revivalproject | Make your Statement, face your fear.

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Make your Statement, face your fear.

WHO: Jonathan Sims & YOU
WHERE: Jon's Calibration Room
WHAT: Explore the Archivist's mind
WHEN: During the Calibration Event [ June 3rd - July 10th ]
WARNINGS: EYES - Body horror, possible mentions of unsettling events including kidnapping, death and dreadful monsters

The Archivist's office is a mess. Most offices are. Especially offices located in basements. Offices that belong to equally chaotic archives. And the archives of the Magnus Institute are incredibly chaotic. Gertrude Robinson has seen to that. And yet the mess in this office isn't hers. It's the mess of the current Archivist, right now seated behind his cluttered desk, appearing even smaller than he actually is, the small lamp on the table serving as the only actual source of light in this room. In front of the Archivist sits a small pile of statement files on a dining plate, but his attention isn't on the files, it's on his visitor.

There are more of these files spread all over the room. Cardboard boxes full of them stacked high and pushed into whatever free corner has once existed in it. Further boxes are stacked less high or are plain lying around, some closed, some opened, some rummaged through. Other, smaller boxes that aren't filled with files join the previous ones. There are also a few metal shelves covering part of the walls. And file cabinets. There are more files in these as well as more boxes and books. Most of them scientific in nature, some deal with the arcane, myths and legends. Various types of tape recorders and boxes of tapes are also widely strewn about as well as loose pages of paper, the occasional tea mug and cobwebs. For some reason or another there are at least a dozen fire extinguishers to be spotted throughout the room, and it likely isn't due to the clearly used ashtray or the golden lighter with a cobweb design engraved onto it on the desk near the Archivist's dust-covered laptop, untouched cup of tea and the sole human rib. Aside from more stray sheets of paper and some writing equipment, a single book also resides on the desk, its title introducing it as A Guest for Mr. Spider.

Though there is more to be found in the various shelves as well. A knife as well as a cleaver, an unsuspecting whistle that seems to be surrounded by an odd fog and will vanish should one try to reach for it. Underneath one of the shelves, there even is a plain cardboard box filled with C-4 plastic explosives. Further up, a roughly football-sized dark sun dares the visitor to look at it to plunge them into utter and complete darkness. The frisbee some may recognize as a certain someone's shield seems a little out of place as it lays unassuming on one of the higher shelves, covering an odd little action figure from view.

But maybe one feels more compelled to look out of the window, suspiciously present in this basement office. Outside lies the vastness of space, set to incite the feeling of falling right into it unless one pulls away from the sight in time. Or the human-sized mannequin standing motionless in one of the corners, wearing an ancient gorilla skin along with its top hat and a wide, leery, painted-on grin. It has no eyes. The pulsing, black and red veins creeping along the walls of the office and present themselves in varying sizes and thicknesses may also draw the visitor's attention. Or the seemingly harmless and somewhat misplaced looking yellow door draws them in, just there on the wall behind that coffin lying on the floor as if it belongs there. Thick chains are wrapped around it with a padlock holding them close, key stuck inside and inviting the visitor to unlock it. Just ignore the large letters carved into its wood imploring you to 'DO NOT OPEN' the casket. It'll be fine.

Yet... How tempting all of these things may be, the visitor may be unable to entirely ignore the MASSIVE EYE taking up the entire ceiling of the room, glowing an eerie green and watching their every move. Or any of the other eyes scattered around the room. The walls, the cabinets, the shelves, the side of the Archivist's desk, the corners, the floor, the Archivist's forehead. All shapes and sizes and colors and all of them watching the visitor unblinking, unjudging. Just following their every move around the room - Just as the Archivist himself does.

Maybe you want to look around, and maybe you just want to take a seat in that single empty chair before the Archivist's desk. There is just enough room between it and the casket to not feel too cramped in. As for the trap door next to the Archivist's desk... Now that one won't open just yet.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Jon beats him at this game. Cloud doesn't want to make an argument. He does let it drop seeing how it makes the other. The silence comes in as his own eyes soften with sadness over Jon.

"They're your memories and you may not be able to out run them. I hide a lot of myself too. You don't know my own past, what I run from, what could have killed me." He looks at the other. "I could have been controlled to being a monster. My own nightmare is a part of me and will always be. I will keep facing it. But I do need to keep living a life. I have people that depend on me. I can't simply forget about them."

Sephiroth may only be a memory at this point but he still has his cells running through him too.

"I'm here now. You wanted to know what I could provide. It's protection, I will even protect you."

Protection.

Well. Why not. Jon gives a short nod.

"It's... Appreciated." He pauses. Briefly. "And I won't claim I'm not curious about those nightmares, but I will not be asking." The risk of accidentally adding to them is too high for his liking. Much to high.

Cloud gives a small nod back to Jon.

"I won't bring it back up." He can be sure to leave that topic where it ended. Cloud saw a mug earlier. "What's with the tea mug? And what kind of tea is it?"

