Network Video

[doubled_speed]

[Enjoy the screen coming alive with Tommy, local fast person. The world beyond him is a blur of sparkles. With the way his hair is going in the wind, he clearly was running somewhere.]

Okay, two things on the current state of the world.

I've repeated my test to try and and get to the new blinking light. Like Cayde said, someone's fucking with us. It doesn't matter how long or how fast I run at the thing. It's always the same distance away. Which, you know, wouldn't be so bad if it was reality warping, or like world maps in old school video games where you're actually just circling the world in an impossible loop or something.

No, the amount of distance you walk toward the thing is how far you need to come back. So at the moment, I'd seriously discourage expeditions, guys, gals, and all other designations. If that thing is just as far away when I've gone fifty miles, it's not something we can get to by traditional means.

[The colors behind him blurring on the screen now take on a decidedly pink tinge. Yes! He's getting into a fucking zone of hearts.]

In other news. No. I am NOT responsible for the glitter. But FUCK it makes me look amazing I bet. If you see a cloud of sparkles in the distance, that's me. Or is about to be me by you. Can any of you communications people set up, like, a network thing? That pings my phone off yours, like a GPS? So I don't accidentally go blazing past someone and leave them covered in a cloud of my sparkling dust?

Not that some of you wouldn't look amazing in rainbows and hearts and stars. You know, in my flawless opinion.

Comments

[kyley_b]

What?! No! Jesus! [Oh, fuck his life.] Just a fucking observation, dude!

Also wow, seriously, going to focus on THAT and not the creepy light?

[doubled_speed]

[Oh, well then, whatever.]

Guys don't tend to observe that other guys got Orlando bloom hotness and mean nothing by it but whatever.

Anyway, the light's been a thing for days, so while it's completely creepy, there isn't much we can do about it until it causes shit to happen. Simple fact of life on Agra 10.

[kyley_b]

That is fucking bullshit. And I said bone structure, not hotness, you dick.

Okay, you've got a point. Especially since you just said you tried to reach it with your... whatever you were doing there. Moving quickly somehow.

[doubled_speed]

He says as if bone structure isn’t one of the factors to hotness.

[Something about this guy is just rubbing Tommy wrong right now, so he intended to just go right on harassing them guy.]

Super speed. It’s not that hard of a think to say, if you put your mind to it.

[kyley_b]

Oh, whatever. Ego, much?

[The feeling is mutual. Kyle's not even sure why, exactly, and he was actually hoping to make a GOOD impression on people, considering they might need one another.]

Super speed. Seriously? Not some sort of technology or whatever?

[doubled_speed]

What, jealous much?

[Technology? That shit is cheating.]

I just run man. It’s a mutant thing. I’m supersonic.

[kyley_b]

Fuck you! [Yes.]

A mutant thing. Okay. Like a superhero? [Crap. That's actually pretty cool.]

[doubled_speed]

[Yeah, Tommy speaks angry retort and he loved it.]

I don't know, man, I might have to pass. Don't think you could keep up.

[Snark, this is his favorite language.]

And yes, completely like a superhero.

[kyley_b]

Okay, one? You know goddamn well that's not what I meant, and two: yeah, you're right, you DO seem like the type to shoot too fast.

...oh. Okay, well, some of us don't have those where we're from. Not real ones.

[doubled_speed]

You're kidding, right? I'm full of stamina.

[Tommy smirks, gleeful. He's definitely better here.]

Sorry your world sucks.

[kyley_b]

Just saying that's the aura you give off, dude.

It doesn't suck, it just doesn't have, uh, mutants, you said?

[doubled_speed]

I've known people who can read auras. Like my cousin Luna. Don't think you can.

[Oh come on, Tommy knows mutants are awesome.]

Yeah. Mutants. People born with powers because of genetics.

[kyley_b]

Yeah, guess what, there's an old conwoman at the mall who says she can do the same thing. Nice try at deflection, A+ for effort.

Oh. Alright, that's admittedly pretty cool.

[doubled_speed]

Yeah, don't believe you. Not a con either. My cousin's an empath.

[Don't talk about shit you don't know, nerd.]

Damn right it's cool. So, that's why there's all the glitter on me. Because I was running fast.

[kyley_b]

So she feels shit? I guess that's neat and all, but still seems like you're just trying to distract. That's okay, I can tell you're a little slow on the uptake.

