♤ The spaceman says everybody look down, It's all in your mind

[deal_me_in]

WHO: Cayde-6, his crewmates (Ren-Ren, Kitty-Catra, Dapper Cap), and whoever else!
WHERE: Aboard the Starduck, over the communicators
WHAT: SPACE TRIP...?! It's been anticlimactic so far and this Exo be bored Cayde they just started
WHEN: Beginning of the trip
WARNINGS: N/A, will adjust as needed.
NOTES: Will match preferred style as tagged. Feel free to make your own threads! Shoulda thought of saying that earlier but you know, hindsight all that stuff



Finally, he's been able to get aboard a ship. He's not really disappointed either; the Starduck's a swanky little thing. Maybe a little over the top. It's fine. Over the top is fun.

He's still been quite adamant about not touching the datapoints, not that it keeps him from trying to do things without them. Probably no one aboard will notice the extra singing about the edges of his hood, and he's had worse to the face when the Agrii "death tool" had bit back. It's nice having a metal head.

Naturally he would have made a beeline for the cockpit, sat himself in the pilot seat, and would have had to be shooed away for the actual pilot to take the controls. And so the next spot he'd be found in would be the bunks, where he's totally laid claim to the Captain's because it being the only single bed, was the most obvious choice.

Lying with arms folded behind his head to stare up at the ceiling and not the underside of someone else's bunk, it serves to keep him entertained for maybe a while unless someone challenges him for the bed. He's willing to give it up within good reason, but if no one complains, this is where he's keeping his stuff.

If it was hard to keep track of the time on the Agra 10, it's even harder on a ship out in space. Thus the question he voices, both aloud and over the network that he assumes is still connecting them to their buddies aboard the other ships, he poses the ever eternally important question:


are we there yet?

Comments

[in_extremis]

Even Tony's ego wasn't big enough to think the world stopped turning if he wasn't there, and he pursed his lips and frowned to ask if Steve really believed that or it was just something convenient to tell himself so his guilt finally didn't get in the way of his happiness. His idea of everyone 'getting by' was far more flimsy, though, maybe Tony could let him have the ego thing. What the hell did he think 'the team' meant without him? Tony gave him another pat on the shoulder, this one leaning distinctly condescending, sure, okay, whatever you say, before retreating again to the safe distance of the counter.

"Everyone leaves," Tony did have to agree with, though until now he would have been able to say the one person who he knew would always come back was Cap. "I have this reoccurring nightmare, you know--stop me if you've heard this one," he said, hand out for Steve to jump in any time if his Tony still had the balls to share his disaster premonitions with Steve, because Tony had given up some time ago when they were constantly met by Steve's stubborn refusal. "In it, I'm the last one standing, I'm it, the Avenger, singular. Every single choice we make, doesn't matter if it's building the Tower or it's Ultron, always, always, is a step toward this future. I can see it. And I know I'm, this is bad energy, I'm not thrilled, but, listen, if I knew that future was coming not because you all died, but because you all managed to get out, it would be a lot easier to sleep at night."

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve is quiet as he looks over at Tony. He hasn't heard this story nightmare before but it makes a certain amount of sense. He probably will never know if his own Tony had the same one but he can imagine that to be the case. Can imagine Tony terrified of being the last one standing and knowing that there was no way around it. And to think, for him it had pretty much come to pass.

Which posed Steve with an issue.

Nat had told him about what happened in his time line. Steve knew about Thanos and the cost of beating him. He knew that Tony had given his life with Nat and their family had to move on without them. It was the exact opposite of what this Tony feared. But should Steve even say it? Was knowing that you died and left behind a wife and child better than that fear?

He looked back at his glass and pursed his lips for a moment in thought. At the end of the day, they were both from different universes. That meant that Steve's experiences were probably going to be vastly different than what they would have been in the other world. Telling Tony about Thanos, therefore, was probably not helpful. Right? Yeah.

Probably best to leave it vague.

