Obi-Wan Kenobi (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hadthehighground) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
revivalproject2021-04-13 09:26 pm
hadthehighground) wrote in revivalproject2021-04-13 09:26 pm
A New Home
WHO: Obi-Wan Kenobi and YOU
WHERE: The Museum aka The New Jedi Temple
WHAT: Making a new temple for the Jedi!
WHEN: All of April
WARNINGS: None atm
The first days after they arrived back from Coruscant, Obi-Wan was busy. The Jedi essentially hitting the ground running now that he’s been energized by his vacation back home. The first priority was making sure Padme and the twins were comfortable. Then came the task of finding an appropriate place in Temba for a temple.
Before the impromptu trip to Coruscant someone had suggested the amphitheater. However upon looking it over the Jedi decided it didn’t suit the purposes that were needed. So he kept looking. Though he didn’t have to look far as he came across a cluster of buildings that seemed to be a museum complex. After looking over the overgrown and run down grounds he decided that it would be perfect. It would just need some cleaning up and repurposing.
Thus a call is put out on the network. Asking for help in setting up this new home for the Jedi if anyone is willing. Those with the engineering data points would be especially appreciated, as would the advice of those with agriculture for setting up a garden. But really any free hands would do with the promise of the favor being returned down the road.
The time didn’t matter as Obi-Wan will be working on it all month. Cleaning out the buildings and their exhibits. Pieces of artifacts carefully picked up and put away for later sorting and hopefully reassembly. One of the smaller buildings being converted into a holding place for animals and/or potential vehicles. The other intended for living spaces. The largest building was a grand hall and Obi-Wan intended this to be the main structure for learning, sparring, meeting, and whatever else they could use it for. Last but not least the smallest, yet very tall building with a large platform inside was to be made into a place of meditation.
There is a lot to be done and more hands make light work!
((OOC: Feel free to consider this a mingle thread! Obi-Wan isn’t the only Jedi around but I’ll throw him at anyone unless specified otherwise.))
WHERE: The Museum aka The New Jedi Temple
WHAT: Making a new temple for the Jedi!
WHEN: All of April
WARNINGS: None atm
The first days after they arrived back from Coruscant, Obi-Wan was busy. The Jedi essentially hitting the ground running now that he’s been energized by his vacation back home. The first priority was making sure Padme and the twins were comfortable. Then came the task of finding an appropriate place in Temba for a temple.
Before the impromptu trip to Coruscant someone had suggested the amphitheater. However upon looking it over the Jedi decided it didn’t suit the purposes that were needed. So he kept looking. Though he didn’t have to look far as he came across a cluster of buildings that seemed to be a museum complex. After looking over the overgrown and run down grounds he decided that it would be perfect. It would just need some cleaning up and repurposing.
Thus a call is put out on the network. Asking for help in setting up this new home for the Jedi if anyone is willing. Those with the engineering data points would be especially appreciated, as would the advice of those with agriculture for setting up a garden. But really any free hands would do with the promise of the favor being returned down the road.
The time didn’t matter as Obi-Wan will be working on it all month. Cleaning out the buildings and their exhibits. Pieces of artifacts carefully picked up and put away for later sorting and hopefully reassembly. One of the smaller buildings being converted into a holding place for animals and/or potential vehicles. The other intended for living spaces. The largest building was a grand hall and Obi-Wan intended this to be the main structure for learning, sparring, meeting, and whatever else they could use it for. Last but not least the smallest, yet very tall building with a large platform inside was to be made into a place of meditation.
There is a lot to be done and more hands make light work!
((OOC: Feel free to consider this a mingle thread! Obi-Wan isn’t the only Jedi around but I’ll throw him at anyone unless specified otherwise.))
no subject
"That...all makes sense to me, I think. And it makes sense that a lot of the important relationship for individual Jedi would be, um, inside the Order. Like any other community or family."