"Tea mug?" Jon counters, surprised by the question, yet easily finding the nearest of these, blinking twice in mild confusion.

"What of it? It's... It's a mug? And-" He shrugs, picks it up and peers at the little tea left inside. "Can't quite tell, to be honest. Probably a black tea? That's what Martin used to make the most often."

Cloud gives another nod to Jon. Yeah, it's a bit strange to go for a tea mug.

However, there's no fear to follow after the question. That makes him smile a little bit while listening to the Archivist talk about someone from his world. Cloud tilts his head to the side. "Whose Martin? Is he a friend or colleague? Assistant?" Since he makes the tea and Jon may have an assistant for all the work he does. Someone must help with the cataloguing.

“He’s one of my assistants, yes.” Jon confirms with a nod. A nod that is followed by a somewhat guilty smile while Jon sets the mug back down and glances over to the pile of fire extinguishers.

“And I will admit that he is the one of my assistants I haven’t been entirely fair to when I took over the position as Head Archivist. But... He has proven himself. In various ways.” In a way, Jon misses Martin. But would he want him to be kidnapped to Temba?

"One? How many assistants do you have?" Cloud tilts his head at that. Was that supposed to mean something else?

"Do you mean that you were testing him?" He wanted to know what he meant by not being entirely fair to. Cloud knew all about proving themselves. He's going to have to keep doing it here too. Cloud wouldn't know if he wanted more of his friends to be kidnapped here. As much as he would get to see them, he wouldn't know what would be good to say to them. If certain things should stay in certain time periods. It didn't really matter if they ended up back in the Calibrations. Reeve's been here longer than him already.

"Oh, I... Used to have three. Four, if you count Melanie." Jon replies. Daisy and Basira may help him, but they don't exactly fill in official positions as his assistants as far as Jon knows.

Cloud's other question makes Jon blink. "Test him? Oh- N-no! I just... When I first started at my job, I expected him to cause delays rather than doing his job right. I was often harsher than I needed to be." Then Jane Prentiss happened...

Cloud's thankful that Tifa and him were in an agreement on who took care of what for Strife Deliveries. He raised an eyebrow at the used to have. "Did you fire them or did they quit?" He couldn't help but ask the question.

He bites the inside of his cheek while shaking his head. "I meant it more in a way of you pushing him to see what his skills sets are." Cloud looks at Jon.

"Did anything happen between the two of you? Did you start to become less harsher towards him?"

Jon gives Cloud a long, silent look, then sighs.

"I already mentioned that one of my assistants died to end the Unknowing before, that one was Tim. Sasha was taken and killed by a Not!Them a year before, when a living hive by the name of Jane Prentiss attacked the Archive. We had no idea of the Fears during that attack and even for a long while afterwards. But a monster aligned with a different power had hidden in our Artifact Storage beforehand and got Sasha - Then took her place. We didn't learn of her death until much later." Jon still feels guilty for that, and the way he looks away may make that clear enough.

"I suppose... A lot happened. Maybe not between us, but to us. We all changed. Some of us became stronger, others..." He shrugs. Others obviously became monsters. "Melanie was the only one of us strong enough to do what it takes to leave the Institute. And I hope she is doing well."

What? He didn't want to assume that all of them were dead. Jon that doesn't bold well for you but given the place he's from has monsters. Death is normally the fear that many have since not everyone can take care of those monsters. Cloud stays silent as he looks at Jon and listens to his story. "Working for you has its dangers. Working for anyone that works as closely to monsters or creatures of any nature are at risk. You did mention one death, I didn't want to think that it happened to the rest of them." It seemed one of them was lucky enough to escape that fate.

"It sounds as if you've been through quite a lot yourself. I have my own experiences that were done to me. You could become stronger here. Everyone still has a choice to make." He smirks a little bit knowing. "I still won't do anything medical related."

A lot of that would be in regards to Geostigma and what happened to him when he had been running out of options to find a cure. He'd rather not go through that here too soon. "If Melanie left, it's good that you think in a positive way for her well being."

"Working for the Institute is what brings those dangers. And I'm not the one running the Institute, I'm afraid." Jon looks down at his own hands. "Though I will admit that my predecessor has been rather willing to sacrifice her assistance. That's not a path I wish to take." He will rather risk his own life than that of others. And neither is he sure if he wants to become stronger. In what sense this is meant, he doesn't even know. Physically or as an avatar... It's not like he wishes to fight anyone or anything.

And so Jon simply nods.

"Leaving the Institute isn't easy. We may not have gotten along well, but I respect her for going through with what none of the rest of us could."

Cloud knew there were certain dangers everywhere you worked. Risks that you would take to try to achieve your dream. His way of wanting to get stronger was joining an organization, become a hero, but that never came to be. The other side had been to find a way out of his darkness. It's not always about the fighting. It's however stronger meant to Jon. Cloud wouldn't press or ask anything more on the nod that Jon provides. "You wanting to make a change is a good start."

It might even help Jon to fight back against certain demons.

"Are there punishments that come with leaving the Institute?"

