[text]

[complicatedliar]

[The message comes in from a seemingly unknown device (thank you Delta) with the only name on it as GHIDORAH.]

Well hello, hello, friends and foes, boxers and briefs.

If you'd asked me yesterday if I thought I'd end up on an alien planet with a day that runs longer than Ben Hur, trapped in a spaceship full of stranger's farts flavored with protein paste, I would've told you to stop being an asshole and share those obviously superior drugs you were on. Yet here we all are.

Since I know nobody's busy right now, how about some homework from Uncle Ghidorah?

1) Name the one food you wish you had here most.

2) Explain the plot of your favorite movie/whatever they call entertainment on your shithole planet in exactly seven words.

3) [This space left intentionally blank]

4) Fuck/Marry/Kill (you only get to use people here because otherwise you might as well be tellings us about your imaginary friends)

5) You're the main character in the last book you read. How fucked are you?

Hail to the king, baby.

Comments

text;;

[reconstitution]

1. Only while giving him the double bird.

2. Oh yeah? Maybe you'll give me a show?

4. Mwuah.

5. Pretty sure it's an achievement that I've managed to keep breathing at this point.

Re: text;;

[complicatedliar]

1. Is there any other way to do it?

2. Maybe if you buy me dinner first.

5. Well, we all do live in a cruel and uncaring universe that runs a greatest hits list including nuclear war, cancer, and corn chips shaped so tiny corners of them can break off in your gums.

text;;

[reconstitution]

1. only the wrong way

2. what kind of guy do you take me for? I like miss marple and have great taste in movies. of course you'd get dinner.

5. you're forgetting the others: racism, sexism, and constantly finding shit to complain about even though everything's not as bad as it's made out to be.

Re: text;;

[complicatedliar]

2. Classy motherfuckers like you are a dying breed. If you don't watch out, Indiana Jones is gonna put you in a museum.

5. Oh come on, if we didn't complain about things, the internet wouldn't even have a point any more. And then I'd have to talk to people face to face. Gross.

text;;

[reconstitution]

2. He could TRY.

5. Fuck, nevermind then. I'll take my anonymity the internet provides.

Re: text;;

[complicatedliar]

2. I want to see this movie now.

5. Putting on pants is for the birds.

[reconstitution]

2. Indiana Jones and the Fist of Hydra. Not a bad ring to it, and he hates Nazis.

5. Even Disney birds don't wear pants.