Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to shop

[winsomelosesome]

Who: Jan Van Dyne, Tony, OTA
What: Shopping, and Petting Zoo
Where: Event Planet
When: Any time during Event
Warnings: TBD



I Need Your Eyes- OTA

Jan didn't have a shopping partner today, and as much as she could enjoy shopping as a solo venture, right this minute she really needed another pair of eyes. (And hands. All these bags were getting to be a bit much to carry.)

But ah- a fellow kidnapee! Jan waved them over instantly and once they were close enough she spun around so they could get a full picture of the swim suit she was trying on.

"What do you think? Is it hitting right? They have it black too, but I was thinking a pop of colour might go better with the sand back home."


Other Worldly Petting Zoo (for Tony)

Excluding (or sometimes including) Jenn and Patsy, Tony was one of Jan's favourite shopping partners. They got each other, and it was fun for both of them, not a chore to be dragged along to like it was with Scott. She could listen him drone on and on about ants, but he couldn't sit still for five minutes of her discussing why these new shoes were entirely different from the rest of her collection. (AND an investment piece!)

So she was all ready quite pumped up from their afternoon of site seeing and shopping when she spotted something unexpected. Was that...some kind of zoo?? Maybe it was more of a petting zoo than a real zoo, but either way, Jan barely had to say a word, grabbing Tony by the wrist and eagerly dragging them to pay the entry fee.

"Maybe they'll have an other world version of a pony ride," she teased excitedly, as though she wouldn't eagerly pay to have either one of them perched on top of some strange creature and get some tacky photo as a memento.

Comments

[in_extremis]

Even the Steve back home, who had a respectable dating history, didn't seem to understand how profoundly desirable he was, and the problem had only been compounded in this one. Tony had to raise a hand in surrender to an equation he could not solve, explaining, "He might, and I'm serious, actually be a virgin. Every one of his girlfriends that I mention, absolutely no recognition, completely different experience, it's like he's never met a woman in his life."

[winsomelosesome]

"..." Jan seemed to fully forget where she was, eyes wide and pellets dropping to the ground as she darted back to Tony. This was some HOT gossip.

"Like actually actually?" She asked, a critical eye trying to gage how serious he was. "How is that even possible? Mm- That's a lot of pressure, I haven't been someone's first in a while..."

[in_extremis]

Tony had to hedge a little, hands up innocently for the possibility that he was wrong, with a shrug because, well, maaaybe...He couldn't be sure. It did seem unlikely. It had seemed unlikely that Steve would show any interest in men, too, before Tony got here. Now, it felt so obvious. "You know, he gets tunnel vision, he's sure this one thing is right, so there aren't other options," Tony suggested. "He figured out his right...thing a long time ago. He needs help to adapt a little." That was making his chest hurt, or maybe that was his fingers digging in to his heart where he hadn't realized he had been pressing, so Tony was happy to continue quickly, "Did you ever like that, a virginity thing? It's exhausting. At least you know he doesn't have any bad habits, but I'm not sure it's worth it. Someone with experience, you know, who knows how much pressure a windpipe can take..." Alright, maybe that was too many words, enough.

[winsomelosesome]

Right, man out of time. Sometimes it was easy to forget that poor Steve had lost almost everyone and everything. In a lot of ways he'd adapted so well he seemed...fine. But thinking about it- of course it would still be hard.

"What, like being someone's first, or my first? I dunno. It's got it's charm, but experience is definitely an asset, I've learned enough to know that," she agreed, before snickering at that very intimate detail. "And how much is that?" she prompted with faux innocence.

[in_extremis]

Tony narrowed his eyes skeptically at that innocence, then slid an arm close enough to give a subtle tug to the front of her shirt, just enough to leave the lace of her bra peaking along the collar. Enough to be dangerous. "The innocence thing, you know--I know it's not your first. That was a century ago, the archaeologists are still identifying the bodies," Tony teased, though his brow did furrow with a new curiosity, because that wasn't something he'd ever asked about. He had kind of assumed it was a wedding night thing, a true love story, but that was before she showed up here to tell him it had been more of a thriller.