"I can tell you that, at least where I came from, that doesn't happen. It's not pretty and it's not without loss, but the Avengers are still standing when the dust clears."

[in_extremis]

That...was much less reassuring than it sounded like Steve meant it to be. At first, the only response Tony had was to click his tongue, unsticking it from the roof of his mouth and calculating this reaction from Steve narrowly, the blue stare an alarmingly cold assessment. Steve seemed to have some context that Tony was profoundly lacking, though, and eventually had to ask, "What do you mean, what dust?" If Billy could be trusted, then not only did the Avengers continue to stand for a few years yet, there was about eight different teams of them to do a whole lot of standing. Tony wasn't worried about immediately, his prescience didn't extend to the end of next week and get foggy from there. Who did Steve think he was? "Do you mean the Mansion?" he tried to place Steve in time, because that had really felt like the end of the whole world when it happened, but it did take Steve being there to make sure the Avengers assembled again despite that.

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve probably should have said nothing. But it was helpful, a bit, to hear Tony talk and to realize just how different their time frames were. At 'Mansion', Steve just blinked dully and shook his head. He didn't know about any Mansion. Definitely not one that had felt like the end of the world. Maybe Thanos didn't exist in their time frame? Maybe he had defeated him way earlier than they had?

Maybe that was still to come?

"Does the name 'Thanos' mean anything to you?"

[in_extremis]

Not even any hint of recognition for the Mansion was enough to make Tony frown, because Cap had definitely been the only one actually living there for most of the time it stood, but the question he had in return was what sent a shiver up Tony's spine. Not necessarily for Thanos himself, as terrible as that fight always was, the guy could go spit, but for the Gems he knew Steve was not going to casually accept the fate of. The name brushed a little too close to that inevitable confrontation.

"That was years ago," Tony said, the apology for having to be the one to deliver the bad news in his posture. Thanos wasn't nearly the end of the fight, he was just one among many. That was what the Avengers were for, Tony thought; because the hits kept on coming. "Is that what your team got together for? To fight Thanos?" he asked, not that this was an ignoble goal, just a surprising one that might explain the Loki thing. In his own defense, he had to point out just in case, and so no one thought too hard about the Gems, "Our first fight was with Loki. No one of us could deal with him on our own."

[brooklyn_boy]

Years ago? And Tony thought something else could top it? Steve had vastly underestimated the differences in their history. "We fought Loki, too. That was how we formed. We fought many other battles and Ultron too before we disbanded." Steve might as well say everything. It is clear that their backgrounds have little in common. "There was a disagreement between you and I. We fought and separated until Thanos came and used the Infinity Stones to wipe out half of all life in the galaxy."

Steve hadn't seen it, he'd only heard about it. Only seen the pain in Nat's eyes as she talked about all that had happened. Even imagining it made him feel sick.

"Five years later, we found a way stop it from happening. We all fought together one last time. All of us. And not everyone made it, but we won.

"That is the last fight I was in, I heard. After that I...retired."

[in_extremis]

The way Steve said 'we' implied he was there for that first throw down with Loki that got the team their name, which felt incredibly wrong. It would have been a much easier fight, surely, but very different. Ultron wasn't alien to Tony, though, at least they shared that one, too, making Tony nod in recognition, then only briefly look concerned about 'disbanded'. He had to mutter, "Sounds about right," with a small smile about a disagreement between them making everything feel like it fell apart, knowing at least that it didn't last.

"Five years?" was the big takeaway that Tony had from that abridged history of the Avengers, looking horrified. These Avengers sure took their time getting anywhere. "Shit." If a fight ever took that long, Tony would hang up the suit, too. "We're still going strong," he reiterated, really not sure if this was something Steve wanted to hear anymore. "Almost called it quits not that long ago. We did, for a while. There was a...We lost a bunch of people, all at once. Hawkeye, Vizh, Thor was gone, Scott and Jack...We never took losses like that. Not like that. With the Avengers Mansion going out, too, you know, it seemed like a sign, that we had made this problem and cost these people their lives and, they were our friends, our family. I didn't have the money anymore to even think about putting it all back together. It's you that convinced me--the way you always convince me, by just doing it and expecting I'll be there, because of course I will--that it was fate. Your word, not mine. That a team needs to be in place, that we would keep coming together to fight those big fights."

