[CALIBRATIONS] Holding hands as the walls come tumbling down...

[farrahfawcetts]

WHO: Steve Harrington
WHERE: Steve's Room
WHAT: Calibrations!
WHEN: 6/10-7/10
WARNINGS: Child abandonment, violence, and drugging


When you awaken, the first thing you notice is that the 'room' you are in is pretty small. Really fucking small. Because it's not a room as you might imagine it, but instead a car. You sit beside Steve as he drives, eyes on the road and expression grim. Outside the road is long and abandoned and dark. No lights except for the distant stars and the distant crack of lightning. He isn't driving toward that. He doesn't seem to be driving toward anything. His hands tighten against the wheel as he looks over and notices you there.

"Where to?"

And just like that the glovebox opens and out comes an old map of Hawkins. There are four circled areas: Starcourt Mall, Nancy's House, Will's House, and Home. He reaches for the radio and turns it up a little. The song is Tears for Fears, Everybody Wants to Rule the World. He hums as he drives along silently, waiting for your call.

Comments

[farrahfawcetts]

Steve watches his younger self swim for longer than he means to. The memory fades away and leaves them both back in the car. Steve has it parked, not driving it anywhere for the moment.

"That...uh. That was the last birthday they were home for. They sometimes swung back a week after or so to give me a check or something they picked up from an airport when they realized what day it was. I didn't even have a nanny at all the next year so it was just me." He looked down at his lap and snorts a humorless laugh. "At least then no one tried to kill me with strawberry shit."

[the_freak]

"..." Eddie frowns, and then he does what he'd wanted to earlier, crawling across from his seat to straddle Steve in his. But instead of trying to stick his tongue down his throat, it's to pull him into a hug and kiss the side of his head.

"You deserved so much better than that shit, Steve. And they're stupid if they can't appreciate what they've had all this time."

[farrahfawcetts]

Comfort. Eddie is comforting him. For a second Steve doesn't even know what to do with himself about it. He just lets himself be held and wraps his arms around Eddie in turn. At the sweet words, he lets out a soft noise, half surprised and half just grateful. Steve buries his face into Eddie's neck and lets himself be held.

"You know..." he lets out a soft laugh. "I don't know that I did, before. But now at least...maybe. Maybe..."

[the_freak]

It's easier to offer comfort like this in a dream world. One where no one can catch them, and he can just freely act on his urge to hold the other.

He pets his fingers through Steve's hair and presses another kiss to the side of his head.

"You looked like such a dork in that shirt. A cute little dork," he teases fondly.

[farrahfawcetts]

Steve is surprised into a laugh and gives Eddie's shoulder a shove. It moves him away though and Steve isn't ready for that. He pulls Eddie back against him and holds him close, enjoying the tenderness. It's been missing in his life for just so fucking long.

"Yeah, yeah. I have a whole collection of clothes for the three days my parents are in town. Polos and button-downs and shit like that." He snorts another laugh. "He was so pissed that I ruined that one with the chlorine. Lectured me on his way out the door."

[the_freak]

He giggles, accepting the shove easily and flashing him a wicked grin.

"Prick," he mutters, rolling his eyes at the actions of Mr. Harrington, "Should dump all his shit in there when you go back. Dunno why so many people have kids when they just...it's not fair."

[farrahfawcetts]

Go back...

Steve's grip tightens all the more around Eddie, almost painfully tight now. It takes him a long moment to actually speak. "Don't say 'when', man. I don't want to think of it as a 'when'. Especially when all I am gonna be going back to is shit."

[the_freak]

Oh. Eddie laughs in surprise, but his expression softens.

"Steve..." They both know it is a when. "...don't you miss the kids? And Robin? And Wheeler? You guys are gonna kick Vecna's ass, and then everything won't be so shit anymore."

[farrahfawcetts]

"Of course I miss them..." He pulls back and feels like an asshole. The kids need him. Max needs him. Who is he to prefer the easy and the comfortable when no one else has that option? He should be fighting to get back there. But...

"I just...don't want to go back without you, man. I don't even know if I'll remember this. I don't want to forget. And I don't want to go back to missing you and being terrified I'll fail someone else."

[the_freak]

"I don't want you to go back either, I just...I feel selfish, you know? Being happy that you're here with me- a guy you knew for like...a week, instead of home with all the people who love you." Not Eddie doesn't- not that Eddie's even close to admitting--

"Wait- what do you mean fail someone else? Who do you think- do you think you failed me?"

[farrahfawcetts]

Steve didn't look Eddie in the eye. Here he didn't have all the layers of denial to hide the truth away between. This whole place is about revealing inner truths and this one bleeds out.

"Of course I did, man. Of course I did. I should have...I should have stayed with you guys. Or...or I don't know. Had a better plan. Something. Anything. I left you with Dustin and you had to get yourself killed to save him. That shouldn't have been your job. It shouldn't have been your responsibility."

[the_freak]

"..." Eddie takes a moment to process this, and shakes his head. "...why the hell is it your job? It shouldn't be any of our jobs. We're just a bunch of kids trying our best, man. But- ...you aren't responsible for what happened with me, dude. I need you to know that. Vecna is. And me, obviously, I uh...you know- I did what I did. But I'd do it again."

