revivalproject | ♤ The spaceman says everybody look down, It's all in your mind

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♤ The spaceman says everybody look down, It's all in your mind

WHO: Cayde-6, his crewmates (Ren-Ren, Kitty-Catra, Dapper Cap), and whoever else!
WHERE: Aboard the Starduck, over the communicators
WHAT: SPACE TRIP...?! It's been anticlimactic so far and this Exo be bored ~~Cayde they just started~~
WHEN: Beginning of the trip
WARNINGS: N/A, will adjust as needed.
NOTES: Will match preferred style as tagged. Feel free to make your own threads! Shoulda thought of saying that earlier but you know, hindsight all that stuff

Finally, he's been able to get aboard a ship. He's not really disappointed either; the Starduck's a swanky little thing. Maybe a little over the top. It's fine. Over the top is fun.

He's still been quite adamant about not touching the datapoints, not that it keeps him from trying to do things without them. Probably no one aboard will notice the extra singing about the edges of his hood, and he's had worse to the face when the Agrii "death tool" had bit back. It's nice having a metal head.

Naturally he would have made a beeline for the cockpit, sat himself in the pilot seat, and would have had to be shooed away for the actual pilot to take the controls. And so the next spot he'd be found in would be the bunks, where he's totally laid claim to the Captain's because it being the only single bed, was the most obvious choice.

Lying with arms folded behind his head to stare up at the ceiling and not the underside of someone else's bunk, it serves to keep him entertained for maybe a while unless someone challenges him for the bed. He's willing to give it up within good reason, but if no one complains, this is where he's keeping his stuff.

If it was hard to keep track of the time on the Agra 10, it's even harder on a ship out in space. Thus the question he voices, both aloud and over the network that he assumes is still connecting them to their buddies aboard the other ships, he poses the ever eternally important question:

are we there yet?

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The smile was a surprise, and Tony wasn't sure if it was a sign that Steve was processing rationally or if he had already convinced Catra into a mask and hotpants. Was it sick that he kind of was hoping for the latter? Tony wasn't supposed to be the more heartbroken one right now, he had come looking for something easier to fix. He offered an unsure grin back, but quickly met Steve on his approach, hand out to shake in greeting and to hold him close enough to curl the other around his head and pull him down to lean his brow against Tony's in a wordless commiseration. Neither of them had to bring it up, if Steve didn't want to. Releasing him, Tony retorted easily, "Grandpa, you know they're not supposed to let you out of the home. Come on, you and Cayde have got everything an old guy could want over here, your pre-chewed food, your cat, I even heard they might get the radio working again some day so you can take a turn around the galley."

The hug was, apparently, desperately needed. Steve let himself just accept the company of another's pain and, while it didn't really help him feel better, it at least made him feel less alone. And, boy, did he ever feel alone.

His smile stays on his face a second longer as Tony comments about their ship. "The only good thing about protein gel is that there's enough of it to keep up with my metabolism. It's awful, but it makes sure I don't starve the rest of the ship. When Buck comes over he-" Ah. Whoops. Steve looks down at the floor, a smile still on his face but one that is utterly false. "Came over. Yeah. Two super-soldiers eating can clean out a larder."

He clears his throat and walks back toward the table in the kitchen his shield is currently on. Well. Bucky's shield. His now. Maybe. God, who knew anything in this place?

"Did you come over to see Cayde?"

So much for not bringing it up. They didn't see much of each other around the city, so Tony had to assume there wasn't much left of Steve's world right now to talk about that didn't have Bucky in it in some way, and he tilted his head, watching that plastic smile but letting Steve have it. He'd get better at putting it on with some more practice; Tony wouldn't want anyone taking his mask off, either. He did stay close as they moved for the table and gladly overtook Steve to pick the edge of the shield up, tilting it up into the light with an adoring assessment, ready for that to be a fine distraction only to be surprised by Steve's question. "Why, has he been wearing you out?" he asked. "I'll gladly take him off your hands." Right, maybe that was why Steve asked. Tony had gotten so used to being in a constant state of background obsessed with the Exo that he kind of forgot how obvious that obsession would be to someone who actually knew him. "If you would hold him down for me, though, I'd appreciate it. He's, strangely, you won't believe this, so resistant to letting me pop the hood, it's like he doesn't trust me to put everything back where I found it. I think mine's heavier. Not mine, you know, yours, whatever." He was talking about the shield then, but his tone hardly changed.