So I'm gonna assume the glitter is not a regular atmospheric occurrence.
...and how fast?

[doubled_speed]

[Oh man, where the fuck are you, kid, he's going to kick your damn ass.]

Wow, someone really wants to lose diner privileges I see.

No, the glitter isn't normal. I think it's because valentine's day. And I was only going mach two at the moment.

[kyley_b]

If it means having to kiss your ass? Then yeah, whatever, I'll go learn how to butcher a glownie. ...which may or may not be kosher.

[Okay, hold up.]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mach two?! Dude. How does that not fuck you up?! The acceleration alone... And you don't need a pressurized suit or something?

[doubled_speed]

[Wait, hold up.]

You're Jewish.

[Ah fuck.]

First, glownies are for wool, man. Secondly, I do my best to make sure there is Kosher stuff for in case my brother wants to stick to it and all that. So you can, like, come by for that, even if you're an ass.

[Tommy shrugs off the Mach Two. It's not much.]

Honestly, it's not as fast as I could go. My mutation means I'm more resistant to those sorts of issues you're thinking of. I can get around in mostly normal clothes, but B sorta magics them some to be more friction resistant. If I need to go all out, well, my clothes sometimes get worn or burned off. It sucks.

[kyley_b]

Yeah, I am. ...seriously? Your brother, huh? So that means you are, too. What the fuck, are we supposed to open the first intergalactic synagogue? [He's just barely smiling.] And I don't know what you do with glownies, I've never seen one. That smart guy, Jon? He told me about them is all.

And YOU were being an ass.

Dude. You have any idea how fucking nuts your body must be? Like, I bet you have all sorts of special attributes in your muscle structure and your bones and shit. You must be MURDER on shoes, holy shit. [Mentally, he's doing math like a loser.]

Oh, uh. I'm Kyle. Broflovski.

[doubled_speed]

Sorry man, no Rabbis here for that level of shit. Gotta wing it. Pretty sure we can get away with that given the circumstances.

[Sorry, Kyle. He’s Jewish by ancestry, his knowledge of how it works is sorta more limited than he wants to admit.]

Yeah, Jon’s one of the resident brains. So he probably didn’t mean to lead you wrong.

[It’s nice, to get talked up like he’s interesting. The bigger problem is that some of what Kyle is saying is too ‘science’ for Tommy to do anything but shudder. Doesn’t want reminded of it.]

Magic shoes. It’s fine. And I usually can’t go too fast here. My metabolism is killer. Our food has to be managed carefully so I can’t hit my caloric needs for real sustained speed.

[The glitter was just fun.]

Tommy Shepherd.

[kyley_b]

I was kidding, dude. Is he your younger brother?

'One of' huh? He seemed really cool. I heard there's some other smart guy, Stark or something? But he's apparently weird. [Just repeating what he's been told.]

Oh my god, that's so obvious, I should have thought of that! Does your heartbeat go nuts when you run or is it just like, comparable to if a normal person was jogging? [

Also you've said magic twice now, and I thought you were kidding but now I think you're maybe not.

[doubled_speed]

Yeah, my younger twin. Much younger at the moment because the Agrii took us from two different points in time.

[Stark as weird. Tommy snorted. Yeah. That was accurate.]

Stark is more mad genius. But in a non-evil way.

[No, he doesn’t want to talk about his biology more, thanks. Time to deflect.]

Man you seem to wanna know so much about my body. Just admit you want me to hold it against you and move on. Anyway, yeah, Magic. My brother is magic. A reality warper.

[kyley_b]

[What.] What? In time? Jesus. Okay. Wasn't aware that was an issue. Still. Cool to have your brother with you.

Oh, well. That's cool then, I can handle that.

[But then you have to go and do THAT, Tommy.] I do not want your body! I was interested in how it WORKS, you fucking dipshit! Like how you can run so fast with your inflated fucking head causing so much drag!

So why can't he reality warp everyone home?

[doubled_speed]

Him and his guy. But whatever.

[Ugh stop asking about his body.]

No more biology thoughts. If I wanted studied I’d go back to the asshole scientists. Hard pass.

[Stupid question, Kyle.]

Did you miss the whole evil storms fuck shit up datapoint?

[kyley_b]

That's cool.

Okay, okay. You know, if it was making you uncomfortable you could have just said so instead of turning it around on me. I wouldn't have pressed the issue.

No, but you just said reality warping and that is not something I'm used to hearing, sorry.