[CALIBRATIONS] Holding hands as the walls come tumbling down...

[farrahfawcetts]

WHO: Steve Harrington
WHERE: Steve's Room
WHAT: Calibrations!
WHEN: 6/10-7/10
WARNINGS: Child abandonment, violence, and drugging


When you awaken, the first thing you notice is that the 'room' you are in is pretty small. Really fucking small. Because it's not a room as you might imagine it, but instead a car. You sit beside Steve as he drives, eyes on the road and expression grim. Outside the road is long and abandoned and dark. No lights except for the distant stars and the distant crack of lightning. He isn't driving toward that. He doesn't seem to be driving toward anything. His hands tighten against the wheel as he looks over and notices you there.

"Where to?"

And just like that the glovebox opens and out comes an old map of Hawkins. There are four circled areas: Starcourt Mall, Nancy's House, Will's House, and Home. He reaches for the radio and turns it up a little. The song is Tears for Fears, Everybody Wants to Rule the World. He hums as he drives along silently, waiting for your call.

Comments

[the_freak]

Eddie snorts softly, "I was joking, but now I kinda feel like you're doing that thing where you act like your shit doesn't matter, and I might be a bit of dick if I overlook that just to makeout." He pulls an over exaggered glance at his wrist- right, no watch anymore. "So uh- make out for like 5-10 minutes, then check out the trauma?" he teases.

"I all ready know Hargrove sucks, we can skip that one. So..." He taps home.

[farrahfawcetts]

Steve's face goes a light pink. "How do you know me so well so fast? It's not fair, dude. You're like...able to see through people. It's impressive and annoying."

Steve takes the request seriously though and leans in to kiss Eddie nice and firm. He sinks his fingers into his mop of hair and enjoys the sort of non self-conscious kissing that only a situation like this could provide. When he breaks apart, he only gives Eddie about an inch. No real need to breathe here.

"Do you really wanna see this stuff? You don't have to..."

[the_freak]

"I dunno," Eddie snickers, "It just seems kind of obvious if you pay attention. I dunno how everyone doesn't see this shit." Steve's always doing it too. Playing the hero and pushing his own shit aside.

Eddie wants to just crawl out of his seat and into Steve's, loosing himself in that kiss for a moment and feeling a bit breathless when they finally part.

He nods though. "You don't 'have' to means it's important to you."

[farrahfawcetts]

Steve's cheeks turn pink and he gives Eddie a shove. "You aren't allowed to just call me out like that, man. Seriously. Pain in the ass..."

Still, he pulls away and starts to drive off toward his house. His hands are tight on the wheel as, distantly, the yellow light from a driveway sensor slowly gets brighter. "It's nothing compared to what shit like you or other people went through," he explains. "It's really nothing at all. Just... Whatever..."

And that is all he can say before the light washes out the car cabin and in the next moment, Eddie is standing in Steve's dining room. The scene is a family at dinner, ostensibly, formal and silent except for the sound of utensils moving. At the door are suitcases either just brought in or packed to leave. Steve, around eight years old, sits in an ironed polo, hair carefully combed back. He's between a thin, tired looking woman nursing a glass of wine and a man in a full suit reading a magazine as he eats his steak. Steve looks between them, clearly waiting for something. His mother notices.

"If you want to be excused you need to eat your greens," she says without noticing his plate is empty. Steve blinks and opens his mouth, likely to say that, but the phone ringing interrupts him.

"Get that, Claire?"

"We let Claire go, Richard. She's been gone for months."

"Then who is watching Ste- Oh, forget it." He puts his magazine down and goes to get the phone himself. Steve watches him go before looking at his mother. She is looking at the decanter as she refills her glass.

"Mom," he says softly. "Are we gonna have cake for dessert?"

"Hm?" She looks at him, confused. "Steven, didn't I tell you to keep an eye on the sugar you eat? And don't slouch."

"Bu-" He straightens up and is about to say more when his father sweeps back in.

"Change of plans," he says with a groan. "I need to be out on the red-eye. They're sending a car for me. You can come on the other flight and meet me there in a wee-"

"Oh, you would like that, wouldn't you?" Claire laughs derisively. "Give you a whole week to spend time with that hussy you hired as a secretary?"

"Claire, for the love of God..."

"No. I am coming with you. I'll have someone come around and grab whatever I didn't get to pack yet."

"And what about your son?" Richard gestures expansively even though Steve hasn't moved or spoken since he came back into the room. "You say we fired Claire. Do you have another nanny ready to watch him?"

