[text]

[complicatedliar]

[The message comes in from a seemingly unknown device (thank you Delta) with the only name on it as GHIDORAH.]

Well hello, hello, friends and foes, boxers and briefs.

If you'd asked me yesterday if I thought I'd end up on an alien planet with a day that runs longer than Ben Hur, trapped in a spaceship full of stranger's farts flavored with protein paste, I would've told you to stop being an asshole and share those obviously superior drugs you were on. Yet here we all are.

Since I know nobody's busy right now, how about some homework from Uncle Ghidorah?

1) Name the one food you wish you had here most.

2) Explain the plot of your favorite movie/whatever they call entertainment on your shithole planet in exactly seven words.

3) [This space left intentionally blank]

4) Fuck/Marry/Kill (you only get to use people here because otherwise you might as well be tellings us about your imaginary friends)

5) You're the main character in the last book you read. How fucked are you?

Hail to the king, baby.

Comments

[complicatedliar]

Bridge troll, obvs. Goes with the whole series of tubes thingy.

So cool you're glacial, kiddo. Wait, I feel a song coming on:

"You're as cold as ice
You're willing to sacrifice our love
You want paradise
But someday you'll pay the price, I know."

[doubled_speed]

tubes are definitely a good point there.
yanno what? i prefer juke box hero.

[complicatedliar]

I mean, the way everything else is around here, it's probably two solo cups tied to a string.

Prove you can play guitar, first.

[doubled_speed]

at least it isn't old tin cans?
why should i play a guitar? i'm not a hipster.

[complicatedliar]

It's like our choice is the phone smelling like old beans or old beer. Ugh.

Look man, did you or did you not buy a beat up six string in a secondhand store, even though you didn't know how to play it, but you knew for sure that one guitar felt good in your hands?

[doubled_speed]

dude why the fuck would i do that?
that's a waste of money!
if i ever owned ANY instrument it would be drums

[complicatedliar]

Okay look do you want to be a Juke Box Hero or not? I'm getting some really mixed signals here.

[doubled_speed]

no it really isn’t something I want out of my life

[complicatedliar]

stop draggin my heart around

[doubled_speed]

not here to soothe your heart

[complicatedliar]

WHY YOU WANNA BREAK MY HEART

OOOOOOOOOH

[doubled_speed]

because I have all the taste