Jonathan 'Eyebags' Sims (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beholding_archivist) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
revivalproject2020-08-27 01:57 pm
beholding_archivist) wrote in revivalproject2020-08-27 01:57 pm
Sorting the Trash [ closed ]
WHO: Jon & Tony
WHERE: On the Agrii ship // Mess Hall
WHAT: Two experts at sharing and expressing their emotions need to talk...
WHEN: Post-event // during the flight back to Agra 10
WARNINGS: This may not go well?
Normally, Jon doesn't shy away from confrontations and conversations, but just like any other person ever he isn't very fond of talking abut his emotions. Which is but one reasons of many why he has never been one to seek relationships or the closeness of other people. Though these days he is also inclined to say he doesn't deserve it. The intimacy, the closeness, the comfort and warmth - Those are for people, not for monsters. And ultimately, that's what he is, isn't it? Ans monsters don't deserve love or comfort or happiness.
It may be time he just stops pretending and finally embraces what he is, just as Helen kept suggesting.
And yet his heart keeps yearning. It's not pleasant. It hurts. The distance as well as the insecurity. It may only be him, though. Tony may not be bothered by the separation at all. He has others. Others who are willing to play along merely to satisfy their carnal desires, unbothered by that dreadful weight of unrequited emotions and one-sided affections. Jon for his part has never been very interested in these particular activities - And it's the least thing he wants to have himself reduced to.
With all those thoughts and many more it is that Jon sits in one of the far corners of the mess hall, wringing his hands on the table, waiting. Waiting for Tony to follow the request he has left for the man to meet him here so they can finally have that talk.
Jon has made sure to listen to one of his tapes once everything was over, so he has recovered a decent degree. He's still tired and still keeps himself wrapped in that ridiculous bright robe that has offered him false warmth and comfort so far, but has also only wound the wrench around his heart tighter with that still so painfully familiar smell clinging to the fabric. He could have left it in his room, yes. But part of him feels like he may need this false security. And part of him may actually still dare to hope. Which even Jon believes is a foolish endeavor at this point.
Tony doesn't love him. The man has made as much clear. The man cares more about robots and machines than people who at best exist to serve his lust only to be discarded after use. Jon knows as much and it's foolish to expect anything else. Demanding loyalty as Tommy has suggested would get him laughed at at best. Such would require Tony to care. And so Jon is here for the closure others have suggested he seek. He only needs Tony to confirm what Jon believes to know. He needs the man to say it and just rid Jon of those hopes he shouldn't be clinging to. They won't have to speak to one another ever again after that. Jon can return to his library and Tony can resume rotating between his various lovers and his machines.
Biting his bottom lip at the thought, Jon looks down at his own hands, now clenched tightly together and he lets out a frustrated groan while prying them apart and considering to just get up and leave and if he's quick enough maybe not have this conversation after all?
WHERE: On the Agrii ship // Mess Hall
WHAT: Two experts at sharing and expressing their emotions need to talk...
WHEN: Post-event // during the flight back to Agra 10
WARNINGS: This may not go well?
Normally, Jon doesn't shy away from confrontations and conversations, but just like any other person ever he isn't very fond of talking abut his emotions. Which is but one reasons of many why he has never been one to seek relationships or the closeness of other people. Though these days he is also inclined to say he doesn't deserve it. The intimacy, the closeness, the comfort and warmth - Those are for people, not for monsters. And ultimately, that's what he is, isn't it? Ans monsters don't deserve love or comfort or happiness.
It may be time he just stops pretending and finally embraces what he is, just as Helen kept suggesting.
And yet his heart keeps yearning. It's not pleasant. It hurts. The distance as well as the insecurity. It may only be him, though. Tony may not be bothered by the separation at all. He has others. Others who are willing to play along merely to satisfy their carnal desires, unbothered by that dreadful weight of unrequited emotions and one-sided affections. Jon for his part has never been very interested in these particular activities - And it's the least thing he wants to have himself reduced to.
With all those thoughts and many more it is that Jon sits in one of the far corners of the mess hall, wringing his hands on the table, waiting. Waiting for Tony to follow the request he has left for the man to meet him here so they can finally have that talk.
Jon has made sure to listen to one of his tapes once everything was over, so he has recovered a decent degree. He's still tired and still keeps himself wrapped in that ridiculous bright robe that has offered him false warmth and comfort so far, but has also only wound the wrench around his heart tighter with that still so painfully familiar smell clinging to the fabric. He could have left it in his room, yes. But part of him feels like he may need this false security. And part of him may actually still dare to hope. Which even Jon believes is a foolish endeavor at this point.
Tony doesn't love him. The man has made as much clear. The man cares more about robots and machines than people who at best exist to serve his lust only to be discarded after use. Jon knows as much and it's foolish to expect anything else. Demanding loyalty as Tommy has suggested would get him laughed at at best. Such would require Tony to care. And so Jon is here for the closure others have suggested he seek. He only needs Tony to confirm what Jon believes to know. He needs the man to say it and just rid Jon of those hopes he shouldn't be clinging to. They won't have to speak to one another ever again after that. Jon can return to his library and Tony can resume rotating between his various lovers and his machines.
Biting his bottom lip at the thought, Jon looks down at his own hands, now clenched tightly together and he lets out a frustrated groan while prying them apart and considering to just get up and leave and if he's quick enough maybe not have this conversation after all?
no subject
But for Tony and his constant need to fix everything Jon really doesn't need any mind reading abilities. He also doesn't interrupt Tony in his musings to offer an actual answer on his own, rather giving the man the time to figure it out on his own. As far as Jon is concerned, it's not difficult to see: Tony needs a break from literally everything. To simply be able to take his mind of everything and maybe earn a new angle of looking at all those issues.
Then he only needs to allow Jon to help him figuring out how to tackle them - One at a time.
The scratching of his fingers pauses when Tony laughs and it's Jon's turn to raise a brow. But he simply smiles at the response he gets in the end. "Glad to hear that. I will ask Raphael if he's willing to take the Vanquish to the Graq's home planet." Mainly because that's the ship Jon has been assigned to himself and he feels most familiar with it.