"He's ten already. He's got the phone number for the maid, the cook, and my brother in Indianapolis. It's just a week before the new nanny arrives. Don't you dare use that as the reason to go and have your holiday with that tramp."

"You're paranoid, Claire. Completely paranoid."

"And you did this on purpose. Figured I would just let you go off because it was so last minute and what else could we do?"

Richard gets up from the table and walks away, still complaining and yelling as Claire follows behind. Steve, alone, watches as the cook comes in to clear away the dishes. She smiles at him and drops a small strawberry cupcake in front of him. It has a candle in it, lit and dripping.

"They'll be back in a second. Wait for them to blow it out," she says. "It'll be nice to have at least that with them before they go."

The cook leaves and Steve looks at the cupcake before pushing it away, letting the candle melt down into the icing. The cook was new. It wasn't her fault that she didn't know about his strawberry allergy. He looks out toward where his parents are still yelling and then pushes off from the table to go off on his own out, into the backyard. He jumps into the pool, clothes and all.

The water helps him hide the fact that he's started to cry.

[the_freak]

"I'm figuring you out, Harrington," he teases. His expression turns more serious as he gives Steve a look for downplaying, but before he can say anything the memory is playing out.

It's not...what Eddie'd always pictured when he'd been busy resenting Steve and imagining the perfect life he must have. Even with the bits and pieces he's picked up since getting to know him as a person, this is all so...cold. The silence feels deafening, and little Steve looks cute (and kind of like a dork but in an endearing way).

"...shit, Steve..." Eddie manages, feeling like a whole lot about Steve's just clicked into place for him.

[farrahfawcetts]

Steve watches his younger self swim for longer than he means to. The memory fades away and leaves them both back in the car. Steve has it parked, not driving it anywhere for the moment.

"That...uh. That was the last birthday they were home for. They sometimes swung back a week after or so to give me a check or something they picked up from an airport when they realized what day it was. I didn't even have a nanny at all the next year so it was just me." He looked down at his lap and snorts a humorless laugh. "At least then no one tried to kill me with strawberry shit."

[the_freak]

"..." Eddie frowns, and then he does what he'd wanted to earlier, crawling across from his seat to straddle Steve in his. But instead of trying to stick his tongue down his throat, it's to pull him into a hug and kiss the side of his head.

"You deserved so much better than that shit, Steve. And they're stupid if they can't appreciate what they've had all this time."

[farrahfawcetts]

Comfort. Eddie is comforting him. For a second Steve doesn't even know what to do with himself about it. He just lets himself be held and wraps his arms around Eddie in turn. At the sweet words, he lets out a soft noise, half surprised and half just grateful. Steve buries his face into Eddie's neck and lets himself be held.

"You know..." he lets out a soft laugh. "I don't know that I did, before. But now at least...maybe. Maybe..."

[the_freak]

It's easier to offer comfort like this in a dream world. One where no one can catch them, and he can just freely act on his urge to hold the other.

He pets his fingers through Steve's hair and presses another kiss to the side of his head.

"You looked like such a dork in that shirt. A cute little dork," he teases fondly.

[farrahfawcetts]

Steve is surprised into a laugh and gives Eddie's shoulder a shove. It moves him away though and Steve isn't ready for that. He pulls Eddie back against him and holds him close, enjoying the tenderness. It's been missing in his life for just so fucking long.

"Yeah, yeah. I have a whole collection of clothes for the three days my parents are in town. Polos and button-downs and shit like that." He snorts another laugh. "He was so pissed that I ruined that one with the chlorine. Lectured me on his way out the door."

[the_freak]

He giggles, accepting the shove easily and flashing him a wicked grin.

"Prick," he mutters, rolling his eyes at the actions of Mr. Harrington, "Should dump all his shit in there when you go back. Dunno why so many people have kids when they just...it's not fair."

[farrahfawcetts]

Go back...

Steve's grip tightens all the more around Eddie, almost painfully tight now. It takes him a long moment to actually speak. "Don't say 'when', man. I don't want to think of it as a 'when'. Especially when all I am gonna be going back to is shit."

[the_freak]

Oh. Eddie laughs in surprise, but his expression softens.

"Steve..." They both know it is a when. "...don't you miss the kids? And Robin? And Wheeler? You guys are gonna kick Vecna's ass, and then everything won't be so shit anymore."

[farrahfawcetts]

"Of course I miss them..." He pulls back and feels like an asshole. The kids need him. Max needs him. Who is he to prefer the easy and the comfortable when no one else has that option? He should be fighting to get back there. But...

