the pack survives (caves - during the calibrations)

[theladyofwinterfell]

WHO: Sansa Stark
WHERE: the Caves
WHAT: mourning and trying to have a stiff upper lip about it
WHEN: 6/17 - 6/30
WARNINGS: sadness.

Every morning after calibrations were over, the first thing Sansa did was clutch James into her arms and hold him tight. She counts all his fingers and all his toes and she holds him as close as she dares without making him squirm and then nurses him. Usually at some point, Tyrion comes in and says good morning to her, wanting to get this early time with James before they have to deal with everyone else in the caves and be in a good mood.

Today, he doesn't come.

Sansa doesn't think much of it while she gets James pinned into a fresh diaper and goes to where Tyrion's room is. She doesn't see him there and she doesn't see his effects, either - there's not even a golden hair on the pillowcase. She looks around the caves, more and more frantic, and then she realizes what has happened. The Agrii, whom she's always thought kinder and more benevolent than the Atroma they used to live under, have taken Tyrion. She knows he must go back to do great things, same as she had to, but it isn't the same. It isn't fair.

Sansa finds a place that is slightly tucked away to sit in silence. She was off cavorting in other peoples' memories and her own family has been taken from her again. She's never wanted anything more than to just be happy and it seems her life isn't where happiness will come. She hasn't seen her in years and can barely remember the sound of her voice or the tender touch of her hands but she wants her mother. Sansa knows that James needs his mother, though, so she just holds him as tight as she dares. "Not you. Never you. You'll never lose me. I'll follow you to the ends of the earth and back, little wolf." James cries a little, not wanting to be held so tightly at the moment, but Sansa doesn't care.

"I love you so much, my darling."

Comments

[theladyofwinterfell]

"I know. I am lucky, to have such friends, but my luck isn't manifesting in the way that I would like. Thank you for your words, though. It makes me feel...lighter if not completely better. I've lost a lot," she explains. "But the words you gave me aren't empty. They're true."

It's better than the false sympathy she'd get in Westeros, that's for certain, and she knows the people here appreciate her just as she is and not for her title and position.

[backoff]

"My luck hasn't exactly been the best since I arrived here. But not quite as worse as yours. You're welcome. I've lost a lot too." Cloud says softly back. He looks at her silently. "I haven't lost anyone here. But I know how I would be when they might leave themselves and not return."

They all could leave. The connections they make here could too. He understands where Sansa is coming from. It is a never ending circle that has its moment of happiness and sadness. "But I will have to remind myself to continue on living."

[theladyofwinterfell]

"As will I. The sun will rise and set and I'll have to keep going. If not for me, for the baby, and I'm just going to have to get used to my new normal."

It will take time, as these things always do, but getting through the pain is terrible at first. Sansa is more than familiar with it.

[backoff]

"Good. I know you will care for your baby, Sansa. Your new normal doesn't have to be difficult. I don't know much about babies, but I know about children." Cloud's still getting used to Marlene and Denzel. They could have their own adventures without having to do much. Sometimes they needed that extra attention that any child would need from their parent or guardian.

He looks at her while asking softly. "Is there anything that you need?"

[theladyofwinterfell]

"I wish I knew what to say," Sansa says. "I wish it was something tangible that I wanted, something I could obtain and everything was all right again. It's just not that easy and I hate it."

It's awful, not knowing what to do. Cloud wants to help, though, and she appreciates that more than anything.

"You being here helps, though."

[backoff]

"You don't have to say anything." Cloud knows certain wishes can't be done but he looks at Sansa understanding what she was saying. "All you can do is keep going if that's what you can obtain."

He doesn't really know but he feels that they would want them to keep living their lives. Even if the loss will be fresh for a while he would go on. Cloud's eyebrows raise as he gives a small smile at her.

"I could sit and stay a while." What else is there to do really?

[theladyofwinterfell]

"I think I would like that, if you stayed with me for a while. It feels less lonely with a friend nearby."

Sansa is blessed to have such friends who care for her, those friends who would come to her in her hour of need and take care of her when she's feeling a loss so keenly. She hadn't had so many to confide in back home but here is so much different.

[backoff]

Cloud gives a nod at Sansa. He makes a careful movement to stand first before walking a bit to get to her one side. The movements are quiet too so he doesn't disturb the baby all that much. Cloud then sits next to her and leans his back against the wall.

"I will stay for as long as you need. Don't worry about my own needs for now. I'll let you know when I may need to go and with enough warning."

It wouldn't do any good to end up leaving suddenly. Sansa might want some alone time later if they find out that not many come by this way.