revivalproject | Video Broadcast

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Video Broadcast - OTA (Post Storm)

[Hey guys, look who it is. The bright and cheerful and constantly snarky kid. Who is smiling wide, though it looks a bit strained. Good news, his arm has healed since getting back. Bad news, Tommy looks nervous and maybe a hint of stressed as the video starts. But hey, he's in the greenhouse, which is obvious from the greenery around him. And his communication device is propped up against something, because his hands are in the shot, working at the soil around a lush Cyanana plant, clearly working fertilizer into the soil with care.]

So, like... Just because we've got the ships and stuff doesn't mean it's not important for us to maintain the greenhouse, right? We were gone for a while and not all the places in here did well while we were gone. And then I was walking around and realized that we're sorta scattered, the people working here. So maybe people with the skill should, like, coordinate? Because fresh food on the ships is good too. We can preserve shit and put it on the ships for variation.

I also wanna do, like, hydroponics on some of the ships. So if we gets spaced again for a while, we can have fresh stuff.

Guess...

[He sighs and his hand cards through his hair. Which means some dirt is now there in the perfect white strands.]

Guess I mean I'm willing to help organize. Map out the greenhouse, help us figure out schedules and when to work on different plants and that shit. Or not. Someone else can take that charge. I don't much care. It just needs done. Might also need an engineer to help with the ship part. And maybe people to okay adding it to other ships and to take care of the plants.

Anyway uh...

[Let him be useful. He failed as a hero in the storm. Disappointment and frustration flash across his face in the video and then it's gone.]

Thoughts?

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It's not- I- ...You make me happy, Tommy.

[Right now's not a prime example, given it's said with tears in his eyes, but this is what he'd asked for.]

I'm sorry- I know it's not fair- I don't...I don't know why- I don't know if it's my fault- but- I never wanted that life for you-

It's what my life was, Billy. HOw the fuck am I supposed to believe people want me around? It's never been true before.

I want you.

[And he says it with such intent that his hands glow, lighting up the space, though no obvious effect seems to come from it.]

I chased after the hope of rescuing you for a year. I was ready to die to bring you back.

That isn't the timeline I've heard.

[He heard the Young Avengers were running away from Mother for MONTHS before David even caught up with them.]

You were in danger and you didn't tell me. You didn't ask for help. You... left me behind.

I-

[All right, that's true, but-]

I didn't want you to get hurt. I didn't plan for ANY of them to be involved.

[Kate. Noh-Varr. No of them.

Yeah. But the guy that could be there in the blink of an eye? Why cut him out if you supposedly want him around?

...Because I messed up. Again. I tried to fix things...to make Teddy happy, and I nearly destroyed the world and everyone I care about.

I got Cassie killed. And Jonas. And I swore I wasn't going to hurt anyone else and I DID.

Eli got Cassie killed. Iron Lad gets the blame for Jonas. And if you had faith in me, you would have wanted me there to help. So I get it. No one really wants me around except when they have a use for me. I respect that. I'm a fucking pain and trouble for people. I don't assume I'm anything else.

[Billy just proved things that he'd already known.]

But thanks for, you know, pretending. While we were here and Teddy wasn't. For pretending you wanted and needed me.

It was my fault we were even there.

And I wanted you safe. I thought you were as far away from being caught up in my mess as possible. That's why I didn't call you. Because I didn't want to lose you too.

[Those tears finally spill over his cheeks, and there's a frustrated crackle of electricity at his fingertips.]

I wasn't pretending.

You'd be happier and better off if you did. If you were like them. I bring people nothing but misery. I'm a fucking drain on resources.

[More words that have been thrown at him over the years. You opened the door, Billy. You get to face the rage.]

That's not true.

[It's not often that Billy raises his voice like this. He's very avoidant of conflict generally, but he can't seem to help it right now, mirroring his brother's emotions.]

Just let yourself be happy for once, Tommy. Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and enjoy the time we've got.

[The other shoe always drops. It's always on the floor before the first shoe. Shoes are on the floor and perfect for tripping over and that is just how life is.]

