(Network & Log) somebody to lean on - forward-dated

[thesepreciousthings]

[the video feed cuts in to show Clarice, freshly showered, wet hair pulled back, dressed in the silk pajamas she arrived in - because she needed a little comfort, a little piece of home. she's got a cup of tea cradled in her hands, and while she still looks a little tired, her eyes are clear and present]

Hey, everybody. I think I've met most of you by now, if only by seein' you at the community meeting a month or so ago, but if you don't recall, my name's Clarice Starling. I know we've all been through a lot the last few weeks, and this isn't a place to point fingers or blow off steam... I just want to let you all know that I used to work with victims of violent crime, so I now a thing or two about lending an ear after people've been through trauma. If you feel comfortable with coming to talk, my door's open. I'm two floors down from the Deep End, the one with the metal star hangin' on the door. I'll be happy to take the time.

☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆

WHO: Clarice Starling & You
WHERE: Clarice's room (or anywhere else you might want to meet up)
WHAT: Talking out the aftermath of Bill-E-tropolis
WHEN: The week after they all return to Temba
WARNINGS: Discussion of trauma, flavors vary! Please label your top levels for folks.

A: Clarice's Room
The metal star on the door Clarice mentioned is a decoration she picked up on Coruscant - made of some sort of light, fine alloy that shines green like light underwater at the right angle. She hasn't done much else to make the little run-down hotel room hers yet, save for set up a bundle of blankets and pillows in one corner to sleep on, and put in hooks to hang her clothing on the wall. A few pads of paper sit next to the bundle, and there are a few extra pillows for company to sit on. She's already sketched a few things: vistas from Coruscant, a few rough portraits of familiar faces from home, before they're too lost to memory. She's no Da Vinci, but they're passable enough.

When the door opens, she's sitting on her makeshift bed, one of the pads in her lap, making herself a list of the tasks she wants to catch up on. At the sight of a familiar face, she smiles.

"Hey, come on in."

B: Dealer's Choice
(Start your own TL if you want, she's flexible.)

Comments

[itsamysterio]

"..." He seems to consider her words, and gives a slow now, brows creasing as he mulls it over, "...It does. It's just...in a world of hero, I was...a villain? What does that say about me, you know? How much of that was me and how was the kid?"

He sighs and rubs at the scruff on his jaw. "I know I'm not perfect. And I know there's worlds out there where I'm- that apparently, which is disturbing. But I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to convince the people I hurt in there that that wasn't me."

[thesepreciousthings]

"As far as how much was you..." She sets her mouth in a thoughtful line for a moment. "I know it's much easier said than done, but ... try not to focus on that. If you dwell too much on what happened, you'll just end up wrapped up in your own guilt, and that's never done anyone any good. Instead ... try to think of things you can do here which will show people the kind of person you really are. There's no quick fix for this, if you've really broken someone's trust or hurt them in some other way: they have to decide when they want to forgive you. Focus in this world, this time."

She gave him a patient, gentle smile, and hoped to God she wasn't sounding like some fakey Oprah's Book Club self-help pick. "The mind is a very powerful tool. The trick is learning how to use it to help you, not trip you up."

[itsamysterio]

"...You're good at this," he compliments with a small chuckle, shifting and tilting his head at her with a small smile.

"So what about you? The trip leave you with any demons to fight?" He might be deflecting a little, redirecting the focus back to her.

[thesepreciousthings]

"I thank you, Beck, but we're not here for you to pat me on the back." She accepted the praise with a humble smile of her own. "As for me, not demons so much as a little look at where I could've wound up under different circumstances. Not too bad, but I'm fine with myself the way I am."

[itsamysterio]

"Never hurts to hear," Beck tries to argue, toying with his wedding band, and nodding as he listens. "...That's probably a healthy way of looking at it," he muses, "You think-...how much of what happened in there do you think was the kid?" he asks, rephrasing with a frown.

[thesepreciousthings]

She let out a slow sigh, fighting not to sound exasperated. The last thing she wanted was everyone blaming Billy for whatever they weren't happy with, or whatever they missed that they'd been torn away from.

"I can't say, and I'm not any authority to do so, either," she repeated patiently. "Besides, just because he was the focal point of all of this doesn't mean he did it consciously. The fact that he had to be snapped out of it speaks to something higher behind all of this, and given what we know, my money's on the Atroma."

[itsamysterio]

"Mm- also a good point, but I meant more- the structure of the world itself? Our roles in it," Beck explained, "The kid's brother, he told me when I first arrived that they lived with a version of me in their world who was some kind of villain. I'm wondering how much of that might have bled into things?"

[thesepreciousthings]

"That's a little different," she said, curling one hand and pressing her knuckles to her lips. She stared at a neutral spot on the floor, not wanting to close her eyes, but still needing to access a bit of her mind palace: the library, particularly the section where she'd stored the things Hannibal had shared with her about Stephen Hawking's theories on paralell universes.