Tony might have just been reassuring himself, he realized, that he still had some time left, and that the Captain America back on his Earth was too stubborn to think of something like retiring just yet.

[brooklyn_boy]

"We lost half of the galaxy, Tony. They ceased to be. Bucky, Sam, Spider Man, Doctor Strange, T'Challa, Shuri..." He hangs his head, remembering them all getting a list and realizing the people they'd lost. The empty hole that created inside of him that couldn't be filled. "We needed to take time figure out how to help humanity through this. We were all they had left. You and I...still were at odds after the battle and you had Pepper and your daughter, so we had a skeleton crew to fight crime and also help the world move on.

"It was awful, Tony. And we all almost died trying to stop Thanos from succeeding again."

He knows his face telegraphs what he's thinking so Steve looks very concretely towards the floor.

"Members of the team did. Too many did. I can't imagine a fight with a higher cost or more at stake than that."

[in_extremis]

The Thanos thing, right, they worked it out, it was fine, nothing worth giving up for, making Tony nod impatiently and roll his eyes. That's what supervillains did, that's what the Avengers were for, the big fights, Tony did say that part out loud. They all almost died every time; that was part of Steve's pitch for the New Avengers, too. That was a feature, not a bug. Steve really didn't have to bother trying to hide his face, though, because Tony was entirely hung up on another detail.

"My daughter? I have a daughter? I had Pepper--Pepper and I have a daughter?" he asked, like if he said it enough times it would start to make more sense. "No," he said, like he was in any position to be correcting Steve on his life. "Pepper and Hap are married. Their baby--their baby didn't even make it, Happy doesn't even know about it," Tony explained much too quickly, both hands up to halt Steve from trying to convince him otherwise because if Tony could have been building a life with Pepper and a daughter, he really had fucked it up beyond repair. Maybe he was wrong about being the only one around here that didn't seem to have left behind their own apocalypse.

[brooklyn_boy]

Whoops.

Steve's head flips up at the mention of Hap (Happy?!) with Pepper. That was a bit of a change. God, did their universes have anything in common at all? "Clearly things were very different for us both. I think it's safe to say that things from my universe have little to no resemblance to yours. I mean. The next set of Avengers is going to have Sam as Captain America and I don't even know who else. Wanda, Hawkeye. Maybe Thor if he comes back?

"Something tells me that wasn't what yours looked like when you were finished with Thanos."

[in_extremis]

With a deep breath, Tony sighed, "Yeah..." looking away again down the length of the ship, distant and sightless. Different was starting to sound like it might have been better. It took a herculean effort to shake his head and blink back into focus, crafting a smile--it wasn't that hard, it was great that he had a kid, even if it was in another universe, that must have been incredible for him, wherever that was, Iron Man didn't cry--"Yeah, no, we were kind of split up already then. Wanda and I, we were already on the West Coast while you led the good fight back in New York, we just kind of went back to that. It didn't work out. I'm not half as good as anything as when I'm..." Different, right.

Something to latch onto quickly was, "Sam?" because Tony couldn't immediately conjure who that might mean. "Sam Wilson?" was the only 'Sam' on the roster that he could recall. "Does he keep the wings, too? That's deadly, huh? Great, good for him. Good stuff. That's what your Bucky's world looked like too, then? Just him with the shield? All the other stuff, Thanos and he retires and I've got Pep, that's all the same?"

