[ video ]

[beholding_archivist]

About what happened.

[ Yes, Jon starts to speak literally as the video comes to life. He looks clearly bothered and even more in need of some good sleep than usual. Add to that the fact that he actually posts a video and you can rest assured that Jon isn't nearly as okay. ]

I- uh-... I can't help but feel responsible for- W-well. That.

I didn't do it, just to make that clear, but what happened... It...

[ A heavy exhale and Jon's shoulders drop even more. ]

...it's too close to what I- To what happened to my Earth.

[ And a pause. ]

I'm aware that some of you got hurt. And that some of you have done and seen things they rather hadn't. And there- There is nothing I can do to change any of that. I'm sorry.

[ That's his belated birthday present to himself: Feeling guilty for yet another apocalypse. ]

Comments

video;

[demjiin]

Your ego is fucking astounding.

[beholding_archivist]

his has little to do with my ego.

[demjiin]

I'm calling bullshit on that statement right there. This entire post has everything to do with your ego and the arrogance that what happened has much, if anything, to do with you.

[beholding_archivist]

You believe I take pride in summoning an apocalypse to my own world?

[demjiin]

No, I think you're trying to say what happened is firstly your fault and secondly, you're oh so sorry about doing it again. I could see you being the inspiration but it's just plain arrogance to think it was somehow your fault entirely and even greater arrogance to think you're in any position to apologize for something you didn't do.

[beholding_archivist]

Actually it's called honesty. If my actions inspired any of this, I won't pretend to not have some responsibility. And I may have answers for questions some of us may have about what they experienced.

[demjiin]

[ Kaz just looks at Jon like he's grown a second head spontaneously. ]

I am in awe of the level of hubris you're showing. If you seriously can't see what you're doing I'm changing my opinion of you from hypocritical to outright delusional. And in that case? I'd say carry on but since you're saying it was all your fault then another Network post saying you're delusional and therefore any answer you give out is suspect might be necessary.

[beholding_archivist]

[ Jon will simply scowl back. ]

I see your only reason to reply to me has been to insult me.

video; un: TripleJ

[kyley_b]

Why would this be your fault? [Kyle looks like hell, and also very confused.]

[Audio]

[out_of_order]

...was that how it's like for you all the time?

[His tone is quiet, but concerned. He'd thought that sometimes his psychometry was difficult to manage but Seeing, Knowing... That had been...]

video

[noch]

Why do you feel responsible? You said yourself that it was not your doing.

[ She doesn't sound accusatory or anything, just confused, her head tipped slightly to the side. ]

[beholding_archivist]

Kyle...

[ Jon winces visibly. Not just at the sight of Kyle. But he has seen the boy on the network. Jon had wanted to reach out then, offer his help, but... It had felt wrong somehow. Not his place.

He tries to center himself with an exhale, then nods. ]

I caused something very much like what happened here on my Earth. I summoned an apocalypse.

...they know everything about us.

[Audio]

[beholding_archivist]

You mean the craving to feed on the terror experienced by others?

[ There's a soft sigh and an unseen shake of his head. ]

Don't worry about me. Are you okay, Cal?

[kyley_b]

But did you do it here? You didn't, right? Please say you didn't.

[beholding_archivist]

Maybe not directly. But the similarities to what happened to my Earth due to- Well. Me... It's hard to ignore.

I am aware that nothing that happened here is directly my doing. This time I did not actually read the incantation. Which I am thankful for. But still... This certainly felt inspired by what I caused. And I wish it wouldn't.

[beholding_archivist]

Fortunately not. It wasn't a great experience the first time around. And the result was awfully similar to what happened here... I can't help but feel like I helped... Inspire this.

And I am aware that...

You were hurt, weren't you?

[Audio]

[out_of_order]

Well, that and...just seeing things.

[That should be enough of a hint for Jon to know what Cal had been cursed with.]

I've been better. Just glad it's over.

[kyley_b]

Well then, fuck, dude, it's not your fault.

[Sighing, Kyle holds up his left arm. The stump is well dressed in clean bandages, but it's obviously a stump.]

Yeah. But it's not YOUR fault. It's whoever decided to raid your brain for cool ideas.

You think that might happen again? Them reading our minds for nightmare fuel? Because if so the lot of you might be totally screwed by a mob of zombie turkeys this month.

[demjiin]

[ Kaz just shakes his head partly in awe and partly in disgust. ]

Actually, I had a very slim hope that you would realize you were being massively arrogant and that what you are doing tosses out anyone else's pain in favor of it being 'your fault' so you could throw a little pity party for yourself in public. But you don't want insults? Fine.

Get over yourself.

[ And with that being all that Kaz has patience for he hangs up, breaking the connection. ]

[beholding_archivist]

Shit.

[ That's more than just a little scar. And something Jon will feel responsible for to some degree. ]

H-has anyone looked at that? Where is-- Can it be sewed back on?

[ Sure, he could and probably should know the answers to these. He will be back to ponder zombie turkeys in a moment. ]

[Audio]

[beholding_archivist]

...oh.

Oh.

[ Yeah, he gets it. ]

It... Can be A Lot. I'm sorry you had to put up with it.

[kyley_b]

Yeah. Shit.

Where's my hand? No fucking clue, we were in some sort of corpse tunnel at the time. Too late anyway. Plus I cauterized it as fast as I could when I was still all... possessed or whatever.

Yeah, Cayde took me to the med centre thing and helped me find antibiotics and painkillers. I'm so fucking doped up right now, you have no idea. I'm worried about infection, mostly.

[beholding_archivist]

...Christ. I am very sorry this happened to you.
I have some stronger painkillers should you require them. And disinfectant as well.

[ He keeps the hospital stocked, but also keeps a private stock with some more specific items. ]

Keeping the wound clean will be important. If there is any way I can help... Please don't hesitate to let me know.

cw: kyle being kyle

[kyley_b]

Yeah. Me fucking too, dude. Thank god it wasn't my jack-off hand, I guess.
That'd be cool, thanks. Uhm, I don't suppose you'd run them over sometime if you have a chance? I'm pretty tired these days.

You can help by not taking blame for it. That'd be sweet.

[noch]

You unleashed a spell like this upon your home?