[winsomelosesome]

She delivered a playful smack, but didn't actually deny the accusation. She'd always been comfortable with her sexuality, even when Hank didn't approve of her flirting with others.

"Right along side yours," she agreed, though it was never quite the same scandal for a boy to lose his. "It wasn't really the big deal everyone chalked it up to be, was it?"

[in_extremis]

"Are you kidding me?" Tony asked, wide eyed with a hand to his chest like he was in shock. "My first time got a gal sent to the other side of the planet, I moved condos specifically so I could have more sex, I've been trying to complete that perfect equation ever since, there's still a stain in that limo. My first time fundamentally altered the course of history." Maybe he didn't know how to do anything in moderation, though.

[winsomelosesome]

Jan laughed, and motioned for Tony to give her a hand back out and over to the other side, pulling him along to view some strange miniature giraffe like creatures that lifted their necks expectantly and hurried over to greet them.

"You know, I'm not sure you've told me the story of your first time. Or at least not when both of us were sober. Tit for tat?"

[in_extremis]

Tony was glad to help her over, then pull her arm through his as they approached the new creatures, in case this courtship thing with her turned out to be universal. They did seem eager, and started butting their heads gently against his knees, face first like they meant to plant themselves there. "That was most of it," he pointed out, "what else do you want to know?" It sounded to him like it was her turn. He might not have been satisfied with the nebulous aftershocks, either, though, and tipped his head thoughtfully to offer, "I was in college, her name was Meredith, deadly smart, naturally. We met at a convention, our dads were trying to pick up the same contract, you know, they had this whole thing, and while they were doing that, we were falling in love." The romance had him smiling sweetly, up until he finished, "So, she sucked me off in the car."

[winsomelosesome]

They were strangely sweet, if a little top heavy and unwieldy, some having difficulty holding their necks fully upright.

"We she also a little baby genius, or are we talking typical college girl?" she pressed, knowing how young Tony had been when he'd moved onto college. She snorted at the finale. "Young love," she faux swooned.

"Mine wasn't too different. Daddy was on business and took me with him. There was this pool boy. We made eyes. He brought me free drinks. We messed around in the back, and some kid nearly drowned. I think he lost his job..."

[in_extremis]

To completely not answer her question, Tony tipped his head side to side, and twisted his mouth, letting Jan fill in any gaps. He liked a shapely brain, and he liked an older woman.

"Listen, I don't know what you're talking about, that sounds like a pretty big deal to me. Someone almost died during your first time, someone did lose their livelihood, that's shockwaves," he pointed out.

[winsomelosesome]

Of course. Well, she knew that going in. And her brows only momentarily creased with concern.

"Almost," she emphasized, "And it didn't really effect me that much. In more ways than one," she added with a smirk.

[in_extremis]

Tony gave a brief, sympathetic hiss, and his hand would have gone to his chest if it didn't bump into one of those creatures' heads on the way, and he had to go very still and stare at it as the animal took the opportunity to fully rest there. He was very certain in that moment that he had intervened just when the animal was about to let its entire neck go limp, and drop its head to the ground, and if he moved then they would find out what kind of sound that would make.

"If it is Steve's first time," he said, "you know there's literally no way you can screw it up that bad. I'm not even sure that yours counts."

[winsomelosesome]

Well if that wasn't the cutest fucking thing she'd seen in a long time. Jan hurriedly but carefully waved over a worker who was more than happy to snap a souvenir photo for them, eyes warning Tony not to dare move and mess this charming memory up.

"You say that like he's ever even flirted back with me," she remind him, but- this was a very different Steve. So...maybe? "I've had plenty since then that counted. You know that very well."

