Closed || The devil in the wires

[art_of_war]

WHO: Thrawn and Eli Vanto
WHERE: Eli's room at the hotel
WHAT: Thrawn is a bonehead and Eli has lost patience
WHEN: 10/5
WARNINGS: None anticipated


He had not actually been here on his own before. Ordinarily, Thrawn would not have gone to the hotel. In fact, he felt somewhat stifled here. After all, a motley group of civilians thrown together was different from and earned and respected place within the ranks of a Star Destroyer for all that one was larger and, therefore, carried more people. But not long after finding Eli, he was shown the way to where Eli had been sleeping. It was no trouble to climb the stairs and step around the pieces of plaster that had fallen in everything from big chunks to small chips.

In truth he internally felt a wedge of an emotion he had no name for in his gut like a shard of ice. He wasn't able to reply to Eli's final message but felt strongly about it. Enough that he had come to speak to Eli in person. It was better to do that so he would be able to observe and analyze the reactions in expressions and body language.

Standing in front of the door to the space Eli claimed as his own, Thrawn knocked politely then put both hands behind his back.

Comments

[thrawnsaide]

Eli noticed the subtle differences in Thrawn's stance and how he spoke. Thrawn wasn't one to show any type of emotion, but Eli knew him well enough to look for subtle signs that indicated otherwise. The way he avoided looking at Eli, his voice lowering, and the tightening of his hands behind his back were such indication.

To a degree Thrawn seemed to understand that what he said had been hurtful. Eli let out a wary sigh.

There was a long silence before Eli allowed himself to speak. He did his best to keep his voice level and only found his voice shaking every so often. When he did, he would pause before he continued forward. He kept his gaze on Thrawn as well not allowing him to avoid it.

"I served you at first because I had to. I wasn't given such a choice in the matter. Yet later I came to respect you and did so willingly regardless if I was ordered to or not. I still choose to do so now.

But this isn't about the military. This is about us . I had assumed that we had reached a level where it was safe to say we were friends. Almost brothers. Only I feel like that assumption was wrong?

Back when we had been reunited since my leave for the Chiss Ascendancy, you were indifferent toward me. Just as you were earlier. I had put my life and the people I loved in danger by leaving the Empire to help your people. Only to return to find out I was labeled as a Traitor. You hardly acknowledged my presence and only used me for my skills. You didn't even say good bye to me.

I had no one helping me out as you did. I had to go through it alone. I wasn't even given information on what I was supposed to look for till just recently. How was supposed to do my job with out it? I felt like something that was to be paraded around and not do the job I thought was going to be doing.

I adapted alright. To the best I could. But I certainly don't appreciated being cast aside and summoned only when needed. This is what you are suggesting as well. I had hoped being here would be different."

[art_of_war]

Thrawn frowned in puzzlement but he did not look up. The idea of 'summoning and casting aside' anyone had never occured to him. In his eyes Eli was a student. He thought that allowing Eli to know a part of his past plus the sacrifices this path demands would explain his reasoning. Becoming what is in effect a double agent is a difficult and lonely thing. But aside from that, Thrawn was aware his words had hurt Eli somehow. He still wasn't totally certain how but he knew that Eli was truly upset

"I am afraid I don't understand. Where did you get the impression that you were being 'cast aside'?"

[thrawnsaide]

"You told me you no longer needed me to help you. I didn't have to be at your side and helping you with everything as we had often operated. Now you're saying you will simply call for me if you need my assistance.

It was how you phrased it. I understood your intentions, but your phrasing came off indifferent and callous."

Eli carefully explained as he tried to rephrase it in a way Thrawn would hopefully understand. While Thrawn was capable of handling much on his own there was still a lot the Chiss was unable to grasp and that had to deal with the various cultures and upbringing.

[art_of_war]

The frown remains but he does raise his eyes to look at Eli.

"I said I had little use for a translator and that is true. But I would think at this point you would be aware that you are much more than that."

Thrawn did have a terrible habit of sounding cold and thus other people assuming he is as unfeeling as he sounds. This entire exchange came about from that very habit. But Thrawn had assumed that Eli would understand what he meant. In Thrawn's mind, he was extending an offer to be allied. Which is fairly significant on its own.

