I didn't mean for it to happen

[wearingthestars]

WHO: Billy, Tommy, Bucky/The Soldier, OTA
WHERE: Temba, YA House
WHAT: The aftermath
WHEN: Early June
WARNINGS: TBD



The Return & What Follows (for Tommy)

Billy screamed, and the world dissolved. The Shadow had shielded him from the worst of it, assaulted by those memories in a non stop barrage for however long they were in there, but now he remembered it all. He dimly registered he was back in his calibration room, hoping he'd managed to release the others before he collapsed heavily onto the floor. He shouldn't have been able to perform that level of magic here. And whatever had allowed it abruptly cut it off with his return, utterly drained from the experience.

He was unconscious, in and out of nightmares for days before he finally jolted awake in a cold sweat, practically tumbling from the bed in his race to the bathroom to retch.

What had he done?

Avoidance [OTA]

Even after he awoke, Billy didn't want to leave the house. He was ashamed and scared, and used the excuse of resting for far longer than was true.

A few faces managed to hunt him down there, and it wasn't like Billy could turn them away, eventually relenting and breaking down a few of those barriers.

After that it was a little easier to venture out. It took a few smaller outing before he was able to get as far as the Hospital, but there at least he could focus on work.

(For Bucky/The Soldier)

Billy knew he probably wanted to stay hidden away as much as he did right now, but after what they'd been through together in the other world, he trusted the man to help him with this. Tommy and the others would refuse, but he was confident Bucky would understand. And he needed to apologize.

His magic was still weak, but it led him to the general location where he was meant to be. Billy couldn't quite meet his eye when he found him, swallowing thickly and looking uncomfortable.

"...Hey. Could we talk?"

Apology- Network- Text

I can't begin to make up for what I put you all through this last month. I had no right, and I'm so sorry you all got caught up in this mess.

I know that doesn't begin to make it right.

They did something to me. Like Calibrations...but worse. I don't know how. And I'm not trying to make excuses for what I did but- I'm scared they'll do it again. To any of us. I thought people should know.

Comments

[wearingthestars]

It took a good long while to get it all out, and by the time Billy could breathe well enough to properly acknowledge his brother he was pale, tears streaming from his eyes. He weakly turned into him, panting against his shoulder and holding him tight, still unable to find his words.

"...I'm sorry," he managed finally, voice hoarse, "I didn't mean- nn-...What did I do, Tommy?"

[doubled_speed]

Sorry. Man, B, Sorry didn't cover what Tommy had gone through, or how he now hated himself a bit more. Kyle was working on that part, but Tommy was still hurting from it.

"I know," Tommy answered. "You look fucked up. What you were saying earlier, in the darkness... Something made you do it, didn't they? I'm gonna find them and destroy them. I swear it. No one fucks with a Maximoff and gets away with it.

[wearingthestars]

He knows.

"I don't-" Billy frowned, and tried to focus, pulling back, "...something called me down there. Like when we had calibrations. But just me. And-...and then once I was there, it jus kept- it was Teddy. Just- over and over- everyone who'd hurt him. Every time we hurt each other- It wouldn't stop..."

[doubled_speed]

Yeah, that... that made sense. Breaking Wanda had been half her loss of her children, half the fact that it had been so seriously hidden from her, and another extra half of Doom and his manipulations.

There were too many halves in their family.

"I figured as much. I mean, what else would make you pull a Mom?"

Not him, Tommy's voice seemed to imply. It would happy for Teddy, but not for him. No, Billy's magic had decided to make a better Tommy. Which he was still hurting over.

[wearingthestars]

"..." That implication had Billy drawing back further, and he frowned over a while new guilt that wasn't even really his doing, but it didn't stop the ache that came from knowing he'd hurt his brother.

"I didn't get to choose what they showed me," he mumbled.

[doubled_speed]

"Yeah, I know," Tommy answered. But he knew better than to think it would be him. IT was hard, though, to take that in stride. To not feel like the Tommy he was hadn't been replaced by the Tommy Billy would have wanted.

"How much control did you have over how it played out, B? Was that... Was that the brother you would rather have had?"

[wearingthestars]

"What-?" Billy frowned, needing a moment to understand what Tommy was even asking before shaking his head. "Wh- no. I...gave you a different start. The rest was you. I just wanted us to be together- what are you talking about??"

