I didn't mean for it to happen

[wearingthestars]

WHO: Billy, Tommy, Bucky/The Soldier, OTA
WHERE: Temba, YA House
WHAT: The aftermath
WHEN: Early June
WARNINGS: TBD



The Return & What Follows (for Tommy)

Billy screamed, and the world dissolved. The Shadow had shielded him from the worst of it, assaulted by those memories in a non stop barrage for however long they were in there, but now he remembered it all. He dimly registered he was back in his calibration room, hoping he'd managed to release the others before he collapsed heavily onto the floor. He shouldn't have been able to perform that level of magic here. And whatever had allowed it abruptly cut it off with his return, utterly drained from the experience.

He was unconscious, in and out of nightmares for days before he finally jolted awake in a cold sweat, practically tumbling from the bed in his race to the bathroom to retch.

What had he done?

Avoidance [OTA]

Even after he awoke, Billy didn't want to leave the house. He was ashamed and scared, and used the excuse of resting for far longer than was true.

A few faces managed to hunt him down there, and it wasn't like Billy could turn them away, eventually relenting and breaking down a few of those barriers.

After that it was a little easier to venture out. It took a few smaller outing before he was able to get as far as the Hospital, but there at least he could focus on work.

(For Bucky/The Soldier)

Billy knew he probably wanted to stay hidden away as much as he did right now, but after what they'd been through together in the other world, he trusted the man to help him with this. Tommy and the others would refuse, but he was confident Bucky would understand. And he needed to apologize.

His magic was still weak, but it led him to the general location where he was meant to be. Billy couldn't quite meet his eye when he found him, swallowing thickly and looking uncomfortable.

"...Hey. Could we talk?"

Apology- Network- Text

I can't begin to make up for what I put you all through this last month. I had no right, and I'm so sorry you all got caught up in this mess.

I know that doesn't begin to make it right.

They did something to me. Like Calibrations...but worse. I don't know how. And I'm not trying to make excuses for what I did but- I'm scared they'll do it again. To any of us. I thought people should know.

Comments

[wearingthestars]

That was so long ago. Billy's brow creased, and he shifted like he wanted to offer some sort of physical comfort, but- they weren't really there yet, were they?

"God-- I'm...I'm so sorry. I didn't think-" He hadn't thought anything of the absence, the Soldier kept to himself, he thought it was just that.

[sinistral]

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault." It wasn't anyone's fault, save for the Agrii. "We know that they can take people. We're powerless against it. What could you have done, even if you knew?"

Another thought occurred to him then, one he offered up for consideration. "I could have been in the caves, the way you were. I don't know."

[wearingthestars]

"But I didn't...notice-" And god that feel horrible to say. It made him feel ashamed, sure he'd know now if the Solider went missing for a notable amount of time.

"I could've-...I don't know...I could have looked?"

Billy looked anxious, wondering the same thing, feeling that distrust grow. "We need to tell people-"

[sinistral]

"You're not supposed to notice." He paused, shook his head. The next part would no doubt sound cruel and harsh. "I'm an assassin. Do you really want to think about, to notice the implications of what that means? How I could be used?"

Billy would be better off not knowing, he thought.

As to that anxiety, the Soldier ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. "If it was just me, I wouldn't bother. But what you experienced... they have no right."

[wearingthestars]

Billy winced, averting his gaze, but it still didn't shake that guilt from his posture. He wanted to find some comforting words, or some reasonable argument, but the Soldier wasn't wrong. He could very well have been used for that. Could still be.

"They have no right to do it to either of us," he insisted, "To any of us."

[sinistral]

The fact that he still could be was also what kept him apart. If he was turned against the people here, wouldn't it hurt them less to stop someone practically a stranger?

"If it was just me—" He shook his head; Billy would no doubt argue that too. "For all they play at benevolence, we're their prisoners as much as anything else."

[wearingthestars]

Bit late for that. Like it or not, the Solider had found himself more than a few people who seemed determined to get close.

Billy very much would have argued, his look saying as much, and he sighed. "...I think I'm getting some of why you're so paranoid," he offered. Sometimes it was easier to forget. To just go have a fun day at the beach. But he wasn't wrong. They were all trapped here in the end.

[sinistral]

Clearly he had found people with bad taste. Or perhaps it was something else, some piece of humanity he'd long since lost.

"I've lived more of my life being a weapon, than I have anything else," he admitted quietly. "I'm uniquely trained to think like this. I hope it's not something you have to learn."

[wearingthestars]

Billy's face twisted a little, thinking it was an unfortunately likely outcome. Plenty of people had all ready tried to kill him, or manipulated him to gain control of his power, and he wasn't even close to full strength yet. And that wasn't even getting into the political side of things with his eventual marriage to Teddy.

It was a lesson he was probably due to learn.

"...Well I wanna do whatever I can to make sure none of us are used as weapons here."

[sinistral]

He studied Billy for a long moment. Judging sincerity yes, but it was easy to be sincere, and Billy was so open about it. Under that though there was at least something that spoke to inexperience, whether it was that exactly or naivete or something that just wanted to see the universe as inherently good, he couldn't say.

The Soldier sighed; this was going to end his solitude, he knew. But he knew too that it was something he had to do.