[thrawnsaide]

"To a point. You had indicated you didn't need my help with anything. When it started off me just wanting to check in on you to make sure you were doing fine. In other words at least making an effort to eat.

There are times where I wish you would understand how important it is with how you say things. I had already been upset over the fact we weren't going to be on the same ship. Upon learning that news and then you basically saying you don't need me hit me the wrong way."

Eli stated, reluctantly uncrossing his arms and relaxing them at his side.

[art_of_war]

Thrawn's frown remained and if anything became more grave.

"That is your own insecurity talking. And I have no wish to censor myself, especially not when speaking with you."

Any compliment in that statement is ruined by the blunt delivery.

"Regardless of where each of us is in the galaxy, be assured that I will always have need of you."

....which is as much of an admission as Thrawn is capable of.

[thrawnsaide]

Before he could stop himself, Eli reached over and wrapped Thrawn into a hug. He realized to a degree Thrawn was as usual correct. But it helped hearing those words for him. He had so much doubt festering in him since their last meeting they had before arriving here.

"Thank you," Eli replied. "It's important to hear this. I honestly don't know what I would do if I were to ever loose you or could no longer be at your side."

It was only when he could feel Thrawn tensing did Eli release the Chiss from his hug. This had been the first time Eli had made such an open display, he hadn't thought to see how Thrawn would react.

[art_of_war]

Thrawn tensed but he did so because he didn't know what he was supposed to do. Certainly, he knew what an embrace was but in an academic sense. Not as a sign of affection someone might show him. Thrawn held his hands out to the sides and probably looked a bit silly.

When Eli stepped back he would not see anger or disgust. Just confusion. The idea of a physical show of affection had not occurred to Thrawn.

[thrawnsaide]

....."Apologies. I was hugging you out of reaction and to emphasize how important you were to me...Most would return the embrace if they were comfortable with the reception."

Eli awkwardly explained feeling his cheeks flush from embarrassment.

[art_of_war]

Thrawn cleared his throat awkwardly. He lowered his hands and when he did speak his voice was a little hoarse at first.

"There is no need to apologize. I just...was not expecting it."

That sounded like a lame thing to say even to him. But signs of affection are very much not Thrawn's strength.

[thrawnsaide]

"I admit that there were times I had wanted to hug you back during cadet days or when were serving together, but I had refrained. I was unsure how it would be perceived showing such personal affection. I thought that here...it could be different."

He gave a sheepish smile. "Maybe next time I'll ask?"

[art_of_war]

If they were alone like this then the only thing to get in the way was Thrawn's own awkwardness with the situation. And for someone who was always so careful about controlling himself in every way, the uncertainty that came with exploring something new was even more pronounced.

"...I think it would still be strange for me if you did ask. I must, therefore, ask for your patience, Vanto."

Affection wasn't something he was used to receiving.

[thrawnsaide]

"Very well. I'll try to keep such displays to a minim and not in public. I apologize for getting frustrated and forward with you."

Eli replied. There wasn't a chair for either of them to sit in, so Eli moved aside to offer Thrawn a place on the bed to sit. While their confrontation was dealt with he didn't want the other to leave either.

[art_of_war]

Thrawn sat on the bed as well, indulging in a tired sigh.

"As I said, there is nothing you need to apologize for. I realize I am not as emotive to a human."

Yes, blame it on the species thing. Except that Eli has lived mong Chiss for almost a year and would probably know that Thrawn isn't even for a Chiss.

[thrawnsaide]

Eli merely raised an eyebrow at the attempt to blame his own species. He didn't go further into the topic sensing it was also Thrawn's way to conclude that particular subject. He knew that being a Chiss wasn't exactly the case. There was more to it then Thrawn was willing to share at the moment.

"Since you're here, I figured you could take a look at all the hand written notes I was taking before we received our communicator device. Excuse my handwriting as it's not very legible. It's been a long time since I had to write things down by hand."

Eli dug around the pile that was on his table and pulled out the note pad that his hosts have given him. On the sheets of paper there were various notes, diagrams, and drawings of flora, buildings, and other items that held interest.