revivalproject | neck of the woods

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neck of the woods

WHO: Tony and his new Graq friends. Open to other absolute morons.
WHERE: Graq homeworld
WHAT: Jungle adventures! Some animal wrangling, some spelunking, more mistakes, and a date.
WHEN: Shortly after getting all of the Graq home.
WARNINGS: I cannot promise all of these alien animals are going to be treated with dignity. Edit: I don't know what either of us expected, of course it is horny. Uh, not with the animals, the animals are fine.

a. The caverns [OTA! I have no plan for this, BYO Adventure]
One of the Graq had explained on the trip over how the satellites around their planet orbited in perfect alignment to create a solar eclipse every cycle, sheering through the light reliably every morning like the moon was late to set and met the sun coming up on the horizon. They didn't explain it quite that way, of course; at first, Tony though the Graq didn't know that a solar cycle happened on any other planets and was trying to explain what night was to him, which became frustrating enough for the alien to spit a hole into the ship floor between them. So, Tony's effortless charm didn't work in Graq language. While the Graq lacked the descriptive words to convey their message to Tony, when he finally saw the phenomenon occur he paused and went, "Oh," out loud, though his erstwhile planetary guide had long since tired of him. The great shadow of the moon passed over the planet, and with it the raucous chattering of the forest around him slowed and quieted to a very queer stillness, the nocturnal animals not yet awake and the diurnal ones holding their collective breath at this early evening. It made the sound that came from inside the cave just a few feet away from where Tony stood seem loud, and close.

b. The hills [For Cayde, but you are welcome to join]
There wasn't a perfect translation into any languages that Tony knew he might share with Cayde for the giant fowl on the planet, so when the Graq tried to describe them when asked what they were eating, what Tony said to Cayde was, "Big feather," with a shrug and raised lip. They lived on steep hills, one of the Graq very intently tried to explain despite Tony definitely not asking, because they built their nests into holes they dug into them, and because of this their eggs were incredibly hard to crack without Graq spit, so do not bother. Tony did not need this warning and, again, did not ask, but now he knew and was well prepared to announce, "Big feather egg," when they came upon what looked like shards of a hollowed rock at the foot of a craggy hill. Now he was starting to sound like one of them, he was integrating to the local culture in ways he did not appreciate. The nests, as described, dotted all the way up the hill, looking like steps built into the sheerest face of it, leaving the impression of a pyramid built into this less dense part of the jungle.

'Big feather' sounded like it was going to get Tony closer to the pillow he had hoped to find for Jon than the noodles he had hoped to get for Cayde, and upon spotting one of those birds, Tony was ready to accept that this planet was not going to produce either of these gifts for him. These people didn't yet seem to have their own bread, let alone noodle, and when the Graq had said 'big' they meant enormous. More of a sword than a feather. Not pillowy down, anyway. It went stalking across the steep hill expertly, long legs fully extended and navigating the angle with sharp claws digging in to the rock to balance its fat, bobbling body, head twitching and blinking stupidly like a chicken, only approximately the size of a dinosaur.

"I don't say this often," Tony started, and it already sounded like a lie, haughty with his chin raised as he tracked the unreasonable bird, "but I am confident I am the most beautiful thing on this planet." He definitely did say that more often than he deserved to, but in this case he had sound logic. Graq were ugly, these birds were ugly, based on this sample this whole planet's evolution tended toward squashy and wrong-sized. "Present company an ongoing consideration," he was willing to allow.

c. The water [For Jon, but you are still welcome]
This was an ideal environment for plenty of very ugly bugs and grubs. Frogs, generously. Insects, in general, were not hugely upsetting for Tony, with the distinct exception of anything cockroach-like, but he did prefer a more sterile, modern, less bug-centric experience, if it were up to him, and he was realizing that he had made the wrong choice. He could have been on a spaceship right now, in space, on a ship. With the exception of the unique mineral compound of the malleable stones, there wasn't much to Tony's taste on this primitive planet.

