network; video

[kyley_b]

((Post event. CW: discussions of violence, body horror, injury and loss of limb in comments.))


[The feed shows a skinny redhead who is somehow even paler than usual - his skin is parchment white, with deep dark pouches under his eyes. His curls are matted.

Yeah, he looks like shit.]

Uhm. Hi. Hi, uh. It's Kyle. Uhm.

I. Uh. Is. Is everybody okay? I hope you're all okay. Uhm. I'm...

[His face crumples.] I'm not. I'm not okay, I'm SO not okay.

Comments

[doubled_speed]

[Yes they can move. Tommy releases Kyle and shoves his hands in his pockets to keep himself from touching.]

We're both concerned right now, but yeah, yours is definitely higher. Just... Whatever you want.

[kyley_b]

[Kyle gets up and wobbles to his little bedroom, still in his blanket. He sits on the bed and moves so Tommy can join him.]

Are you mad at me?

[doubled_speed]

Mad at you?

[He gets it he supposes. He's been so angry. But right now Tommy gets why. Fact was he wasn't handling this well. And truth was he would have panicked worse if he saw it. Even now he doesn't know what to do.]

No. I hate myself for not being here. Like I told Shiro, I'm a hero. I'm supposed to be here to help people.

[kyley_b]

Yeah.

[Kyle actually smiles.] You're still my hero, dude. You couldn't have gotten to us and that's not your fault.

Please don't hate yourself.

[doubled_speed]

[Not fast enough. That's what's looping in his head. Not fast enough, not smart enough, not good enough. Tommy was no stranger to self-loathing. It actually seemed to be one of the things he and Billy shared in equal measures, though they addressed it differently.]

Just-

[Yeah, his voice broke. Don't judge him.]

Just tell me what I can do.

[kyley_b]

You can stop thinking about how you fucked up, because I WILL kick your ass, Tommy. I still have both legs.

[doubled_speed]

[Well that's a good point and Tommy didn't... he didn't want to say he was still thinking it.]

Dude, if you can kick my ass, I deserve it. Guess I shouldn't fuss over you, but it also feels wrong to NOT fuss.

[kyley_b]

I know that face you're making, it's the "I failed at hero-ing" face and I remember it from the Billyverse. And it's not the time for it, Tommy.

You can fuss. By all means, fuss. I'm barely keeping it together because right now I'm worried about YOUR reactions.

[doubled_speed]

Stupid fucking Billyverse.

[He's absolutely getting called out and he really doesn't know what to do.]

If you want, I can just give you space. Because I don't know how not to fret over my boyfriend getting his hand cut off.

[kyley_b]

You can fret over me. I don't mind that. But I'll be SUPER pissed if your focus is about how you think you fucked up. This isn't about you.

Pay attention to ME, that's fine, I'm fucking... not okay.

[doubled_speed]

[No it's not about him. But that doesn't change the guilt. He does, though, force it down. He doesn't need emotions right now anyway. He just needs to be here for Kyle.]

What can I do for you, seriously? Hugs or food or whatever you want. Please, let me help you. However I can.

[kyley_b]

I'd really like a hug.

[His voice cracks again and he goes to swipe at his eyes before he remembers he can only use one hand.]

[doubled_speed]

[Well he can help with both of those. He reaches up to wipe the tears away gently, then wraps Kyle in his arms.]

I'm here babe. Until you fucking kick me out.

[kyley_b]

I won't kick you out. [He curls into Tommy, careful of his stump.]

I keep thinking this isn't really happening.

[doubled_speed]

[Tommy's trying hard not to look at the stump. He can't make that better.]

I'm sorry it's happening. But I promise to be here and help you all I can. I could be here if you want.

[kyley_b]

I guess I should be happy it's not my dominant hand. [He stops talking, lips pressed together, and he presses his face into Tommy's shoulder.]

Sorry.

You mean stay here with me?

[doubled_speed]

Yeah, if you want. When you can stand me being around.

[He can work harder in the agriculture dome at night, while Kyle sleeps or something. Surely he can manage that while helping the guy out. And managing the diner. And taking care of his brother too.]

[kyley_b]

Tommy, I can always stand you around. Please don't... I needed like, an hour dude, please don't be butthurt because I needed a little time so I w-wouldn't start fucking... fucking b-bawling-- [He stops again, clinging to Tommy and breathing in short, hard gasps.]

[doubled_speed]

[There was nothing wrong with crying. No matter what Tommy might say. No matter what Kyle might thing. So he just hugs his boyfriend tightly to hold it close.]

I'm told it helps. Crying.

[kyley_b]

[Told it helps. Which means he's likely never to see Tommy DO it. So Kyle holds on stubbornly, trying to bury himself in Tommy's arms.]

[doubled_speed]

[Dude, he's in tears right now, just with how Kyle's burying himself he is in a good place to hide it, thanks.]

Shit man, you ain't gotta be stubbornly strong with me. I promise, I don't judge you. Ever.

[kyley_b]

I-it's o-okay... [Every stutter is a watery gasp. Kyle falls quiet, focusing on breathing.]

It's. I'm alive.

[doubled_speed]

[It WILL be okay. But right now Tommy wasn't letting go.]

You are. And that matters.

[kyley_b]

I know.

[He snuffles.] I'm scared, dude.

[doubled_speed]

We both are.

[And he holds onto Kyle, his arms tight. He just had to hope he wasn't squeezing too tightly and hurting Kyle.]

When you're up to it, I'll try talking to Billy or Tony. See if one of them can, you know, make a new hand for you.