network; video

[kyley_b]

((Post event. CW: discussions of violence, body horror, injury and loss of limb in comments.))


[The feed shows a skinny redhead who is somehow even paler than usual - his skin is parchment white, with deep dark pouches under his eyes. His curls are matted.

Yeah, he looks like shit.]

Uhm. Hi. Hi, uh. It's Kyle. Uhm.

I. Uh. Is. Is everybody okay? I hope you're all okay. Uhm. I'm...

[His face crumples.] I'm not. I'm not okay, I'm SO not okay.

Comments

[kyley_b]

It got cut off.

Try not to freak, okay? [Slowly, he draws out his left arm. Sure enough, there's a freshly bandaged stump at the end. He takes a deep, shaky breath.]

Yeah. Uhm. ...I'm not gonna cry. I'm not. But I'm not really okay with this development.

[doubled_speed]

Got-

[How is he supposed to not freak?! He's there and it looks like he wants to touch but he doesn't dare. And he's crying. Fuck you if you call him on it.]

I'm not fucking okay with it either. Hold on.

[He's got to find help.]

Is it still bleeding? I can try and find one of the medics.

[kyley_b]

No, no. I. Uh. I cauterized it. I remember doing it, I found this like... man, this place was trashed, I can't even begin to describe it. But there were fires so I just found some metal and... yeah. Probably not the BEST choice, but I was pretty fucked up.

Cayde brought some stuff. It's... probably gonna be okay? It looks infected maybe. But it's not too far gone.

[His voice cracks and he stops talking. He's NOT going to cry.]

[doubled_speed]

[At last he moves and embraces Kyle, holding him tightly. Please just let him just hold Kyle.]

We should still get a doctor or someone to look at it. And... And when it's healed, we'll... Maybe Billy can magic up something for it. Or Tony can make you something. You're, you don't have to be like this.

[kyley_b]

Yeah. Yeah, we should. We will.

[He hugs back, a little awkwardly because of the missing hand. He's still trying not to cry.]

[doubled_speed]

[Well then one of them isn't crying. But Tommy? He is. He hadn't been here. He protected no one and nothing. He was the worst hero.]

I should have been here to help you.

[kyley_b]

You couldn't have done anything. I'd only have tried to hurt you, too. As bad as this is, I'm glad you didn't see me like that.

[doubled_speed]

[He doesn't know. He doesn't care. He just wants to embrace his lover. All he wants is for Kyle to be okay.]

You... want me to ask them? Right now. I could ask them.

[kyley_b]

Can we just sit? I can move to the bed. You can come with me.

[He takes another slow breath.]

I'm very concerned. I could use just sitting with you.

[doubled_speed]

[Yes they can move. Tommy releases Kyle and shoves his hands in his pockets to keep himself from touching.]

We're both concerned right now, but yeah, yours is definitely higher. Just... Whatever you want.

[kyley_b]

[Kyle gets up and wobbles to his little bedroom, still in his blanket. He sits on the bed and moves so Tommy can join him.]

Are you mad at me?

[doubled_speed]

Mad at you?

[He gets it he supposes. He's been so angry. But right now Tommy gets why. Fact was he wasn't handling this well. And truth was he would have panicked worse if he saw it. Even now he doesn't know what to do.]

No. I hate myself for not being here. Like I told Shiro, I'm a hero. I'm supposed to be here to help people.

[kyley_b]

Yeah.

[Kyle actually smiles.] You're still my hero, dude. You couldn't have gotten to us and that's not your fault.

Please don't hate yourself.

[doubled_speed]

[Not fast enough. That's what's looping in his head. Not fast enough, not smart enough, not good enough. Tommy was no stranger to self-loathing. It actually seemed to be one of the things he and Billy shared in equal measures, though they addressed it differently.]

Just-

[Yeah, his voice broke. Don't judge him.]

Just tell me what I can do.

[kyley_b]

You can stop thinking about how you fucked up, because I WILL kick your ass, Tommy. I still have both legs.

[doubled_speed]

[Well that's a good point and Tommy didn't... he didn't want to say he was still thinking it.]

Dude, if you can kick my ass, I deserve it. Guess I shouldn't fuss over you, but it also feels wrong to NOT fuss.

[kyley_b]

I know that face you're making, it's the "I failed at hero-ing" face and I remember it from the Billyverse. And it's not the time for it, Tommy.

You can fuss. By all means, fuss. I'm barely keeping it together because right now I'm worried about YOUR reactions.

[doubled_speed]

Stupid fucking Billyverse.

[He's absolutely getting called out and he really doesn't know what to do.]

If you want, I can just give you space. Because I don't know how not to fret over my boyfriend getting his hand cut off.

[kyley_b]

You can fret over me. I don't mind that. But I'll be SUPER pissed if your focus is about how you think you fucked up. This isn't about you.

Pay attention to ME, that's fine, I'm fucking... not okay.

[doubled_speed]

[No it's not about him. But that doesn't change the guilt. He does, though, force it down. He doesn't need emotions right now anyway. He just needs to be here for Kyle.]

What can I do for you, seriously? Hugs or food or whatever you want. Please, let me help you. However I can.

[kyley_b]

I'd really like a hug.

[His voice cracks again and he goes to swipe at his eyes before he remembers he can only use one hand.]

[doubled_speed]

[Well he can help with both of those. He reaches up to wipe the tears away gently, then wraps Kyle in his arms.]

I'm here babe. Until you fucking kick me out.

[kyley_b]

I won't kick you out. [He curls into Tommy, careful of his stump.]

I keep thinking this isn't really happening.

[doubled_speed]

[Tommy's trying hard not to look at the stump. He can't make that better.]

I'm sorry it's happening. But I promise to be here and help you all I can. I could be here if you want.

[kyley_b]

I guess I should be happy it's not my dominant hand. [He stops talking, lips pressed together, and he presses his face into Tommy's shoulder.]

Sorry.

You mean stay here with me?