[ video ]

[beholding_archivist]

About what happened.

[ Yes, Jon starts to speak literally as the video comes to life. He looks clearly bothered and even more in need of some good sleep than usual. Add to that the fact that he actually posts a video and you can rest assured that Jon isn't nearly as okay. ]

I- uh-... I can't help but feel responsible for- W-well. That.

I didn't do it, just to make that clear, but what happened... It...

[ A heavy exhale and Jon's shoulders drop even more. ]

...it's too close to what I- To what happened to my Earth.

[ And a pause. ]

I'm aware that some of you got hurt. And that some of you have done and seen things they rather hadn't. And there- There is nothing I can do to change any of that. I'm sorry.

[ That's his belated birthday present to himself: Feeling guilty for yet another apocalypse. ]

Comments

video;

[demjiin]

Your ego is fucking astounding.

[beholding_archivist]

his has little to do with my ego.

[demjiin]

I'm calling bullshit on that statement right there. This entire post has everything to do with your ego and the arrogance that what happened has much, if anything, to do with you.

[beholding_archivist]

You believe I take pride in summoning an apocalypse to my own world?

[demjiin]

No, I think you're trying to say what happened is firstly your fault and secondly, you're oh so sorry about doing it again. I could see you being the inspiration but it's just plain arrogance to think it was somehow your fault entirely and even greater arrogance to think you're in any position to apologize for something you didn't do.

[beholding_archivist]

Actually it's called honesty. If my actions inspired any of this, I won't pretend to not have some responsibility. And I may have answers for questions some of us may have about what they experienced.

[demjiin]

[ Kaz just looks at Jon like he's grown a second head spontaneously. ]

I am in awe of the level of hubris you're showing. If you seriously can't see what you're doing I'm changing my opinion of you from hypocritical to outright delusional. And in that case? I'd say carry on but since you're saying it was all your fault then another Network post saying you're delusional and therefore any answer you give out is suspect might be necessary.

video; un: TripleJ

[kyley_b]

Why would this be your fault? [Kyle looks like hell, and also very confused.]

[beholding_archivist]

Kyle...

[ Jon winces visibly. Not just at the sight of Kyle. But he has seen the boy on the network. Jon had wanted to reach out then, offer his help, but... It had felt wrong somehow. Not his place.

He tries to center himself with an exhale, then nods. ]

I caused something very much like what happened here on my Earth. I summoned an apocalypse.

...they know everything about us.

[kyley_b]

But did you do it here? You didn't, right? Please say you didn't.

[beholding_archivist]

Fortunately not. It wasn't a great experience the first time around. And the result was awfully similar to what happened here... I can't help but feel like I helped... Inspire this.

And I am aware that...

You were hurt, weren't you?

[kyley_b]

Well then, fuck, dude, it's not your fault.

[Sighing, Kyle holds up his left arm. The stump is well dressed in clean bandages, but it's obviously a stump.]

Yeah. But it's not YOUR fault. It's whoever decided to raid your brain for cool ideas.

You think that might happen again? Them reading our minds for nightmare fuel? Because if so the lot of you might be totally screwed by a mob of zombie turkeys this month.

[beholding_archivist]

Shit.

[ That's more than just a little scar. And something Jon will feel responsible for to some degree. ]

H-has anyone looked at that? Where is-- Can it be sewed back on?

[ Sure, he could and probably should know the answers to these. He will be back to ponder zombie turkeys in a moment. ]

[Audio]

[out_of_order]

...was that how it's like for you all the time?

[His tone is quiet, but concerned. He'd thought that sometimes his psychometry was difficult to manage but Seeing, Knowing... That had been...]

[Audio]

[beholding_archivist]

You mean the craving to feed on the terror experienced by others?

[ There's a soft sigh and an unseen shake of his head. ]

Don't worry about me. Are you okay, Cal?

[Audio]

[out_of_order]

Well, that and...just seeing things.

[That should be enough of a hint for Jon to know what Cal had been cursed with.]

I've been better. Just glad it's over.

[Audio]

[beholding_archivist]

...oh.

Oh.

[ Yeah, he gets it. ]

It... Can be A Lot. I'm sorry you had to put up with it.

[Audio]

[out_of_order]

Like I said, I'm just glad it's over. I think I'm still trying to process what happened. Mostly, I think I'm exhausted.

[Audio]

[beholding_archivist]

I understand.

[ Pause. ]

Anything I can do?

video

[noch]

Why do you feel responsible? You said yourself that it was not your doing.

[ She doesn't sound accusatory or anything, just confused, her head tipped slightly to the side. ]

[beholding_archivist]

Maybe not directly. But the similarities to what happened to my Earth due to- Well. Me... It's hard to ignore.

I am aware that nothing that happened here is directly my doing. This time I did not actually read the incantation. Which I am thankful for. But still... This certainly felt inspired by what I caused. And I wish it wouldn't.

[noch]

You unleashed a spell like this upon your home?

[beholding_archivist]

Not something I am proud of. In my defense, I was used.

[ He sighs before giving a dry, humorless laugh. ]

Hardly any different from this place. Speak about recurring themes...

[noch]

I see.

[ She sobers, her expressing softening into something more sympathetic. ]

I am sorry that happened to you. I understand what it is like to be manipulated. To have regrets.

[beholding_archivist]

Hmm.

[ A nod. ]

I... Find it concerning that they know all of this. All these details they couldn't have gotten during Calibrations last year because they hadn't happened to me yet. It feels like they aren't merely watching us, but our home worlds as well.

Unless they simply have a way to access our minds. Which is another option I dislike to consider.