revivalproject | This Is How We Get Along

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This Is How We Get Along

WHO: Tommy Shepherd, Tony Stark, Billy Hargrove
WHERE: Tony's Workshop, Tommy's Room in Avengers HQ
WHAT: Trying to figure out a gift; emotional vulnerability
WHEN: Late September, Early October
WARNINGS: To Be Added in the Billy Hargrove Thread

I. What Do You Get For A Surfer Dude? | Closed to Tony

The thing about Tommy was that he was kind of shit about asking for help when he needed it for himself. Things that would benefit him, or make his life better, or help him deal with his shit. It wasn't something he did. Which always made him showing up to ask for it harder.

So yeah, his showing up (after a good bit of searching) at Tony's workshop door, knocking lightly as he did so, was odd. Him looking nervous was probably less so. He was, after all, trying to heal what he thought was some damage between them due to his own actions. But this wasn't about any of that. This was about asking for help. And fuck if he wasn't shit at that.

II. The Terror of Being Known | Closed to Billy Hargrove

Between them they have so many places to withdraw to. The shack on the beach, the apartment above the diner, the rooms taken up by Billy for his winter in the Civics Center. And here. The place Billy is getting to see for the first time while he comes help Tommy make the place more homey.

A room in the established Avengers HQ. A place shared with Steve Rogers and Janet Van Dyne and probably others. A place that was more plain than the efforts he had taken with the diner's space. Which was supposed to change today. That was absolutely the plan.

A plan that was being foiled by the frustrated noise as Tommy tried, once again, to get a table to sit level. He'd been trying to shim this thing for ten minutes now. Ten minutes for someone like Billy. A lot more than that for Tommy. It was a frustration so deep that he finally did something stupid. He kicked a leg of it in frustration. And with speed. Too much speed. The metal leg bent from the force, dumping the table and the box of tools and decorations that had been sitting on it to the floor.

Which in turn only amped Tommy's bad mood up further, leaving him fuming in particular down at a small, potted plant that clearly had a damaged pot now. Something that was going to take repotting.

"Fucking hell."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There he is. Billy doesn't let up the touch, keeping his boyfriend in his arms. "Baby, this is your first experience with me. Do you think I'm lying when I say I'm not going to leave you? The night you had to leave because you were afraid of your powers coming back to hurt me, I hated it. I didn't want you to leave even if it was to protect me. I wanted you right back in bed even though I was asleep when you left."

"That's... You don't know me yet," Tommy says, points out. "I have so many secrets. You won't want me then."

because being seen, it's scary.

"You don't get to tell me what or who I will or won't want, babe. We decided we were gonna date, so you're stuck with me now. Call it the consequences of actions or something. You are... man, you are really stuck in this, aren't you?"

He really is. Because Tommy gets like this sometimes. Remembers that people don't want him. That they'll leave. That they'll make better choices than someone like him.

"I'm a mess, Billy. I'm a mess. God, the number of nights I'm waking up lately with my bed shaking from my powers..."

"C'mere." It's not a suggestion, because Billy's already leading them back over to the bed. Gently moving the bundle he originally brought, off to the side, he sits down and pulls Tommy down to sit next to him. "You are a mess. A hot mess, and my hot mess. I'll spend the night more to keep you still. I can't fix it, but I can make sure you're not alone."

"What if I hurt you?" Tommy sobs out. "What if the nightmares of that place come and I lash out? You could get hurt. What if you can't sleep for me screaming?"

Oh. This sort of sounds like the same stuff Tommy had been scared of during the storms. "Then you hurt me and I know it's an accident. You think I wouldn't know the difference between accidental and intentional? You've seen the way my head looks for yourself, neither of us come from great backgrounds. Screaming means a nightmare. Would you help me through mine? Because you have. Which means I'd help you through yours. We're boyfriends, Tommy. Partners. I'm not gonna be like my dad, I'm gonna try to help you."

Stubborn little shit.

It's so hard to believe someone would want that for him. But it isn't the first time, right? It's happened before. Because of someone else, but that doesn't matter.

"I..."

He shivers. No, not shivers. Shakes. He's trembling against Billy.

"I'm sorry."

"It’s the same thing with me. You know if I hurt you, it’s an accident. You’re smart enough to know when I mean it and when I don’t." He loops an arm around one shoulder, and then rummages in his bundle with the other.

"Don’t be fucking sorry. You’re allowed to be upset. Here," and he pushes one of the shells he brought with him to Tommy’s hand. "Tell me about this."

"You think I'm smarter than I probably am," Tommy grumbles to himself. But he's being held and that works for now.

Though now there's a shell in his hands and he looks at Billy in confusion.

"It's a shell?"

"I know you're smarter than you think you are," he points out, still holding the shell. With his boyfriend holding the bronze and teal colored shell, he loops an arm around Tommy's shoulder.

"Yeah? Describe it to me. Like I was blind."

Is he though? Probably. By a good measure.

Like he doesn't get what the point of this is. But Billy is forgiving him for being a jerk and is asking, so he's going to listen.