He finally takes a sip of his tea. "I feel like there's a 'but' hanging, here."
no subject
“From younglings we are taught to rely on each other and form bonds through the clans we are assigned to. By definition that is an attachment, as are the master and Padawan bonds, and any friendships we may have. Those are not forbidden but in fact encouraged. It is when it goes beyond that, that it becomes questionable.”
He lets Ezra digest that for a moment as he reaches for a piece of fruit.
“What we mean by attachments, and what is actually forbidden, is the fear of loss. Romance, marriage, having children, this all sets one up for such feelings as you likely well know. It is in the same vein as why Jedi can not have businesses or accumulate wealth or things. It breeds jealousy, greed, and fear which can lead to anger and hatred. Since we are different from others because or our force sensitivity, you know how dangerous that can be.”
no subject
"Our feelings can get way more dangerous," he agrees, finally. Sort of agrees. "I think there's...separate things, that overlap here, and I'm not gonna pretend I know the right way to untangle it. There's the...structure of the Order, which wasn't built on romance and marriage and partners raising children together. And it was made that way on purpose to discourage fear, and clinging. I wasn't raised that way, but I get that." He thinks he does, anyway.
"There's our duties as Jedi, that tangled up relationships can get in the way of - I showed you Kanan talking about that, and...he and Hera loved each other, so much. But duty was important to both of them. And then there's the dangers of the Dark Side. And you don't need a marriage or kids or...what a lot of people what would call a 'normal' family to be afraid or angry enough to tread that path."
His shoulder slump. "I didn't. And here, we don't have the Order."
no subject
“The Jedi certainly didn’t start out that way. The Order has existed for a very long time and philosophies and rules changed over time, often because of circumstances that required it. Rules were made for good reasons and the code was meant as a guideline to prevent us from losing our way.”
He paused as he took another sip of his tea.
“However, the order was never completely rigid. Anyone could leave when they wanted to if they felt they needed such things in their lives. I might have been one of them if Satine had asked me. Some Jedi freely have sex and have no issue in doing so. Others, like myself, choose not to. Exceptions have been made like with Master Mundi who was one of the last of his species. Permission was granted him to have wives and sire children, though he purposely kept his distance to not become attached.”
He takes a bit of the fruit he had and studies Ezra for a moment before he continues.
“Kanan and you live in a different time, where like you said there is no order. Just as it’s only us here. The point I’m trying to make is that you need to know yourself. That takes time and often comes about through trial and error. Kanan clearly had an understanding of what the Jedi rules meant and his own nature. That takes a level of inner searching and growth that for some takes a lifetime to achieve. He knew his limits and that’s why he was able to find a balance and not give in to his impulses. I believe we all can too in our own way. Though it might look different between us.”
no subject
He tilts his head, and pokes food around his plate. "But I think he made an assumption about what would tempt me most, and he miscalculated. I'd let them go years and years ago. I'd thought they were dead. I found out eventually that they hadn't been. That they'd been alive until well after Kanan found me. That it was us putting out a broadcast speaking out against the Empire that got them killed in the end." He swallows hard.
"And that hurt. But it didn't make me scared and angry enough to lose perspective. Malachor did. Kanan and Hera and rest of my new family pulled me back from slipping further. But I need to think more about why. To both parts of that."
no subject
Reaching out, Obi-Wan placed his hand on Ezra’s arm in a show of support and comfort as well as passing his compassion through the Force.
“That is the struggle of every Jedi, Ezra. Our lives will never be easy, no matter what our circumstances are. Each of us has our struggles and they are all different, but we draw strength from each other in our experiences. I believe that is what Master Fae was trying to teach us.”
He smiled again in a solemn way as he thought about the Jenet master that was now lost to time. He would miss her.
