Sorting the Trash [ closed ]

[beholding_archivist]

WHO: Jon & Tony
WHERE: On the Agrii ship // Mess Hall
WHAT: Two experts at sharing and expressing their emotions need to talk...
WHEN: Post-event // during the flight back to Agra 10
WARNINGS: This may not go well?

Normally, Jon doesn't shy away from confrontations and conversations, but just like any other person ever he isn't very fond of talking abut his emotions. Which is but one reasons of many why he has never been one to seek relationships or the closeness of other people. Though these days he is also inclined to say he doesn't deserve it. The intimacy, the closeness, the comfort and warmth - Those are for people, not for monsters. And ultimately, that's what he is, isn't it? Ans monsters don't deserve love or comfort or happiness.

It may be time he just stops pretending and finally embraces what he is, just as Helen kept suggesting.

And yet his heart keeps yearning. It's not pleasant. It hurts. The distance as well as the insecurity. It may only be him, though. Tony may not be bothered by the separation at all. He has others. Others who are willing to play along merely to satisfy their carnal desires, unbothered by that dreadful weight of unrequited emotions and one-sided affections. Jon for his part has never been very interested in these particular activities - And it's the least thing he wants to have himself reduced to.

With all those thoughts and many more it is that Jon sits in one of the far corners of the mess hall, wringing his hands on the table, waiting. Waiting for Tony to follow the request he has left for the man to meet him here so they can finally have that talk.

Jon has made sure to listen to one of his tapes once everything was over, so he has recovered a decent degree. He's still tired and still keeps himself wrapped in that ridiculous bright robe that has offered him false warmth and comfort so far, but has also only wound the wrench around his heart tighter with that still so painfully familiar smell clinging to the fabric. He could have left it in his room, yes. But part of him feels like he may need this false security. And part of him may actually still dare to hope. Which even Jon believes is a foolish endeavor at this point.

Tony doesn't love him. The man has made as much clear. The man cares more about robots and machines than people who at best exist to serve his lust only to be discarded after use. Jon knows as much and it's foolish to expect anything else. Demanding loyalty as Tommy has suggested would get him laughed at at best. Such would require Tony to care. And so Jon is here for the closure others have suggested he seek. He only needs Tony to confirm what Jon believes to know. He needs the man to say it and just rid Jon of those hopes he shouldn't be clinging to. They won't have to speak to one another ever again after that. Jon can return to his library and Tony can resume rotating between his various lovers and his machines.

Biting his bottom lip at the thought, Jon looks down at his own hands, now clenched tightly together and he lets out a frustrated groan while prying them apart and considering to just get up and leave and if he's quick enough maybe not have this conversation after all?

Comments

[in_extremis]

Tony might have been cautious about holding Jon's hand in the mess hall, but he gave far less consideration to reacting to Jon dropping against his shoulder, barely letting him rest there before pulling an arm around his neck with fingers scratching roughly through his hair, leaning on him as much as he drew Jon in to lean against his side. Since Jon didn't seem interested in the drink, Tony finally picked it up himself to taste, only to confirm it was exactly like his first experience with it and put it back down, "You're right, that's terrible, sorry about that," with a grimace. With everything Jon had already dealt with, he should have had a unique insight to what purpose there was to be so constantly scrutinized, but that reaction just seemed more tired, and Tony would have liked to have found something stronger to offer him. Coffee, at least; this was becoming a farce.

Dropping his arm loosely to dangle over Jon's shoulder, Tony gave a shrug, looking around the hall again with a different anxiety. There was a lot to do on this ship, in competition with a lot of space to see. "When I've figured out this engine, that won't take long," he declared, trying to find that balance. "We'll have to enlist one of the pilots. Poe won't mind...." Which should have been an easy suggestion that Tony was building in his twisting fingers, but they suddenly released, grasping at a different problem that made him clear his throat. Maybe this wasn't a great time to bring it up, figuring out what kind of boundaries were supposed to be between Tony and the people he slept with was a granular detail for a less tender moment. "Or Raphael. He seems nice. Have you met? He's a turtle." As though this was a personality trait.

[beholding_archivist]

"I know them both." Jon answers while his eyes drift to the cup filled with that strange alien beverage to Tony's hand, once again such a familiar weight on his shoulder. Another little thing he has been missing. "Met Poe back on Risa - We talked a few times. Raphael took over as pilot on the ship I was on after Bucky vanished..." That's a wording that still feels odd. Especially now that they have found Bucky as well as Cloud. Mysteriously vanished only to show up with hundreds of sleeping Agrii. What's bothering Jon most is that he has been present when both men vanished and he didn't see it happen. Especially Cloud vanishing from the bridge while everyone from their group was there as well...

