video | open

[threesecrets]

[This post probably comes after a very tense reunion, but the surly mood isn't actually from the fallout.]

I guess I'm back now, since that's a fucking thing that happens here. I thought more time would have passed here, but apparently I didn't even miss Christmas. The Agrii strike me as more into Mummers than Caroling, though.

[You're forgiven if you don't place him at first. His hair is buzzed close to his skull, and all that softness has been hollowed out. Everything about him is a warning, like bright stripes on a snake. He wears a worn-in leather jacket, with a fleur-de-lis or maybe just talons crawling up against his neck above his collar. He has more muscle on him now than he did before, a couple inches in height though that's hard to tell by video. The blue eyes are the only thing that's the same, but they sit differently in his face-- sharp and cold, piercing like a winter storm.

There is a juvenile raven that is not appearing in this video, as Ronan doesn't want her to hear his bad language. But Chainsaw is bright-eyed and inquisitive, and doesn't seem to approve of her exclusion. Namely, she's resorted to crying kerah in her rather un-melodic raven's voice, rather like a child demanding their parents' attention.]

But, whatever. I am going to deal with this bullshit by choosing to go get shitfaced. As they say: optimum est pati quod emendare non possis.

[Which means "it is best to endure what you can't change", for everyone with helpful translations to Ronan's intentionally opaque Latin quotations.]

And if any of you assholes want to join me-- Well, invitation's open, but no nerds allowed. Maybe we can set shit on fire and call it a party.

[He grins before ending the feed, but it's a flash of teeth and it feels almost more like a threat -- but then everything about Ronan seems like that now. He can indeed be found at the bar, or around Temba with either a dreamt bottle of whiskey or just bad ideas, depending on when you catch him.]

Comments

Text

[doubled_speed]

Well look who grew up and got all 'hate the world'. Mood.

I'll have to tell B the bad news that he's not invited to drink. Met you there? No fire though. Man, don't even fucking risk our supplies when winter is here.

[threesecrets]

yeah shit sucks.

I can put up with a nerd as long as theyre not gonna lecture anyone
so bring B if you wanna

and cmon im not that stupid
i was thinking more bonfires
or targets safely away from buildings and/or structures

[doubled_speed]

Man, Billy can lecture, but I'll tell him not to if you need.

Hmmm, yeah, we can probably figure that out. Let's see if we can get something arranged.

[threesecrets]

yeah i'm trying to stay lecture-free until at least tomorrow.
drinking aside, I'll try not to do anything lecture-worthy tho.


K used to throw these parties back home
always some sort of fire
but we did it out at the fairgrounds
no risk of accidentally setting someones fucking house on fire or anything

[doubled_speed]

Fair enough shit there, man. But drinking ain’t gotta mean a lecture.

I prefer explosions to fire at my parties. Then again, explosions are what I do.

For Kavinsky;

[threesecrets]

[Ronan's just gone, no explanation.

Three days and most of a forth, and then there's his shadow silhouetted in the doorway.

But it's Ronan, not the soft boy that smiled like sunlight just at the sight of Kavinsky's face. It's Ronan who looks him over with a tight jaw and scrubs a hand against his buzzed haircut and looks at him with a complicated mix of anger and shame and uncertainty. He looks like he might bolt at first, just leave the other boy alone in the theater, and wouldn't that be fitting?

But he curses under his breath and something in his face resolves and he stays, straightening his shoulders.]

Kavinsky?

[He doesn't call him Josey. But there's a strange look to his face, to the way that his lips thin. Because he knows that it exists. It had been easy to shove it away, to not think about it. Just a dream- but when was anything that easy for dreamers? It makes all his already complicated feelings from the dream field that much worse.]

Fuck.

[burnyoudown]

[He didn't know what he was expecting when Ronan disappeared (did a wild animal eat him? Was he dead somewhere? Was he suffering, was he fine?) but he sure felt something when he showed back up. The specifics were a little harder to pin down and Kavinsky's expression was hard to read as he looked Ronan over, slowly standing from where he'd been sitting.

The worst part was not knowing what Ronan knew. He'd clearly been through something. He was older than before, like the boy Kavinsky had expected when he'd first gotten here. But what did it mean? What did he know? Was everything ruined now?]

Is this the part where you hate me?

[He asked it casually enough, like the answer could roll right off his back if it was 'yes' but he was anything but casual. Why wouldn't Ronan hate him, though? Everyone else did. And to be fair, Kavinsky had kidnapped his brother. He could admit now, after everything was said and done, that that hadn't been his finest moment.]

