[Video] Gotta whine fast

[spinsandneedles]

[What's up, kids. Hope you like THE SKY, because this video opens just starin' right up at it. Not for too long, though, as the guy responsible for this dumb video realizes pretty quickly that he's holding his device backwards and flips it around, revealing a weird blue critter that appears to be laying on his back on a roof. Why??? I mean why not. Y'all are in the mood for a bitchy teenager, right? Well too bad.]

Okay, I'm about to make a less than great first impression to anyone I haven't already bumped into yet, but sometimes you just gotta complain into the void, y'know? Here goes;

[he pauses to clear his throat, and then commences the bitching]

So, I can deal with being kidnapped by aliens, right? That's fine, I guess. Happens to the best of us, keeps life interesting, whatever. I can roll with the unexpected. I can mostly tolerate being tossed onto a dumpy, abandoned planet with extremely limited travel options. I mean, that's less fine than being kidnapped by aliens, but at least this tiny chunk of space we have doesn't have any speed limits. Fine, I can cope.

But, the thing about this that's completely unacceptable is that apparently, I missed a big fight with a bunch of monsters? Seriously!? I've seen movies, aliens aren't supposed to abduct you after the danger's passed. Where's the fun in that? Do our alien overlords accept feedback? I wanna file a complaint!

[Maybe this guy's priorities are just a little skewed. It's fine. He sighs, a little overly dramatic (because missing a monster fight is absolute bullshit), the video jostling a bit as he shrugs.]

Ah well. Anyway! The name's Sonic. I guess if you guys need help with cleanup after all that, hit me up? I have nothing but free time on my hands right now, and I'm already bored out of my mind.

Comments

[spinsandneedles]

Yō-what? I'm a hedgehog. What are you talking about, mutants? You just look like a turtle.

[Donnie bro you are the most normal looking person Sonic has met here??]

[thepurpleone]

[He squints at that.]

Well yeah, but I used to be a regular turtle before...this whole situation.

Look, the only...non-humans I know are either yōkai who live in the Hidden City or are mutated and were originally a human or animal before. ...or I guess there was that one guy that turned into a plant monster... I guess it affects anything organic? Huh. What a time to figure maybe you should've studied the oozequitos, Donnie.

[spinsandneedles]

[Sonic squints back HMMM]

Huh. I mean, where I'm from, you would totally be considered a regular turtle. We got humans too, but most people are just like you and me. No plant monsters though, and I think I'm okay with that.

[thepurpleone]

Yeah, plant-monster guy mutated with a Rafflesia Arnoldii and blech... oh it was just the worst...

Considered normal, huh, that's kind of a refreshing thought. So not the case back home, the only other mutant turtles I know are my brothers. We live in the sewers of New York with our father, formerly human, now mutant rat.

[spinsandneedles]

That some kinda flower or something? Botany isn't really my strong point, but that still doesn't sound like a good time.

I can't say that sewers sound too cozy. Do you just have nowhere else to go?

[thepurpleone]

Corpse flower. [Why didn't you just say that to begin with, D.]

Oh no, it's not as bad as it sounds. Our lair is tricked out. Several levels, massive skateboard ramps, my own workshop and lab, an arcade...

Humans aren't exactly very...used to giant bipedal humanoid rats and turtles walking around so we mostly stay out of sight as we can.

[spinsandneedles]

Oh, barf. As long as your sewer doesn't smell as bad as your corpse flower guy, I guess that doesn't sound all that bad. You guys built all that stuff yourselves?

[thepurpleone]

Yeah. [He somehow looks greener just thinking about it.]

Built, scavenged, repurposed and repaired. It's amazing what people throw away.

[spinsandneedles]

Tch. It really is kinda depressing how wasteful some people can be, I know a guy who abandoned a whole army of robots and equipment on an island and just forgot all about it. It's really cool that you were able to use all that stuff to build a place to live though!

[thepurpleone]

Whoa, seriously? Man, that sounds like a scavenging paradise. -oh, and I guess kind of a big mess, but seriously, who abandons something like that?

[He grins though, that smugness stoked again. It's not really that difficult to do so.]

Yeah, it's a pretty sweet deal and we don't have to pay rent or property taxes.

