revivalproject | 02 Network; Voice

It's not the same. I'm used to being in charge and running a military. There's so much going back home that needs to be dealt with and a new leader to contend with.

I imagine something terrible? If that's what's been keeping you up at night?

[Hux quietly asked. He stopped discussing his own problems when he realized Altair was attempting to share his.]

[He manages a weary smile. Hux is a leader, like he is. Of course this isn't the same, for either of them. It's not what they're cut out to do.

Not what they're meant to do.

But that's true for everyone, not just them. Everyone here has been pulled from pressing business, from their lives. Still, it's been a while since adjusting to something unexpected was this difficult. Perhaps because of how long its been. Life was random before. But even then he'd been jumping from one adventure to the next, never stopping and always moving forward.] It's difficult to put into words. Maybe I just don't want to.

[Maybe he doesn't want to be a burden, either.]

I think having so much time to think is bad for me.

I know the feeling. It's why I distract myself with projects upon projects. But maybe forming what's bothering you into words might help. You don't have to do it now. Only when you feel you're ready to. I get that in this case, avoiding it seemed to be causing you more pain instead of confronting it.

[He moved to place a comforting hand on Altair's shoulder. It's as close as he gets to offering a hug.]

[There's a slight flinch when Hux's hand came to lay on his shoulder- he hadn't expected it. But... It's comforting. He reaches up to place his own hand over Hux's, giving it a light squeeze.]

Thank you. [He releases his hand again.]

It is a harrowing tale, though. And my fault. Is it really a burden that can be shared, or do I deserve to suffer is the real question.

[Hux tensed a little at the light squeeze, but didn't remove his hand till he released it. It was rare for Hux to offer such signs of affection and hard for him to accept it in return.]

How was it your fault? [He titled his head in confusion.]

Altair, I helped make a weapon that could destroy an entire system. I even used it. I had it destroy an entire system that supported my enemy. I had been naive to think that demonstration would bring people to my feet and stop a war from starting. Only it started the war I was hoping to not have.

Not only did I kill many innocent lives....my own men had been killed in the process. My enemy destroyed the weapon and took the whole planet with it. I have nothing to show for the waste of lives caused by my command.

I see.

[It's a bit of a shock, or perhaps, not much of one at all.

After all, even in his own time, there had been an arms race, weapons had been built, people had died. It was something he'd been trying to put an end to- wanting strong rational leadership for the Empire, rather than waging endless war.] It's difficult to wrap my head around the scale of it, but I can't understand your circumstances, and thus I cannot judge you for them, either.

[He does appreciate that he's willing to share it with him though. That can't have been easy.]

In my time- I-

[Sigh.] Our Emperor. Vitiate. We thought him dead, but the truth was he was only dormant on Yavin 4. A man called Revan tried to bring his spirit back into a physical body to destroy him once and for all... It didn't work.

[Of course it didn't. It's a memory that is further away, but no less prominent in his mind.]

The Emperor's spirit fed off the battle on Yavin 4, and fled. He reappeared again on an Imperial planet. Ziost. The gateway to the Sith Empire, in my time. It was chaos. He was possessing anyone and everyone, slaughtering civilians in the streets.

[His voice falters.] We... I... It was a losing battle. How do you fight a parasite like that. How do you fight something that grows stronger with every life snuffed out?

[He falls quiet.] Those were my people he was slaughtering. Mine to lead, to protect. I was angry. Enraged. I pushed him, taunted him, to turn his focus on me. Seemed like a good idea at the time. We thought we could outsmart him. And his actions are my responsibility.

[...] He consumed Ziost. I was on the orbital station above it, when it happened. He consumed every living thing there, and I watched- felt- everything. The people, the planet. Dead.

[Another sigh. He feels almost sick.] Then I was here. On a dying world. To rebuild. When my own Empire needs me the most.

[Hux frowned, more so in confusion. He would never understand how the Force worked or be able to experience how it felt. And it seemed the Force could do so many things. He could understand to a degree how much death that Altair had experienced/felt. What it was like to watch all those people die, people that were his to command.

He closed his own eyes as he could feel the ground shake beneath him, feel the cold snow and wind blowing around him while the planet caved around around. His own heart beating as he tried to retrieve the Supreme Leader's Apprentice. While his own men were trying to escape or unsure if they were supposed to stay or not. It still haunted him night and day.

He opened his eyes once more when he was able to articulate what he wanted to say.]

It sounds as if you had been stuck in a situation that you were trying to fix. But it was something that was out of your hand instead. Yet you tried. The fact that you tried to stop this from happening says more. When you could have not jumped in and tried to fix it and ignore it.

