revivalproject

[The message comes in from a seemingly unknown device (thank you Delta) with the only name on it as GHIDORAH.]

Well hello, hello, friends and foes, boxers and briefs.

If you'd asked me yesterday if I thought I'd end up on an alien planet with a day that runs longer than Ben Hur, trapped in a spaceship full of stranger's farts flavored with protein paste, I would've told you to stop being an asshole and share those obviously superior drugs you were on. Yet here we all are.

Since I know nobody's busy right now, how about some homework from Uncle Ghidorah?

1) Name the one food you wish you had here most.

2) Explain the plot of your favorite movie/whatever they call entertainment on your shithole planet in exactly seven words.

3) [This space left intentionally blank]

4) Fuck/Marry/Kill (you only get to use people here because otherwise you might as well be tellings us about your imaginary friends)

5) You're the main character in the last book you read. How fucked are you?

Hail to the king, baby.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Have an extreme closeup of her face as she studies the communicator.]

How does this thing work?

[Now have her fingertip as she pokes at the screen.]

Have you tried balancing it on your head?

[She squeaked and dropped it. Her voice could be heard in the background of the now dark screen (because, of course, it landed camera-side down).]

Where did those words come from?

From... SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE

[After a moment, the video brightened again, and spun to show her face once more. She gasped.]

It changed! What kind of magic is this?

The magic of the internet! It's your lucky day. Phenomenal amounts of knowledge at your finger tips, and the only price is random guys sending you pictures of their junk!

[She stared at that for a moment.]

Why would I care about their junk?

[That word did not mean what she thought it meant in the current context...]

The irony of it is that no one but them cares about their junk. I guess it's like showing everyone your pictures of your ugly baby in the hopes they'll pretend to be impressed, except it's unfortunately not a baby.

Isn't that usually the case, though? Why would anyone else care 'bout someone's garbage?

[Yeah... she totally didn't get the slang definition of 'junk'.]

I guess when it's the most important thing to you, you think everyone should be impressed.

How would be something you're tossin' away be the most important thing?

You don't realize we're actually talking about dicks, do you.

[ Either that, or he's going to have to bend the knee to some professional-level trolling. ]

[Her eyes widened a little.]

We're what?

[She was still pretty young... that was something she was only just figuring out.]

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video - she hasn't figured out how to do anything else

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