Hold You Back

[kyley_b]

WHO: Kyle & Kaz
WHERE: The Bloodsport
WHAT: The boys catch up a little.
WHEN: Post Billy's Hero City
WARNINGS: Terrible language, most likely some references to violence and sex.



The Bloodsport is not exactly welcoming, but it's come to be something of a comfort to Kyle. Most importantly at the moment, people prefer to be elsewhere in Temba rather than stowed away on a ship with communal bunk rooms. Kyle figures he'll be alone on the Bloodpsort, so he can sit and be properly miserable in private.

Because he is miserable. Kyle had gone from struggling to make something resembling a life for himself on Agra 10, trying to be useful to people and to make connections that meant something, to having a life that seemed effortless in comparison. In Billy's fake city he'd been really happy on pretty much every level there was. And now here he was, back in a city where he wasn't contributing much and where it was as difficult to get close to anybody as it had been on Earth.

So hiding out in the Bloodsport and feeling sorry for himself seemed like a GREAT plan.

Kyle wasn't counting on running into Kaz - almost literally, because he really wasn't looking where he was going as he walked into the galley kitchen to get some tea.

"Holy shit, dude, you scared the hell out of me!"

Comments

[demjiin]

"I think I was one of the ones that remembered Temba early on."

Kaz took a small sip of his mug. Still too hot to really drink.

"You also didn't answer. What happened to you in the city Billy made?"

Kaz wasn't going to comment on the disastrous end conversation from before.

[kyley_b]

Kyle shrugs. "I worked for Mr. Stark. Made good money. I was also a superhero, with real powers."

He studies his steeping teabag carefully. "Had a successful relationship with someone who was like... my best friend. It was amazing. Everything was basically perfect."

He shrugs a second time. "So. Yup. That sure was a thing that happened. You don't seem to be having a hard time reconciling two realities?"

[demjiin]

There were parts of what Kyle said that made Kaz take an educated guess that Kyle had no super powers usually. Or a partner for that matter. At the moment Kaz shrugs one shoulder.

"I'm paranoid often enough that I think having whatever would make a 'perfect life' got questioned right away. So I've got no superpowers here or there, and generally, no one even tolerates me so certainly no Partner."

Certainly, Billy's city seemed an order of magnitude weirder but as the old saying went 'if it seems too good to be true, it probably is'.

[kyley_b]

That actually pulls a chuckle out of him. "You know, they always talk about paranoia like it's a bad thing, and while it sure doesn't help with anxiety I gotta say that some of the most successful people I know are pretty fucking paranoid. Keeps you one step ahead."

Kyle looks Kaz over. "I think you're being a little hard on yourself, you don't seem that bad. I haven't seen you do anything awful to anybody the whole time I've been here."

Kyle's metric for what 'awful' is is skewed, but he doesn't really know that.

[demjiin]

Kaz took another small sip of coffee. He was not going to comment on Kyle's last statement though Kaz hadn't had cause to behave any other way but nicely in Temba. And after all, you attracted more flies with honey than vinegar. Though Kaz was rude often enough that it would still turn into vinegar.

"So is this some sort of grief for the 'perfect' life you had? Even though now you know it was one big illusion, I mean."

[kyley_b]

Kyle shrugs. "Yeah. Yeah, it is. It was nice to just... not be a totally useless disappointment, you know? Maybe you don't know. You don't strike me as the sort of person who really gives much of a fuck about what other people think of you."

Something he envies, really. Kyle sips his tea.

"Plus it's weird being back here with someone who you remember being passionately in love with. That's never happened before."

[demjiin]

It was certainly true that Kaz was rude and ruthless and often grated on people's nerves but he did not give one flying fuck what other people thought of him in the first place. Kaz did raise a puzzled eyebrow at Kyle's statement.

"Who are you disappointing and what do you think you're useless at?"

Kaz didn't feel too sanguine about making any comment on what should and should not constitute 'love' so that was a subject he wasn't going to touch.

[kyley_b]

Kyle studies his tea, his face carefully composed. "You're gonna make fun of me. That's okay. My folks. I'm the oldest son, I'm kinda supposed to be successful and shit. I was in Billy's fake city. So this just sort of sucks ass to come back to."

[demjiin]

Actually, Kaz knew full well what expectations were placed on the eldest. He did not make fun of Kyle at all, keeping a similarly neutral tone of voice though less puzzled than before;

"If you mean coming back to Temba, then I agree that it does suck. But any success you may have had in Billy's city was part of the illusion. It was meant to make you feel good, whether you were actually successful or not. You also don't need fake superhuman powers to 'save' people."

Kaz wasn't at all sure what Kyle would want to do for fun or anything he might be good at. Just being friendly was enough for a place like Temba, but like hell Kaz was going to say that.

[kyley_b]

"Yeah, I know."

He thinks about that for a while, scowling into his tea like he can scry some sort of clarity. Eventually he shakes his head, curls bouncing a little when he does. When he speaks, his voice is flat with annoyance, growing more and more agitated the longer he goes on.

"In a way it's a real piss off to be shown what could make you happy, you know? Like, before I got here I was trying to figure that kind of shit out. And so I land here and it's like, okay, maybe I can be helpful, and then I'm really not, and honestly I think mostly I just piss people off because I'm not good at making friends, and so I was just trying to figure out how to adapt here? And I kinda thought maybe I was getting the hang of it, and then BAM, fuck you Kahl, check it out, this could have been it, but it's total fucking bullshit. Now I'm back and I think one of the few people I was getting along with has vanished, and the dude I was head over heels for over there is the guy I usually want to punch in the fucking face."

