neck of the woods

[in_extremis]

WHO: Tony and his new Graq friends. Open to other absolute morons.
WHERE: Graq homeworld
WHAT: Jungle adventures! Some animal wrangling, some spelunking, more mistakes, and a date.
WHEN: Shortly after getting all of the Graq home.
WARNINGS: I cannot promise all of these alien animals are going to be treated with dignity. Edit: I don't know what either of us expected, of course it is horny. Uh, not with the animals, the animals are fine.


a. The caverns [OTA! I have no plan for this, BYO Adventure]
One of the Graq had explained on the trip over how the satellites around their planet orbited in perfect alignment to create a solar eclipse every cycle, sheering through the light reliably every morning like the moon was late to set and met the sun coming up on the horizon. They didn't explain it quite that way, of course; at first, Tony though the Graq didn't know that a solar cycle happened on any other planets and was trying to explain what night was to him, which became frustrating enough for the alien to spit a hole into the ship floor between them. So, Tony's effortless charm didn't work in Graq language. While the Graq lacked the descriptive words to convey their message to Tony, when he finally saw the phenomenon occur he paused and went, "Oh," out loud, though his erstwhile planetary guide had long since tired of him. The great shadow of the moon passed over the planet, and with it the raucous chattering of the forest around him slowed and quieted to a very queer stillness, the nocturnal animals not yet awake and the diurnal ones holding their collective breath at this early evening. It made the sound that came from inside the cave just a few feet away from where Tony stood seem loud, and close.

b. The hills [For Cayde, but you are welcome to join]
There wasn't a perfect translation into any languages that Tony knew he might share with Cayde for the giant fowl on the planet, so when the Graq tried to describe them when asked what they were eating, what Tony said to Cayde was, "Big feather," with a shrug and raised lip. They lived on steep hills, one of the Graq very intently tried to explain despite Tony definitely not asking, because they built their nests into holes they dug into them, and because of this their eggs were incredibly hard to crack without Graq spit, so do not bother. Tony did not need this warning and, again, did not ask, but now he knew and was well prepared to announce, "Big feather egg," when they came upon what looked like shards of a hollowed rock at the foot of a craggy hill. Now he was starting to sound like one of them, he was integrating to the local culture in ways he did not appreciate. The nests, as described, dotted all the way up the hill, looking like steps built into the sheerest face of it, leaving the impression of a pyramid built into this less dense part of the jungle.

'Big feather' sounded like it was going to get Tony closer to the pillow he had hoped to find for Jon than the noodles he had hoped to get for Cayde, and upon spotting one of those birds, Tony was ready to accept that this planet was not going to produce either of these gifts for him. These people didn't yet seem to have their own bread, let alone noodle, and when the Graq had said 'big' they meant enormous. More of a sword than a feather. Not pillowy down, anyway. It went stalking across the steep hill expertly, long legs fully extended and navigating the angle with sharp claws digging in to the rock to balance its fat, bobbling body, head twitching and blinking stupidly like a chicken, only approximately the size of a dinosaur.

"I don't say this often," Tony started, and it already sounded like a lie, haughty with his chin raised as he tracked the unreasonable bird, "but I am confident I am the most beautiful thing on this planet." He definitely did say that more often than he deserved to, but in this case he had sound logic. Graq were ugly, these birds were ugly, based on this sample this whole planet's evolution tended toward squashy and wrong-sized. "Present company an ongoing consideration," he was willing to allow.

c. The water [For Jon, but you are still welcome]
This was an ideal environment for plenty of very ugly bugs and grubs. Frogs, generously. Insects, in general, were not hugely upsetting for Tony, with the distinct exception of anything cockroach-like, but he did prefer a more sterile, modern, less bug-centric experience, if it were up to him, and he was realizing that he had made the wrong choice. He could have been on a spaceship right now, in space, on a ship. With the exception of the unique mineral compound of the malleable stones, there wasn't much to Tony's taste on this primitive planet.