The locals, obviously, being local and made for this environment, loved it, and appreciated being returned safely despite the awkward introductions. With a few of their rescuers on the planet with them, the Graq decided it was an ideal time to celebrate the reunion of their families, and these strange, hairless bipeds that had made that happen for them. "They want us to join them at sunset," he had translated to the camp of He-Rows, "by the waterfall, they say is over there. Follow the river, can't miss it, it's water, it's not confusing. I don't think they're going to eat us, but don't quote me on that."

Bugs on any planet, it was a universal truth, got worse the closer it was to dusk. Tony crouched by the river as the sun went down, trying to remain curious about what this planet had to offer as he felt the waxy leaf of a vibrant lilypad in a cluster that didn't seem bothered by the meandering water, only to be smacked in the face by what he would assume to be a moth on Earth, and what he didn't want to think too hard about here. "This is a nightmare," he grumbled, wiping at his cheek to make sure it hadn't left anything behind, then glanced up at the distant sound of drumming music from the direction of what must have been this waterfall site. Fashionably late, as ever.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sightless and terrified, the bird scrambled for release from this surprise attack at both ends only briefly, then bolted in the direction it was pointed after its blind lashing. Up the hill they went, the bird's big wings flapping erratically to try to knock the thing off of its back, head rearing up and shaking to get the thing off of its face. Mostly carried and kicking wildly, occasionally stumbling ineffectually on his dragged toes, with every bob of the bird's head, Tony went, "Cayde? Cayde. Cayde?!," about as trapped in this shirt as he had the bird as the flailing had wound it tighter, like an awful Chinese finger trap. There must have been something they could have done to avoid this situation.

There might have been. Like...not go bird hunting at all. Perhaps they chose poorly.

"I heard you the first time!" the Exo shouted, his attempts to grab a hold of Tony having thus far failed, especially with the bird suddenly breaking into a run and thus forcing him to hang on to the thing with both his arms.

This...was definitely not working. "Easy girl, easy!" he attempted, sneaking in a pat when he felt he could let an arm loosen. It wasn't a tactic he tried for long, quickly abandoning it in favor of trying to catch Tony's leg or hook a belt-loop once he saw the chance. "Maybe we shoulda brought some rope!"

"You think?!" If Tony knew they were really intent on bird-catching, his instinct would have been a net, perhaps a trap to lay if they had the time instead of being this directly engaged with the catch, and the preparation would, to be fair, have had a much smaller animal in mind to account for. Without a recognizable system of measurement or standard to compare to, the Graq in no way had prepared Tony properly for this dinosaur. Down the hill and up a tree, well out of sight, one watched the trio kick up dust and send stones sliding down into the brush, curious and horrified, and would go out of his way to warn any future visitors to his planet not to engage the big feathers. None of the Graq had ever had to be told not to try to hug them, so it hadn't come up. Aliens were not bright.

Meanwhile, Tony finally understood something Cayde was doing, and kicked a leg up enough to hook over Cayde's arm, pulling his weight up closer to the bird's body. This was supposed to stop his being thrown around, but it mostly threw the bird's balance off with both men wrapped mostly around it's neck, and it tipped forward with a muffled squawk is its feet slid out from under it. It hit the ground hard chest first, dropping Tony onto his shoulder, and they all slid a few feet back down the hill as the bird continued to flap and kick, trying to right itself with the shirt still tangled around its face.

"I didn't know you were gonna try grabbing it by the face!!" Cayde protested, even as he finally managed to grab a hold of Tony's leg to hoist him into a more secure position than where he'd been previously dangling. "-oops," he noted belatedly as he felt the bird shift beneath them.

They all fell, and Cayde was nearly thrown over the thing's head in its rough landing. The moment he tried to sit up, he found himself with a face full of feathers as the bird began to flap about. "Ack!" Batting wings away, he tumbled off the creature as it began to try shoving itself back onto its feet.