(Not a hero. Stubbornly, he told his own thoughts to shut up.)

"I will help you," he eventually confirmed.

[wearingthestars]

Billy so badly wanted to see the good in people. He had his prejudices like anyone else, but he believed in his heart that the world- the universe- was inherently good. It had to be...

Maybe that was foolish. There was plenty of bad out there, but that's why they fought, wasn't it? Because at the end of the day they believed it was something worth fighting for.

He smiled warmly, grateful, and a little awkward. "...You can be an honorary Young Avenger," he offered with a teasing grin to soften some of that tension.

[sinistral]

Maybe the universe was good, who knew? The Soldier certainly couldn't speak on it with any authority, having mostly seen the bad of it. But he knew that others could hold hope for something better in their lives. Billy seemed to, and he didn't want to take that away from the younger man.

He looked at Billy again, but the offer seemed sincere. Still, it didn't fit right. Not a hero. "Think my age alone prevents that, don't you?"

[wearingthestars]

"We could say regular Avenger, but I dunno if I have naming powers there," he offered with a soft smirk, "...It's just a name, we didn't even pick it. Don't stress too hard. Team ... uh- something witty. I'm not good with names. My first code name was Asgardian."

[sinistral]

"I'm pretty sure I'm a wanted criminal." He has to be, though it wasn't like he'd stayed around enough to ask, after the mess in DC. "So that likely precludes any inclusion anyway."

He tilts his head curiously, thinking of Loki. "Are you Asgardian?"

[wearingthestars]

"...Eh-" Billy's head tilted, indicating that more than a few of them had been wanted at one point in time.

"No-" he flushed, "I just uh-...I liked them a lot. My dad used to tell me stories, and when we first formed we were trying to model ourselves off of the original avengers. I was supposed to be the kind of Thor analog. Stuck to my electrokinesis, and just used the magic to fly mostly...I had little wings-" he gestured to the side of his head.

[sinistral]

"I knew an Asgardian, back in the Fleet. Loki." They had been close, though the relationship between them wasn't really defined. It wasn't romantic, but it felt deeper than friendship, an understanding between two ghosts.

He wondered, sometimes where Loki was now. If he still wandered the universe.

Turning his attention back to Billy, he couldn't help asking, "what do you call yourself now?"

[wearingthestars]

"Mm? I knew a Loki too..." Billy shared a smile that suggested it too was a complicated relationship, though for different reasons that the Soldier. "He trained me for a while."

"It's uh...Wiccan now. Still some debate about it." Since he wasn't really wiccan himself.

[sinistral]

"My earlier offer to work with you still stands." Not quite training, but practice. "It might amuse both of our Lokis."

The Soldier nodded, considering Billy and his city and the collar and the blue light that flitted around his fingers earlier. "Defining yourself is up to you alone. And I will call you whichever name you prefer."

[wearingthestars]

"Definitely. You're stuck with me now," Billy promised with an apologetic grin.

"Just Billy's fine here," he concluded easily, "Not much reason to bring out the costume when everyone here knows who I am."

[sinistral]

The Soldier nodded, then frowned. "Why do you phrase it like that? Stuck with?" It seemed to echo something like a conversation they'd had in that other place.

"Billy, then. Unless you tell me otherwise." Names were important, which was also why the Soldier didn't really have one. He didn't consider himself enough of a person for it.

[wearingthestars]

"Uh-" Billy flushed, not really used to being called on his self depreciating humor. "I dunno ... habit, I guess? Didn't really grow up with a whole lot of friends?"

Billy could tell names were a big deal for the Soldier, and he gave a bit of a sad smile, clearly wanting to be able to call him by one too. "I'll answer to whatever as long as you say it nice enough," he teased with a faint shrug, "Tommy's big into nicknames, it doesn't really bother me."

[sinistral]

"Like in that other place?" When Billy had all but admitted to the Soldier-who-was-the-Captain that he had no friends and very small opinion of himself?

Interesting.

"I don't think I could name something. Someone." Not when he couldn't even name himself, didn't possess enough of himself to do it yet. Nicknames felt even more unnatural, a kind of casual familiarity that shouldn't be tainted by his participation therein.

[wearingthestars]

"Yeah. That was uh...that was a pretty accurate version of me. Minus the magic and stuff. Guess Tommy kept me from getting beat up quite as much as in the real world?" Maybe?

Billy wouldn't point out that 'Billy' was technically a nickname too. "Sometimes it just feels right." But he didn't do it often himself either.

[sinistral]

He looked at Billy sharply. "Do I have to physically train you after all?" Not that he was unaware of the cruelty of others. It was very unfortunately prevalent sometimes.

"And when no name at all feels right, what do you then do?" How would he handle the Soldier's situation?

[wearingthestars]

"Well no one here's beating me up-" he replied in response to that sharp look, and then more seriously- "When my powers came in I nearly killed the main guy who used to do that, so...they kind of stopped messing with me. But if you wanna join in on Lauri-Ell's quest to make me actually able to throw a punch or whatever-?"

"Then I guess...you don't?" Honestly, Billy wasn't sure what the right answer was, and it showed, cheeks pink. "I dunno...it's a new concept for me."