He settles with a nod and gives Tony's chest a little pat as his eyes shift back to him "I can ask if either of them is interested in visiting the planet while you take care of the engine?" It's an offer.

[in_extremis]

Right, Bucky. The anxiety tipped again, the amount of problems to fix on this ship outweighing venturing to an unknown planet for a potential shopping trip, but it wasn't like Tony had any idea where to begin with a mysterious abduction and coma. He squeezed his fist tight to release it again, trying to let this go, and muttered, "Yup," only to very quickly continue, "Do you think that's what's been happening to everybody?"

Not a great thought, and not one Tony meant to linger on, so Tony continued, "Do they have to be conscious for you to...?" with a finger twirled by his head, already shaking negative because he was pretty sure an unconscious person couldn't answer questions, magical compulsion or not. Wanda's power sounded like it worked a little differently, though. He was letting it go.

[beholding_archivist]

Of course Jon notices the anxious shift in Tony. It tends to be most notably in the little changes of his posture and tone. It makes Jon shift a little closer physically while also tipping his own head to the side a little while his eyes remain on Tony, studying his every reaction. Jon shrugs with the one shoulder that isn't by now pressed firmly to Tony's side while the accompanying hand scratches soothing patterns against the back of Tony's neck.

"I don't know." He answers truthfully. "Never tried. Wouldn't feel right..." Though he doesn't believe it's impossible. It may be similar to extracting someone's knowledge forcibly. One of those things that hurt him as well. Though Tony wouldn't be happy to hear this is something he could potentially do in the first place.

He taps his index finger against Tony's chest without removing his hand. "You can't fix everything on your own, Tony. Especially not if you're damaging yourself trying." It's a simple thing to point out, especially how easy it feels for Jon to tell just what Tony is thinking. "We'll take a break from this first, then figure out the rest." It's a lot easier, obviously, to make sure others take care of their needs than minding one's own. There's another tap to Tony's chest before pointing out another little detail. "I highly doubt they can watch everything we do on the Graq's home planet."

[in_extremis]

It would likely only get Jon to swear at him more if Tony asked how right it felt to compel Reeve for answers; if Tony was going to fix that fracture, he would probably do better work at a distance. It made him raise his eyebrows, ready to be defensive, when it sounded like Jon was reading his mind, but there were plenty of things Tony was trying to fix at this table. It didn't feel like he had dented the surface of any of them. "Break from what?," he wondered, gesturing out at the room and searching for what good he could point to accomplishing. "Getting the Graq home? None of these guys blowing up?" Well, now that he said it out loud, it didn't sound like a total failure; nobody died, they had all effectively completed the Agrii's mission statement out here, and somewhere between that realization and Jon's scratching at his neck, the humming tension up his back uncoiled to at least a lower register. It was the ragtag team of He-Rows that Tony felt like he hadn't helped at all, and was sitting on yet more questions and bigger problems.

He let out a breath and gave a nod of determination, right, a break, then started to laugh. No one was watching, loud and clear, and Tony welcomed, "You know what, engine's not even that complicated, in'n'out, you can give the pilot a call right now, I'm already packed."

[beholding_archivist]

Jon's mind reading abilities aren't nearly as advanced as Toy may believe them to be. He may know certain things from time to time, but actively reading someone's mind is still a taxing task for the Archivist. This may be something he gets more of a handle on at one undefined point in the future.

But for Tony and his constant need to fix everything Jon really doesn't need any mind reading abilities. He also doesn't interrupt Tony in his musings to offer an actual answer on his own, rather giving the man the time to figure it out on his own. As far as Jon is concerned, it's not difficult to see: Tony needs a break from literally everything. To simply be able to take his mind of everything and maybe earn a new angle of looking at all those issues.

Then he only needs to allow Jon to help him figuring out how to tackle them - One at a time.

The scratching of his fingers pauses when Tony laughs and it's Jon's turn to raise a brow. But he simply smiles at the response he gets in the end. "Glad to hear that. I will ask Raphael if he's willing to take the Vanquish to the Graq's home planet." Mainly because that's the ship Jon has been assigned to himself and he feels most familiar with it.