[doubled_speed]

Was it really only that, Billy? Was it really only a different start?

"We both know I'm not smart, Billy. I'm not driven. I'm not capable, not like that. So I'm just left to think you would prefer me like him, like an idealized version of his brother.

[wearingthestars]

It was.

"You are, clearly, because that's what you did there. I didn't do that. You did. I just gave us our family back. That's it." Billy's eyes narrowed a little, still tearful, but hurt that Tommy would think he'd done that.

[doubled_speed]

"But..."

Tommy looks so confused.

But he isn't smart, Billy. It makes no sense. That isn't him. That... that couldn't have been him. He was happy, he was smart, he was successful. IT didn't make sense.

"That's a lot to suggest, Billy. That I could be that. Because I can't. I'm not like that."

[wearingthestars]

Billy gave him a tired look. "You could be. You missed the head start I gave you, you're still the same person. It's not like your path is set in stone because you didn't figure this stuff out before you were twenty."

[doubled_speed]

"Except I don't know it back home," Tommy counters. He won't go home and realize he can be something more. So instead he's here, hemmed in by what he is and a lack of ability to be more, to grow, to achieve.

He doesn't even know what to say to all of this. And his heart ached. So he just reached up to run his fingers through his brother's hair.

"You're the one with a future, B. You're the one that can change the world, just, you know, I mean it in a less intense way than the last one."

[wearingthestars]

"Well someone's bound to knock some sense into you eventually back there too," he argued, "We've all seen what you can do. You're the only one refusing to believe in yourself."

He leaned into the touch and shook his head. "I don't want any of that."

[doubled_speed]

They both know who that somebody is, don't they? David, that was going to be the one who changed him. Except...

"IT doesn't matter what you want, Mister Prince. Me? I'm just doing my best, and apparently cheating on David or some shit."

[wearingthestars]

Billy winced a little. He definitely hadn't planned any of that for either of them. "Didn't expect that," he agreed, understanding how complicated that must feel. "I'm sorry- the world just kind of shaped itself after the guidelines, some of it was random, and some of it was pulled from what people wanted-"

[doubled_speed]

Some of it pulled from what people wanted. That… answered something he had wanted to ask.

“Do you, well, know which was which? Because I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit while you’ve been sleeping, Billiam, and I don’t know what the fuck to think of any of it.”

[wearingthestars]

"Some of it," he answered vaguely, "Which...shit?" he asked a bit awkwardly, though he suspected he knew.

[doubled_speed]

Oh come on man.

"Kyle," he answers, his voice quavering a little. He had been loved, Billy. He had meant something. "You have no clue how complicated it's been to be around him?"

[wearingthestars]

Billy hesitates, not sure which answer is worse, given Tommy's got David back home.

"...I think...one or both of you had some feelings that might have fed into it," he supplies.

[doubled_speed]

That... Was honestly what he'd needed to hear. A kind of confirmation. And now the question was what he was going to do with it. Especially because of David.

Pining for his significant other Kyle had accused him before. But where had he ever gotten with David compared to Kyle? Shit. All he can do is wonder what to do now.

"And what about you? YOu just want to be normal?"

[wearingthestars]

"I mean...sometimes, yeah," he admitted, knowing that probably sounded crazy. "This kind of power can be...a lot. I mean look at what I did with it. ...I just wanted a place where I was safe."

[doubled_speed]

Just wanted a place where he was safe. Tommy moved immediately to grab Billy and pull his brother into his arms. No, this isn't something he can accept.

"I'll keep you safe. I swear."

[wearingthestars]

Billy was a little taken aback by the sudden hug, but was happy to accept it, willing those tears not to well up again.

He wasn't sure Tommy could keep him safe. Not from this. Not for lack of trying.

"...The other me-...the Shadow one...the memories were still going. The whole time." He'd been spared that with his life in the other world, but once he'd accepted the Shadow back into himself- it hadn't been pleasant.

[doubled_speed]

"Then I'll find a way to make the memories stop," Tommy insisted, letting his brother go and standing. Clearly he's about to bolt to go find an answer.

[wearingthestars]

"Tommy-" Billy motioned to halt him, "They've stopped now. Just...while we were in there I mean. I was still feeling them. Part of me. I don't think they can do it outside of that room. Or...if they can they haven't yet."