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve dropped his gaze again because, even in another universe, it had to be hard to hear about your death. Steve doesn't want it to show on his face. "Yeah, Sam Wilson. I don't know about the wings, unfortunately. Another version of Bucky who was here before told me about it. I haven't had any new memories of my universe since I was first taken. As far as I can really remember, you and I just had our fight and I had to get a bunch of Avengers out of a floating prison.

He shrugs a bit. "As for...Buck. He doesn't remember anything beyond the fight with Loki from his universe. Our worlds seem to be the same other than who fell off the train, but we don't know more than that. No one from his universe has ever come here so, for all I know Thanos isn't even in his universe."

[in_extremis]

It was probably not possible for this to be addressed, but Tony still whispered, "What is it about Bucky...?" upon hearing about another one. And the Bucky from his dimension didn't even survive the war. It was really looking bleak for him.

"How did you...?" Tony started, hand twisting in the air to try to formulate what he meant to ask and brush away the static of the depression he could feel setting in. "You had basically the same life then, the two of you. That must be weird. Must have been a weird conversation," he said, head tilting slightly to indicate he didn't really mean the conversing part. He would probably punch an alternate version of himself in the face, but Tony did understand that did not make him unique. Most people wanted to punch Tony in the face.

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve can't help but laugh. "Are you asking me why I am with Bucky here and am not pretty much everywhere else if we have the same history? Or are you asking if I am dating myself in another body since we went through the same things? Trust me, neither of those questions are new ones."

[in_extremis]

"Yes? Both of those things, yes," Tony was glad to accept. "I mean, listen, I'm in no position to start judging people on their sexual proclivities, this is, honestly, not the weirdest relationship in the world, the Avengers have brought home all kinds to meet the family. But as far as I know, you are straight, like, won't even touch his own dick if he can help it, so, it's, you came with a bundle of surprises all at once. But mostly the dating yourself thing, that one's wild. I'd expect that from Clint."

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve laughs openly and shakes his head. "Yeah. Yeah, we have a lot of talks about that. But it's really nothing like that at all." He sighs and tries to figure out where to start.

"In the 'Fleet, my Bucky from my universe was there. He was from the time he was just starting to leave his Winter Soldier identity and...I was not the best person to help him with the adjustment. We had too much history and I was stuck on who he used to be. The friend I lost. And it was in that sort of situation that the other Bucky showed up."

Steve still remembers being at the bar and miraculously drunk on some concoction that would probably kill half the other people there. He remembers falling off his stool and a ghost from the past being there. It had been surreal.

"It's not like dating myself. Weird enough, it's like dating the friend I lost on the train. We have the same past, with the war and all. And, yeah, he followed my steps, but he did it for different reasons. I stayed as Captain America because there was nothing else for me. He stayed because he knew it was what I would have done."

Steve's heart clenches in his chest as he thinks about him. About the fact that he might not see him ever again. He bends forward a bit and focuses on his water with a sad smile on his face. Bittersweet.

"He's Bucky. Bucky if Hydra never touched him. And I think, whether I knew it or not, I was always just a little bit in love with him, back in the day. I've just never had that person back in order to figure it out."

[in_extremis]

The Winter Soldier stuff was still an enigma to Tony, but he could very well understand a distinct personality difference between the other Buckies he'd had the pleasure of encountering, and the one Steve claimed as his partner. He had to assume little prepubescent boy wonder was a little closer to the latter.

"He's pretty lovable," Tony muttered, suddenly very not sure what to do with his hands again, because it was awkward enough being swallowed in a void of despair while in public, but he didn't mean to send Steve into his own again. Tony already gave him water, there wasn't anything else obvious around to start offering. "Now that I think about it, you know, that makes sense," he continued instead. "When you first came out of the ice, if you weren't on the field you were basically wandering the streets and yowling his name like a horny alleycat. Got Rick up in that little costume to have your buddy around again. It was twisted and we probably should have looked into therapy, as, like, a standard team requirement, but there's a hell of a lot about you that's weird, so..."