"I just...don't want to go back without you, man. I don't even know if I'll remember this. I don't want to forget. And I don't want to go back to missing you and being terrified I'll fail someone else."

[the_freak]

"I don't want you to go back either, I just...I feel selfish, you know? Being happy that you're here with me- a guy you knew for like...a week, instead of home with all the people who love you." Not Eddie doesn't- not that Eddie's even close to admitting--

"Wait- what do you mean fail someone else? Who do you think- do you think you failed me?"

[farrahfawcetts]

Steve didn't look Eddie in the eye. Here he didn't have all the layers of denial to hide the truth away between. This whole place is about revealing inner truths and this one bleeds out.

"Of course I did, man. Of course I did. I should have...I should have stayed with you guys. Or...or I don't know. Had a better plan. Something. Anything. I left you with Dustin and you had to get yourself killed to save him. That shouldn't have been your job. It shouldn't have been your responsibility."

[the_freak]

"..." Eddie takes a moment to process this, and shakes his head. "...why the hell is it your job? It shouldn't be any of our jobs. We're just a bunch of kids trying our best, man. But- ...you aren't responsible for what happened with me, dude. I need you to know that. Vecna is. And me, obviously, I uh...you know- I did what I did. But I'd do it again."

[farrahfawcetts]

"You should have graduated. You had all these friends and made everyone around you happy. Wayne loved you so fucking much. Dustin...everyone. And I'm not saying I'm not but... You deserved the second chance. You got pulled into this. I made a choice you never got to have."

He leans his head forward, resting it against Eddie's chest.

"If I was smarter, I would have seen what was gonna happen and switched places with you. Or just left you and Dustin on the bench and hooked up a fucking stereo. You shouldn't have died. Not you..."

[the_freak]

"Not everyone," Eddie interjects, but he lets Steve finish.

"Steve, what makes it your fault and not Wheeler's? Or Robin's? Or Dustin's? Why is this on you? I don't want to die, but I promise- I didn't spend those last minutes thinking 'why wasn't Steve smarter?' okay? And out of everyone involved in this shit, I'd pick me to go every time."

[farrahfawcetts]

"If my job isn't to keep people safe, then what good am I?"

And that is it. That right there is what remains after Nancy, his parents, Billy, Tommy, and everyone else that made him feel like he was good for something and then revealed that value to be conditional. He isn't smart, he isn't irresistible, he isn't powerful, and he isn't anything, really. Except the Babysitter. The Guardian. The 'tank'.

So if someone dies when he's on the job, who else's fault is it? Protection is his job. Taking the hits is his job. It's the only thing he's good at and even then he's proved himself to be a failure.

"It's supposed to be me."

[the_freak]

Eddie gives him a sad look and a small shove to make his point clear. "...your job is just to be you, Steve. That's it. Your value isn't tied to how much you put out. It's not...conditional or some bullshit. You're Steve Harrington. That's good enough, man."

[farrahfawcetts]

And that is pretty much the first time anyone has ever told him that.

It probably shows with the look on his face like he just got the breath punched out of him. Steve just stares at Eddie, wondering if this is some sort of joke or there is more to follow. But there isn't and the moral of the story is that Steve is good enough. He's not sure where to put that on the shelves of all the things he thought was true about him. He has no idea what to throw out in order to make room, but it feels like something has to go.

"It hasn't been," he points out quietly. "Not for other people."

[the_freak]

"...Fuck those people," Eddie says bluntly. Which maybe isn't fair. These are people Steve cares about, or has cared about. And Eddie gets it. He knows how it feels to have your sense of worth tied only to what you can provide for others.

"It needs to be good enough for you. Other people'll figure it out."

[farrahfawcetts]

Eddie says it so simply that Steve feels like he has to believe it. He's so earnest. So...him. He doesn't even think about it as he leans in and just kisses him.

"I don't know how," he says when he breaks away, pawing over Eddie's face and neck like he can't touch enough. "But I swear: I am not going home without you. Okay? We're gonna figure it out, somehow, or else I am gonna have El and the kids and everyone else tear the universe apart to save you. I promise."

[the_freak]

"Mm-" The kiss takes him by surprise, but not nearly as much as that desperate search for touch that has Eddie flushing pink.

And like Steve, Eddie almost has to believe that Steve's going to make that happen somehow. Fuck any logic or scientific law, he's going to bring him back from the dead. There's a breathless laugh, and he nods rather than point out how impossible it is. Maybe it's not? Maybe it doesn't matter. He nods and feels himself tearing up, laughing and rolling his eyes at his own reaction.

"You're turning me into a sap, Harrington."