This was Cayde's plan, as it was, and Tony was not going to be left wrestling the enormous bird on his own, watching Cayde roll away with betrayed shock for an all too brief moment before he had to focus on the wiggling animal again. Tony couldn't back away from this disaster they had caused as easily, having to brace his foot on the thing's neck to try to get some control over the rolling head and untangle his clothes from its face before they were bursting away from each other happily. The bird slid further down the hill, still flapping to express its trauma, while Tony dug his heels into the rocks to scramble further up and away from it until his was lodged in one of the nest holes, hugging his stretched shirt to his chest with his wrists still trapped. They both came to a rest, the bird panting and mostly bewildered by what just happened to it, with no frame of reference in all of its imprinted ancestry for how to cope with this encounter. For a moment, Tony understood it deeply.

The Exo was a little confused once he'd gotten his bearings again and found no bird, and more importantly, no Tony. -oh wait, there they were.

Quickly getting to his feet, he half-dashed, half-skidded down to where they'd gone, and by then all the fight was out of the bird-beast. "Nice, you managed to tire it out," he said as he caught up to Tony. As though this had been the plan all along.

Cayde gave him a pat on the shoulder, pausing to consider the man's bracing point before he carefully stepped closer to the bird to work out whole shirt problem. "Soooo how attached to this shirt are you," he asked, gently setting a hand on where he figured the bird's head to be, trying to work out just how to disentangle the two. "Not...like...literally," he felt he should clarify, his other hand resting on the hilt of his knife.

The look Tony offered to Cayde for tiring the bird out was withering. Offering to cut them free did not help repair this rift, mostly because Tony was committed to being difficult now and as a reason to not accept Cayde's help came up with, "I don't have very many." Which was true, his tailor hadn't come with him on this journey, but it wasn't like Tony cared much for any of the clothes he had scavenged in particular. "Just-- keep it still," he requested, trying to work out where the shirt stopped and started before this dumb creature broke its own neck and then they had that to deal with. That, and Tony was sure he could feel something creeping up his back; he did not want to find out what kind of reaction his body would have to something biting him on this planet, he was on a clock.

Ah, a look he'd been on the receiving end of, many a time. Cayde nodded, thankfully not all that eager to bring his knife skills to the table. He could certainly respect a person's claim on property, given how little they'd been allowed to come with.

Lowering his voice as he stroked the bird thing's neck with one hand in quiet reassurances, he kept the other over its head in anticipation of the creature potentially catching a second wind.

"How's it lookin', chief?" the Exo asked as he glanced over to watch how Tony's game of cat's cradle with his shirt was going.

While Cayde gently bonded with the bird, Tony worked the fabric loose enough from around its face to eventually untangle their misguided connection. There were feathers clinging to the shirt, but Tony gratefully pulled it back over his head to shake out his tingling hands, sure now that half the reason the fight had gone out of the thing was because of the suffocation. "Sorry about that," he muttered, and the bird didn't look like it much cared, but Tony continued, "In my defence, both of us were making poor choices, that was a joint effort, I think I did okay with what I was given." Since it didn't seem to be moving much, Tony finally chanced to look Cayde's way again instead of watching the animal cautiously, still not looking impressed. And yet, he said, "That could have gone worse."

"Points for resourcefulness," Cayde conceded with a nod, and only after a very tense pause once Tony had freed his shirt and the bird hadn't decided to try throwing its weight around. In hindsight getting thrown around on the back of a giant avian on a stony hillside was not the smartest situation to be caught in. But oh, could it have gone wrong, so much more than it had. That they came out of it with a few bumps and bruises and an exhausted bird to boot was surely a stroke of luck.

"How's that shoulder?" the Exo asked, resuming patting the bird's feather-fluffed head. Well, at least it was tolerating them.

The bird heaved a sigh, but mostly the explosion of chaos on the hill had come to a standstill, with the last of the disturbed pebbles skipping down to settle at the foot of it while Tony prodded inquisitively at his own side. "Working on a good bruise, I--ah, shit!" he jumped forward, startling the bird enough to flail its legs again, trying to get them under itself to react properly to Tony falling out of the nest-hole to crouch defensively in front of it, one hand clamped behind him against his back. He had forgotten about that problem, but the ugly little grey thing in the nest very much hadn't, and it came stumbling out after him after butting its head as violently as it could muster against his back to finally get his attention. It settled in between this trio, tired now, and opened its beak wide, expecting one of this party to feed it now, please.