Of course I tried. They were my people. And Vitiate was- is- a risk to all living beings. Not just the Empire. Not just the Republic.

[He needs to be dealt with.

Maybe if they ever get home. Definitely if they ever get home. Altair will kill him. He has to.] When I return home, I'm going to find him and tear his screaming spirit from whatever body it has fled to, and I'm going to watch it burn.

[There's such a dark, hateful tone to his voice as he speaks. Nothing like the generally polite and even-tempered person he normally is.] I'll laugh, too.

[He shakes his head then, calming down a little.] Thank you. You didn't have to share your own experiences, but you did. Allowing me to share mine.

I hope you'll be able to achieve your goal. He sounds like someone that needs to be put down.

I know mine wasn't quite the scale as yours, but I had hoped at least it was something you were able to connect with and understand that you are not alone in such situations. I just wanted you to find a way to help ease the pain and gain some peace with it. Know that I won't judge you for your crimes or your thoughts.

[Hux got up to go to another corner of his room and pulled out some material he had stored away. He then brought it over to hand it to Altair.]

I found this in my exploration of gaining supplies and thought you could use it.

I hope so too.

[He's touched, really. That Hux would do this for him. Share something so personal, to ease his pain. His admiration for the other man only grows deeper.

As he's handed the fabric, he blinks- though that's hidden by the veil.] If I knew we were exchanging gifts, I would have brought you something special, too.

[He's teasing, just a little.

He hesitates, then reaches up- pulling his veil off, to get a better look at what he's been given. He can do something with this, definitely.

Lifting his gaze to look up at Hux, he offers a small smile.] I appreciate it.

[...] I'd appreciate it if you keep my species secret, by the way. I trust you to do so.

[The action caught Hux by surprise. He hadn't expected Altair to remove the veil at all. He had merely assumed there was a purpose behind it. But now he understood more to while the veil was necessary.

He blinked and his own breath hitched a bit as he realized that the other was not a Pantoran, but a Chiss. Much like Grand Admiral Thrawn who was also around. He bowed his head briefly before looking back up at Altair. He reached over to wrap his gloved hand around Altair's free hand.]

I'm honored that you feel I'm safe to reveal your identity to me. Know that I will never reveal to others.

It's... Probably an unnecessary secret for me to keep.

[He puts his veil down, shrugs his shoulder slightly.] But my situation feels shakier here. At home I have my being Sith to hide behind. Here I'm only me. There's another one around, too. Like me. The same species, I mean.

[Chances are, Hux has met him. Thus why he asked him to keep his secret.] I don't know how he would react, if he knew. You're the first person I've looked at, since arriving.

[Fear is, of course, useful. But living in constant dread? Not so much. There's a point where fear stops being a motivator, too. And it just becomes a new normal. Once it gets to that point, it's not really a driving force any more.]

I know you won't. You're not the type to go telling other people's secrets.

[He knows him well enough to know that.]

Edited 2019-12-22 02:06 (UTC)

[Hux found himself blushing a bit and tried to duck his head to hide the fact. He wasn't sure how to handle the knowledge that he was the first one Altair had physically seen since his arrival here.]

I can understand that. It's hard when you loose the one thing you identify yourself with. Feel free to not have to worry about using the veil here if you are comfortable to do so. Not many come here. Just the few that help operate it. Nor have I seen Grand Admiral Thrawn around this area.

It's not so much that I've lost my identity. I still identify as Sith- it's... Not something you go losing, so easily. It's just the security behind it. Generally I think it would be a bad idea for a Chiss back home to go stabbing a Dark Councillor in the back, you know?

[He smiles a little.] Don't want to cause a political incident between the Sith Empire and Chiss Ascendancy.

[He shakes his head.] Here I don't have that.

[And he can't sense the intentions of a Chiss, even if he is one. It's... Difficult. Probably needs some explaining, but that can wait. Instead he just smiles at that slight flush he can see and leans forward just a little.]

You know, I'm trying to decide if you look as dignified and handsome as I imagined, or if you look even more so.

[He's teasing him, just a little. Now that the worst of his fear is gone, and the matter of Ziost has been... At least admitted to. His mood is taking a turn for something more positive. At least for the moment.]

Why should it matter what he thinks? If Dameron and I have to get along, then the Grand Admiral should make an effort to deal with you. He seems the type to understand that.

[Hux inwardly cursed for his inability to control his blushing as he felt his cheeks heat up more. He knew his whole face had to be a faint pink. He wasn't used to people seeing him or finding him physically attractive. Most were afraid to go near him. If people did try to make a bold statements it was usually in hope to gain favors and never really interested in him.

