revivalproject | ★ 3 ★

Entry tags:

★ 3 ★

WHO: Bucky!Cap (FINALLY!)
WHERE: Medical bay on the Agrii ship (closed to Steve first, then anyone who wants to visit him later); on the network
WHAT: WAKING UP and some apparent brain fog? Hm, what's up with that...
WHEN: Return journey (current)
WARNINGS: N/A, will mark any threads as necessary

In the med bay (action/spam):
[Bucky wakes up slowly. Groggily. Like he's been put under and getting back to wakefulness is a slow, struggling slow through molasses. Everything feels heavy and his head is pounding halfheartedly as his eyes finally, finally struggle open and -

Where the fuck is he?

He jolts in the bed he's in, still feeling like he's been hit in the head with a sledgehammer but also like he's just been hit with a shot of pure adrenaline. Waking up confused, groggy, and with no idea of where he is is never ideal.]

Later, over the network:
[It's a little while after waking up that he actually gets on the network to try to catch up. But boy howdy, when he does…

You know what? He gives up about five minutes in and just clicks the video on.]

Okay. Somebody want to tell me what the ever-loving hell I just missed?

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After finding Bucky in the holding area, Steve couldn't decide if he was relieved or not. Having him here instead of back in his own universe was a relief but the man wasn't waking up. Wasn't even showing signs of it. So Steve just... lingered. He waited and worked with the Agrii to understand more of the medicine here and to help Bucky however he could. After days of no change he was starting to lose hope, though. But before he could really start thinking about 'what-ifs' and next steps, a miracle happened.

Bucky woke up.

Steve was at the other side of the room when the noise alarmed him. His heart was in his throat as he turned around and saw Bucky awake and alive. He was frozen a second and then ran over, staring at Bucky like he was a ghost.

"Buck?" His eyes were already getting bright. "Buck? You...you with me, sweetheart?"

That voice. For a second, admittedly, Bucky's the one who looks like he's seeing a ghost.

But then it all (or so he thinks) slides back into place. Kinda. Mostly. If a bit loosely. "Steve?"

One hand reaches up before he can really think about it, needing to grasp some part of Steve, to prove that he's real. And even as his fingers close around Steve's forearm, Bucky's glancing at the room, feeling this weird, uncomfortable sense of deja vu. "What -?"

Steve swallows back the sob that almost threatens to come out of his mouth. Instead he just cradles the side of his face, thumb stroking over his cheek as gently as possible. "It's okay," he shushes. "It's okay. You're okay."

There are no Agrii around which is good. Bucky didn't need more surprises. Steve smiles and blinks back tears.

"You're on the Agrii ship. It's..." He chokes out a laugh. "It's a long story. But you're safe."

Steve is reassuring; Bucky's heart is still beating a mile a minute and he's tense, but slowly, slowly relaxing. He doesn't... think this is a hallucination. It feels like Steve is here.

Even though hearing where here is doesn't put him at ease. "The - are you sure? That we're safe," he says quietly, because waking up in medical beds is absolutely not his favorite thing to do. And the Agrii... his mind still feels thick and hazy, but he doesn't think he trusts them.

"I'm sure," he promises. "I'm sure. You're safe. Both of us are safe."
He leans to kiss his forehead and Steve strokes his hair back gently. His eyes are still bright and awed.

"You...you've been gone for a little while and a lot has happened but you're back now. We're heading back to the planet and everything is okay. I swear to you."

Steve smiles lightly and remembers that he should be asking some other questions. "How are you feeling? What do you remember?"

The thing is... it's hard to tell whether Steve is just being Steve and overreacting because Steve feels everything so acutely that he can't help it, or whether shit is actually worse than Steve wants to (verbally) let on.

And Bucky knows it's important to differentiate, but frankly, he feels like his head was just put through a blender, so he lets out a slow breath and at least accepts that no, they don't appear to be in immediate danger, and he'll take it.

"Like somebody put me under and got way too overzealous about it," he says, running a hand through his hair. "I don't... honestly, I don't think I can even tell you what I was doing right before I woke up. We were... leaving the planet? And we're heading back now?"

How the fuck did he get off the planet in the first place? "How long's 'a little while,' Stevie?"

Well then. Getting right to it. "Maybe...Maybe about a month?" Steve says it like he is just trying to give information but the reality of that time and how it tore at his heart is written on his face in the way he doesn't quite look Bucky in the face. In the way his eyes glass over at 'Stevie'. Like he that small word alone is enough to break his heart.

Steve strokes Bucky's hair and finally squeezes the hand that is grasping onto his forearm. It's firm and real and Steve is never going to take that for granted.

"Sorry," he says with a wet-sounding laugh. "You are probably gonna have to deal with me connected to your hip again for a little bit. You seem to have a habit of getting away from me..."

Bucky blows out a slow breath through his nose. A month? "Christ. Well, it beats seventy years," he murmurs, like that's really the best benchmark to aim for. Their lives are so messed up.

Which is why he doesn't mind Steve already being attached to him like a burr, any more than he minds Steve saying that's the plan from here on out. "Seems like the whole fuckin' universe has a thing against us sticking together," he says, maybe not really enamored of the universe for that very reason, at the moment. "I don't - think I did anything to make anyone madder'n usual."

