What It All Comes Down To

[doubled_speed]

WHO: Tommy Shepherd, OTA
WHERE: Around Temba
WHAT: Coming Down From It All (Post House of Billy)
WHEN: The first week post event [Forward Dated]
WARNINGS: CW: Referenced sexual encounter in thread with Kyle, Referenced child abuse in thread with Kyle.


A. Keeping The Diners Supplied The Diner
"Delivery of fresh produce."

Tommy's tired. Perhaps that's why he's coming in later than normal with supplies for this meal shift. Perhaps that's why he looks frazzled and his hair is limp and he's not racing in with all speed. Clearly it's not the heavy crate loaded down with all sorts of foods from the green house, because that's never slowed him down before. But sleep after something like what they'd gone through was... Well, unlikely.

"The cyanana harvest is starting, so I'm thinking about trying to figure out how to make some sorta pudding out of it. That's a thing, right? Banana pudding or something."

He'd been enough out of it on entering that he didn't even know who it was he was talking to. Like hell he'd thought about how the kitchen help rotation was working now. Nor did he care. He was too tired from all his dreams to care.


B. Healing Power of Horticulture The Greenhouse
If there was one place that Tommy often found peace, it was the greenhouse. Today Tommy was trying his best to work there without getting too complicated with other people. For this he'd done the best thing he could do: working the mint wing. The advantage that came that the specific wing was sealed off from the rest of the greenhouse to keep it from spreading too much. Tommy moved slowly through it with a woven rush basket, humming quietly under his breath some German pop music he remembered from back home. While he moved he clipped little sprigs of mint to pass on to Glownies as a treat.

The advantage of the sealed area was that when the doors opened, Tommy knew someone was there. He could hear it. He turned to look at the door and frowned.

"Can I help you? I thought I was soloing the mint today."


C. The Solitary Island Closed to Aeon
It took a while for him to find her, but Tommy had wanted to have an excuse to get away, but he didn't want to be put into a position where his stupid brain could interrupt him. There had been someone interested after all, and so he'd raced through the city until he found her.

"Aeon," he said, offering a hand up for a high five. "You doing anything? Because if not, island time."


D. Wild Card
[Feel free to hit me up on Discord or Plurk to discuss places Tommy could get cornered. Or just have someone come to his actual home. Other options are to find him lazing by the fountain, on top of a tall building, or hiding out with the glownies which he normally does not visit.]

Comments

[kyley_b]

Kyle looks up, eyes wide.

"Dude. You're not a goy idiot. Not at all."

[doubled_speed]

“He says to the guy who didn’t even get to drop out of school because he blew it up, and never understood a single thing Billy’s parents did for Seder. So yeah, I am. All you saw there, all I was? Magic. Not me. The better me Billy would rather have.”

Which at the moment he really believed and that would need to be another conversation altogether.

[kyley_b]

Kyle is, at heart, a very stubborn person. It's telegraphed now by the way he sets his jaw, the way his shoulders square.

"By that logic, Billy didn't like almost any of us the way we are. So I'm not ready to accept he made up our lives all on his own.

"But you're still not stupid, Tommy. You just didn't have the advantages you did there. You're JUST as smart, your brain literally works in overdrive. And there's a million other Jews who don't know shit about the religious side. It's still your heritage, too."

He looks at Tommy, eyes still a little hurt. "I don't think you're all that different."

[doubled_speed]

Tommy knows that look. He called it ‘lawyer mode’ in teasing. Except had he really? How long where they they? How much had they lived and how much was implanted?

“Tony’s brain works in overdrive. I just think fast. And bullshit it is. I don’t even know if either of my bio-parents were Jewish.”

[kyley_b]

"You think faster than I do," he points out. "In that other place, you just got to utilize it in a way you didn't get the chance to in your world. So you're NOT dumber. Just less educated. There's a big difference."

He's not backing down. Not on this. Not when it's killing him inside to see Tommy put himself down.

"Well. Maybe you don't wanna be Jewish, it kinda sucks sometimes. But you're still fucking invited to all the holidays, goddammit."