Tony was always just a bundle of energy and Steve snorts a laugh as he lets him take the burden of conversation. Steve slinks into a chair just watching as Tony inspects the shield and enjoying his way of talking. Just moving from one thought to the next to the next and somehow still making sense. He leans back, tilts his head, and that plastic smile starts to melt into a real one. A small one, but still a real one.

"I don't think I want to piss off a crew member just to appease your curiosity, Tony. This is gonna be a foreign concept for both of us, but it's true: sometimes you gotta give up."

On small things, he privately adds as the smart of his missing partner stabbed at his heart again. Small things.

"And, yeah. You could be right. That one is from the universe where I fell off the train and became Hydra and Bucky got to play Cap. I have another one in my room that a friend--Hux--made for me a long time ago." It has a kitten's pawprint next to the star and is only about half as reliable as this one. Still. The thought was very nice.

Give up? That would have been offensive enough from anyone about Tony's pursuit of this future-technology, but from Steve it had Tony staring at him like he had been point blank shot. It wasn't the first time Tony had heard Steve say that by any means, but it was usually a chilling growl over the comms as he snapped the arm of some poor son of a bitch in a third place. Tony couldn't say he felt any better about it when it came out so lightly. "Traitor," he muttered, less venemously than he intended to.

Deliberately, watching the tip of the balance as he slid his fingers along the edge, Tony set the shield back down and braced his hands on the table instead, ankles crossed. They were going to have to talk about it, weren't they? Only-- "What?" He didn't mean to pour all of the left over venom into that question, but he hadn't anticipated finding out Steve and Hux were friends. That was a second loss that Steve was dealing with then, that Tony didn't even know about, and, "Ginger Hitler, that Hux?"

That might have been unfair.

"Ginger Hitler?" Okay. That was a new one. Steve shook his head. "I don't know everything he did but I do know the big pieces. I am not saying I approved of those in any way but, when I knew him, he had seemed to be trying to move on from that life."

It was hard to explain everything that happened between them and everything they shared. They weren't best friends by any means but Steve had liked him well enough and they shared a cat. He missed him.

"He was my first officer when I was taken by the Atroma. We've known each other for awhile. He vanished from there, too, so this would be the second time I had to see him leave." Just like Bucky. He doesn't say it but Tony is a smart man. He can probably see the words between the lines.

Time to distract him with what might be an even bigger bombshell:

"If you take offense to that, you should probably know my best friend back then was Loki."

In a way, and that way was to stop Tony from completely panicking and backing right out of this conversation, it was reassuring that Steve's stubborn streak hadn't just been temporarily softened in a confused grief over Bucky's disappearance. He was just more easygoing than Tony was used to, that was a good thing, really, a much healthier way to approach life and forgive one's enemies and not get angry ulcers. Tony had to sit down, both hands back on the shield in front of him like he might scoop it up protectively.

Maybe Steve would have been happy to help the Red Skull move on from his crimes, too, it was hard to tell, they didn't sit down and talk much.

"Offense isn't how I would have put it. Loki, brother of Thor, god of Mischief, once turned your girlfriend into a snake, stabbed Bruce in the neck, that Loki?" Just to be clear. If the situation with the Atroma wasn't much different than the one they were dealing with here, Tony could understand feeling a little pressed for options, and also finding that familiar faces were not anything what you expected. Maybe Steve's best friend didn't even like the colour green.

