]

That was so long ago. Billy's brow creased, and he shifted like he wanted to offer some sort of physical comfort, but- they weren't really there yet, were they?

"God-- I'm...I'm so sorry. I didn't think-" He hadn't thought anything of the absence, the Soldier kept to himself, he thought it was just that.

[sinistral]

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault." It wasn't anyone's fault, save for the Agrii. "We know that they can take people. We're powerless against it. What could you have done, even if you knew?"

Another thought occurred to him then, one he offered up for consideration. "I could have been in the caves, the way you were. I don't know."

[wearingthestars]

"But I didn't...notice-" And god that feel horrible to say. It made him feel ashamed, sure he'd know now if the Solider went missing for a notable amount of time.

"I could've-...I don't know...I could have looked?"

Billy looked anxious, wondering the same thing, feeling that distrust grow. "We need to tell people-"