The locals, obviously, being local and made for this environment, loved it, and appreciated being returned safely despite the awkward introductions. With a few of their rescuers on the planet with them, the Graq decided it was an ideal time to celebrate the reunion of their families, and these strange, hairless bipeds that had made that happen for them. "They want us to join them at sunset," he had translated to the camp of He-Rows, "by the waterfall, they say is over there. Follow the river, can't miss it, it's water, it's not confusing. I don't think they're going to eat us, but don't quote me on that."

Bugs on any planet, it was a universal truth, got worse the closer it was to dusk. Tony crouched by the river as the sun went down, trying to remain curious about what this planet had to offer as he felt the waxy leaf of a vibrant lilypad in a cluster that didn't seem bothered by the meandering water, only to be smacked in the face by what he would assume to be a moth on Earth, and what he didn't want to think too hard about here. "This is a nightmare," he grumbled, wiping at his cheek to make sure it hadn't left anything behind, then glanced up at the distant sound of drumming music from the direction of what must have been this waterfall site. Fashionably late, as ever.

Comments

[in_extremis]

At least it wasn't only Tony the creature was being an asshole to, because that would have really hurt his feelings. This made it hard not to laugh at Cayde's complaint, but Tony managed to school his expression enough to insist, "I'd eat you, too, if you made my life this difficult." Tony didn't bond, don't be ridiculous.

He had to take a moment to get his bearings after rampaging all across the hill before Tony could direct them back the way they had come, keeping a generous distance between them and where he figured the birds were still working out their differences. He wanted to know, but didn't want to ask what Cayde intended to do with just one of the enormous chickens, in case that sounded like an invitation to wrangle another with him, so Tony watched the pair out of the corner of his eye skeptically until he could hear the Graq moving through the trees above them.

[deal_me_in]

One could almost swear that robotic face was pouting. "Et tu, Brute?" If his expression hadn't been obvious, the tone certainly pushed the suggestion forward.

Still, once they started along again, Cayde proved to be in his usual enthusiastic spirits, patting and cooing over the bird thing, bouncing name suggestions off Tony. "Ooh! How about Torpedo? Tony Junior?" He was totally pulling names out of a hat at this point.

[in_extremis]

For every name Cayde had to offer, Tony was prepared with a response, "Sandwich. Fried. Stuffed and roasted," as he watched the trees above them for signs of the local civilization. It was at the first, thick trunk adorned with regular steps interspersed with handholds made of those malleable rocks to climb up that Tony stopped and considered Cayde with his package before tilting his head back to call up instead, "Hey! Anybody home? We're looking for a, uh, bird expert." The Graq would not really understand this, but it did have the desired effect of a pair coming to peer curiously over the balcony of the sprawling building above them, taking in the weird, hairless alien and the metal man, and finally the baby fowl. This was sure to be interesting.

[deal_me_in]

"You. Are a terrible, terrible person," Cayde said, although he was obviously being insincere about it for the way he still grinned as he spoke.

He was ruffling the baby bird's head as they reached the nearest tree dwelling. Round two of Interpreter Tony? Oh boy! His favorite show! Current favorite. That one series with the space cowboyish feel and the guy in the stylish brown coat was still tops in his book.

[in_extremis]

One of the Graq ventured halfway down the tree, the other lingering where they appeared for a good vantage point on this awkward encounter, and Tony tapped his foot, clearly not finding this very personable. "You just want to know what they eat? Anything else?" he offered to Cayde in the meantime. There was no guarantee anything more complicated was going to be translated well, however. While Tony understood the words the Graq were offering him, they had yet to make consistent sense to him, and he wasn't particularly talented at speaking back. He lacked the accent, one could say, of this very throaty, grunty language. To even express that they were looking to feed the bird, Tony had to do a lot of charades to get the Graq to understand, but at least in this case the barrier had a lot to do with why anyone would need to know that.