[doubled_speed]

Of course he thinks faster than Kyle does. He also has an instinctive grasp of physics and material density and a lot of other things but that isn't smart. School is smart.

"Smart people have educations," Tommy counters. It's not a smart thing to not go to school.

"Of course I want a fucking place at the damn table. It's something I should have had and I barely know anything about!"

[kyley_b]

"Plenty of morons have educations. There's rich idiots all over Harvard and Yale." Kyle jabs the air with a finger. "YOU are NOT stupid. You're not, and I'm not gonna stand here and let you spout bullshit about it!"

That just breaks his heart again, and the angry tirade he was working himself into just collapses. "Yeah," Kyle says. "It's not fair. It's really not fair, and I'm sorry you missed so much. But, dude, hey. You can learn. It's not too late." Without thinking his hand reaches for Tommy's.

[doubled_speed]

Okay, that's a good point and he hates it so please don't make it thank you very much. His hand does end up settling into Kyle's when it's seemingly requested. Stupid fucking habits. Habits that wanted him to hold the man close when he couldn't.

"Yes it is. There's hardly schools around here, Kyle. I don't know what to do with myself."

[kyley_b]

"Well, I meant about Judaism. But yeah, fair point. But like... dude. I'm educated and none of it means shit here. You know what I've done since I got here? Sweet fuck all besides piss people off. YOU had to give me a purpose by letting me help out here and at the greenhouse."

He looks around sighs, hand still holding Tommy's.

"...you're not the only one who was doing good there."

[doubled_speed]

Oh. Tommy wilts a little.

"I don't know how to ask Billy about it, never have," Tommy sighed. He didn't know how to learn the faith he was born to. "Shit, I don't know anything about either side of my mom's heritage, it's pathetic, right?"

Piss people off? Tommy's done that too. But he shakes his head at Kyle suggesting TOMMY of all people gave him purpose. That was foolish to say.

"You chose to work those places, Kyle. You could choose something else just as easily."

Doing good there? God, Tommy looked away. Because they were both like that weren't they? THey had been better versions of them, and happier for it.

[kyley_b]

"That's not pathetic," Kyle says gently. "You didn't really have a choice, dude. Uhm. I'd teach you, if you want? Like I'm not an expert, and I'm a long way from orthodox, but..."

Kyle's jaw sets again. "You're seriously bound and determined to shoot down anything good about yourself, huh? Yeah, I could choose something else. Do you want me to? Now, I mean. Like..."

He glances down at their interlaced fingers as if he hadn't noticed when that had happened.

"Is it gonna be too much?"

[doubled_speed]

Teach him? Wow, he hadn't... Tommy bites his lip. He remember it. He REMEMBERS having a Seder with Kyle, and going to Temple once.

"Yeah, okay. Teach me. Please."

Fuck, he hates admitting he doesn't know what he's doing. Still, when Kyle looks down at their fingers, Tommy does too, and he soon snatches his hand away. Kyle didn't love him. That was an important point to remember.

"I don't even fucking know. It sucks, having these memories in my head and knowing it's all a lie. That you wouldn't want me. Fuck, no one but David ever has."

[kyley_b]

Kyle grins. "It'll be cool, I promise."

Although it makes perfect sense for Tommy to snatch his hand away, it hurts in a way Kyle hasn't felt in years. His face falls for a second before he manages to adopt a guarded expression instead.

"Okay, can you maybe not tell me what I do and don't want? Especially since like, ten minutes ago you were throwing shit in my face like 'told you you thought I was hot, Kyle.'"

[doubled_speed]

"There's a difference between someone thinking you're hot and LIKING you," Tommy sighs, rolling his eyes. "Geez, you act like we haven't had a long debate over how being hot and being emotionally desirable don't always go hand in hand."

They had. Or that Tommy and that Kyle had. Or maybe hadn't. Geez, it's a mess.

"Besides, I've seen you around with Sansa."

He's not an idiot Kyle.