“I‘ve found that I still have much to learn myself. When I fought Maul the first time I nearly lost myself to anger because of my feelings for my master. I had thought I had let that go as well until he returned and it nearly happened again. Then there was Anakin. Because of my love for him I couldn’t bring myself to kill him. Now I come to find I doomed him to a fate worse than death and burdened the galaxy because of my weakness.”
no subject
Ezra's expression is soft with worry and compassion, and some of the affection and esteem he holds for Obi-wan personally, but there's steely determination in his presence in the Force under it. "If you'd had just a little more time, maybe you could have...gotten him away from there and the emperor. Let him die - not at peace, but as peacefully as possible. " That is, he believes, what Master Kenobi as he'd first met him managed to do for Maul, eventually.
"But you were hurt, too, and you needed to get away. You needed to help Padme and the babies. There weren't any good choices there, but surviving, keeping the twins safe, and not giving into despair - that isn't weakness," he insists.
no subject
"It would have destroyed me," he then admits quietly. Not just emotionally, but it could have very well tipped him to the dark side. Something he had been worried about in that moment, ending the life of a defenseless man, but hadn't wanted to fully admit.
But wasn't it weakness though? He should have outright killed Anakin, not left him crippled and burning. Only to have unleashed a monster on the galaxy. Pulling his hand back from Ezra's arm, Obi-Wan looks away then, the pain still evident even as he didn't look the young man directly.
"Maybe all of that is true. But I failed him in every way a master could."
And he couldn't forgive himself for that.
no subject
"So I believe that he was also those wonderful things, once. Some of that has to be what you taught him. And I know he's not the only former Jedi who's served the Emperor. Not even the only former Knight."
As far as Ezra could tell, Palpatine was just that good at preying on people's worst impulses. Maybe Master Kenobi had made mistakes, but it wasn't all his fault.
no subject
"And yet that wasn't enough," Obi-Wan said mournfully. All of the love and support surrounding Anakin, and his teachings, hadn't been enough to keep him from darkness. Palpatine had still managed to get to him, and Obi-Wan failed to protect him.
It also hurt to hear that Anakin wasn't the only one, but he couldn't be surprised either. Anakin had been the best of them so if he had fallen, then it stood to reason others would as well.
"Once, yes. But that which had made him Anakin died that day. While not physically, spiritually the friend I loved is no more. Consumed by the darkness." It had been just as Master Yoda had told him. Though Obi-Wan hadn't wanted to believe it until he saw it for himself. The Jedi then paused, looking to Ezra with misty eyes.
"Perhaps that's what happened to you on Malachor, yet you managed to overcome it."
no subject
"I opened a Sith holocron. Let it talk to me for months while I shut Kanan out. I killed people with what I learned from it. Everyone was willing to look past that because the only thing I used to hurt people on our side was cruel words and...recklessness, I guess. Kanan forgave me for all that."
"But if I'd had someone pulling my strings to push me to do things they knew my family would have a really hard time forgiving me for? If Maul had come back at the right moment, or been a little better at his sad old master act? I might not have been willing to try to overcome it."
no subject
"Your situation wasn't all that dissimilar to Anakin's," he noted quietly. Anakin had a Sith Lord whispering in his ear for years, all under Obi-Wan's nose. He had shut him out on many occasions, but always seemed to come back. Yet Anakin had also done some pretty questionable things. Tried to hide them from him. Though there was more that Obi-Wan didn't even know about. But he had seen his friend struggle, and tried his best to help him. Though Obi-Wan had always believe that Anakin would learn and come out better for it. How wrong he had been. How blind he had been to what was really going on.
"And... I believe you're right. Anakin didn't want to come back."
Which really hurt. He had tried to reason with him, pleaded with him, but those angry words of hatred only rang through his ears. When he had looked at Anakin on Mustafar, the boy he had trained was not there. It was as if an imposter had taken his place.
