[Network Video]

[work_wife]

Hey, um... Help?

[Why does Robin need help? Well, look at the video. Well, the video itself shows Robin ducked behind one of the chairs in the darkened space of the Agrii theater. The question is why she's doing that. But then she goes quiet for a moment, a hint of a pink-purple motion near the top of the screen behind her. The young woman bites her lip until the motion is gone. Then she pulls the communication device closer and whispers even more frantically.]

I didn't sign up to babysit the first time. The turtle kid, Donnie? He was a good kid and smart and listened to me and I did my best when no one was around, okay? And the space station not-Chuck-E-Cheese? Yeah, that was to get money for stuff. But-

[She goes abruptly silent again at the sound of talking behind her in the Agrii language. Her eyes are huge. When the noises fade away, well, she breathes out a sigh of relief.]

But I didn't sign up to be an Agrii babysitter. Or teen watcher? Whatever. I made a mistake. I taught a group of about ten of them about hide-and-seek. We've been playing for three hours. They keep starting over again. They seem to love the idea. I can't get a break. Please. I need more people to join in, or at least distract them.

I'm not made to be a babysitter!

Comments

[work_wife]

[She hears the running and gasps out]

Red Light!

[And turns. Just in time to get tackled. Heavy. Ouch.]

[farrahfawcetts]

[ Steve busts out laughing before rushing over and helping the kid get off of Robin. ]

No tackling! Just touching. [ He demonstrates the tap which then the kid does on the prone Robin's shoulder. Steve muffles more laughter. ]

Okay, you're the stoplight now. Everyone back to start. You know what to do?

[ The kid nodded and turned his back on all of them, waiting. Steve gave Robin a hand. ]

You okay? Need me to find someone to kiss it better?

[work_wife]

[Robin takes the hand and lets him pull her up. Or try to. THe moment there's weight on her wrist she gasps.]

Oh fuck!

[There goes lecturing Leo on bad language.]

I think they twisted it.

[farrahfawcetts]

[ Okay, now he feels bad for laughing. ]

You guys play this round without us. I have to help Robin.

[ The kids line up and the one who attempted to murder Robin calls out 'GREEN LIME'. Close enough.]

C'mon. Lemme see what you did.

[work_wife]

[She'd consider teasing over whether Steve knew what he was doing, but yeah, sports and babysitting. She sits up and lets him take her hand to inspect it.]

Of course I could get hurt.

[farrahfawcetts]

You are hopeless. I am wrapping you in bubble wrap and locking you in a closet. Only way to keep you in one piece.

[ Gently he probes around the area to make sure it's not broken. No obvious bone shards. Time to shift it around to see how bad of a sprain. ]

[work_wife]

I'm already more in the closet than you are, even if Billy and Max already know.

[And Steve of course.]

My pieces are where they- OW. Don't squeeze.

[farrahfawcetts]

I have to squeeze! You wanna have a hairline fracture that isn't set and then have a wonky wrist?

[ Wait... Wait, what did she say before? ]

Hold on. Only Billy and Max know?

[work_wife]

Um, wonky wrist? That's not even a real condition. I can stand you know. We could go find one of the doctors. Not the scary hot one though. Wesker might owe me...

[Wait, why is he asking?]

Well, I know Billy knows because I told him. But sometimes Max gives me this look. Though... Well, I guess I could come out to Eddie. It just never came up. And I'm definitely not telling Chrissy.

[farrahfawcetts]

WHAT?

[ The kids stop playing to look at them. Steve pastes on a smile and waves them on. Only once they are back at it does he return to Robin. ]

I'm sorry, why are we not telling Chrissy? She was cool with me and Eddie. I don't think she's homophonic.

[work_wife]

[Why? Seriously? Robin gives Steve a look. Come on. Do the math here man. Think about it.]

I know you can put things together here, Dingus.

[farrahfawcetts]

[ He flunked math. ]

What? Did she like...say something? Because Hawkins or not, I will tell her that shit isn't cool.

[work_wife]

[Bullshit, not that she's using the word. He got a C something in chemistry. She doesn't buy he flunked math.]

Steve, no. Geez. I just don't want her uncomfortable.

