The cost of sentimentality

[measuringdistance]

WHO: Chikai Kuji & Open
WHERE: Chikai's calibration room
WHAT: Who doesn't love strangers snooping around in your head?
WHEN: During the Calibration Event
WARNINGS: Potential depictions of violence, murder, torture, and mentions of suicide.

Those who wind up this small Japanese bedroom, the first thing they're likely to notice is the temperature. It's cold - not quite enough to make someone's breath fog, but more than enough to be uncomfortable. The longer you stand around, the more it seems to seep in, regardless of what anyone's wearing. The second thing is the smell. Those who have had soba before will recognize it, but even those who haven't may still find it comforting, in the way home-cooked food tends to be.

Yet that only puts it more at odds with the otherwise barren room. The walls have bits of green and yellow paper stuck to them, the remains of posters that have long been torn off. There's no other decorations, only a closet that will open if you give it a good tug. Inside is a purple jacket emblazoned with a seagull on the back, a metal ruler with a bandaged handle leaning against one of the inner walls, and a large duffel bag that's packed to the brim. Open it up, and you'll find a mess of money and clothes all stuffed inside haphazardly. The clothes themselves seem to be for a child, and the ones that stand out most are a soccer uniform and a heavy winter coat with a faux-fur lined hood. Dig deep enough, you'll also find a flute and soccer ball buried there under the paper and fabric.

The one piece of furniture is a low desk, which Chikai himself is sitting on top of. He's wearing sunglasses that make it hard to read his expression, though he seems to be looking out the nearby window. Not that there's much to look at; it's night out there, and the only thing in sight is a dark and empty alley. The desk has drawers, but you'll have to get him to move if you want to open any of them. Sitting beside him is a glass full of lollipops, all different flavors. There's enough in there they nearly look like a bouquet, and are easily the most colorful thing in the room. On the floor by his feet, there's a framed picture, though it's impossible to say of what. The glass itself is completely covered with what looks like black ink or paint. He seems to have no interest in picking it up.

Comments

[measuringdistance]

“Just turned twenty-one,” he answers, tone distant, “Hell of a birthday present.” He's not really paying attention, just focusing on the satisfaction of feeling the glass break. Hearing the splinter as he grinds his heel into the stupid, smiling faces underneath the paint. Weak, cowardly pieces of shit. They're not worth thinking about. None of it's worth thinking about anymore.

With harder, much more calculated kick, he sends the picture skittering off towards a far corner of the room. Snorting a bit, he finally turns and sees Jon examining the desk. His first impulse is to shove the guy away, but as impulse managed to expose that last memory, he manages to temper it into, "Oi, who said you could look in there?"

If Jon starts going through them anyway, he'll find most of them empty too. It's only the top left drawer where anything's actually hidden - a Tokarev pistol with a bandaged handle, and a miçanga.

[beholding_archivist]

To be fair, no one actually said he couldn't look there, so by the time Chikai calls out to the Archivist, Jon has already found the gun and moved to pick it up.

He has never held a gun before, but he has also never had any reason to.

"I'm sorry..." That's all he can mutter, not making it clear if he is apologizing for finding the gun, showing compassion for the harshness of Chikai's life or for being unable to resist the urge to touch it.

Part of him hopes, however, that this gun has never been fired.

[measuringdistance]

It's the middle of the night this time, with Chikai standing right at the edge of a tunnel. The lights inside are painfully bright florescents that expose everything. A man in a white coat lying face-down on the ground, and further past him, the same young boy from the last memory holding a still-smoking gun. After letting out a slow breath, Chikai starts walking towards his brother, carefully but with no sign of hesitation. The boy doesn't move at all, eyes wide and terrified, even when Chikai gently takes the gun from his shaking hands.

And just as sure and unflinching, he walks back over to the body, and fires twice more into its back.

With that done, he turns back towards his little brother, who now looks just as confused as he is afraid. "Bad guys are the ones who survive in this world," he states coldly as he bridges the distance between them once more. Then Chikai kneels down until they're at eye level, and says with a smirk that softens just slightly as he goes, "I killed that guy, okay? With this gun." Understanding seeps into the boy's eyes at last, and with it something very close to awe. Just as his paralysis breaks and he finally starts to sob, Chikai sets the gun down and pulls him into a tight hug, assuring him quietly, "Us brothers are gonna survive this world together. No matter what we have to do. Got it?"