[threesecrets]

[Kavinsky asks if he hates him and there's a brief moment where Ronan looks a little bit confused, maybe a little bit pained at the idea if Kavinsky's quick enough to catch it in his eyes.]

I don't hate you, man. I just- I needed space to figure that shit out.

[He doesn't know how to explain it. How it had been so easy before, but now everything was hard, and the idea of wanting Kavinsky was still too much to handle. But he at least steps in out of the doorway, shrugging his shoulders as he kicks his boots against the floor with a sigh, stuffing his hands into his jeans. He doesn't say I was an asshole, but they both know it so it feels kind of redundant, although for Ronan it's a truth only just starting to sink in.]

It doesn't change anything. We'll go back to racing and you'll keep talking shit about Gansey and I'll wanna punch you in the mouth, but still show up to your stupid parties.

[He shrugs his shoulders, but it feels-- knowing what he knows, about Kavinsky and the boy that Ronan had been two years ago. About what they could be, about what K wanted them to be, trying to claim that nothing changed felt impossible even to his own ears. His frame vibrates with it, and he turns like he might leave, but instead just slams his shoulder into the wall, slumps against it and lets his head bump back against it. Fuck this.]

Do you hate that it's me? And not--

[The words cut off and he makes an agitated sound, a vague gesture towards Kavinsky, towards the space next to him. The space in the air that he'd be occupying if he was still that sixteen year old with bright blue eyes. Similar to Kavinsky, he asks the question like it's academic, like it's casual and the answer doesn't really matter no matter which way he answers.]

--like before.

[burnyoudown]

[Kavinsky could point out all the things he'd done, all the reasons Ronan had to hate him, but he didn't want to actually make him hate him. Maybe he didn't know some of those things yet. He definitely didn't seem to be on the same page with Kavinsky being dead.]

It's not like it's the first time you ghosted me.

[He wasn't really offended about that part. He'd just--he'd worried Ronan might have died or something. He wasn't allowed to go and do that. It was strictly forbidden; Kavinsky was the only one allowed to be stupid and get himself killed.]

Did you ever think I talk shit about Dick because he has everything I want?

[He had Ronan. And Kavinsky didn't handle jealousy healthily. In fact, he did pretty much nothing in life in a healthy way.

He half-laughed though when Ronan asked if he hated that it was him and not the way he used to be.]

You were cute, but I'll l-- I'll want you no matter what you're like.

[The truth was, he could never hate Ronan, not even if he'd used Kavinsky and then tossed him aside, and the rejection had led to everything going up in flames.]

What's the last thing you remember?

[He had to know; not knowing was eating him up inside, wondering if he should be walking on eggshells or just saying fuck it and throwing caution to the wind.]

[threesecrets]

What could you want that he has? C'mon, he thinks purple polo shirts are fucking cool. He's a cleverly disguised loser.

[There's clear affection in how he says it, though. Friendship, fondness, devotion. Ronan's honestly more oblivious than Kavinsky deserves to put up with. But there is a limit to it, at least here. The things he remembers about Kavinsky and the younger, softer, version of himself.. it makes it so he can't help but put the pieces together, frustrating as that is. He bumps his head against the wall with a sigh and a scowl, scratching fingers against his scalp.]

We're not-- Gansey and I were never like that. That's not why I left.

[Not that he really knows how to explain why he did leave. He doesn't know if he could even explain it to himself, let alone outloud, as something he could tell Kavinsky. It makes the tension in his shoulders sharper, almost a snarl in his throat. But there's something that relaxes in him tentatively when Kavinsky says that he wants him no matter what he's like. Not that he's entirely processed that he wanted Kavinsky's attention exactly, but it was bad enough knowing there was one person that wanted him to be someone he no longer knew how to be.

He didn't know if he could stand it if Kavinsky felt like that too.]

It's why he puts up with me, you know. Gansey's still- looking for that kid I used to be.

[Ronan knew that put up with was unfair even as he said it, but he wasn't exactly feeling charitable at the moment. Certainly not to himself. And he knew it was why Gansey put up with Ronan at his worst: driving home drunk, passed out in a church pew, his own blood in a puddle on the floor, impulsive tattoos, racing with Kavinsky. He'd never say why can't you be like you used to? to his face, but that didn't mean that Ronan couldn't hear it in every lecture.]

You had just texted me about how you didn't leave me a car so I could go down on Gansey.