He glares at his tea.

"I hate this stupid planet, it sucks ass."

[demjiin]

Kaz snorts at part of that statement.

"If pissing people off and not making friends were a competition, then I would have you beaten, hands down."

As far as Kaz could tell, Kyle was much better at making friends than he was anyway. As far as the rest went, the idea of being shown what might have made you happy was a foreign concept to Kaz (which is probably one of the reasons he remembered Temba so fast) but the contrast of being in lust (if not necessarily in love) with wanting to punch someone in the face made marginally morse sense?

"And why don't you now? Punch them in the face that is."

[kyley_b]

"Because he's way faster than I am," Kyle admits glumly. He sighs.

"I'm sorry, you didn't sign up to hear me bitch about all of this." He studies Kaz more closely. "You piss that many people off? Just because you're a standoffish dick? Huh. That's not REALLY that bad. I've had friends who were way more obnoxious and evil than you."

[demjiin]

That was an interesting pair of descriptors but Kaz said nothing, only gave Kyle a bemused look as he sipped his coffee. The mention of Kyle wanting to punch a particularly fast person in the face made the connection to Tommy as well.

"And why exactly do you want to punch Tommy in the face?"

[kyley_b]

"because he can be an arrogant, self-aggrandizing dickhead. Also he's from Jersey. I get weird around people from Jersey." Which is stupid, but true.

"Plus I'm violent, I guess."

[demjiin]

Kaz wasn't sure what 'Jersey' meant for wherever Tommy was from, but one corner of Kaz's mouth turned up.

"Sounds as if he could stand to lose some of that arrogant self-aggrandizing."

[kyley_b]

Kyle sighs. "Probably. But, I dunno. He's okay. Hardly the most annoying person I've ever dealt with in my life." There isn't a person on the planet who can compare to what Kyle considers the worst. There could probably be an actual demon or a Sith lord hanging around, and as far as he was concerned they'd pale in comparison to his childhood rival.

"So I guess not much changed for you there, in the fake city. No vacation for you, huh?"

[demjiin]

"Oh, plenty changed."

His tone was as dry as dust for that.

"But as far as believing I was someone else? Not really. I wouldn't have called that a vacation at any rate."

Kaz visibly shudders.

"I'd call that a nightmare honestly. The fact you're coping with it and managing not to have a crisis of personality is frankly astonishing to me."

[kyley_b]

Kyle's brows knit together.

"What do you mean? It's not like I was totally different, I still felt like me."

[demjiin]

"Evreything that makes up who you are starts with the memories you have. It's like the idea of thinking you're successful regardless of whether or not you really are. You'd never know if something was wrong.

Anyone that knew enough about what you used to be and what you were like now could come along and control you."

And that idea was horrifying to Kaz.

[kyley_b]

Kyle considers this, nodding slowly. "Okay," he says. "I can see that, yeah, it making you easier to manipulate. I guess we lucked out, since Billy didn't really seem interested in that."

[demjiin]

"Yeah. Billy wasn't this time. It doesn't seem like the Agrii's - and by extension the Atroma's - usual MO but if they take any tips from this that could change. So I say start leaving reminders around. Little notes and stuff. Nothing that interesting on them, things like where you really grew up and that you were brought here against your will. Maybe little pebble-sized things in your pocket as reminders."

Kaz had a constant reminder with him at all times since this was far from an ordinary cane and he had to use it for his limp.

[kyley_b]

Kyle listens to Kaz with wide eyes. The very idea of planting memories for himself just in case his mind was messed with is frankly terrifying.

"Okay," he says. "You really think this might happen again, huh?"

[demjiin]

Kaz just looked at Kyle flatly.

"Paranoia, remember? Always have a contingency plan."

That was why Kaz was still alive after all.

[kyley_b]

Kyle absorbs this in silence for a few moments - but only a few, he's a talker this one - and then nods. "That is definitely paranoid," he agrees. "But I mean, you're right, obviously. If the Atroma - or the Agrii, who knows if they who they say they are - are trying to fuck with us for whatever reason, affecting the mind is the best way, really."

It's surprisingly easy to understand Kaz's mistrust of the world. "But. Okay, like... why though. Why make Billy warp reality? That seems dangerous to THEM as well."

[demjiin]

Kaz gave a small shrug.

"This time it was about Billy trying to give everyone a 'perfect' life, and since it was Billy doing it then it was bad for them. But what happens when it's someone else that isn't giving out a 'perfect' life? That could be the Atroma or maybe someone else that's already in Temba. Regardless of who is doing it just the fact it's being done at all is enough to take precautions against."

[kyley_b]

"You think there's other people here?"

He himself can't imagine it - the city is so decrepit, they'd be bound to run into someone trying to access their resources. Wouldn't they?

[demjiin]

"In the city now? I doubt it. But then again I don't know what everyone in the city is capable of. But since we've been shown there are whole other planets out there, then there's no way to tell who might show up and what they might be able to do. And we're still trying to figure out what the Atroma are planning to do, so there's another problem."

Kaz came by his distrust of the whole world honestly but that sense of paranoia had served him well. Why he was taking the time to explain any of this to Kyle was something outside of paranoia. Maybe even a fondness for the lanky redhead since Kaz would certainly never have 'friends'.

[kyley_b]

Kyle sighs. "You know... I spent the last four years of my life without shit like this. Aliens and mysteries and people possibly trying to murder me. I can't say I missed it."

His tea is nearly gone. "I guess you just can't escape weirdness. Not forever."