If you don't get attached to people, then it doesn't hurt when they leave.

[And there it is. The crux of years of experience. That people always leave.]

Sometimes you have to take that risk or you're just...alone. You're spiting yourself. Robbing yourself because of something that might not even happen.

I'm not going to leave you.

I took the risk. And you all left.

[The Young Avengers was his own opening himself back up chance. Them and Wanda. And guess what. All of them had disappeared on him. Had fallen through. So explain to him how he was spiting himself. Seemed like history just liked proving him right.]

That's not-

[Billy stops himself, swallowing down his argument to try and see things from Tommy's point of view.]

...I didn't mean to-

[But to a kid who was always abandoned, always left behind, always told he wasn't worth bothering or attention or any of that, that was exactly what the team had done. Billy had withdrawn into himself. Teddy had chased after Billy. Eli had run away across the country. Kate had gone back to her family and didn't answer his calls. Tommy, who had no one and no where to go, he'd gotten left behind again. Like he always did. Was reminded that he didn't fit, he didn't belong. That there was no where and no one for him. But he'd tried, he'd tried so hard to be there for Billy. And it wasn't enough. So he'd done the same thing everyone else had always done to him. He'd left.]

You decided that the people that were gone were more important than the people that were there.

[Which wasn't fair. At all. But Billy had to understand it from Tommy's point of view. They were his chance, and they'd just proved his point. Had been like everyone else. And after there wasn't a team that needed Speed, well, there wasn't anyone that needed Tommy. And here, well, Billy didn't need Speed anymore, to be his strength and support. He had Teddy. Better to cut and run before Billy made the choice to leave him again.]

But it doesn't matter. Because right now you've got Teddy. And Teddy's where it's always at for you. So you don't need me around to do shit for you anymore. Better to get out of your hair before you make the decision for yourself and feel bad for making the same choice that everyone always makes.

[Those words echo far too close to the same sorts of thoughts that run through Billy's head at his lowest points, easily accepted by the anxious parts of his mind, and his features twist with guilt. He knows that depressive episode was beyond his control, but he's far too prepared to accept the blame.]

...I didn't m-

[He cuts himself off, struggling to find his voice.]

Stop it.

[Blame yourself or blame the world around you, Billy. Don't be like Tommy and opt for both. There's not happiness there.]

Stop what?

Stop acting like I can only care about you OR Teddy. That's not how it works.

Pretty sure caring about me isn't how anything works. So it's not an Or. It's a universal given.

I care about you! You don't get to tell me I don't.

[Tommy just shakes his head and rolls his eyes.]

You're a bleeding heart that cares about everything and everyone. I'm just... guilt. You care about me because you feel guilty. You feel responsible for what happened to me. You feel guilty because you didn't know I existed. You feel obligated because we have the same face. But I'm not your brother. I'm not Tommy Kaplan and I'm not Thomas Maximoff. I'm cast off trash and you need to fucking recognize that. Because the sooner you get to that point everyone gets to, the easier this is on me.

[The guilt part is fair enough, but Billy shakes his head fiercely.]

Don't call yourself that! You are my brother. You're part of me.

Will you just stop it?

[Tommy spits those words out, angry and tired.]

Fuck, why can't you just get it through your head? You were the first person in my life that fucking wanted me for me. Do you... do you have any idea how much it hurts when you get bored or distracted or hurt and flounce off and forget I fucking exist? Can't you be fucking merciful for once and stop dangling this hope in front of me? Curse me, hate me, hit me. Be like everyone else. Because I'm strong. I've survived that shit. No one can break me, Billy. No one but you.

[Billy flinches back. The anger in those words makes him want to flee, but that would be the very thing he's trying to prove he won't do. He's never set out to hurt Tommy, but he knows he has.]

...I'm sorry. I am. I never wanted to hurt you- I- I'm just- we're just kids- I don't what the hell I'm doing, I'm just...I'm trying-

I don't want to break you.

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