revivalproject | Video Broadcast

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Video Broadcast - OTA (Post Storm)

[Hey guys, look who it is. The bright and cheerful and constantly snarky kid. Who is smiling wide, though it looks a bit strained. Good news, his arm has healed since getting back. Bad news, Tommy looks nervous and maybe a hint of stressed as the video starts. But hey, he's in the greenhouse, which is obvious from the greenery around him. And his communication device is propped up against something, because his hands are in the shot, working at the soil around a lush Cyanana plant, clearly working fertilizer into the soil with care.]

So, like... Just because we've got the ships and stuff doesn't mean it's not important for us to maintain the greenhouse, right? We were gone for a while and not all the places in here did well while we were gone. And then I was walking around and realized that we're sorta scattered, the people working here. So maybe people with the skill should, like, coordinate? Because fresh food on the ships is good too. We can preserve shit and put it on the ships for variation.

I also wanna do, like, hydroponics on some of the ships. So if we gets spaced again for a while, we can have fresh stuff.

Guess...

[He sighs and his hand cards through his hair. Which means some dirt is now there in the perfect white strands.]

Guess I mean I'm willing to help organize. Map out the greenhouse, help us figure out schedules and when to work on different plants and that shit. Or not. Someone else can take that charge. I don't much care. It just needs done. Might also need an engineer to help with the ship part. And maybe people to okay adding it to other ships and to take care of the plants.

Anyway uh...

[Let him be useful. He failed as a hero in the storm. Disappointment and frustration flash across his face in the video and then it's gone.]

Thoughts?

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I knew, I’ve always known, that I wasn’t wanted. An extra mouth to feed. An extra body to clothe, an unwanted result of lust from a set of parents that loved each other once. And they never loved me. I killed their happy lives. I’ve been a curse since day one.

[How could parents feel that way? If they didn't want him, why wouldn't they let him go to a family they did? Billy's mind tries to rationalize things that can't be rationalized, feeling rather sick, and face increasingly pale.]

[Tommy sighs and crosses his arms over his chest.]

Are you happy? TO hear how miserable I was? That was what Wanda chose for me after I died. Or that you chose. Someone chose it.

[Billy shakes his head, eyes stinging, and there's an added pang of hurt that grips his chest at the idea that he might have caused it. It's a thought his own mind's brought up before now, but to hear it echoed by Tommy makes it feel that much more real. ]

...I didn't want th- I wouldn't-

Your life is so golden and perfect. And mine is shit. Everything I touch turns to shit. That's why I shouldn't be around, Billy. Why I shouldn't be around now that you've got the guy that makes you happy.

[He's trash and Billy doesn't deserve that.]

It's not- I- ...You make me happy, Tommy.

[Right now's not a prime example, given it's said with tears in his eyes, but this is what he'd asked for.]

I'm sorry- I know it's not fair- I don't...I don't know why- I don't know if it's my fault- but- I never wanted that life for you-

It's what my life was, Billy. HOw the fuck am I supposed to believe people want me around? It's never been true before.

I want you.

[And he says it with such intent that his hands glow, lighting up the space, though no obvious effect seems to come from it.]

I chased after the hope of rescuing you for a year. I was ready to die to bring you back.

That isn't the timeline I've heard.

[He heard the Young Avengers were running away from Mother for MONTHS before David even caught up with them.]

You were in danger and you didn't tell me. You didn't ask for help. You... left me behind.

I-

[All right, that's true, but-]

I didn't want you to get hurt. I didn't plan for ANY of them to be involved.

[Kate. Noh-Varr. No of them.

Yeah. But the guy that could be there in the blink of an eye? Why cut him out if you supposedly want him around?

...Because I messed up. Again. I tried to fix things...to make Teddy happy, and I nearly destroyed the world and everyone I care about.

I got Cassie killed. And Jonas. And I swore I wasn't going to hurt anyone else and I DID.

Eli got Cassie killed. Iron Lad gets the blame for Jonas. And if you had faith in me, you would have wanted me there to help. So I get it. No one really wants me around except when they have a use for me. I respect that. I'm a fucking pain and trouble for people. I don't assume I'm anything else.

[Billy just proved things that he'd already known.]

But thanks for, you know, pretending. While we were here and Teddy wasn't. For pretending you wanted and needed me.

It was my fault we were even there.

And I wanted you safe. I thought you were as far away from being caught up in my mess as possible. That's why I didn't call you. Because I didn't want to lose you too.

[Those tears finally spill over his cheeks, and there's a frustrated crackle of electricity at his fingertips.]

I wasn't pretending.

You'd be happier and better off if you did. If you were like them. I bring people nothing but misery. I'm a fucking drain on resources.

[More words that have been thrown at him over the years. You opened the door, Billy. You get to face the rage.]

That's not true.

[It's not often that Billy raises his voice like this. He's very avoidant of conflict generally, but he can't seem to help it right now, mirroring his brother's emotions.]

Just let yourself be happy for once, Tommy. Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and enjoy the time we've got.

[The other shoe always drops. It's always on the floor before the first shoe. Shoes are on the floor and perfect for tripping over and that is just how life is.]

If you don't get attached to people, then it doesn't hurt when they leave.

[And there it is. The crux of years of experience. That people always leave.]

Sometimes you have to take that risk or you're just...alone. You're spiting yourself. Robbing yourself because of something that might not even happen.

I'm not going to leave you.

I took the risk. And you all left.

[The Young Avengers was his own opening himself back up chance. Them and Wanda. And guess what. All of them had disappeared on him. Had fallen through. So explain to him how he was spiting himself. Seemed like history just liked proving him right.]

That's not-

[Billy stops himself, swallowing down his argument to try and see things from Tommy's point of view.]

...I didn't mean to-

[But to a kid who was always abandoned, always left behind, always told he wasn't worth bothering or attention or any of that, that was exactly what the team had done. Billy had withdrawn into himself. Teddy had chased after Billy. Eli had run away across the country. Kate had gone back to her family and didn't answer his calls. Tommy, who had no one and no where to go, he'd gotten left behind again. Like he always did. Was reminded that he didn't fit, he didn't belong. That there was no where and no one for him. But he'd tried, he'd tried so hard to be there for Billy. And it wasn't enough. So he'd done the same thing everyone else had always done to him. He'd left.]

You decided that the people that were gone were more important than the people that were there.

[Which wasn't fair. At all. But Billy had to understand it from Tommy's point of view. They were his chance, and they'd just proved his point. Had been like everyone else. And after there wasn't a team that needed Speed, well, there wasn't anyone that needed Tommy. And here, well, Billy didn't need Speed anymore, to be his strength and support. He had Teddy. Better to cut and run before Billy made the choice to leave him again.]

But it doesn't matter. Because right now you've got Teddy. And Teddy's where it's always at for you. So you don't need me around to do shit for you anymore. Better to get out of your hair before you make the decision for yourself and feel bad for making the same choice that everyone always makes.

[Those words echo far too close to the same sorts of thoughts that run through Billy's head at his lowest points, easily accepted by the anxious parts of his mind, and his features twist with guilt. He knows that depressive episode was beyond his control, but he's far too prepared to accept the blame.]

...I didn't m-

[He cuts himself off, struggling to find his voice.]

Stop it.

[Blame yourself or blame the world around you, Billy. Don't be like Tommy and opt for both. There's not happiness there.]

Stop what?

Stop acting like I can only care about you OR Teddy. That's not how it works.

Pretty sure caring about me isn't how anything works. So it's not an Or. It's a universal given.

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