"My girlfriend?" His thoughts go to Peggy but that doesn't seem like the right person in that scenario. Did Loki ever go back in time and turn her into a snake? He can't remember that. He also isn't 100% sure on the Bruce thing but isn't going to argue that point. He knows Loki and him stabbing anyone is pretty much more likely than not. "I mean. Yes. Thor's brother, Loki. Yes."

This would be a horrible time to mention their kiss.

"The Calibrations we went through? We both saw a lot of each other's lives and were able to help one another through some old pains. He was a good man. A good friend." Steve misses him something fierce and actually regrets bringing this up, now.

He is tired of missing people.

Steve leans forward and scrubs his hands over his face before letting out a wet laugh. "Loved Stitch," he remembers fondly. "The movie. We didn't have a Stitch on board."

If Steve didn't remember the bit with the girlfriend, it was obvious his history with Loki was as different as the history he seemed to have with Tony, and he could possibly be forgiven for saying something as ludicrous as good man about him. Loki wasn't 100% either of those words, the only thing he entirely was was a big grey area and persistently annoying. Thor was one thing, his heart was as soft as Spider-Woman's hair, but Tony didn't see Steve falling for some manipulation so hard. Steve's Loki was something else.

"Hey, big guy, sorry," he tried gently at the wretched sound of that laugh, releasing the shield to rub a hand between Steve's shoulders reassuringly. "Don't know what Stitch is, but it couldn't have been that bad, no need to cry about it. Some people just have bad taste, and you have to support them through it." Avoiding the topic became talking about three important people to Steve leaving him here with Tony trying to figure out how to comfort him. Tony didn't cry, as a rule that he was terrible at enforcing, but nobody had to know about that, but he could understand getting the sniffles when confronted with a situation like that.

He lets out another very wet laugh and uses the back of his hand to wipe at his eyes. He's not crying, really, but it doesn't come back completely dry. He sniffles hard a few times and laughs again, shaking his head at Tony's missing information. Their universes must be pretty different.

"Stitch is a cartoon character," he explains. But it's not important.

He smiles up at his friend in genuine gratitude. "Thanks for coming over, Tony. I am sure this old-folks home isn't your idea of a great night out, but it's nice to have a friend still here." He leans a little into the hand on his back as though to underline that he's appreciative of all the efforts Tony is making. Lord knew it couldn't be easy or natural for him.

"So," he says to change the topics. "Girlfriend? Who is my girlfriend?"

Trying not to look too concerned about that designation, because they could be friends, Tony supposed, he had been assuming they must have been, they just had some work to do, Tony gladly draped an arm around Steve to bear his weight for a much easier to struggle to put his mind to. "Honestly, I can smell the denture cream, but it's not a problem, my ship is a morgue. Have you met the other Bucky? Fucking grim. You hit the jackpot, you got the one that smiles," he was saying rapidly, some of those words sure to take up the space in this room that any tears were trying to fit into.

He took a deep breath to answer more attentively about Steve's love life, not feeling like he should have been the authority on that one in this room, but maybe he kind of was in most rooms. Steve wasn't particularly good at paying attention to it, anyway. "At that point, it might have been Bernie--or maybe Rachel? That seems a little on the nose, turning her into a snake, but Loki isn't always that creative. Rachel's still around anyway, I think you're pretty good at keeping her and Sharon at a distance--after the thing with Wanda, you've kept it in your pants, very low key." The answer really didn't have to be that meandering, and Tony slowly slid his gaze Steve's way, the corner of his mouth twitching up with a challenge. He could keep going, Tony was very glad to take the chance to make Steve the feel the playboy for once.

Steve's cheeks go a vibrant pink as he hears about not one, not two, but four girls that he apparently has gone through? What was he, Tony? He blinks up at the other man, mouth ajar. At least for the moment he is completely and utterly distracted.