[farrahfawcetts]

[ Steve's mouth makes a small 'o' of realization. Yeah, fine. He got a C. ]

I really don't think she would be. It's not like just because she's a girl you'll be into he- [ See, he could have gotten a B if he paid more attention. And he pays attention to Robin. ] Unless....

[work_wife]

[God why is he like this? She's not blushing. You're blushing.]

Listen, it's a requirement for Hawkins High schoolers here, Max excluded, to like cheerleaders! I'm just fitting the mold!

[She doesn't know Max is bi either. So maybe it's just a 'non-Hawkins Cheerleader' rule]

[farrahfawcetts]

Oh my God! [ He's absolutely grinning. ] But you know her! This isn't just a 'short-skirt-is-hot' thing! You hang out with her! Wasn't there like a slumber party or something too?

[ He has adopted some Eddie-isms through their relationship. One of them is how he is almost dancing in place with his excitement over this. ]

Oh my God. How long? Have you flirted at all? Jesus, I wish we had Fast Times here...

[work_wife]

You know how much like Eddie you look right now? He's really rubbing off on you. And can you PLEASE look at my wrist? Can we deal with the thing that can be dealt with rather than the pipe dreams?

[No. NO do not bring up Fast Times. She rolls her eyes.]

We deserve better movies than that, Steve.

[farrahfawcetts]

[ Okay, now he'll blush a little, but he's still smiling. ] Oh yeah. Lots of rubbing off.

[ Before Robin can smack him, he grabs her wrist again and goes back to gentle prodding. He'll need to get something to wrap around it. ]

Why is it a pipe dream? Vicky had a boyfriend but still clearly likes girls. Maybe she's like me! The Bi Brigade!

[work_wife]

Nope! Steve, PRIVACY can be a thing. If not for my sake, then for Eddie's.

[Okay, fine, wrist attention. So much better than talking about how his wrist ends up sore in the mornings or whatever.]

That's Vicky. That's not Chrissy Cunningham, Queen of Hawkins High, Jason Carver's girl. Though when I told her how he acted, she sure didn't seem proud of that part. I mean, she's sweet and nice, but no. You and Eddie is a miracle.

[Billy being bi is a fucking surprise.]

But we're definitely out of statistical probability here.

[farrahfawcetts]

Yeah, she said that when she first got here. That she was bad at picking boyfriends or something.

[ He fishes around in his pockets and finds nothing that he can use for a bandage. ] We need to wrap this up. Get some pressure on it just to support the sprain. Otherwise, you're fine.

[ He isn't letting the rest go, though. ]

But you know, Dustin once told me that statistics don't work like that. You know? Like if you flip a coin and get heads and then flip it again and get heads, you would think the next time has to be tails, right? Because you got heads twice already. But it's still just 50/50. So the odds never actually change. [ He shrugs ] Maybe being gay or bi is like the coin. The odds are still the same as anyone else.

[work_wife]

[And Steve is bad at picking girlfriends, so it all works out in the end.]

Guess I should find one of our medics to take care of that then. Which means standing.

[Which means walking away from the conversation.]

Steve, I actually understand statistics. And the odds are 50/50 depending on the coin. That's accurate for most American coins, yes. But there are more than two sides to the options, and so it's not a coin flip. And it's clearly weighted.

[farrahfawcetts]

[Steve rolls his eyes.]

So her being gay is impacted by our gay? It's like an aura that means no one else can possibly like boobies if they have boobies?

[work_wife]

[She shifts to the side so she can try and stand up.]

You need to use that world a LOT less, Steve. Like, seriously.

[farrahfawcetts]

Well, for all of Eddie's many, many good parts, boobies aren't one of them. I am allowed to talk about them with my fellow lady lover.

[Yeah, he called her that specifically to annoy her. Robin, you picked this guy as your best friend.]

[work_wife]

[Excuse you. An annoying, curly-haired boy and a spirited badass little girl and some Russians basically assigned this soulmate to her. She didn't volunteer for it. And she sure didn't choose it.]

Steve, it isn't a thing. And that's okay. Just because she's a girl doesn't mean she's going to want other girls or even want me. Seriously.