"Everything I've read or heard about paralell universe theory posited that the laws of physics in them had to match our own for them to exist ... but the question is, would superpowers match physics, even though they bend them? I saw enough evidence in what I did to say that there's science behind it, so ... I don't think Tommy was feeding you a line about that other version of yourself. But I also know that there was not an alternate version of me in the position I was in, or he would have told me so."

She blows out a slow breath, composing the last of her thought process into words, and looks up at him. "I think that it's entirely possible that some part of his subconscious drew the connection, but if it did, it was a rare instance that came about solely as a coincidence of the twins being aware of your paralell self, and nothing he could have done on purpose."

[itsamysterio]

Ah. That's unexpected, he didn't expect her to have that sort of grasp of paralell universe theories. And it's not like Beck can just casually let that go, his whole backstory depends on it, it would be out of character. He just has to hope the story they've so carefully crafted is enough to fool her like it had fooled S.H.I.E.L.D., and Parker.

His face splits into a excited sort of grin, "The divergence between two paralell universes is so different than anything our best minds posited, but it's still shocking how much they got right."

And then an apologetic look, for veering off topic. "If that's what they think of me,...I can't imagine. No wonder the kid has trouble trusting me."

[thesepreciousthings]

If this was a game they were going to play, one Starling was still unaware of, he was about to find that she was absolutely full of surprises.

"You say that like you speak from more experience than what we just were part of," she says, picking that up and not willing to put it down. If she ever makes it back home, Hannibal will be absolutely intrigued by any new developments, particularly for the sake of his lost sister. "Can we come back to that later, if that's alright? Apart from all this?"

She resettles herself in her seat, feeling one of her feet start to slightly prickle with pins and needles. "This was all in the domain of the mind, whether it was ours or Billy's. And the mind is a complicated place. We have so many thoughts we're not even necessarily aware of. But the things we're aware of are the ones we can control, and that's what shows on the outside. Are you really that concerned about this ... crueler facet of yourself coming to the surface, Beck? Or are you just trying to cope with it and move forward? I have thoughts on both."

[itsamysterio]

Oh, very much so. He nods easily, "Yeah, that's...a whole very long story."

"I don't-" Beck pauses, and frowns, reconsidering his answer, seeming to struggle with it, "...I don't like that other people might see me like that. That to them, that's reality," he tries to explain, "...You like to think people see you the way you see yourself, but that's not usually true, just because you're the hero of your own story doesn't meant hat's how it plays out for everyone else."

cw: mention of fatal shooting

[thesepreciousthings]

"Boy don't I ever know how that one goes," she said with a wry smile and no small amount of sympathy. She could still see the National Tattler's headline, all that Railroad Gothic: CLARICE STARLING: THE FBI'S DEATH MACHINE, over the picture of her washing off Evelda Drumgo's baby after the fish market firefight that had been the herald of the end of her career. Never mind that she'd saved the baby. Never mind that more good men had died in that fight than the gangbangers who'd started it.

"I was in law enforcement for a good chunk of my life. Not having any control over how folks saw me was practically in my job description. I learned how to live with it, though, if you want any pointers."

[itsamysterio]

He offered a sympathetic look of his own and nodded, "Pointers would be welcomed," Beck agreed, "It shouldn't get to me so much, I know that. Maybe it's that we're part of such a small knit group now. It's harder to write that kind of thing off and focus on the big picture when that's a good chunk of your community."

[thesepreciousthings]

"Yeah, that's it exactly," she nodded in agreement. "It reminds me a lot of high school, when you had your class and everyone had little groups within it. Or a summer camp. Thankfully, most of us seem mature enough to not devolve into that sort of thing."

Tommy and Kyle, well, she wasn't so sure, but they were still young, as much as they didn't want her to think so. She glanced out of her little window at the ruins as she tried to think of which pieces of advice might help him most.

"Keep yourself reminded often of your accomplishments, especially in terms of what you've done here. Of what you're capable of. The good things. If you hold the things you admire about yourself in your heart, your values and such ... it's easier to hear what other people think and remember it isn't all true."

[itsamysterio]

Beck offered a commiserating wince at the mention of high school. Not fun times. Did anyone enjoy it?

"Mm," he nodded, rubbing his wedding band and giving a small, but sad sort of smile as he considered her words. "What if what you're capable of isn't enough?"

[thesepreciousthings]

She noticed the gesture - of course she did - and tilted her head a little. "Are you trying to get back to someone special?"

[itsamysterio]

Beck blinked, as though just realizing what he'd been doing, and he frowned, giving a small shake of his head. "Ah-...no she's uh...they're gone. Part of that long story I owe you. No one to get back to."