Still. He finally lets go of Steve's arm to loop his own arm around the guy's waist instead. "Well, at least you managed to not get yourself killed while I was away. I appreciate that."

Edited 2020-09-21 18:00 (UTC)

Steve exhales shakily and pushes their foreheads together, eyes shutting. His arms wrap around Bucky's shoulders and hold him close for a moment before he finally gives in and just kisses Bucky properly. He means it to be soft but it has an edge of hunger in it. A touch of desperation that only really comes from the unique experience of losing someone you love so many times that even a reunion is tinged with the fear of it occurring again.

"And you managed to come back," he breathed between their lips as he broke off. "Just... You keep doing that, okay? Neither of us has any say about when we go but...just come back? I'll stay alive but you just come back."

"Like a bad penny," Bucky murmurs, even if it might be a little breathless, after a kiss like that. It's not exactly something he can promise, but he's not about to point that out right now. Reality can just... stay out of the conversation for the moment. It's not like it ever really goes far.

Finally, though, he moves to swing his legs off the bed, testing how it feels to sit up properly. "So, hey. Can we get outta here? How big is this ship?" He definitely wants to know more, but sitting in a medical bay is doing zilch for his nerves. He wants out, and he wants to take Steve out with him. It's worse than it usually is, maybe, but hey. He figures he's allowed to be uncomfortable.

Steve stands back but crosses his arms over his chest. "Oh, yeah. Disappeared for a month, just woke up after being in an effective coma for another bunch of days, but yeah. You're awake and mobile so let's take a jog."

It says something about Steve's concern and the state of his mind the last month that he is being the cautious one, right now. He walks over to grab a scanner and passes it over Bucky's head and chest. The writing isn't anything he can read but he knows what he's looking for, medically. All seems sound. Still, Steve can't help but be a little concerned about Bucky just walking around.

He also can't help but know there is no fucking way to stop him, so...

"We'll walk to the Green Room and back. How's that? But if you pass out or bleed from the nose I am gonna drag you back by your ears. Got it, pal?"

Bucky rolls his eyes at Steve; "I said get out of here, not take a jog, you mook."

But the thing is... if Steve's concerned... Look. If Steve's concerned, then that doesn't bode well for Bucky's sense of panic, or lack thereof. Everything might be taking place very, very internally, but there are major alarm bells ringing right now, even as Steve passes some kind of scanner over him, and Bucky just hopes he even knows what the hell he's doing with it.

Also, that it tells Steve everything is fine. Bucky... really hopes everything is fine. Because if Steve is hiding shit from him, they're gonna have to have a talk.

"Sure," he says, "whatever the hell the Green Room is." He slides off the bed, steady on his feet (for what it's worth, Rogers), and gives Steve an expectant look.

Steve pauses as Bucky stands. He just stares at him for a second, eyes soft, before he's leaning in and wrapping his arms around him, tight. His face buries into his neck, breathing Bucky in and just remembering what it was like being close to him again. Having the man he loved back in his arms again.

"I missed you so bad, Buck," he admits softly into his skin. Steve's eyes close as he concentrates on his breathing and on not crying. It's hard but he can manage it.

"I was so scared you were really gone, this time. You got no idea..."

"Steve - " is all Bucky gets out, voice a little soft as his arms come pretty much automatically around Steve's waist, pulling him close, letting him get close.

God. He knows it felt like he'd just blinked, but that isn't what had happened, and he knows that, too. It's not how it works. He's been through this before. They've been through this before. Ad he can very, very easily imagine exactly how Steve had felt. What he'd been thinking.

It's so fucking unfair.

"Hey," he says softly, leaning close, pressing his cheek to the top of Steve's head. "Hey. I know. I know, and I'm sorry. I'm so fuckin' sorry this keeps happening. You know I want to stay with you."

Just like neither of them has much choice, in the end.

"You don't have to be sorry," he assures him. "I know it wasn't you. It wouldn't have been you. I know we would stay together if it was just up to us..."

Steve turns his head and kisses Bucky nice and slow this time. He is going to be doing that for awhile, now. Whenever he can. Bucky is just going to have to deal with it, but Steve is pretty sure he doesn't mind.

"But we're together now," he finally manages to get out as he pulls back and looks Bucky in the eyes. "You're here and I am gonna hold onto you with both hands because I am sick of missing the man I love and having all these regrets on my shoulders. No more. Absolutely no more."

But it never is up to them, and Bucky knows it. Steve knows it. They can't do a damn thing about it, though - and neither of them is the type to let a good thing pass them by, just because it might be lost tomorrow.

It doesn't make anything easier, though, and it doesn't do much to make Bucky less angry.

Here and now, though, he raises an eyebrow; he's not quite sure what kind of regrets Steve might have, but he isn't sure that asking about them is going to get him much of an answer, either. Steve tends to swing between playing his cards close to the vest and wearing his heart on his sleeve. Sometimes he manages both at the same time.

So, "Yeah," is all he says - he agrees, because living with regrets is shitty and he's done enough, too. "Yeah." He reaches up to touch Steve's face, then tilts his head toward the door. "Come on. You can hold on with both hands while we walk. I wanna make sure I still can."

He's itching to move, probably because he hasn't done it for quite a while now.

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★ 3 ★

/gross sobbing

<333

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