The cost of sentimentality

[measuringdistance]

WHO: Chikai Kuji & Open
WHERE: Chikai's calibration room
WHAT: Who doesn't love strangers snooping around in your head?
WHEN: During the Calibration Event
WARNINGS: Potential depictions of violence, murder, torture, and mentions of suicide.

Those who wind up this small Japanese bedroom, the first thing they're likely to notice is the temperature. It's cold - not quite enough to make someone's breath fog, but more than enough to be uncomfortable. The longer you stand around, the more it seems to seep in, regardless of what anyone's wearing. The second thing is the smell. Those who have had soba before will recognize it, but even those who haven't may still find it comforting, in the way home-cooked food tends to be.

Yet that only puts it more at odds with the otherwise barren room. The walls have bits of green and yellow paper stuck to them, the remains of posters that have long been torn off. There's no other decorations, only a closet that will open if you give it a good tug. Inside is a purple jacket emblazoned with a seagull on the back, a metal ruler with a bandaged handle leaning against one of the inner walls, and a large duffel bag that's packed to the brim. Open it up, and you'll find a mess of money and clothes all stuffed inside haphazardly. The clothes themselves seem to be for a child, and the ones that stand out most are a soccer uniform and a heavy winter coat with a faux-fur lined hood. Dig deep enough, you'll also find a flute and soccer ball buried there under the paper and fabric.

The one piece of furniture is a low desk, which Chikai himself is sitting on top of. He's wearing sunglasses that make it hard to read his expression, though he seems to be looking out the nearby window. Not that there's much to look at; it's night out there, and the only thing in sight is a dark and empty alley. The desk has drawers, but you'll have to get him to move if you want to open any of them. Sitting beside him is a glass full of lollipops, all different flavors. There's enough in there they nearly look like a bouquet, and are easily the most colorful thing in the room. On the floor by his feet, there's a framed picture, though it's impossible to say of what. The glass itself is completely covered with what looks like black ink or paint. He seems to have no interest in picking it up.

Comments

[deal_me_in]

For someone who doesn't exactly feel things the same way as he might have, the pressing cold is definitely an unusual thing. But then these are unusual circumstances. Rather than worry about matters, Cayde chooses to simply go with it, even if things don't make sense to him. He'll work it out.

He doesn't recognize the person perched there on the desk, but the Exo wanders about at complete ease as though they've been friends forever. "Hey there," he greets, even as his glowing optics take stock of the room and the sparse contents within.

[measuringdistance]

Two can play at the casually unconcerned game. "Yo," Chikai answers, waving a nonchalant hand before pulling a lollipop out of the glass and unwrapping it to pop in his mouth. He eyes the stranger for a moment, before raising an eyebrow and adding with an amused smirk, "I'd offer you one, but... could you actually eat it?" The guy looked like a robot, which Chikai might've thought was cool if he was still twelve.

[deal_me_in]

There's still plenty of 'cool' about him so far as Cayde's concerned. Robotic as he looks, he moves smoothly as an organic being under the weathered attire. Somehow his metal face conveys a smirk right back, and when he speaks, amber light spills from the back of his throat.

"Well I can eat, but I think I'd have a problem with suckers." It'd probably just get stuck to his jaw plates. Or make a molten mess.

"I'm glad to be vindicated on the fact that desks do in fact make just as good a seat as any," he says idly as he turns to inspect the walls, reaching out to finger the paper still stubbornly stuck to them.

[measuringdistance]

The memory spreads out from the touch immediately. A pair of boys - a older teenager whose curly hair makes him quickly recognizable as Chikai, and a much younger kid with freckles and blue hair - are standing in the room now, which is suddenly much more full of furniture and soccer-themed knick-knacks.

"Yeesh, Toi," the younger Chikai says, eyeing the walls with clear annoyance. There's posters everywhere, covered in encouraging slogans like 'Don't give up!' and 'Keep your eye on the ball!'"Do you really need all of these? How many did you even make?"

"They're for good luck," the kid says, grinning proudly, "I wanted to finish getting them up before our first game."

Chikai blinks, apparently startled at the news. "Oh yeah? So that's coming up already, huh..."

"Yeah!" Toi pauses and starts to fidget a little. "Um..." His grin dims into something anxious as he tugs on Chikai's sleeve. "It's... it's gonna be next Saturday. And Mom and Dad said they'll have to work, so..."

"That figures," Chikai says with a snort. Then he pauses, and pulls his hand out of Toi's grip to pat his hair. "Don't worry, I'll be there." As the kid starts beaming with relief, the memory fades, and the room is once again empty.

The Chikai who remains simply shifts the lollipop to the other side of his mouth. "Kids sure are excitable, huh?" he says, like it all has nothing to do with him, "Wonder how long it took to get those all down again."

