[Network Video]

[work_wife]

Hey, um... Help?

[Why does Robin need help? Well, look at the video. Well, the video itself shows Robin ducked behind one of the chairs in the darkened space of the Agrii theater. The question is why she's doing that. But then she goes quiet for a moment, a hint of a pink-purple motion near the top of the screen behind her. The young woman bites her lip until the motion is gone. Then she pulls the communication device closer and whispers even more frantically.]

I didn't sign up to babysit the first time. The turtle kid, Donnie? He was a good kid and smart and listened to me and I did my best when no one was around, okay? And the space station not-Chuck-E-Cheese? Yeah, that was to get money for stuff. But-

[She goes abruptly silent again at the sound of talking behind her in the Agrii language. Her eyes are huge. When the noises fade away, well, she breathes out a sigh of relief.]

But I didn't sign up to be an Agrii babysitter. Or teen watcher? Whatever. I made a mistake. I taught a group of about ten of them about hide-and-seek. We've been playing for three hours. They keep starting over again. They seem to love the idea. I can't get a break. Please. I need more people to join in, or at least distract them.

I'm not made to be a babysitter!

Comments

[farrahfawcetts]

Oh my God! [ He's absolutely grinning. ] But you know her! This isn't just a 'short-skirt-is-hot' thing! You hang out with her! Wasn't there like a slumber party or something too?

[ He has adopted some Eddie-isms through their relationship. One of them is how he is almost dancing in place with his excitement over this. ]

Oh my God. How long? Have you flirted at all? Jesus, I wish we had Fast Times here...

[work_wife]

You know how much like Eddie you look right now? He's really rubbing off on you. And can you PLEASE look at my wrist? Can we deal with the thing that can be dealt with rather than the pipe dreams?

[No. NO do not bring up Fast Times. She rolls her eyes.]

We deserve better movies than that, Steve.

[farrahfawcetts]

[ Okay, now he'll blush a little, but he's still smiling. ] Oh yeah. Lots of rubbing off.

[ Before Robin can smack him, he grabs her wrist again and goes back to gentle prodding. He'll need to get something to wrap around it. ]

Why is it a pipe dream? Vicky had a boyfriend but still clearly likes girls. Maybe she's like me! The Bi Brigade!

[work_wife]

Nope! Steve, PRIVACY can be a thing. If not for my sake, then for Eddie's.

[Okay, fine, wrist attention. So much better than talking about how his wrist ends up sore in the mornings or whatever.]

That's Vicky. That's not Chrissy Cunningham, Queen of Hawkins High, Jason Carver's girl. Though when I told her how he acted, she sure didn't seem proud of that part. I mean, she's sweet and nice, but no. You and Eddie is a miracle.

[Billy being bi is a fucking surprise.]

But we're definitely out of statistical probability here.

[farrahfawcetts]

Yeah, she said that when she first got here. That she was bad at picking boyfriends or something.

[ He fishes around in his pockets and finds nothing that he can use for a bandage. ] We need to wrap this up. Get some pressure on it just to support the sprain. Otherwise, you're fine.

[ He isn't letting the rest go, though. ]

But you know, Dustin once told me that statistics don't work like that. You know? Like if you flip a coin and get heads and then flip it again and get heads, you would think the next time has to be tails, right? Because you got heads twice already. But it's still just 50/50. So the odds never actually change. [ He shrugs ] Maybe being gay or bi is like the coin. The odds are still the same as anyone else.

[work_wife]

[And Steve is bad at picking girlfriends, so it all works out in the end.]

Guess I should find one of our medics to take care of that then. Which means standing.

[Which means walking away from the conversation.]

Steve, I actually understand statistics. And the odds are 50/50 depending on the coin. That's accurate for most American coins, yes. But there are more than two sides to the options, and so it's not a coin flip. And it's clearly weighted.

[farrahfawcetts]

[Steve rolls his eyes.]

So her being gay is impacted by our gay? It's like an aura that means no one else can possibly like boobies if they have boobies?

[work_wife]

[She shifts to the side so she can try and stand up.]

You need to use that world a LOT less, Steve. Like, seriously.

[farrahfawcetts]

Well, for all of Eddie's many, many good parts, boobies aren't one of them. I am allowed to talk about them with my fellow lady lover.

[Yeah, he called her that specifically to annoy her. Robin, you picked this guy as your best friend.]

[work_wife]

[Excuse you. An annoying, curly-haired boy and a spirited badass little girl and some Russians basically assigned this soulmate to her. She didn't volunteer for it. And she sure didn't choose it.]

Steve, it isn't a thing. And that's okay. Just because she's a girl doesn't mean she's going to want other girls or even want me. Seriously.

[farrahfawcetts]

[He pauses and frowns a little.]

Okay, fine. But...don't you still want to know? If she's uncomfortable about who you are, isn't that important? You can hide it, but...

[He shrugs.]

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone if I knew they didn't like me. And you're awesome, Robin. If knowing you're gay changes how she feels about you, she's the one losing out.

[work_wife]

She’s not going to be uncomfortable with who I am, Steve. Chrissy’s too nice. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to just… tell her things like that. Can’t that be okay?

[farrahfawcetts]

[ Steve hasn't had the same experiences Robin has. He knows that. Compared to the two of them, he's gotten the easy road for everything in his life, pretty much. So he just gives her a smile and a shrug. ]

Yeah. Of course. It's your life, Robs. I'll back whatever call you make. That's what I'm here for.

[work_wife]

Alright. Just... don't call her a muppet? She's too sweet for that.

[farrahfawcetts]

[ Steve lets out a low whistle. ] Oooh. Yeah, you've got it bad, huh? Too sweet and nice for anything, hmm?

[ He nudges her shoulder. ]

I can't promise anything. Haven't heard her sing.

[work_wife]

I don't have anything in any way. It's not like that.

[New goal: Chrissy can't sing.]

[farrahfawcetts]

Mmhmm. I believe you. Totally. [ Robin, you're glass. ]

[work_wife]

I'm not going to get you to just let this go, am I?

[farrahfawcetts]

Are you kidding? This is the most fun I've had in ages.

[work_wife]

I'm going to find a way to pay you back for this. Now, get me to someone who can wrap my wrist or something?

[farrahfawcetts]

Yeah, yeah.

[ He reaches out for her good hand. ]

Let's go find a doctor somewhere. Kids... [ He waves at them, already in a new game. Apparently tackling has been added to it. ] Keep playing. We'll be back.

[work_wife]

[Robin whispers to Steve because he needs to understand.]

I am not coming back.