Lead

[in_extremis]

WHO: Tony, Richie, open in theory*
WHERE: Coruscant. A bar.
WHAT: A pair of addictive personalities walk into a bar.
WHEN: Mid-field trip?
WARNINGS: I don't know how dark this will actually get, but they're definitely going to talk about addiction a lot, and Tony is more self-destructive than usual.
*: I know I haven't had a normal open post in a wHile, so sorry about this one targeted prompt. I know no one ever takes the wildcard option, but really, now is the time, hit me up, I'm just floundering a bit in this event.


Jon did help. He did. Jon could also sense Tony's anxiety like a soft, marshmallow filling, and if Jon was going to continue to be so helpful, it was probably in Tony's best interest if he didn't know how profoundly pathetic Tony was. He was used to doing this on his own, anyway. The code was in the framework.

Isolating himself on the ship hadn't exactly worked out, but Tony thought he could maybe apply the same theory to a stale, narrow bar buried a few feet under the hotel. A whole planet to explore, and not a lot of time to do it, who would be sticking so close at this point? Tony knew he wouldn't be, if he didn't feel like his wings had been clipped. Steve was gone. It was going to get worse from here.

The bartender left a slimy trail in their wake as they moved up and down their space, like a snail making its way along the counter, ignoring Tony by now and leaving him to watch blindly as they swept by, then the discharge oozed incrementally toward where Tony had propped his elbows, then was mopped up by the tendril they used to carry a stained rag trailing behind themself. It splattered with a reliable regularity into a bucket at either end of the counter. It was revolting, but Tony was starting to find some peace in it, measuring the consistency of the slime in the way it pooled and was gathered in the sweep of the cloth. It was a very different kind of peace than the one Tony had slammed his head against by watching the way the liquid in the bottle of 'strongest you have', whatever that was, caught the low light and flashes of neon that filtered their way into the bar. He wasn't sure how long ago he had ordered it, but there were already two cigarette butts wilting in the melting ice of the glass that it had come with, and the third he had largely forgotten about burnt close to his knuckles.

The bartender also didn't speak any structured language, though it seemed to understand just fine. It was the snarling grunt that they hurled at another man that knocked Tony out of his reverie, blinking slowly at the guy raising his hands in surrender with a nervous laugh and insisting he was definitely going to pay, just slipped his mind, is all. It was dark enough in here that Tony knew it was a blanket invitation to get away with plenty that wouldn't be welcome closer to the surface, but even the snail-guy had their limits. They were still grouching in a low growl as the came sweeping in front of Tony again, not even slowing down as Tony tried to ask, "Got any more of these?" with the last of the cigarette brandished. They would probably be back, Tony thought, as he watched them go. Maybe.

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[in_extremis]

There was a working theory there, their mysterious powers had to have something to do with how even keel they all were, or maybe that was the childhood conditioning. Tony was tapping at the air, tracing a web of smoke from between his fingers, like he was running the numbers and working the humour-as-telekinesis concept, and started to chuckle again with a baffled wrinkle of his nose to ask, "What's 'Beej'?," like this was the weak data point in the study.

It wasn't clear who the guy might have meant was the comedian, but it was quickly and exhaustingly obvious that this was another one from a world without the superheros Tony thought were holding the place together, making him start to huff a sigh of frustration but ending up slouching against the bar in contemplation. It was endlessly possible that the world did not end without Captain America in it. It definitely didn't feel right, and Tony's instinct was to resent this guy and everyone else who had no idea who Cap was outright for this failure, but he took a deep breath and stared at his mocking bottle again. "Mysterio, he tells people to call him Beck, you can't miss him. Stupid green tights," he muttered, then tipped his head toward the bartender who appeared again around the corner, carrying another one of the bottles that sat before them. "What about one of those? Could use the energy around Temba. Liven the place up. Kidnap-machine's a little bigoted."

[mrsklover]

"Beej! OB Juan. Figure his initials are 'OBJ'. BJ. Beej."

The alcohol was loosening him up even more and Richie offered the guy a wide grin. He even shifted over to bump their shoulders together. He liked this guy well enough. Not that Richie had a habit of disliking people, honestly. But, yeah. He was funny and smart in a way that reminded him of other people. It was comfortable.

"Yeah! Yeah, what the fuck is that about? Everyone in that place is pretty much human even though, as far as I can tell, the Agrii or whatever are not." He waved his hand as though putting that fact before them and then gesturing to the next one, right beside it. "And a lot of dudes! Like. Seriously, a lot of guys there. Do we need to teach the Agrii about sexism? Species...ism?"

[in_extremis]

That name wasn't new to Tony, but he continued to stare incredulously at Eddie's friend until he could properly put this puzzle together, and that was a near miss. His laughed bubbled up in a surprised disbelief, and he admired, "Oh, I bet he loves that. Thank you for that."

The enthusiasm for the unbalanced kidnap-type prolonged Tony's grin and he nodded his encouragement, brow furrowing in an attempt of scientific soberness. "I didn't really notice," he admitted, waving a hand and rolling his eyes, he knew now how that must have sounded, "until we got here. Almost all of the other species in my galaxy are humanoid at least, its not that weird, something about a Machine--whatever, doesn't matter, I get here and most guys are a whole other thing, and they're picking from different universes, and you want me to believe this is their prime heroic sampling?" He pressed both hands to his chest then, and realized in the same gesture who the comedian must have been, making him still like that thoughtfully before he asked, "Why did you throw up?" Looking at him at the bar, he didn't seem like much of an axe-guy, but Tony hadn't really parsed what made a guy an axe-guy yet. That was a rare choice of weapon.

