revivalproject | Video Broadcast

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Video Broadcast - OTA (Post Storm)

[Hey guys, look who it is. The bright and cheerful and constantly snarky kid. Who is smiling wide, though it looks a bit strained. Good news, his arm has healed since getting back. Bad news, Tommy looks nervous and maybe a hint of stressed as the video starts. But hey, he's in the greenhouse, which is obvious from the greenery around him. And his communication device is propped up against something, because his hands are in the shot, working at the soil around a lush Cyanana plant, clearly working fertilizer into the soil with care.]

So, like... Just because we've got the ships and stuff doesn't mean it's not important for us to maintain the greenhouse, right? We were gone for a while and not all the places in here did well while we were gone. And then I was walking around and realized that we're sorta scattered, the people working here. So maybe people with the skill should, like, coordinate? Because fresh food on the ships is good too. We can preserve shit and put it on the ships for variation.

I also wanna do, like, hydroponics on some of the ships. So if we gets spaced again for a while, we can have fresh stuff.

Guess...

[He sighs and his hand cards through his hair. Which means some dirt is now there in the perfect white strands.]

Guess I mean I'm willing to help organize. Map out the greenhouse, help us figure out schedules and when to work on different plants and that shit. Or not. Someone else can take that charge. I don't much care. It just needs done. Might also need an engineer to help with the ship part. And maybe people to okay adding it to other ships and to take care of the plants.

Anyway uh...

[Let him be useful. He failed as a hero in the storm. Disappointment and frustration flash across his face in the video and then it's gone.]

Thoughts?

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You mean to ask about the Shepherds.

[That's... not a good thing.]

[He nods. He knows a bit. Mostly through what's left unsaid, honestly.]

...if you want to talk about it.

[They're really doing this then? They're really doing this? Fine. Tommy moves before Billy can protest and scoops him up, carrying him down into the underground portion where they mostly crew mushrooms. It's darker here. Quieter. It's... more in keeping with the mood this brought him too. Once he's put his brother down he starts pacing.]

The first time Mary told me I was a mistake, I was five. I didn't understand at the time.

[Billy hardly flinches any more at Tommy scooping him up, though he does wish he would give a little notice, blinking at the quiet space he's been brought to.

And then Tommy's pacing, and speaking, and Billy pales a bit. He's guessed quite a bit about Tommy's parents, and knows a few hard facts. But hearing that still makes the bottom drop out from his stomach. He can't imagine a parent ever saying anything like that to their child. Let alone imagine hearing it.]

Tommy-....

Don't. Just don't interrupt unless you're telling me to stop.

[Because once he stops, he's not going to start again for a long while.]

I wasn't wanted, I was never wanted, and they made that very clear. I didn't have my own room. We lived in a two bedroom house. I didn't get my own room because Frank used the other bedroom for his 'projects'. Which was mostly just him playing poker and smoking with friends. I slept on the couch. I had to get up before they did because if I was blocking the TV in the morning, that was a problem and I could lose breakfast.

[Billy presses his lips together apologetically, a hand jumping to press his knuckles to his lips help quiet himself.

He doesn't speak, but his brows twist with increasing upset as Tommy continues.]

Of course, I could lose more than breakfast. That was Mary's main punishment when she wasn't happy with me, actually. Frank was the one that got physical. The first time my so called father hit me, I was eight. I was a kid, kids get hurt. No one thought twice about my shoulder being a bit bruised. I had tripped over his tool box. A screwdriver fell out and scratched the floor. So I got hit.

[You happy, Billy. Are you not entertained?]

[Very not happy. Very not entertained.

There's a lick of electricity at Billy's fingertips, and he frowns, pushing that impulse back down. Avengers don't kill. But he really wants to hurt someone in that moment.]

I knew, I’ve always known, that I wasn’t wanted. An extra mouth to feed. An extra body to clothe, an unwanted result of lust from a set of parents that loved each other once. And they never loved me. I killed their happy lives. I’ve been a curse since day one.

[How could parents feel that way? If they didn't want him, why wouldn't they let him go to a family they did? Billy's mind tries to rationalize things that can't be rationalized, feeling rather sick, and face increasingly pale.]

[Tommy sighs and crosses his arms over his chest.]

Are you happy? TO hear how miserable I was? That was what Wanda chose for me after I died. Or that you chose. Someone chose it.

[Billy shakes his head, eyes stinging, and there's an added pang of hurt that grips his chest at the idea that he might have caused it. It's a thought his own mind's brought up before now, but to hear it echoed by Tommy makes it feel that much more real. ]

...I didn't want th- I wouldn't-

Your life is so golden and perfect. And mine is shit. Everything I touch turns to shit. That's why I shouldn't be around, Billy. Why I shouldn't be around now that you've got the guy that makes you happy.

[He's trash and Billy doesn't deserve that.]

It's not- I- ...You make me happy, Tommy.

[Right now's not a prime example, given it's said with tears in his eyes, but this is what he'd asked for.]

I'm sorry- I know it's not fair- I don't...I don't know why- I don't know if it's my fault- but- I never wanted that life for you-

It's what my life was, Billy. HOw the fuck am I supposed to believe people want me around? It's never been true before.

I want you.

[And he says it with such intent that his hands glow, lighting up the space, though no obvious effect seems to come from it.]

I chased after the hope of rescuing you for a year. I was ready to die to bring you back.

That isn't the timeline I've heard.

[He heard the Young Avengers were running away from Mother for MONTHS before David even caught up with them.]

You were in danger and you didn't tell me. You didn't ask for help. You... left me behind.

I-

[All right, that's true, but-]

I didn't want you to get hurt. I didn't plan for ANY of them to be involved.

[Kate. Noh-Varr. No of them.

Yeah. But the guy that could be there in the blink of an eye? Why cut him out if you supposedly want him around?

...Because I messed up. Again. I tried to fix things...to make Teddy happy, and I nearly destroyed the world and everyone I care about.

I got Cassie killed. And Jonas. And I swore I wasn't going to hurt anyone else and I DID.

Eli got Cassie killed. Iron Lad gets the blame for Jonas. And if you had faith in me, you would have wanted me there to help. So I get it. No one really wants me around except when they have a use for me. I respect that. I'm a fucking pain and trouble for people. I don't assume I'm anything else.

[Billy just proved things that he'd already known.]

But thanks for, you know, pretending. While we were here and Teddy wasn't. For pretending you wanted and needed me.

It was my fault we were even there.

And I wanted you safe. I thought you were as far away from being caught up in my mess as possible. That's why I didn't call you. Because I didn't want to lose you too.

[Those tears finally spill over his cheeks, and there's a frustrated crackle of electricity at his fingertips.]

I wasn't pretending.

You'd be happier and better off if you did. If you were like them. I bring people nothing but misery. I'm a fucking drain on resources.

[More words that have been thrown at him over the years. You opened the door, Billy. You get to face the rage.]

That's not true.

[It's not often that Billy raises his voice like this. He's very avoidant of conflict generally, but he can't seem to help it right now, mirroring his brother's emotions.]

Just let yourself be happy for once, Tommy. Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and enjoy the time we've got.

[The other shoe always drops. It's always on the floor before the first shoe. Shoes are on the floor and perfect for tripping over and that is just how life is.]

If you don't get attached to people, then it doesn't hurt when they leave.

[And there it is. The crux of years of experience. That people always leave.]

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cw: Child abuse and neglect

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