The sudden chain reaction had Cayde half-clinging to the bird's neck as it scrambled back to its feet. He hung there sort of awkwardly once all had settled again, looking from the bird to Tony, to the newest addition to their motley crew.

"...aw, you're a papa now," he remarked, beaming at the feathery begging thing.

"I am confident this can be settled with a paternity test," Tony said, frowning at the juvenile and refusing to claim something so aesthetically misguided. This did, however, give them a much easier bird to deal with, if Cayde was really intent on corralling enough to take back to Agra 10. Tony wasn't about to put on that rodeo performance again to find the big one a suitable mate. He leaned forward to peer into the hole and spot two more of the unpleasant little bastards, dozing like the scuffle hadn't even made them open their eyes, only for the demanding one to take its chance and bonk its head against Tony's chin again. "God, I heard you the first time," Tony whined as he sat back on his heels, rubbing at his jaw, and gave Cayde a very serious look. He couldn't have still wanted these.

The look on the Exo's face wasn't a very encouraging one, at least by Tony's standards. He'd finally remembered to let go of the bigger bird's neck, petting down the feathers he'd ruffled.

"Any idea what these guys eat?" he asked as he wandered closer to the hole, grinning as the first of the trio continued to insist on having Tony's full attention. "Aw, I think it likes you."

It was not possible for Tony to frown any harder at Cayde, eyes blandly unimpressed with this assessment and the whole effect undermined by the bird baby flapping and waving its open mouth around insistently. "Other, smaller chickens?" Tony proposed, because that sounded like the kind of thing he might feed a dinosaur-- this thing didn't look as though a couple of worms would be enough to sustain it. Experimentally, Tony scooped it up from the rocks, hauling it up against his chest to try to stand while it flapped, not a fan of this, and tried to kick its long legs in Tony's hold, and Tony made an expression that said this was about as pleasant as the ride the bigger one had given him.

This did not last long. Another of the adult birds came picking its way across the hill, and froze as it caught sight of whatever was going on around this nest. It was not an arrangement it knew how to interpret, but it did suddenly drop its head and screech in a way that suggested to Tony that he was about to have the most humiliating death. This bird didn't, as it turned out, appreciate having its nest plundered.

"...you know, honestly I would not be surprised if it did," Cayde had to admit as he studied the hungry creature. He watched in amusement as Tony attempted to deal with the finicky bird child, eventually feeling sorry enough for the expression the man was making as he held out his arms in offer of having the creature passed on to him.

At the back of his mind he'd wondered about when the parents would show up. Either the one they'd brought over was still half knocked silly from the ordeal or had no relation nor care whatsoever. The new arrival however was definitely displaying typical parental upset.

"Uh. Run," he suggested.

"Run?!" Tony parroted, incredulous, because the obvious instruction should have been: drop the baby and back away, forget about stealing bird babies and this whole thing so they didn't end up becoming bird food. By then, though, Tony had started to tip the fledgling into Cayde's arms. He rocked up on his toes to tip quicker and get the thing off of him, shoving at Cayde to get moving at the same time, to send them sprinting down the hill as the Mother Chicken charged.

The dazed one that had already been thoroughly harassed had more experience having this fight with its own kind, and didn't appreciate the threat, either, having only been incidentally involved in this crime and without a lawyer to defend it. It popped back up onto its feet, flapping its wings hysterically as it chased hopefully after the two men and their baby.

"Run! Just run!" Cayde insisted, even as he found himself with an armful of baby bird. His instructions hadn't necessarily been to abscond with the thing, but it wasn't like he hadn't been considering it, and now there wasn't much room for complaining. With Tony shoving him into action himself, he took a few quick steps to keep his feet under him as they began to dash on down the rocky hill.