[brooklyn_boy]

"He was my best friend. The only person other than Peggy who really knew Steve Rogers and liked him as much as Captain America. Maybe more." He is still smiling that same bittersweet smile as he talks. At least now it seems fond. The sort of smile someone would have reminiscing about a beloved parent years on.

He's well-used to loss at this point.

"Therapy probably would have been good. Growing up in my time, we weren't really known for letting men talk about their feelings. Rub dirt in it and walk it off. But...I can't talk for the Steve in your universe, but me? I could have gotten some use out of actually dealing with losing everyone I knew in one cold nap."

[in_extremis]

"I just said he was lovable, don't try to talk me out of it," Tony scowled, sticking his tongue out in disgust at the implication that anyone could like this Steve Rogers character over Captain America. This was a little easier to take, letting Tony steal closer again to put a hand on Steve's back, scratching restlessly between his shoulders with an apology for this meandering conversation always coming back to Bucky. It was hard to put him out of mind, and even harder when they were cramped in these ships without Tony's usual avenue for distraction; reckless spending. "Not in the budget, Winghead," he lamented, as much for the current disappointment as for the therapy that the Avengers' mysterious benefactor failed to supply. "But, hey, look at that, you've got plenty of experience now, sounds like. That's got to mean something. You could lead the support group, you know, get everyone in the city together once a week to talk through their coping mechanisms or whatever. Not something I thought I'd ever say to you, honestly, you're not wrong, that other Steve is a total alien."

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve bursts out laughing. Tony has no idea how funny that is. "Apparently, during the five years, I did run a support group. Can't imagine who had that bright idea. I can only assume every qualified person got snapped."

He is smiling now, at least, and reaches around to take Tony's hand. He gives it a firm squeeze.

"Look. I know this isn't the skill you'd put first on your resume, but I appreciate this, Tony. It is really nice to have a friend around right now. Especially one that can only be serious in bite-sized amounts."

[in_extremis]

The laugh was enough to make Tony snicker with Steve with some confusion before he even knew what was so funny about what he said, then he was nodding, very sagely. "Oldest guy in the room, with age comes wisdom," he countered with gravity, as though that would mean Steve was the most qualified for any position. Taking his hand put Tony less on edge, less prepared to anxiously resist when Steve said that they were friends even if everything they tried to share was suggesting they couldn't really know each other that well, and instead Tony gave his most smug smile for being so reliably un-serious. He took his hand back to scrub through Steve's hair instead and draw him fondly against Tony's stomach like he might do to one of the kids when they were going through a comparably childish crisis; Cassie lamenting a school friend moving away while Tony muttered like he was listening and replaced the wheels of her skateboard with his free hand. As though this had been a reasonable suggestion, Tony continued, "You could meet in the diner-- the kids are determined to keep it running. Jon and I have...cleared out, so you won't be competing for attention. Hello, my name is Tony and I'm trying to rebuild my life, that kind of thing."

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve only tangentially knew anything about Tony and Jon but was well enough used to the idea of the man with various partners. Men was a new one for Steve to be aware of, but then again it was for him too. People in glass houses and all that. Still, he frowned as the knowledge he had of those two men fizzled into nothing as he replayed the words 'cleared out'. He cocked his head to the side and looked up at Tony, curious.

"Did you guys move someplace else? There's plenty of room at the hotel. Mine and Bucky's room there is almost getting respectable. It's not a bad spot."

[in_extremis]

Chin to his chest to look down at Steve, both hands still and hovering with uncertainty, Tony went, "No...? What? No. What?" The part of this that made sense to Tony had him backing away enough to say, "I didn't know that's where you were. You never invite a guy over, absolutely zero hospitality in this town. I can only imagine what two Capsicles consider 'respectable'. Is it rude to already say I prefer the 'before'?" as he worked out how to actually respond to Steve's question. Maybe he needed more context. Barely taking a breath, Tony continued, "We were doing interviews, at the diner, trying to compile everybody's information. If Jon decides to keep it up, it would be at the library, I expect."