[farrahfawcetts]

"You should have graduated. You had all these friends and made everyone around you happy. Wayne loved you so fucking much. Dustin...everyone. And I'm not saying I'm not but... You deserved the second chance. You got pulled into this. I made a choice you never got to have."

He leans his head forward, resting it against Eddie's chest.

"If I was smarter, I would have seen what was gonna happen and switched places with you. Or just left you and Dustin on the bench and hooked up a fucking stereo. You shouldn't have died. Not you..."

[the_freak]

"Not everyone," Eddie interjects, but he lets Steve finish.

"Steve, what makes it your fault and not Wheeler's? Or Robin's? Or Dustin's? Why is this on you? I don't want to die, but I promise- I didn't spend those last minutes thinking 'why wasn't Steve smarter?' okay? And out of everyone involved in this shit, I'd pick me to go every time."

[farrahfawcetts]

"If my job isn't to keep people safe, then what good am I?"

And that is it. That right there is what remains after Nancy, his parents, Billy, Tommy, and everyone else that made him feel like he was good for something and then revealed that value to be conditional. He isn't smart, he isn't irresistible, he isn't powerful, and he isn't anything, really. Except the Babysitter. The Guardian. The 'tank'.

So if someone dies when he's on the job, who else's fault is it? Protection is his job. Taking the hits is his job. It's the only thing he's good at and even then he's proved himself to be a failure.

"It's supposed to be me."

[the_freak]

Eddie gives him a sad look and a small shove to make his point clear. "...your job is just to be you, Steve. That's it. Your value isn't tied to how much you put out. It's not...conditional or some bullshit. You're Steve Harrington. That's good enough, man."

[farrahfawcetts]

And that is pretty much the first time anyone has ever told him that.

It probably shows with the look on his face like he just got the breath punched out of him. Steve just stares at Eddie, wondering if this is some sort of joke or there is more to follow. But there isn't and the moral of the story is that Steve is good enough. He's not sure where to put that on the shelves of all the things he thought was true about him. He has no idea what to throw out in order to make room, but it feels like something has to go.

"It hasn't been," he points out quietly. "Not for other people."

[the_freak]

"...Fuck those people," Eddie says bluntly. Which maybe isn't fair. These are people Steve cares about, or has cared about. And Eddie gets it. He knows how it feels to have your sense of worth tied only to what you can provide for others.

"It needs to be good enough for you. Other people'll figure it out."

[farrahfawcetts]

Eddie says it so simply that Steve feels like he has to believe it. He's so earnest. So...him. He doesn't even think about it as he leans in and just kisses him.

"I don't know how," he says when he breaks away, pawing over Eddie's face and neck like he can't touch enough. "But I swear: I am not going home without you. Okay? We're gonna figure it out, somehow, or else I am gonna have El and the kids and everyone else tear the universe apart to save you. I promise."

[the_freak]

"Mm-" The kiss takes him by surprise, but not nearly as much as that desperate search for touch that has Eddie flushing pink.

And like Steve, Eddie almost has to believe that Steve's going to make that happen somehow. Fuck any logic or scientific law, he's going to bring him back from the dead. There's a breathless laugh, and he nods rather than point out how impossible it is. Maybe it's not? Maybe it doesn't matter. He nods and feels himself tearing up, laughing and rolling his eyes at his own reaction.

"You're turning me into a sap, Harrington."

[farrahfawcetts]

"You're already a sap, Munson..."

He brushes his thumbs under Eddie's eyes and leads him in for another kiss. Out on the map all that remains is the pieces of Steve that left scars: Billy, Demogorgons, Jonathan. The ones that didn't have him walking away bleeding were the ones that sunk in deeper. Eddie's seen them all, now. He's seen it and still looks at Steve like he's worthwhile.

Steve's heart is molten in his chest even thinking about that.

"It's okay," he murmurs against Eddie's lips as he bleeds one kiss into many. "I like it."

[the_freak]

Chuckling against his lips, Eddie gives a grateful hum, and thinks words he's not ready to say yet, kissing him deeply instead.

"I like you," he murmurs when he pulls away.

[farrahfawcetts]

Steve pulls back and looks Eddie in those gorgeous, bambi eyes. He pets back his curls and cradles his jaw. All the same ways he would touch Nancy because he could never get enough. Could never be close enough.

Somewhere deep inside him that comparison makes some truths rise up into Steve's throat. He can't look them all in the eye just yet, but they're there.

"I...like you, too, Eddie. I really, really like you. Which shows me again how dumb I was in school to not branch out a bit more and find the people really good for me."

[the_freak]

"Eh- you'd be sick of me by now," Eddie teases with a grin, "Only a little dumb. We were both kind of buttheads," he allows, leaning into those touches and leaving his own. "...do you think this is real? Are we going to remember any of this?"

[farrahfawcetts]

Steve chuckles a little and nuzzles their noses together ever so slightly. If Eddie thought that he was being turned into a sap before, Steve is really gonna drive that home now. "Are you kidding, Eddie?" He pecks his lips softly. "You? You're unforgettable."