When he did procure an answer, Tony, as ever when talking to these creatures, did not look satisfied when he translated for Cayde, "They're saying 'rocks'. Not those rocks," pointing to the strange ones built into the tree, "Very clear about that, but very insistent that the bird eats rocks." Hands up in surrender, Tony sighed.

[deal_me_in]

"Uh... I dunno, any other habits? Migratory patterns?" Cayde threw out, shrugging. Mostly he just wanted to see how that even translated out. Eliksni was way easier to speak compared to whatever Tony was spouting, but even he could tell something was lacking from the man's attempts. He suspected it was more to do with biological structure than anything else, hardly anything Tony could be blamed for.

The answer they received by way of food had the Exo give him an odd look. "Rocks but not rocks," he repeated flatly. Glancing past Tony to the Graq, he gave them an even odder look before toeing the ground and pointing down at it. "Those kind of rocks? Rocklike things? Shaped like rocks?" He gave Tony another shrug- the guy was trying his best, and it was a wonder anything could be gathered from those noises at all.

[in_extremis]

There was no way Tony was going to figure out the Graq term for 'migratory patterns', making him give Cayde a long-suffering frown for this whole experience. While the Graq looked on, glancing between the pair and expecting answers of their own, like why did they have this bird? Did they know it would be easier to carry if they killed it? And how long were they going to loiter outside this house?, Tony said wearily, "You know you're cute, right?" It wasn't like he would have left anyone else to die by bird, but he was pretty sure no one would have gotten him as far as stealing a child and asking some aliens for rearing advice. He could have been back on the ship right now, taking apart the external sensor system.

The Graq seemed very happy that the metal man understood what it was trying to convey, pointing with him at the ground and repeating the same guttural sound. Yes to all of those questions, apparently.

[deal_me_in]

The Exo absently fended off the bird child's attempt to try ingesting his hand again. "Absolutely adorable," he agreed without missing a beat. He did turn his head back towards Tony with a grin however, truly appreciative that the man had stuck it out with him on this crazy venture. And then he gestured vaguely by lifting the baby bird in Tony's direction, an unspoken question of asking if he'd wanted a turn holding the little thing again. Technically Tony had found it, anyway.

The Graq however were given an exasperated sigh as they clarified nothing, Cayde finally waving a hand as he decided further attempts probably wouldn't get them any clearer answers. "Well that was absolutely enlightening."

[in_extremis]

"I'm great," Tony responded, flat hands out to stop Cayde from bringing the bird any closer, as though Tony was just full up already with all of the bird cuddling he could handle and couldn't manage another morsel. The bird, however, continued to do its terrible food dance, clacking its beak, and the Graq pointed again to the ground at Cayde's feet. Take the chance that this whole planet was strange, and this might as well happen, Tony swept down to collect a pebble, then offer it cautiously near the bird's snapping mouth. He had to jerk back as it lunged at him, then anxiously tossed the pebble in that chattering beak's direction. The bird did catch and chomp down on it effortlessly; Tony could hear the pebble crack before the bird threw its head back to swallow it.

"They don't not eat rocks," Tony had determined. It still didn't seem nutritious, but it certainly went in. The Graq made a motion like they were relieved that these two idiots finally understood a simple concept, making Tony glare at them. In English, he pointed out, "You know, I'm one of the smartest people on my planet." He wasn't feeling it, so it didn't help soothe his psyche as much as he hoped to say it out loud.

[deal_me_in]

"Huh." Cayde exchanged a look with Tony at this revelation. So it was actual rocks, which...made very little sense to the Exo, and he felt Tony was completely justified to be acting as he did, especially with the reaction from the Graq. He stooped down to set the bird at his feet, picking up a few more pebbles to toss at the thing.

"I think it's not so much smarts as things just being weird on alien planets," he suggested. "Also, remember that these guys spit on rocks and glue them to trees." Not much worth getting all worked up over. "Let's go grab some rocks and then we can get off this planet."