"Wanda? I had a thing with Wanda? Vision's Wanda?" He saw her almost like a sister. How could he have had a thing with her? Sharon, sure. He could see that one happening considering it sort of had in his timeline too. But who were all of these other people? And just how long had these relationships been? God forbid he tried to see more than one at the same time.

"And...Sharon. Sharon Carter I assume. I mean, I kissed her in my timeline too, but that was the extent of it. Is she...where you come from, is she my current partner? Or are there twelve other names that you can list out for me?"

"Vision's Wanda," Tony confirmed with a chuckle that he tried to capture behind tightly pressed lips as Steve went through his very visible crisis of character. It was a little gratifying that Steve wasn't trying to argue with him, like Tony had been so resistant to what Steve had to say about Loki, not sure what part of that spiel sounded the most trustworthy to him but glad not to be the enemy. "She'd been a little in love with you since it was just the four of you on the team, you and Clint and Pietro--I mean, who isn't, please. You're a real heartbreaker. The rest of us are lucky Bucky finally made an honest man out of you. You haven't really settled down back home, as far as I know--like I said, you've got those two gals on the line, but it's been hectic around the Tower. You've been sneaking off with Sharon plenty, though, like you don't think I notice." He didn't exactly come back looking happy, and mostly smelling like blood and gunpowder and with bruises that he didn't talk about while Tony patted them apologetically, but that was a much less fun detail. Maybe Steve already knew what he was sneaking around about while he was kissing Sharon, and could be the one to tell Tony himself.

No dice. This is all so completely and wildly out of character for Steve that all he can do is blink up at Tony with comically large eyes. "Two? Two girls on the line? I haven't even picked one to go steady with?" And sneaking out with Sharon? God. What is he like in this world?

"Tony, I am sorry. I think the Steve Rogers in your universe is someone who just stole my name. I cannot believe there is a version of me who takes Wanda ou-" He pauses and replays what Tony had said earlier. 'Kept it in his pants'. Which means...

"Wait. Tell me I haven't slept with all these women. Tell me I didn't sleep with Wanda."

The innocence was as charmingly genuine as ever, and Tony was pretty sure his Steve would react similarly if someone ever laid it out for him as transparently as that, too--or maybe pulled that jaw-set glare of personal offense for not presuming his intentions were all noble, because he just didn't notice how goddamn magnetic he was. It was going to get him into some real trouble one of these days. Joking about an imposter Steve was a callous move that quickly turned Tony's teasing smile, making him shrug as Steve's gears turned painfully, looking back to the shield for somewhere else to focus and pout into the reflection thoughtfully. That that turned out to be Steve's concern was a real surprise that shocked a laugh out of Tony through the brooding.

"You're not big on sharing details, but..." he offered, and sucked his teeth, sorry to be the one to deliver this terrible news. Steve wasn't the only party involved with details to share. "Billy and Tommy have said she's really different from the one that's here, if that makes you feel any better. I haven't even seen her, but she doesn't sound that bad, come on. I won't tell Barnes. I can be discrete."

Barnes. Steve's embarrassment and easy mood breaks along the edges. The smile returns to being 75% plastic. "Well, at least that might not be necessary. Right? No awkward conversations about interdimenensional infidelity. If you can even call it that."

He takes his shield and the tool he was using to tighten up the grips. His back hunches over it as he continues trying to tighten them up.

"At least you don't make fun of me for being a virgin in your universe," he offers as a muted joke. "And maybe Nat spends less time trying to set me up."

Mistake. That was supposed to be a casual, hey, of course, he'll show up again, no need to dwell on it, and instead Tony was tucking his restless hands between his knees to keep them from getting into any more trouble without the shield to draw their attention. Wasn't working, Tony abruptly got to his feet again to head for the drink dispenser with enough intent that he might have been aiming to take it apart, so he could at least get Steve some water in the absence of anything else to try to give him.