[deal_me_in]

Cayde watches quietly, with perhaps the briefest pang of wistfulness. Ah, kids. He can't help but grin at the enthusiasm, the eagerness. That the parents are busy isn't a detail that goes amiss.

The warmth of the room's surroundings vanish with the memory, and the Exo turns towards Chikai while the thought of the man in his younger stages is fresh in his mind. "Yeah. I think that's part of what makes 'em kids." He glances at the barren walls again, such a contrast to what it had been before. It strikes him as a sad thing.

"Hope they at least stayed up there a while," he says as his eyes move on, drifting towards the closet. Or maybe it's a door out. If he's got any qualms about poking around someone else's space while they're watching, he's already gotten over that debate as he steps over to tug at the door.

[measuringdistance]

Chikai grimaces a bit when he sees Cayde going for the closet. He doesn't know exactly what's in there himself, but... it gives him a bad feeling, and he generally trusts his gut. Still, he doesn't move from the desk. No point turning it into a big deal unless he has to. There's only a few things he really needs to keep secret, after all. Or so he tells himself.

"Hm," he says, leaning back on his palms, "How long would you consider 'a while'?" If Chikai's memory hadn't failed him, it'd still be a few years from that point until he and Toi left the city. Whether Toi took them down himself at that point or if he left it to their relatives, Chikai had no idea. They'd never talked about it.

[deal_me_in]

"Eh, long enough to serve their purpose," is the Exo's reply as he pulls open the closet door with just a bit of effort.

He might have backed off if Chikai had said to. That he gives no objection seems as good as permission. Cayde has no idea what he's looking for, aside from 'interesting things'. The glint of metal catches his eye, and he reaches over for what might at a glance look like some makeshift blade.

[measuringdistance]

This time, the memory that overrides the room is of an entirely different place. A dark alley, behind a store of some kind, the stage for a fight. Though given it's three on one, with Chikai firmly on the side of 'one', it's maybe less of a fight and more of a beat-down.

"Y'know, it's almost impressive how stupid you are," one of them says, "You really think you can win here?" Chikai grits his teeth and manages to land a punch on the guy, but only gets kneed in the gut for it, and then hit hard enough to throw him back into some trashcans. All three are wearing the same purple jacket hung up in the closet. When Chikai tries to get up, he just gets kicked or thrown back down. There's garbage strewn all over the place now, and he gropes around for something - anything- to fight back with. His hand falls on a metal ruler, and he swings it wildly at the next person to get close. It only startles the rest of them, rather than doing any real damage, but that at least gives him the chance to get back on his feet. Fortunately or not, Chikai doesn't get the chance to test it any further.

"Oi, oi, what's the hold up here? You've been keeping me waiting." A tall, flashy man in a long white coat steps into view. The three immediately ignore Chikai in favor of making excuses, explaining they'd been dealing with a problem. When the man turns his gaze towards Chikai, face a mess of bruises and smeared blood, he stiffens and shifts to point the ruler towards him instead. The man's smile widens, showing just the faintest hint of teeth, and he snickers before he says, "Well, I'll give you this - you have my interest."

This time, when the memory fades, Chikai's more visibly rattled. He tries to laugh, say, "Ol' Kamome sure knew how to make an entrance, I'll give him that," but... fuck. He didn't know what he expected to pop up next, but it sure wasn't that. Hell, he couldn't remember the last time he actually thought about that night of his own volition. And now some random guy got to see it for no reason? That's some bullshit.

[deal_me_in]

Before he can be disappointed that it's just a ruler, Cayde finds himself thrust into another memory. Really, he should have been expecting it by now.

It's intense, an old-fashioned beat-down. A gang? Even pre-Golden Age, people still had the need to belong. Or maybe it's the other way around. Not just for belonging. For survival.

When it's over, Cayde remains kneeling by the closet, turning the ruler over in hands. It's not much of a weapon, but get desperate enough and anything is. His eyes flick up towards the jacket hanging there, recalling it from the flash of a memory as he sets the ruler back in its place.

He can hear it in Chikai's laugh, and when he stands and glances back he sees it, the unease. This isn't right. Well okay, it probably wasn't right to begin with, but since when has Cayde minded his own business? He holds his gloved hands up in a visible show that, okay, maybe he should stop touching All the Things.

"Some sorta big shot?" The gang leader, maybe? "Seems like those types are all about entrances."

[measuringdistance]

Ah, shit. The only thing worse than getting upset was letting someone else notice you were upset. Chikai shrugs, trying to focus on the flavor of the candy in his mouth. Strawberry, one of his favorites. Doesn't totally take the edge off, but when he does answer, there's less tension in his voice. "A big shot fish in a small pond, you could say. Not that he didn't have plans."