[mrsklover]

"Honestly I think the guy's never had a nickname before in his whole life. I called him 'Beej' and he looked at me like I had called him 'Steve' or something. But then again, seeing the weird museum he was living in, I can imagine 'fun' wasn't exactly a high priority in his development."

Richie sipped some more of his drink and looked over at Tony and his grin. It was nice that he was smiling now. Something told him the guy needed it. Even with the next question and the pretty graphic answer, Richie felt pretty light and easy, considering. Making people laugh or grin was his job, after all. He liked his work.

"So... It's a long story, but this dude who was like a psycho bully when we were kids and spent his whole life pretty much in a mental health hospital after he killed his dad was then trying to kill a friend of mine. I wanted to stop that and. You know. Saw the axe on the floor...saw the back of the dude's head..." Richie mimed an axe chop and made a little 'thunk' noise to translate the brutal murder of another human.

"Turns out I'm not a great killer and the blood and stuff made me queasy? I think it's better than the alternative, but who knows."

[in_extremis]

To Tony, there was a chasm if difference between 'hit' someone with an axe, and 'viciously brain' someone with an axe, so he was quiet for a wide-eyed beat following the guy's illustrative noise, cigarette poised in front of his lips like he was hoping this story was going to take a better turn. At least he very explicitly didn't enjoy his axe murder experience. Tony raised his eyebrows in dubious acceptance of the darker alternative, pouting thoughtfully and resuming his smoke. There had been more than a few times he had made the same calculation, though splitting someone's head open felt particularly lurid. Maybe because it felt familiar.

"I, um--" he started, trying to relate his experience without it sounding like he regularly was committing manslaughter without the greater context, and landed on, "I got really angry. No axe, for me, but I blasted the guy's head clean off. He was throwing cars at me and setting people on fire--better than the alternative. But I got so angry, because it didn't have to be that way, neither of us had to be there, so I...kicked him. It. The body. I don't know what I thought that was going to help. Didn't puke, anyway."

Fuck, that got dark, more so than the demon clown. Demon clown was an external force, though. "What did you say your name was?" Tony abruptly asked, before either of them dwelled any further on their decision making under pressure.

[mrsklover]

There was some important information that was missing out of that story. Richie blinked a little, trying to figure out how someone could 'blast' a head off. The guy didn't seem to have any weapons on him. Didn't appear to have superpowers or whatever. But maybe he wouldn't be able to tell that? Maybe he was magic like some of the other people around here? Was that a rude question to just outright ask?

Good thing Richie hadn't cared about being rude since he was ten.

"Okay. So. I mean, you seem to be entitled to defend yourself if the asshole was throwing cars. Like that is objectively shitty behavior. But... how did you blast his head off? Was it like... a fireman hose turned up to eleven?"

He was more interested in that than the completely justifiable kicking of the corpse afterwards. So interested he almost didn't notice the last question.

"Oh. Shit. I don't think I did say. Richie Tozier. From some kind of Earth."

[in_extremis]

The beginning of the question had Tony grimacing, head canted away and not particularly interested in having to work back through all of the details that would explain his ability to do any head-blasting, but the tension was gratefully released in a laugh of surprise at the alternative he was offered. "Yeah, just downed a venti, it was bound to happen, it's a curse, really," he replied.

As irritating as it had been to find himself not so blissfully alone, Tony's smile still managed to linger as he took in the introduction with a slow nod, eyes closed like he was working to remember the name. "Tony Stark," he offered in return, and, after a beat, a hand to go with it. He was relaxed enough by then to have almost not noticed the bartender breaking out of their sweeping pattern, holding up a bottle a lot like the one Tony had been staring at and one of the buckets that had been collecting their slime at either end of the bar. It was about when they got out a funnel that Tony narrowed his eyes, gaze jumping from that display, to his bottle, then to Richie and the glass he had poured with eyebrows slowly creeping up. Maybe it was about time they called it a night.

[mrsklover]

Richie laughed in response and accepted the shake. He was about to say something more about the whole venti situation when he too noticed the bartender. And the bucket. And the funnel. Richie looked at his glass and promptly turned green as he shoved both it and the bottle away.

Yeah. Yeah, it was time to go.

"What the fuck is wrong with this place? Okay. Now I know why the Agrii are sticking to us humanoids. I don't mean to generalize but it seems like some of these other guys are fucking bizarre. Slime juice! Drank fucking..."

He shuddered and pushed up from his chair, dropping some of the money on the table.

"Did you wanna take your alien sludge to go? Have something to gaze at in your room?" Richie smiled as he teased, clearly expecting Tony to have a similar reaction to him.

[in_extremis]

Mostly Richie was on the money, and Tony was readily standing with him, smoothing his hair back and pushing his glasses up his nose, but it was wrinkled in a snickering laugh with the free confidence that he hadn't partaken in any of the slime juice. If he had, he might have been on board to start discounting whole, strange alien races with Richie, but he was left watching the bartender with more curiosity as they went back to their reliable, moist pacing and Tony put a reassuring arm around Richie to give his shoulder a pat and lead him away from this unexpected local specialty.

"Plenty where that came from. I'm sure I'll find something on the way. Maybe one of those lion-faced guys will spit into a can for me," he said, and even as he said it, was sure his imagination was incapable of producing the truly disgusting things that were being sold on street corners as popular snacks on this planet.