When the memory vanishes this time, Chikai wastes no time in grabbing at Jon's collar and snarling, low and vicious, "You don't tell fucking anyone about that, understand?"

[beholding_archivist]

Jon is still standing at the desk, weapon in hand when he is grabbed and jerked around, tearing a little yelp of surprise from him and the gun is dropped to the floor.

"Jesus!" Is pretty much all he says before catching himself and narrowing his eyes at the young man keeping a hold on him. He doesn't request to be let go, though.

"Did you get your brother into that situation?"

[measuringdistance]

Of course he did. How else would a ten-year old get ahold of a gun if not his big brother stupidly deciding to leave it behind? But what he snaps is simply, “Doesn’t matter. I fixed it. He’s fine, and no one’s ruining that.”

That they aren’t on Earth anymore, that Jon would probably have no way of finding them let alone reporting anything to the cops even if they did get back, that he may not even remember any of this when they wake up... none of that makes a difference to Chikai. If this guy does remember anything later, Chikai wants to make damn sure he remembers this too.

[beholding_archivist]

"That hardly looked like fixing anything to me." The Archivist replies and reaches one hand up to grab one of those holding him at the wrist "Now let go. It's hardly likely we can harm one another in our dreams."

Were this outside of a dream... Well. Jon certainly would be more worried about getting hurt. Not necessarily killed, but... Hurt.

[measuringdistance]

...Chikai begrudgingly has to admit to himself that was true. If it wouldn’t stick, there was no point wasting his time and energy. He lets go of Jon roughly, half-shoving him away.

“He stayed out of trouble, no one’s gone after him. I call that fixed,” he says, picking up the gun to put it back in the drawer. Really, he’d like to chuck it out the window, get rid of it completely. But he’d settle for getting it out of sight for now.

[beholding_archivist]

Once he has been let go, Jon stumbles backwards first, then takes two more deliberate steps away, yet maintains a chiding scowl "And how long will that last? When will someone come after him? What lasting effects will witnessing his older brother perform such acts will have on him?"

Obviously he doesn't agree with what Chikai seems to have chosen to be his path. And he approves even less of dragging an innocent child along. None of this is right.

"And what if something happens to you?"

[measuringdistance]

"Nothing's gonna happen to me." He says it with a casual kind of conviction as he kicks the desk drawer closed. "I know how to take care of myself." After all, that was the night he learned. Trying to cling to any kind of morals was something he couldn't afford, and he'd been a fucking idiot to ever think he should. Especially with Toi in the equation.

"Anyway, they won't go after him. Because no one's gonna find out, right?" Chikai shoots Jon another glare over his shoulder, before taking a lollipop from the glass and unwrapping it. Grape wasn't the best flavor, but he was craving it right now for some reason. Around the candy, he mutters, more to himself than Jon, "He's a tough kid. And he understands. He's special like that."

[beholding_archivist]

"Right. You're one of those people." He can afford that little, dismissive noise as he turns away from Chikai and his perch to quickly survey the rest of the room, easily spotting the only other piece of furniture but making no move to approach it. There may be more corpses hidden in there.

"So what happened here anyway? Why is this place as sparse as it is? Do you live like this?"

[measuringdistance]

Feeling a little calmer now that he has something covering the bitter taste in his mouth, Chikai looks around the room again. Location aside, he had to admit it did bare a resemblance to his most recent apartment. He just shrugs. “‘s better not to have too much junk around, don’t ya think? Not like you can take it with you.”

[beholding_archivist]

The look the Archivist casts over to the young man is a telling one. But by now it may be obvious that they won't agree on many things.

"Maybe." A rather Gertrude way of looking at things. Jon opts to step closer to the closet after all. It takes a degree of effort to open it and what's inside only confirms Chikai's words. Anticipating yet another bloody outcome, he reaches to pick up the ruler.

[measuringdistance]

Chikai tries not to wince when the now familiar memory plays once again. He doesn't remember everything about his last guest's visit, but he remembers enough to not let himself get upset about it being unearthed again.

Another night, though a warm one this time, and no lights save for a dull street lamp that barely touches the alley. The men he's trying to fight are wearing the same purple jacket Chikai would in the tunnel - the same one hung in the closet now. And when they snap to attention at their boss's arrival, it's clearly the same man who Toi would later murder. The white coat is very distinctive.