“You need to blind yourself.” The response is given calmly and with a look up towards the huge eye occupying the ceiling. “Attempts at simply quitting are... Well. You will find yourself unable to do so. That’s the power the Eye has over those that belong to it. Those that try to simply stay away, maybe leave the country... They will feel sick. Weak. Forced to return to their patron’s place of power.”

Jon lets out an exhale and looks back at Cloud. “I’m not sure if it’s even in my power to change anything.” All he can do is try.

It sounded as if they were bounded by the Institute but there was a way to break the string. Cloud does believe that it would be one that's hard to break. He looks at Jon giving him a nod. "They have no choice but to go back."

He continues to watch Jon while replying softly. "It may not be. You might be able to find a way. It's better than doing nothing."

Willingly destroying one's eyes isn't something everyone can go through with. But Melanie has been determined - And she had made sure she had someone she trusted to help her once she suddenly was without sight for the rest of her life. Jon had considered the action for himself, but... He has been afraid. And martin has made a good point: Is Jon even still able to survive without being tied to Beholding?

He doesn't know. And he is afraid to find out...

"Maybe..." Jon says towards Cloud, shrugging. "For now I will focus on what I can do for Temba and the Agrii. That's why we're here."

A hard decision might be the only decision that one can make to find happiness. They have their own happiness to consider. Cloud didn't fully know the true detail within the riddle but he can make a guess. He looks at Jon.

"Yeah, we can focus on what's present." He gives a small shrug while taking a step away. "Are you happy with what you are putting your focus into?"

"I'm..." Jon pauses. Then he just shakes his head, though not without a tiny smile. "I don't find much happiness in my actions, Cloud. Or my work. It's necessary work. The presence of certain people, however..."

He lets his words trail off. That's already a little more personal information than he is comfortable sharing.

"What about yourself?"

Cloud raises his eyebrows at Jon. "Make you happy? It's a way of living. You should be doing the things that you want. Living the way you want to." They're all stuck here and Cloud's not the best with relationship advice to begin with. But he's dying and has to find his own way of living himself.

"I don't make the best decisions or actions." He knows he ends up in trouble. "My reason for living is my friends, the people that mean the most to me, being within the present. I'm in a new present. I'm going to have to find another reason to keep living." Cloud bites his bottom lip while looking off to the side. He knows that Reeve is here. They'll be there for each other.

"I didn't tell my friends when I got Geostigma. They found out a different way and I got told to stop dilly dallying. I'm going to try to hold up to that silent promise."

The Archivist casts Cloud a bemused look "You know, where I'm from, you can't always just chose what you want. Finding a job and building a sustainable life... It's not a given. I considered myself lucky to have gotten that job at the Institute all those years ago. Research wasn't the most glorious position, neither is my current job as its Archivist, but back then I hoped it would look good in my CV when I applied for other jobs - Which I never did, for obvious reasons. Does it sound odd that I never needed a reason to life...?"

Is simply not wanting to die not reason enough...?

"I started a business because it was needed. I come from a world that's still in the process of rebuilding, trying to find a cure, trying to keep on living from actions done by others." Cloud can admit his business was probably something he wanted to do. He bartered for a motorcycle for the business. There's a soft sigh while he looks at Jon. "I am dying. I almost lost my way and found it. There might come a time where you might need to find a reason."

He gives a small shrug. "I'm going to do what's needed here. But I already know trying to do both that and finding a cure will only push me towards that darkness. I will not allow for that to happen. But I have to start living my life how I want as well."

Dying. Jon can only guess it's due to that disease Cloud has mentioned before. Jon simply nods at that. He has technically died once already, and yet still can't find any comfort in the thought. Actual death still scares him. But maybe that's what has driven him forward so far... At least avoiding it has been Jon's reason to chose to become an avatar, apparently.

"What darkness do you speak of?" That's not merely this Geostigma, is it? It sounds... Deeper.

Cloud watches Jon quietly. Everyone had their own way to live and experience their own lives. He had his own reasons to view things a bit differently than others right now. There's moments of doubt and guilt knowing that they would still be in this situation if he did die soon. Cloud takes in a breath and holds it. A simple word that he didn't want to say out loud. But it had been the truth and would always be the truth.

"Despair." He knew he wouldn't enjoy saying it out loud. It had almost became a truth and one that he kept trying to run from.

That makes Jon nod. Despair is a strong emotion. And one strongly tied to various fears as well. But hearing now that despairing is what Cloud fears, a lot of his attitude makes sense.

"I believe I understand now. Can I... Can I help you somehow to avoid that darkness?"

Cloud tilts his head at Jon but he doesn't really question him on his understanding. Jon held a lot of information. Jon could make his own conclusions based on what Cloud has told him.

"How do you want to help me?" The question is soft and polite. Cloud can't help needing to ask Jon. He had been through a lot. "You provided me with some help in trying to find a cure. But what do you mean about helping me with avoiding my darkness?"

Make your Statement, face your fear.

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cw: death talks

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