"You didn't even come out of the ice a virgin, are you kidding me? I thought I had plenty of material about how repressed you are, and now you're telling me I actually missed out," he babbled, trying to calculate quickly; of course this Steve was more repressed, he slept with men, back home he wasn't trying to hide something like that, god, shit. "You'll see him again when you go back, won't you?" That was not helping. "Not him, I guess, but..." Really not helping. "His face, you know, not like Cayde or Catra or...Jon." Who might have been on this crew, Tony didn't know, he was just guessing, the other two were, it was possible and reasonable to suggest for no reason. This was the opposite of helping. "Sansa doesn't want to go back." Cool, great, smooth recovery.

"Depends what 'back' means."

Steve glances over at Tony and debates with himself what he wants to say here. He'd already unloaded the details on Jon but in more or less broad strokes. Telling Tony would mean telling someone who mostly knew his character and his past. It meant admitting something he felt he should be ashamed of but still couldn't regret. But someone had to know.

"When Bucky and I met before, we were held by the Atroma. When we defeated them, we all had the option to stay behind and make a life in this new place or to go back to our universe. Go back to our lives before." Steve fiddles with the band of the shield as he talks. He doesn't look at Tony.

"I knew going back was the right thing to do. But so much had happened at home. I knew from the others how everything turned out and... I knew that if I did go back not only would I never see this Bucky again but I would forget him completely. Like it all just. Hadn't mattered.

"So. I stayed."

Finally he looks up. "If I go back to that place then...maybe he'll be there. But if I go home to my own universe? I guess then I lose everything."

That was a meaningful enough opener that Tony hesitated anxiously, with the glass of water in hand, by the counter. 'Back' could mean dying, too, that was the worst case scenario, and Tony wasn't sure how prepared he was to talk through mortality and the last moments of their lives being on a pile of rubble in another universe.

But it didn't sound like that was such a bad thing to Steve. Tony's brow knit in concern, eyes wide and watchful like he could see through Steve's face to understand better, mouth a thin line. If Steve had just said 'it's the right thing to do' about any part of that, Tony would have agreed with him without question, he was pretty sure; it was always hard to argue when Steve said those words. What he said and what he did weren't often at odds, though. How could he not go home? Tony could feel his heart breaking in a dozen different ways, and just as suddenly as he had stood up before, he glanced away from his intent study, looking up toward the cockpit then down into the glass. Right, he was doing something.

Pushing the water onto the table in front of Steve, he said, "You always were ready to give up absolutely everything for one person." That usually meant no man left behind, no matter the cost, but it obviously had its own complexities. "He's a real special guy." It was Tony's turn to offer a brittle smile, because he didn't really mean Bucky, but it didn't feel right to accuse Steve of doing something just for himself. That would have gotten Tony decked any other day.

Steve looks up sharply at Tony's words and frowns at that fake smile on his face. He knew that he was risking disapproval for his choice when he decided to tell it, but he hadn't expected it to come from that quarter. It doesn't seem fair.

"I was always ready to give up everything. From the time I was 23 I traded my life for the chance to do good. And I lost a hell of a lot more even after."

His self-righteousness leaves him about there and gives way to guilt. It had been a nice few seconds while it lasted.

"I would have gone back and lost everything, no matter what. So I decided to be selfish, for once." Yeah. He can say it. "I don't regret it."

"I'm glad," Tony was quick to assure him, though the smile was harder to maintain, making Tony take a deep breath and shake his head, honestly, don't read too hard into this expression, he couldn't be held accountable for what his face was doing. "I hope that stranger back home can figure that out soon, too." It would hurt more than anything, if the suggestion that Steve would choose not to come back home was any indication, and Tony had put more work than any of the other Avengers combined into convincing Cap to not go back to his time and stay in a home Tony would build for him in the 21st century. But to make him do that again, when he seemed to have figured out how to really be with someone instead of satelliting around them while he slowly self destructed, even Tony wasn't selfish enough to talk him out of that. Tony would gladly hold down the fort in his absence, and his honour. "I just know a lot of people are missing you," is how that came out out loud, and he tilted his head meaningfully, sure, that had to mean the Tony that was wondering where his Cap was, but not just that. "Those are big tights to fill."