When it fades this time, Chikai keeps a level temper. This guy's awfully nosy, but if it's a choice between him rummaging around in the drawer or the closet, the closet was easily the lesser of two evils. "It's actually a pretty handy tool, once you sharpen it," he says, walking closer to peer over Jon's shoulder at the ruler. "Prob'ly wasn't gonna do me any good that night, though."

[beholding_archivist]

To be fair, Jon is less nosy with people he knows and trusts, but trusting Chikai... It's only becoming more difficult. He runs the palm of his flame-scarred hand over the metal, considering the young man's words quietly before putting it back.

"I would hope you aren't planning on causing any trouble once this-- Once the storm has passed. We don't need that.

[measuringdistance]

Straightening back up and crossing his arms, Chikai actually sounds offended when he says, "Oh, come on. It's not like I just go around starting shit for kicks." After a moment to consider the memory this guy just saw, he reluctantly added, "Well, not anymore."

So he'd been a stupid punk. Lots of teenagers were. He was an adult now, and as an adult, he didn't see any way he'd benefit by picking fights in a group this small... at least, not without a reason.

[beholding_archivist]

"Guess we will see about that." Jon replies with a noncommittal shrug.

"Do you have any memories stored away in your mental closet that don't involve violence?" It's a valid question he feels as he frowns down at the remaining contents of said piece of furniture.

[measuringdistance]

"How should I know? I didn't exactly get a list of what's gonna show what when I got here." It's technically true - Chikai really doesn't have any concrete knowledge of how this process works. Though his own understanding of what the objects are and have been used for at least gives him an idea of what could appear, if he wanted to help. Which, considering the non-violent memories would probably be more embarrassing anyway, he doesn't. "Just a risk you're gonna have to take if you wanna keep poking around."

[beholding_archivist]

"Well, as an alternative you can just tell me what you are willing to share without me doing any of that." Jon suggests with a short gesture of his hands.

"Unless this place lets me go, I am stuck here anyway. So why don't you tell me about your brother?" That seems safe enough.

[measuringdistance]

"Toi?" Chikai pushes the lollipop back and forth in his mouth a couple times before answering, but that's not enough to hide the grin that's already started tugging at his lips. This was something he could talk about all day - and he has. "Fine, why not? What d'ya wanna know?"

[beholding_archivist]

Jon gives a little shrug "I have seen him twice now, and both times he was either sad or scared. But you seem to care about him. I never had siblings, so I... I can't really compare it to a personal experience. What is he like? What do you two do together when death isn't involved?"

[measuringdistance]

"Sheesh, you get two bad memories from one winter..." Chikai sighs, like he can make the experiences not a big deal if he just acts like they aren't. He turns, meandering a bit as he heads back towards the desk. "Well for starters, he's a real serious kid. Always worrying about something or other. A little caution's smart, but he could stand to lighten up more."

For a moment, he pauses to eye the bits of paper on the wall, before admitting, "It's been a while since we've been able to spend much time together. Work got in the way, y'know? But that's all done with now. Soon as I get back, I'm gonna go get him." That his brother would still be waiting, no matter when that turned out to be, he had no doubt.

[beholding_archivist]

"So you found a place for him to stay while you are... Busy." He won't ask what Chikai is referring to with the term work. But he approves of not getting the younger brother further involved.

"So what are your plans once you meet again?"

[measuringdistance]

"We're gonna go on a trip together, just him and me," he says with a wide grin, "I got it all arranged, like, right before this happened. If that doesn't give us plenty of time to catch up, I dunno what will."

With a laugh, he plops himself back onto the desk, just barely avoiding knocking over the glass. "'Course, I might have to twist a couple arms to get things back on track when this is over. But I'll work something out."

[beholding_archivist]

Well, he sounds optimistic, at least. "Have you considered changing your life style? For him?" The younger brother is yet Chikai's best motivator - Probably his only one, really.

[measuringdistance]

"Hey, I did change it. Worked real hard at it, too,” he says with the same laugh, almost sounding proud. But he does understand that’s not what Jon's really asking. It's just... not a question he can answer that easily. Sure, he knows there's some drawbacks to the way he's living, but it’s not like he can just turn in a resignation letter. Even if he could, it wouldn’t keep the cops and traitors off his back. And there’s no guarantee of safety in a straight life either. At least this is one he actually understands.

His expression doesn't soften as the thought lingers, but it shifts a little. Settles into something calmer and almost serious. Bluntly, he adds, "No point thinking about things that can't happen. You just gotta play the hand you got."