Obi-Wan's resolve was crumbling. He looked weary and sad. "Perhaps there was nothing I could have done," he relented finally. Though the words felt like acid in his mouth. He wanted to blame himself, because surely he should have been able to do something. But that was lamenting the past. What was done, was done, and it wasn't very Jedi-like of him to dwell on it. But it was very human of him. He had to learn from his mistakes, release his feelings, and move on. Though doing so in this particular case was harder than any he had ever faced before. He just couldn't bring himself to let Anakin go.
no subject
But maybe there's something else he can do. He might not have felt bold enough if Obi-wan hadn't hugged him that last night in the Temple on Coruscant.
He remembers Kanan pulling him into a hug, and hugging him back and how much that bit of affection had eased letting go of the bitterness of blaming himself for the losses at Malachor, and his anger at Kanan for needing time to heal. He'd cried too, and maybe Master Kenobi didn't need to cry or wouldn't let himself, but either way, that'd be ok, too.
The padawan doesn't move quickly, trying not startle the man, but he's pretty intent on wrapping his arm around his master and holding on until Obi-wan made it clear he wanted to be let go.
no subject
That’s what it really came down to. Obi-Wan had never wanted to feel that hole Qui-Gon had left behind again, and yet there it was. He and Anakin had been side by side since his late master passed. They had become more than master and student. They had become brothers, partners, two parts of a whole. A pair, a team, who had always been better together rather than apart. Obi-Wan had not only left his best friend on Mustafar, but he had left a part of himself with him.
It was during this rumination that Ezra moved closer, almost without his noticing until he felt that arm go around him. Obi-Wan blinked once, a stray tear rolling down his cheek from the motion. Breaking him from his thoughts and looking at his padawan.
He didn’t know what to say. Words were lost to him at the moment. And while Ezra could never fill the hole that Anakin had left behind, he was there. A shining beacon that had pierced the darkness and offered something new. A fresh start for them both in this place. That glimmer of hope and warmth brought a small smile to the Jedi’s face. Turning slightly, he reached for him.
no subject
He's content to hold onto the hug for all long as Obi-wan wants, but he does say, eventually, a little muffled. "Thank you. For talking to me about all this." After a beat he adds, "And not freaking out about the Sith holocron."
He's actually suspects he might get a belated lecture at some point, when Master Kenobi is up for it, and he's willing to try to sit through that with good grace, but it would have been awfulm if understandable, if his new master was furious or distrustful.
no subject
Ezra’s words drew a chuckle and the Jedi finally pulled back to offer the young man a smile. “I think I should be thanking you. It’s... been well over due.” He hadn’t really had anyone to talk to about it till now. Be it the fact that he had been in complete isolation on Tatooine or that there had been very few who would understand here, or that it wasn’t a topic he could easily speak to with some considering different timelines.
“As for the holocron. We all make mistakes, and I can see that you have learned from yours. That is what’s important.”
His brows lifted though as he looked at the young Jedi keenly. “Though I can’t promise I won’t freak out should you try something like that again.” So no lecture from him! Not unless Ezra decides to make stupid decisions while he’s here with Obi-Wan. Then he might very well get an earful.
no subject
"That was the conversation he told me to find Malachor. I'm not entirely sure why he did that, although maybe he got some hint from the Force there a path to me actually listening to that lesson, along the way. Application is a whole other thing, and I'll take his word for it that's never an effort you get to neglect. I am sure that...I don't like who was I becoming while I was listening to that holocron."
If he's seriously tempted by the Dark Side again, he doesn't think it'll be in quite the same guise.
no subject
"Though I'm afraid no one ever completely knows what Master Yoda is thinking. His ways were a mystery to even many of us. Sometimes you just have to trust he knows what he's doing. I can say with certainty that his advice never led anyone astray. In fact, quite the opposite. His clarity is far greater than anyone I know and I'm certain he told you what you needed in that moment, even if it led you down a difficult path. Sometimes that's what we need in order to grow, and judging from what you said, you did."
All Jedi struggle with the dark side at some point in their lives. It was just a matter of whether one could overcome it.