[Speaking of Kavinsky and his jealousy. Ronan can't help rolling his eyes in frustration. There's an exhale of a bitter sort of almost-laughter, agitation that builds in his hands and he balls them into fists. He wants to fight Kavinsky, or maybe just himself, but he wont when the other boy still has a fucking cast.

Because unlike before, neither of them are good at having restraint.]

text;

[kyley_b]

no nerds, huh? dick.

try not to burn down the whole fucking city and don't let tommy do anything outlandishly stupid.

text;

[threesecrets]

hey some of my best friends are nerds ok

so i guess i could make an exception
i mean
youre not going to lecture anyone about drinking right?

i am still a dick tho

Re: text;

[kyley_b]

uh huh.

no i won't.
unless you're like 15.

that's ok, some of my best friends are dicks.

[threesecrets]

my best friend gansey is the kid that stays after class to talk to teachers
drives a 72 camaro and wont go over the speed limit
its a tragedy.

17. or maybe 18?

oh cmon man thats too easy

[text]

[in_extremis]

In certain rooms, that saying goes a little different. Less patio and more accipio. Subtle, but effective.

[text]

[threesecrets]

I guess not everyone's a heathen.
My prep school's motto is actually dolor hic tibi proderit olim if you wanna get accipio about it.

["Someday this pain will be useful to you". A bit on the nose for a highschool, wasn't it?]

So how good's your Latin? My lines are wasted on this crowd.

[in_extremis]

It looks like you and I took to prep school very differently. At least they were feeding you. You must have a few pounds on me now, like you needed them.

I only learned enough of the Latin to pick up chicks, though. And give really big explosions appropriately poetic titles. The explosions work better than the Latin.

[threesecrets]

Yeah, wasn't quite done with my growth spurt, I guess. Also used to go to this place Nino's that did decent deep dish, then burn it off after.

[Either via tennis or fighting someone in the parking lot.]

Did that work? Latin never struck me as exactly a chick-magnet. But I went to an all-boys school, so not like it was rich testing grounds. But I do support giving big explosions poetic titles.

You met Kavinsky yet? Cause he also has a fondness for really big explosions. Back in Henrietta he'd literally handle the celebration for the 4th. I sorta owe him something that explodes, actually. But I haven't worked out something cool enough yet.

Bar

[deal_me_in]

[Cayde's casually polishing a few glasses, but given his following words he's seen the announcement.]

If you wanna go set stuff on fire that's your business, just don't touch the imports because those are obviously limited stock.

-also, if you damage my bar then I will have to throw you in the lake.

[threesecrets]

C'mon. I like this place, I wouldn't set it on fire.

[He looks almost a little bit wounded at the suggestion, but he takes a seat at the bar.]

Back home Kavinsky used to throw these parties out at what used to be the fairgrounds. Bonfires, and people would set shit on fire. But the worst thing that ever got sent up was a wrecked car. [Even just mentioning the Mitsubishi in passing still wounds him a little, even remembering all the copies of its majesty. He still remembers the molotov and the feeling of his pounding heart.]

Place was all gavel and grass, nothing that would catch. [He grins a little bit impish and lopsided.] Biggest threat was that some drunk idiot might fall in. So I promise, your bar is safe. But if I set my dumb ass on fire, then you can throw me in the lake.

[deal_me_in]

[The Exo flashes a brief grin back at him.]

Didn't think you would, just making sure. Definitely sounds like a party though. Who doesn't like throwing around a little fire?

If I ever have to throw you in the lake I'll at least be sure to bring a towel.

voice;

[demjiin]

It might not be a good idea to get hammered when you have only been in Temba for a few minutes.

[ It's that distinctive whiskey-and-broken-glass voice that belongs to only Kaz. ]

voice;

[threesecrets]

I figure it's the perfect time- before any weird shit happens. Also helps with the reacclimation.

[Kaz might have a point, but also Ronan isn't precisely good at listening to good advice- just ask Gansey.]

How's the arm?

[demjiin]

It works.

[ Don't be fooled, though. Kaz may not have a vendetta about it, but he's not going to forget it anytime soon. ]

Since when are you a badass?

[threesecrets]

Glad to hear it.

[Ronan at least doesn't seem to take pleasure in all that happened, but his feelings about Kavinsky are a lot more complicated than they'd been when it happened. And he doesn't have that drive that had been pushing them both at the time.]

I found a dead body. Makes the idea that the world is nice and happy feel like bullshit I can't be bothered to play along with.

[His tone is flippant, but clearly it wasn't that simple. It's also more complicated than he says, but while Ronan doesn't lie, he'd adept at hiding the right pieces.]