Ah. Steve deflates as it becomes clear he misunderstood. He exhales a little and shakes his head. "From what I understand...and I don't know how...the timeline is unaffected by me staying here. I guess. I'm not really sure if my timeline is now an alternate one or not. It's all confusing." He shrugs a shoulder. "But I think everyone got by alright without me.

"You have Pepper. Sam probably picked up the shield. Nat and Clint were always okay and Wanda has the team." The one loose end was Bucky who was frozen in Wakanda when he left. Steve had to assume he'd understand when he woke up and didn't find him.

Steve takes a sip of his water and rolls the glass between his palms.

"Even if I stayed I would have left eventually, I heard. This was just early."

Even Tony's ego wasn't big enough to think the world stopped turning if he wasn't there, and he pursed his lips and frowned to ask if Steve really believed that or it was just something convenient to tell himself so his guilt finally didn't get in the way of his happiness. His idea of everyone 'getting by' was far more flimsy, though, maybe Tony could let him have the ego thing. What the hell did he think 'the team' meant without him? Tony gave him another pat on the shoulder, this one leaning distinctly condescending, sure, okay, whatever you say, before retreating again to the safe distance of the counter.

"Everyone leaves," Tony did have to agree with, though until now he would have been able to say the one person who he knew would always come back was Cap. "I have this reoccurring nightmare, you know--stop me if you've heard this one," he said, hand out for Steve to jump in any time if his Tony still had the balls to share his disaster premonitions with Steve, because Tony had given up some time ago when they were constantly met by Steve's stubborn refusal. "In it, I'm the last one standing, I'm it, the Avenger, singular. Every single choice we make, doesn't matter if it's building the Tower or it's Ultron, always, always, is a step toward this future. I can see it. And I know I'm, this is bad energy, I'm not thrilled, but, listen, if I knew that future was coming not because you all died, but because you all managed to get out, it would be a lot easier to sleep at night."

Steve is quiet as he looks over at Tony. He hasn't heard this story nightmare before but it makes a certain amount of sense. He probably will never know if his own Tony had the same one but he can imagine that to be the case. Can imagine Tony terrified of being the last one standing and knowing that there was no way around it. And to think, for him it had pretty much come to pass.

Which posed Steve with an issue.

Nat had told him about what happened in his time line. Steve knew about Thanos and the cost of beating him. He knew that Tony had given his life with Nat and their family had to move on without them. It was the exact opposite of what this Tony feared. But should Steve even say it? Was knowing that you died and left behind a wife and child better than that fear?

He looked back at his glass and pursed his lips for a moment in thought. At the end of the day, they were both from different universes. That meant that Steve's experiences were probably going to be vastly different than what they would have been in the other world. Telling Tony about Thanos, therefore, was probably not helpful. Right? Yeah.

Probably best to leave it vague.

"I can tell you that, at least where I came from, that doesn't happen. It's not pretty and it's not without loss, but the Avengers are still standing when the dust clears."

That...was much less reassuring than it sounded like Steve meant it to be. At first, the only response Tony had was to click his tongue, unsticking it from the roof of his mouth and calculating this reaction from Steve narrowly, the blue stare an alarmingly cold assessment. Steve seemed to have some context that Tony was profoundly lacking, though, and eventually had to ask, "What do you mean, what dust?" If Billy could be trusted, then not only did the Avengers continue to stand for a few years yet, there was about eight different teams of them to do a whole lot of standing. Tony wasn't worried about immediately, his prescience didn't extend to the end of next week and get foggy from there. Who did Steve think he was? "Do you mean the Mansion?" he tried to place Steve in time, because that had really felt like the end of the whole world when it happened, but it did take Steve being there to make sure the Avengers assembled again despite that.

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