[in_extremis]

During Jan's whole charade, Tony looked very stiff and put upon, like he was more eager to wash his hands again than indulge a furry beast and he could not be accused of being soft about it. In the photo, though, he was watching Jan with his eyes mostly obscured under his lashes, his smile just a faint line at the corner of his mouth.

"I don't think he knows how," Tony had to remind her. "He's never flirted with anyone. You don't learn all of the tricks for stubborn bolts if they all just come off in your hands."

[winsomelosesome]

Oh it was perfect. Jan happily forked over the money for the thing and the little cardboard frame it came with, pressing a quick kiss to Tony's cheek to thank him for his cooperation, and she showed the photo off a little afraid of losing it to him.

"Fair point. But how did both of us get so good at it then?" she countered with a smirk.

[in_extremis]

"You are a woman of culture," Tony explained loftily. He didn't look particularly keen to take the photo for himself, so he only briefly wrinkled his nose at her being so guarded, and had to smooth any trace of that smile away to continue, "Your enrichment is the value, like learning to speak a new language, or understand Mondrian. Me, I just make it look easy. Do you think Jon just fell into my arms? It took months of absolutely infuriating him. I'm not even sure it worked."

[winsomelosesome]

She preened demurely, a contradictory state she had somehow mastered long ago, drinking in the compliments. She hid the photo away for her to treasure privately.

"You're slipping, Darling," she teased fondly, "Months? Mm. Think it will take that long to get him to like me?" Her expression betrayed a hint of insecurity. Usually it wasn't this hard for her. This was her thing, and she'd been here for what felt like ages now without exchanging more than glances.

[in_extremis]

There was only so many times Jan could express this anxiety before Tony had to acknowledge, "I don't know why you're so worried." He had a few guesses, though, and had to ease away from the weirdly lolling animals, balancing them on each other so they didn't pitch towards the dirt. "You know, listen, under any other circumstances, I couldn't have turned you down, mechanically impossible. And if that's the problem, you think I'm biased so you don't believe me when I tell you you're irresistibly charming, then I bet you one of these weird little creatures that any man, woman or incomprehensible being in this place would agree to a date." He waved a hand for Jan to take her pick of even the most disagreeable alien among them.

[winsomelosesome]

"You're my best guy friend. He's important to you. I need to make sure he's got my seal of approval, that's all," Jan dismissed, but her lips quirked happily at Tony's reassurance.

She scritched the little creatures under their chins, taking turns in greeting them. "Oh, I'm aware," she promised.

[in_extremis]

Tony wasn't entirely convinced, watching her skeptically as she charmed the animals and challenged, "That can't be the standard, if someone likes you. Then everyone would be getting the seal. I could marry Ultron."

[winsomelosesome]

"That's not how they get the seal," she laughed, "And Ultron would never get the seal. You're officially not allowed to marry anyone whose kidnapped me. Deal?"

[in_extremis]

It wasn't clear which part Jan was avoiding; her insecurity, or what her parameters for approval were, or the reactive mix of the two. Tony laughed along with her, soft with a wry smile, which didn't much temper the piercing way that he watched her, searching for the chink in the armor. Eventually, he had to break it with an arm circled around her waist, yanking her possessively away from the animals to tease against her ear, "No deal. A strong relationship is built on shared passions, a mutual understanding, only Ultron could really get me."

[winsomelosesome]

The creatures tried to scuttle after, giving indignant squawks that their lovely new queen was being taken from them, while Jan laughed and booped Tony on the nose with a finger.

"As someone Ultron has tried to woo many a time, Tony Stark, Ultron doesn't get a whole lot of a computer brain. Like the concept of consent."

[in_extremis]

The boop should have been encouraging, enough to make Tony's eyes glint with his smile, so he hesitated when she made it sound like he was meant to back off, easing up enough to withdraw his hold to just a hand on her waist and an inquisitive frown. "He never did anything...?" was maybe not a good question to ask in the middle of a petting zoo, with an alien butting its little head against his thigh to battle for Jan's attention.