[kyley_b]

"Okay, YEAH, we did, but I'm SAYING you're being kind of hypocritical and also just a fucking asshole by telling me who I do and don't want."

Kyle folds his arms across his chest. His face flushes hotly because he hadn't even really considered that little issue yet. He was still trying to sort everything out in his head. "Yeah, so? I'm not saying, like... run away with me, or whatever, I'm just saying maybe you're a fuck of a lot more loveable than you THINK. Besides, people try not to fall for people who are still very obviously pining for their significant others, Tommy. 'Cause you WERE."

[doubled_speed]

Well Tommy just crosses his arms over his chest because how was he supposed to explain he wasn't even sure why DAVID wanted him of all people. How could someone else want him?

Wait... What?

Tommy stares at Kyle in shock.

"Are you suggesting that you haven't agreed that I'm hot because of how I talk about David?"

[kyley_b]

Kyle does say anything, just keeps his arms crossed and lifts his chin defiantly. His cheeks are positively red, though.

[doubled_speed]

Oh. Tommy stares in shock. Just stares. What?

"Well not I just feel like an asshole in addition to awkward and stupid and a lot of other things. So no, I'm NOT sure this isn't going to be awkward."

[kyley_b]

"You're not an asshole. Well. You can be, but not because of that."

Kyle turns back to the produce, sorting it.

"I can go somewhere else," he says as he focuses on the vegetables and fruits. "At least until we figure out how to fit a whole other life into this one."

[doubled_speed]

Well, at least Kyle corrects himself, because Tommy is ABSOLUTELY an asshole at times. And for right now, he's just watching Kyle.

HE wants to say something. What is he even supposed to say? How do you explain that you don't know how to be a good version of himself? One worth Kyle? He didn't even know how he was worth David, but he hadn't made that choice.

"We need people here, working. I'm not going to turn away help. It means I can take care of myself. And that's even more important now, with how Billy's fucked up. But... I guess my real question is how you're going to put up with a less amazing me? Because don't lie, we both know other Tommy was happier and more positive and nicer than I am."

[kyley_b]

Kyle takes a while before he turns back to Tommy. His face is set, not quite scowling.

"I'm not sure if you noticed," he says evenly, "but we were both a lot nicer there. I can count the number of serious fights we had on one hand, and that's just... not me. Not really."

He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly through his nose. "Okay. So. What's easier, just never mentioning it, or...?

[doubled_speed]

"I don't know what's easier. I never... I'm not someone who DOES easy, Kyle. I'm a fucking mess of bullshit. Hell, the way that I even realized something was wrong with that world was so fucking bullshit."

He wants to confess to Kyle everything he went through. He had SO MUCH experience there. And at last the throws up his arms in defeat.

"My best friend got sent home and it led to my brother having a mental break down, and I could really use my other best friend right now to talk to."

[kyley_b]

Kyle's face softens. He himself hadn't had any idea at all that something was wrong until the message to find Billy had come through, and even then all he'd been worried about was Billy, wondering if it could possibly be Tommy's brother that the cryptic message was referring to.

"C'mere, dipshit," he murmurs softly, folding Tommy into an embrace. "Of course you can talk to me."

[doubled_speed]

Well, Tommy had his ass kicked, in a way, bu Beck. And he'd been away since then. Just missing until the fight. That hadn't been fun.

The offered arms had Tommy moving forward, curling into them to find some measure of comfort. It wasn't much, but it was something. And he needed it, bad.

"Dude, my life is falling apart because I'm starting to realize I could have been so much more, and it sucks, and my brother is hurt and my best friend I don't even KNOW and Mysterio..."

Oh there is so much to get into.

[kyley_b]

"Shhh," Kyle says, rubbing Tommy's back. He's used to backrubs and soothing words from his actual past.

"You're gonna be there for Billy. You'll be strong for him, because he needs you. But for the rest? Dude, you got me. I know I'm different, here, but man... You were my best friend. I won't forget that shit."

He hugs him a little tighter. "And I get it. I really get it. So you can talk to me."