While his one hand had still been wrapped around Altair's hand, he used his other to place it alongside Altair's cheek.]

As long as you know I'm not always such a nice person. I save that side for those I only care about.

It's... A long story. Not something I wish to talk about. Not now, at any rate.

[It's sort of cute- that he's blushing. Hux didn't really strike him as the type. Over the time they've been getting to know each other, he's come to respect him. An awkward first meeting turning to something else, as relationships regardless of their nature, tend to. Ever moving forward. Ever evolving.]

Is that not all the sweeter, then?

[He finds that he likes Hux's hand resting at his cheek. It's... Nice.

His smile turns from teasing to fond.] Besides, I am Sith. Do you think I am a nice person all the time? Would you judge me for it if you found that there are different facets to personality than the one you are seeing now?

The world is not black and white- there are many shades, and many contradictions. The same is true for people, I find.

No, I'm fully aware that we all have various shades. I trust in your instinct to handle things. The only time I would ever interrupt if I feel it's not necessary at the time to do so. Even then I imagine it would be rare for me to do so. You have more control then my idiot Sith back home.

Just know...that I don't know a lot outside the military world. I've only ever known the First Order.

[He rested his forehead against Altair's briefly before pulling away all together. His own hand trembled slightly with in the confusion he was feeling.]

[The affection is nice. But he doesn't push, doesn't chase. Things like these take time. And here, they have little else.

Whatever Hux decides, allies, friends, or something else in the future, Altair is happy to have him in his corner.]

And I know little beyond slavery and being Sith. If you can be patient with me, I can certainly be patient with you.

[They'll have time to find something else to themselves here, he thinks. Home is home, their past is their past. But for better or worse, they have more than enough time for discovering new parts of themselves here.]

I would like that. I believe we can work things out. You might have to be more forward at times though as you were earlier. I don't always pick up cues very well.

[He gave a weak smile as he fidgeted with the cuff of his sleeve.]

I think I can manage that.

[For all his ability to be subtle, for all his abilities to be a politician, to wrap words up in so many niceties that the meaning of his sentences are lost, he can be quite forward when he wants to. He's quiet, introverted, he certainly can be shy, but a life full of stumbling from one death trap to the next? It's taught him to be open about these kinds of things. In his own manner- not openly, obnoxiously, but.

Forward, but not pushy. Had Hux told him that they would never be more than friends, he would have relented. Because he's more interested in just having Hux in his life here and no one likes to be nagged. Especially not when it comes to matters of the heart.

So while he responded verbally, he still makes no move to chase or touch- respecting that Hux likely doesn't want that right now. However endearing the fidgeting is.]

... Would you prefer I go for now? Or may I still stay?

[Honestly he'd like to maybe get some sleep here- near Hux, where he can feel that carefully guarded but familiar mind. But as with the touching, as with everything, Hux's choice, his decision, is one Altair will respect.]

...Please stay. I welcome your company.

[Hux answered, blushing slightly.]

Just as long as you're okay with Milli sharing the bed.

[That was his attempt at teasing, but yes Milli did share the bed and took up a lot of the space for a small cat.]

[Altair doesn't really need the Force, to tell him that Hux isn't used to this sort of thing. Perhaps it's just a thing, for both Sith and for people from a militaristic background. Emotions, especially ones like these, are best buried, ignored, pushed aside.

Not too long ago, Altair wouldn't have been nearly as forward, either.

He's glad he is now.

He smiles at the comment about Milli- why is he not surprised?] I'm okay with that. She's a very pleasant creature to sense through the Force.

[That should help with his sleep too.]

[Hux allowed for a rare smile to show.]

I should fix the bed a bit...It's really just two mattresses I pulled from the hotel and various blankets I could find. I don't really sleep a lot. So, don't be alarmed if you see me working in the middle of the night...or early morning...

I won't be. Back home I was much the same- up at all hours to catch up on work, in between... Everything else.

[The life of a Dark Councillor is a busy one. Especially with the many things that had just kept happening. Going from one crisis to the next. Not that he minded having such a busy life. He liked having a purpose.]

You don't need to worry about waking me either, should I manage to fall asleep. My companions back home are not the quiet sort, so I got used to sleeping through just about everything. Even the yammering of my neurotic protocol droid.

Well, I just have the mouse droid and Millicent no protocol droids here.

[He playfully teased as he set to work adjusting the bed to accommodate them. Millicent was not happy with being interrupted from her nest she had already made. With annoyed huff she stalked over and curled up in Altair's lap instead.]

Unfortunately for me I am a light sleeper so everything will wake me up. Unless I take a sleeping aide. However, once I get used to various noises and movements it doesn't bother me as much and won't wake me up so easily.

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