Kamome had seem impossibly strong to him when he was younger, but while certainly dangerous, it was easier to see the guy in a larger context four years after the fact. Just another upstart, when you came down to it. He might've been able to break out into the big leagues eventually, but life had other plans. Chikai snorts a bit, remembering a related encounter from just before he arrived on this planet, and adds, "You should've seen this one guy. He was always following Kamome around, making seagull noises and shit. Guess it was supposed to be intimidating."

[deal_me_in]

The Exo folds his arms, chuckling. "Seagull noises?," he repeats, his metal features mimicking an incredulous expression. "Not sure how that comes off as intimidating. Annoying, maybe."

He grins, then steps over towards Chikai and his desk. "So, this is all super weird and maybe kind of late but better that than never. Anyhow, who knows what all we'll remember when we wake up." He thrusts out a hand. "Name's Cayde. Sorry for poking around but I kinda can't help myself sometimes."

[measuringdistance]

"Oh, it was super annoying. Dude was insufferable." It was almost impressive how little the guy had changed in the years between.

When Cayde approaches him, Chikai hesitates for just a brief second before taking the hand and grinning back. "Chikai Kuji. And hey, tell ya what - you share some deets about yourself, and we'll call it even."

[deal_me_in]

"Sounds fair enough," the Exo says. "I'm what you'd call an Exo, and I'm the Hunter Vanguard of the Last City on Earth- which is not to say that it's the same as your Earth, probably, hopefully."

He feels it's important to add that bit of detail on, to forestall any panic. Never know who's from Earth around here, although given what he's seen, he'd say it'd be a fair bet that Chikai was.

Unsure of what else to dish, he gives the man an open-palmed shrug, an invitation for maybe a question or two.

[beholding_archivist]

Another night, another barren room.

Jon frowns a little at this one, but doesn't hesitate to step into the room's very center and allow his attention to be drawn towards the owner of this particular room. The smile he casts in the young man's direction is a genuine one, if still a little on the awkward side. There still remains something to be said about being in another's mind. Though Jon can't exactly claim not to be curious.

"Well, I... Guess it's this tonight?"

[measuringdistance]

"Seems like it," Chikai says, smiling a bit thinly. After his last experience with a visitor, he has a better idea of what to expect. Acting nervous or anxious would just stir more attention, or god forbid interest, but he’s certainly warier than he was before. Crossing his legs, he leans forward against his knee. "Excited to start poking around?"

[beholding_archivist]

"Is it that obvious?"

No, he can't exactly help it. He gets to witness and experience all these dreadful memories without even having to ask. None of these people will be actual victims of him.

"Any recommendations?" Jon asks as he steps forward and towards Chikai, following his initial impulse to pick up the fallen picture if only for the urge to cleaning up this little piece of mess.

[measuringdistance]

When Chikai sees him go for the photo, his immediate impulse is to kick it away. He doesn't know exactly what'll be triggered, if anything, but he does know the subject of the picture and anything related to that's gonna suck. Except since that was a knee-jerk reaction instead of something he actually thought about, he accidentally kicks it at the intruder rather than away. Oops.

When the frame comes into contact, a funeral parlor overtakes the space. A slightly younger Chikai is talking with a much older couple. There's no one else in the room, but Chikai still hisses like he's trying to keep his voice down when he says, "What d'you mean you can't take him? You know we don't have shit."

"That's exactly why we can't afford to right this minute," the older man snaps back, waving a hand at the room. "Do you have any idea how much this all cost? We can't go taking in another mouth to feed without some preparation."

"But there's no fucking money left here. Nada! Zilch! How the hell do you think I'm gonna be able to feed him any better? You-" His eyes are frantic, like he's just starting to realize the size of the hole he needs to crawl out of. "Fuck, you know the size of the payments they're asking for, and we're gonna lose heat any day now-"

"So get a job! You're an adult, Chikai, you should be able to take care of your own brother for a couple of months at least." Without waiting for a reply, the man turns away with his wife, and mutters to her no where near quietly enough, "Honestly, if they'd had a more reliable son, maybe those two wouldn't have thought to do something so desperate."

For a moment, Chikai looks struck... then utterly furious. Teeth bared, he moves like he plans to grab the man by the collar, only to be startled by the sound of a door opening and a small voice saying, "Big brother?" When he looks over, a young boy with tired, puffy eyes, clutching a framed picture tightly, is peeking into the room at him. "Can... can we go home yet?"

Chikai hesitates, taking another look at the older pair. The man's already talking to what looks like an employee. The wife glances anxiously back towards him once, but says nothing. His jaw clenches, and he just barely manages to grit out, "Fine." Without another word, he pushes past his brother through the door, almost knocking the kid over and leaving him to follow silently after.

When the memory fades, Chikai's already up and trying to push the stranger back so he can drive the heel of his shoe through the glass.

[beholding_archivist]

The memory is interesting, alright. But what's more curious to Jon is Chikai's reaction to him attempting to pick up the picture. On the surface it may look like anger, but anger, in most cases, is just another reaction to fear. A means of dealing with it. And of course he can sense it... That surge of fear.