[spinsandneedles]

Y'know, the friend I got stuck there with reacted pretty much the same way. You'd probably get along with him really well, he's a huge nerd. I say that lovingly, of course. He's never built a sweet sewer lair, though. Well, as far as I know, anyway.

[SIGH, nerds. ]

Most of the robots were still online and kept the place... well, not clean, but it wasn't a complete disaster. They had a whole busted space station to work with, which was abandoned by the same dude.

[thepurpleone]

[Well of course he has to look offended at the implication that he's being called a nerd. No self-respecting fourteen-year-old will let anyone call them a nerd unless it is himself or peers of like minds. It is at least a brief offense.]

Your friend seems to know where it's at, at least.

So not only was there an island but a space station? You went to space?? What is wrong with this guy, leaving all this amazing stuff lying around?!

[spinsandneedles]

He is pretty amazing, I've seen him build some incredible stuff.

[He looks SO PROUD of his little buddy. Look nerds are great ok, aside from the ones that decide that taking over the world is a good idea.]

I've been in space a few times. The space station ended up crashed on the island, but yeah, this guy has a bad habit of building stuff, trying to take over the world with it, and ultimately abandoning it after I break it.

[thepurpleone]

[The softshell looks a bit jealous at this casual admission of having been to space.

Although crashed space stations aren't necessarily the same as one still being up in space.

ONE DAY.]

Wow. This guy needs a new hobby. Or at least new goals. This a consistent thing you two have going on then?

Also, I think I am more than ready to investigate this supposed arcade whenever you are.

[spinsandneedles]

[Maybe some day he'll actually end up in space for funsies!

Sonic sighs a DRAMATIC sigh. Oh yeah, it's a consistent thing. He gets over the dramatics pretty quickly though and finally turns towards the arcade. Or what he's pretty sure is the arcade? It's giving off arcade vibes.]

Sometimes it feels like it's been decades. But yeah, we did come out here for a reason, didn't we! Think it's locked up?

[thepurpleone]

That guy sounds like a real piece of work.

[He grins as they look to the supposed arcade.]

Well, if it is, it won't be for long.

[Donnie steps over to the door, giving it a test tug. It doesn't appear to be locked, but it does seem slightly stuck.]

[spinsandneedles]

That's putting it lightly.

[He doesn't want to go super deep into detail right now, they'd be here all day. He steps out of the way to let Donnie check the door.]

Need a little help?

[thepurpleone]

No- I've got it..!

[He insists as he gives it another tug, and then frowning, plants a foot against the wall as he tries to pull again. Stubborn as he is, this might go on for a few seconds, but at least he finally concedes defeat, looking upside-down at Sonic mid-pull.]

...okay, maybe a little help.

[spinsandneedles]

You sure it isn't locked? Here, let me try it.

[Because a three foot hedgehog with noodle arms is going to have an easier time opening a surprisingly stuck door than a bigass mutant ninja turtle, right?]

[thepurpleone]

[He's not that much bigger, he's only 5'3". If Raph were here he'd probably break the door off with one arm.

Donnie lets go and steps aside to let Sonic try his luck.]

[spinsandneedles]

[Bro that's a solid two feet Sonic could headbutt him right in the turtle junk
But he won't do that. What he does instead is grab the door handle and give it a tug, then he hops up and plants both feet on the wall much like Donnie had. Sonic is also unsuccessful in opening the door, but what he does manage to do is pull the entire handle right off and fall on his ass. Very uncool. But now he uh... has this handle?]

...I swear, if this is a push door, I'm going to lose my mind.

[thepurpleone]

.... Not sure I'd call that progress...

[Donnie looks at the door again at Sonic's point before stepping over and giving it a nudge.

Naturally, it swings open.]

...oh would you look at that.

[spinsandneedles]

[Lets just sit here in awkward silence for a moment while Sonic stares between the open PUSH DOOR and the broken handle in his hand. Hey Donnie I think we're idiots???]

...Ah.

Is this where we promise each other to never mention this to anyone else?

[thepurpleone]

.....

Never mention what, I have no idea what you're talking about. Clearly there is an open door here that we had absolutely no trouble opening, whatsoever hurry get in before someone sees us.

[spinsandneedles]

[Sonic hops to his feet and zips around Donnie into the building. Don't wanna be seen? Gotta go fast.]

I'm sure it's fiiine. I didn't see anyone else around, anyway.