"Oh you traitor!" he snapped over his shoulder as the other bird followed suit to join the chase. He was mildly offended that, having believed they'd been getting along quite swimmingly after the embarrassing gallop across the hillside.

The birds were much faster than Tony and Cayde, comfortable on the rocky hill and long-legged monstrosities, so the wrestled and fluffed one quickly overtook them as Tony was stumbling and sliding his way down the rocks, clutching onto Cayde's cloak. It went barrelling straight past them, like a deliberate taunt, wings out and teetering goofily. Tony chanced a glance over his shoulder for the angry one, which only made him yelp, "Cayde! Cayde-bear!," again, then give a sharp jerk to his cape to stop him short with heels digging in to the hillside, throwing his weight back enough that he was basically prone on the sharp angle of the hill. The bird, making a leap of attack, sailed over him, realizing this mistake a moment too late.

"THERE ARE BEARS NOW-rk?!"

Cayde nearly fell backwards with the sudden resistance on his top half while his lower half was still convinced it was supposed to keep moving. His heels skidded along the rock before he dug them in to try finding purchase against the crag. In the end he tipped onto his side to avoid crushing Tony and the ever insistent baby in his grasp, optics going wide as he watched a feathery shadow launch right over them.

He wasn't sure how well these birds were for landings on such treacherous surfaces. He was also glad he no longer had a nose for how certain he was the baby would have nipped it right off right then when he looked down to check on it. Pushing upright with his free hand, he then reached for Tony to haul him back up too.

This feint was enough to send the attacking bird skidding without control down the hill, scrambling to try to dig its claws into the rock again and mostly creating a small avalanche as it rolled. The other bird, overstimulated now and in absolute hysterics, was at the foot of the hill to experience the downpour, and expressed its displeasure by rearing up to start stomping on the disoriented faller.

Tony and Cayde's effect on this community was, overall, disastrous. Tony gladly clutched back at Cayde's arm to scramble upright so they could sprint their way laterally along the hill, away from the cockfight, both of Tony's hands on Cayde's back like he would push him faster to put a good distance between them and the scene of their many crimes. As the hill sloped naturally under them and brought them back down to the grassy floor of the forest, Tony slowed to a stop to pitch over and cough the dust from his throat that they had kicked up in the meantime.

The urge to move faster was not at all disagreed upon by the Exo as he hurriedly led them off along and farther away from the squabbling birds. The added angle of the hill only helped to speed their progress along, and he only threw a brief look over his shoulder to make sure Tony was there and that the angry bird duo hadn't remembered why they'd come tumbling down the rocks in the first place.

He heaved a sigh once they'd reached the bottom, propping himself up against his knee with the one hand, the birdlett tucked under his other arm like a football. Having no breath to catch, Cayde didn't remain in that position long as he stepped over to pat Tony on the back.

Tony tried to wave Cayde off weakly, he was fine, his eyes weren't watering, this hadn't all been a disaster, and it took him another minute before he could say to their new little bird, "You better taste amazing." Tony didn't appreciate working this hard for his food, he barely went to the grocery store himself.

With a mock gasp, Cayde made to cover the bird's ears. Or whereabout he figured they'd be, anyway. "How can you say that after you bonded! -ow."

He pulled his finger loose from the baby, giving it a wag before yanking his hand back as he apparently the Exo had not learned his lesson the first time. "Right, food. Let's head back to Graq-town. Maybe they know what these things eat."

At least it wasn't only Tony the creature was being an asshole to, because that would have really hurt his feelings. This made it hard not to laugh at Cayde's complaint, but Tony managed to school his expression enough to insist, "I'd eat you, too, if you made my life this difficult." Tony didn't bond, don't be ridiculous.

He had to take a moment to get his bearings after rampaging all across the hill before Tony could direct them back the way they had come, keeping a generous distance between them and where he figured the birds were still working out their differences. He wanted to know, but didn't want to ask what Cayde intended to do with just one of the enormous chickens, in case that sounded like an invitation to wrangle another with him, so Tony watched the pair out of the corner of his eye skeptically until he could hear the Graq moving through the trees above them.

neck of the woods

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