The fear of being watched, judged, your secrets revealed... His fear.

The Archivist also observes the memory. A couple more hidden fears here. The Desolation and the Lonely. But it's also information. Information this young man may be reluctant to share. About his past, his family, his losses and struggles. Very relatable.

A nod of acceptance is the Archivist's response and he leaves Chikai to stomp on the picture, allowing Jon to approach the previously occupied desk. Very little on it aside from the candy.

"How old were you when you lost your parents, Chikai?" The Archivist asks with a glance over his shoulder as he moves to check what may be hidden within the desk's drawers.

[measuringdistance]

“Just turned twenty-one,” he answers, tone distant, “Hell of a birthday present.” He's not really paying attention, just focusing on the satisfaction of feeling the glass break. Hearing the splinter as he grinds his heel into the stupid, smiling faces underneath the paint. Weak, cowardly pieces of shit. They're not worth thinking about. None of it's worth thinking about anymore.

With harder, much more calculated kick, he sends the picture skittering off towards a far corner of the room. Snorting a bit, he finally turns and sees Jon examining the desk. His first impulse is to shove the guy away, but as impulse managed to expose that last memory, he manages to temper it into, "Oi, who said you could look in there?"

If Jon starts going through them anyway, he'll find most of them empty too. It's only the top left drawer where anything's actually hidden - a Tokarev pistol with a bandaged handle, and a miçanga.

[beholding_archivist]

To be fair, no one actually said he couldn't look there, so by the time Chikai calls out to the Archivist, Jon has already found the gun and moved to pick it up.

He has never held a gun before, but he has also never had any reason to.

"I'm sorry..." That's all he can mutter, not making it clear if he is apologizing for finding the gun, showing compassion for the harshness of Chikai's life or for being unable to resist the urge to touch it.

Part of him hopes, however, that this gun has never been fired.

[measuringdistance]

It's the middle of the night this time, with Chikai standing right at the edge of a tunnel. The lights inside are painfully bright florescents that expose everything. A man in a white coat lying face-down on the ground, and further past him, the same young boy from the last memory holding a still-smoking gun. After letting out a slow breath, Chikai starts walking towards his brother, carefully but with no sign of hesitation. The boy doesn't move at all, eyes wide and terrified, even when Chikai gently takes the gun from his shaking hands.

And just as sure and unflinching, he walks back over to the body, and fires twice more into its back.

With that done, he turns back towards his little brother, who now looks just as confused as he is afraid. "Bad guys are the ones who survive in this world," he states coldly as he bridges the distance between them once more. Then Chikai kneels down until they're at eye level, and says with a smirk that softens just slightly as he goes, "I killed that guy, okay? With this gun." Understanding seeps into the boy's eyes at last, and with it something very close to awe. Just as his paralysis breaks and he finally starts to sob, Chikai sets the gun down and pulls him into a tight hug, assuring him quietly, "Us brothers are gonna survive this world together. No matter what we have to do. Got it?"

When the memory vanishes this time, Chikai wastes no time in grabbing at Jon's collar and snarling, low and vicious, "You don't tell fucking anyone about that, understand?"

[beholding_archivist]

Jon is still standing at the desk, weapon in hand when he is grabbed and jerked around, tearing a little yelp of surprise from him and the gun is dropped to the floor.

"Jesus!" Is pretty much all he says before catching himself and narrowing his eyes at the young man keeping a hold on him. He doesn't request to be let go, though.

"Did you get your brother into that situation?"

[measuringdistance]

Of course he did. How else would a ten-year old get ahold of a gun if not his big brother stupidly deciding to leave it behind? But what he snaps is simply, “Doesn’t matter. I fixed it. He’s fine, and no one’s ruining that.”

That they aren’t on Earth anymore, that Jon would probably have no way of finding them let alone reporting anything to the cops even if they did get back, that he may not even remember any of this when they wake up... none of that makes a difference to Chikai. If this guy does remember anything later, Chikai wants to make damn sure he remembers this too.

[beholding_archivist]

"That hardly looked like fixing anything to me." The Archivist replies and reaches one hand up to grab one of those holding him at the wrist "Now let go. It's hardly likely we can harm one another in our dreams."

Were this outside of a dream... Well. Jon certainly would be more worried about getting hurt. Not necessarily killed, but... Hurt.

[measuringdistance]

...Chikai begrudgingly has to admit to himself that was true. If it wouldn’t stick, there was no point wasting his time and energy. He lets go of Jon roughly, half-shoving him away.

“He stayed out of trouble, no one’s gone after him. I call that fixed,” he says, picking up the gun to put it back in the drawer. Really, he’d like to chuck it out the window, get rid of it completely. But he’d settle for getting it out of sight for now.