"Um... It looks like one of those edible types of shell fish back home. Bivalves. Whatever. Scallions?"

Did he forgive him? Or just understand? Or maybe them being jerks towards each other cancelled things out. Billy was just trying to get him to calm down enough by putting his focus elsewhere for the moment. "Yeah, definitely edible. Scallop. Sometimes people draw them over mermaid's tits."

He leans against Tommy briefly and traces his fingers over those slimmer ones. "Eat a lot of scallops at home? Alfredo with pasta and scallops?"

"The flat bits at the hinge would hurt. And they would only work on flat people. Like, they'd have to have less chest than even you," Tommy grumbles as he runs his thumb over the surface.

"Not often, the scallops. But it's still something I've tried a few times. In this soup thing. With lots of shellfish in it. Kate gave it to me sometimes. It's not super kosher though."

Right. Jewish. Things had to be kosher. Hopefully that wouldn't be a problem soon. It wasn't like certain food items came magicked with an ingredient label on them. "Right, strict diet. I should ask about that. And yeah, only work on flat people. Doesn't stop artists from drawing them. Or starfish. Apparently they don't research when thinking of what to give mermaids for bras."

The hand tracing over Tommy's gently covers it now. "Feel better? It's upsetting, but we can fix this. The table, the painting, it can be mended, babe." Billy's voice is very careful and soft, blue eyes looking over his partner's.

He's Jewish by heritage, but that doesn't mean he's the best at all the traditional things. He's still learning even now. And Billy would definitely know what was and wasn't okay, being the actual guy raised Jewish.

"It's not that strict. The Kaplans are Reform. I just stick to it sometimes. And while I don't know about mermaids, Atlanteans are more creative than this."

He lets the guy keep touching his hand.

"I'm not sure. I'm... Fuck. Sometimes I just get so damn worked up in the fall. In the worst way."

"Okay, I got about half of those word, and most of them were not the nouns." He keeps holding his guy's hand, knowing if it wasn't allowed, the hand would be gone. "I know how it feels to be worked up like that. To let it start with throwing a pebble into a still lake and watching it ripple out from there. And then I threw a rock in, and we kept rippling at each other. Felt like you were trying to test me and all the reforming I've been doing."

"Do you wanna try the decorate thing, or you wanna break from here? Maybe a tour of this place? So I know who we're gonna be bothering when you finally let me wrestle you in bed."

"It's not about you," Tommy insists. "I was... arrested in late September. I was there for a while. The dreams just get worse at this time of year. I remember things more. Hate them more."

Hates himself more. Still, he has to sigh.

"Rogers stays here. Surely you know him. And god, I don't need teased by Jan."

Billy taps his fingers against Tommy’s hand. Listening. He gets what his partner is saying. The bad dreams of the past, like how Billy gets touchy around the Fourth of July.

"Yeah, I know him. Don’t know Jan though. Figured taking a break out of this room just for a walk would help." Siting here was fine. "If Jan teases you, I’ll beat her up."

He wouldn’t. It’s the thought that counts maybe.

"If you want, I’ll sleep over more in September. Be your guard dog against the nightmares."

"She's my great-grandfather's ex-wife and a founding Avenger," Tommy says with a shrug. "And a fashion icon back home. But I'm not really... I don't want her to see how messed up I am right now."

He doesn't want compared to Pym.

"Next year, yeah, I guess. You can stay more."

There’s a moment of silence while Billy tries to map that out in his mind. Once he’s got it, Billy mentally filed it away to hopefully remember lately. "It’s cool, babe. Trying to figure out what works in helping you. And nightmares like that? You can come to the beach. You get access that only Max gets. A couple of knocks and you can come in."

His thumb rubs the back of Tommy’s hand. "I’m here babe. I know I can’t fix everything and I yell a lot, but I’m right here for you. Just like you’ve been for me since Calibrations."

Come to the beach? God, why would he do that? When he's feeling so detached from reality he doesn't want his boyfriend to see it. It all goes back to that feeling like he'd be abandoned.

"You deserved someone in your corner," Tommy mumbles.

"Being in my corner means I’m in yours. You deserve it too and I’m you say you don’t, I’ll call you a liar to your face. Because you deserve it just as much as I do, to have someone look out for you."

His thumb keeps up the rubbing, but doesn’t move for anything more intimate. "If I didn’t think any of that, I’d already be gone, and I’d be considered a shitty boyfriend, Tommy."

What Tommy deserves and what he gets out of life has rarely lined up. Which he supposes is perfectly expected of his existence if he's honest.

"Not sure I have a lot of boyfriend experience. You're sort of my second."

"You think I have much of any? You've seen the way my home fucked me up. You know this kind of thing we've got wouldn't be allowed."

He pulls Tommy's hand more into his lap and looks over the room. "Wanna try decorating again? Then we can get your painting looked over and fixed, maybe do dinner at the diner like some old married couple, then cuddle up in one of our many beds we have."

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