revivalproject | Rage has such focus

Entry tags:

Rage has such focus

Who: Billy Kaplan, OTA
What: Return of the Rage Bugs
When: Before the Mermaid Event
Where: Temba (Various)
Warnings: Violence, TBD

Working on building the cabin meant a lot of time outdoors. Thankfully Billy was a lot more used to that than in the past. If the weather stayed nice, he might even get a tan. Less fortunately, a hidden nest of rage bugs had awoken to the pleasant weather as well, and one had ventured out and found itself a host. Billy didn’t feel the bite, and life carried on for a while. He was testier than usual, quicker to anger, and then abruptly the rage took hold.

Eyes a glow, he banished a tree, fragments breaking apart and disappearing piece by piece. However it had offended him was unknown, but it revealed his next target to him, eyes narrowing and lightening crackling at his fingertips as he sets his sights on you.

Maybe you know Billy. If you do, you know this is very out of character. Before you have long to think about it you better start dodging.

(ooc: Set before the mermaid event. There is a planned resolution/end to the thread, so anyone tagging in won’t be able to stop Billy, but they can try their best. If you want them to get hurt/not hurt please let me know and I can make that happen for you. Also feel free to encounter Billy in a different place/set up than the one started here, he'll be flying about causing havoc all over.]

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Time seemed to take on an odd quality while Soldier left him, stretching on for an eternity, and seeming to pass in just a blink, when suddenly Soldier was there again. Billy's attempts at measured breathing had grown shakier and shakier, and when he felt that touch and focused in on Soldier's face, those tears finally broke through, head bowing to fold into the safety of Soldier's chest.

"...I almost killed him-"

Honestly, the Soldier expected tears before this. Billy held in so much, between emotion and stress, that he was surprised it hadn't broken through already.

"Shhh..." Gentle noises as he pulled Billy closer, arms wrapping around him and fingers carding through his hair. "You're safe now. Everyone is safe now."

"'Til something else has me hurt everyone again," he countered before his face twisted with guilt. In the long term, Soldier had been used to hurt others against his will far longer than Billy, did he really have any right to feel sullen about it, like this place was targeting him?

"...thank you for stopping me," he murmured tearfully, not sure he could live with himself if Soldier hadn't been there to keep him from killing Tommy.

"And we'll face that, just like we did this." Really, if the Soldier had been closer he could have gotten to Billy sooner, and maybe prevented a lot of hurt.

"Thank you for trusting me, when you gave me that collar." It meant he hadn't needed to use extreme force against Billy. He could have, but he didn't. "And trusting me now to take care of you."

"Thank you for using it," Billy murmured in turn, holding Soldier tight and biting his lip.

"I dunno if Tommy's ever gonna trust me again..." That was twice now he'd nearly killed him in this state. And now they could throw in his boyfriend.

"I promised you, didn't I?" It really was that simple: the Soldier had promised, and he'd fulfilled that promise. He understood possibly better than anyone else what it was like to have one's free will ripped away, how it felt to be used as a weapon. He had to stop Billy.

"That's not a tonight thought," he tried gently. He held Billy a moment longer, before gently urging him back and tugging at a sleeve. "First, we get you showered and changed. Then you can have worry time. But I'm not tossing you in the shower fully clothed."

Billy's expression softened and he nodded, pressing a grateful kiss to Soldier's cheek. He had promised. And god had he come through. That at least offered Billy some comfort about whatever future thing might try to take hold of him. He knew without a doubt now that Soldier could be counted on to stop him.

"Mm-" He sighed, but allowed himself to be guided back. "How are you so...good?" he asked, struggling to find the right word as he attempted to tug his shirt off, very pointedly ignoring the blood stains, not sure whose they were at this point. "So good at this," he tried to clarify.

The promise was one he'd hoped that he'd never have to fulfill. But he did, and he'd do it again, as many times as he needed. It didn't matter what it cost him to raise a hand against Billy, as long as he could prevent Billy from doing something he'd regret forever.

"Because no one ever did this for me," he finally answered, quietly. All the use, all the times HYDRA deployed and retrieved their Asset, there had never been anything of care in it. Cleaning and repair, yes, but they were clinical processes. They hurt as much as helped, but it hadn't mattered to them: the Soldier was a weapon, and weapons didn't feel. "Stop thinking now, let me get you out of these clothes."

Billy was clearly exhausted, judging by the tired way he tugged at his shirt. The Soldier chased his hands away, replacing them with his own sure grip. If Billy consented the undressing would be quick, clinical more than sexy with a pause between shirt and pants to start the water in the shower running.

It was a truth that made Billy's heart ache for Soldier, a sad smile of understanding settling on his face. "...I will," he promised, "If you ever need it." He hadn't exactly managed to stop Beck from using Soldier, had he had helped him in his recovery. And he hoped if it came down to it he could be as strong as Soldier was when/if Soldier needed him in the future.

He nodded though, trying to shut of his brain and allow Soldier to take over, shifting where he could to make things easier, too tired or too safe to feel shy in this moment

"Not tonight." Tonight Billy had enough to do just to try to rest, to recover from the physical punishment the ordeal put him through. Sleep would help with that, and the other parts of recovery could follow.

Undressing Billy was a smooth process, as was shedding most of his own clothing; he kept his undergarments for modesty and for the subconscious reassurance that their nakedness meant nothing more than the need for cleanliness. Then he helped Billy maneuver into the shower, standing behind him for support.

"Lean against me," he murmured, "and just let the water wash over you."

Soldier was sure and steady behind him, and Billy leaned against him without hesitation, eyes closed and head pointed up towards the stream of water.

He wished it could all wash away this easily. His mind kept replaying the events no matter how he tried to quiet it, and he tried to practice his breathing, subconsciously mirroring Soldier's.

"...you're okay?" he asked, needing that reassurance.

The metal arm went to Billy's waist, keeping him steady as he leaned. Eventually the Soldier would reach for soap but he recognized that right now just standing under the spray probably did as much for Billy as anything else.

"Yes," he replied. "It was... maybe a vigorous workout for me, but I was not operating at anything like full force against you. I am fine." Physically. Mentally it had exhausted him but he would not lay that burden on Billy. His partner needed him to be strong, and the Soldier could at least manage stoic.

"...You can tell me if you're not-" he acknowledged carefully. Hell, he knew Soldier couldn't be. He wasn't. None of them were. But maybe it wasn't fair to push when Soldier was trying to be strong for him.

"They got me with Teddy too. Maybe it's me...I must...taste good or something." He tried to force some humor, but it didn't really hit.

"Also not a tonight thought." Billy could worry tomorrow. He'd be in a better state of mind to address all the emotional turmoil after some rest. "I will feel better if you let yourself lean on me tonight, in every sense of the word. I will keep you safe." He needed to keep Billy safe; logically he knew the infection by the bug wasn't his fault but he did feel bad that he hadn't been nearby to somehow prevent it.

He raked a hand through Billy's hair, brushing water through to the very tips of it. "I will have to be careful then, something else might creep in here and try to nibble your toes."

There was a breath like Billy wanted to argue, but Soldier's words quieted that urge and he allowed himself to lean a little more heavily on Soldier. "I knew you would," he encouraged instead, "You're always there for me..."

He relaxed a little with the gentle touch, and his lips quirked a little despite the everything, appreciating the effort. "Bugs and inter-dimensional-magic-eating-parasites. Everyone wants a piece of me."

For a moment he thought Billy might dig into his stubbornness; he felt relieved when Billy let it go. The Soldier firmly believed that the hard conversations could wait until the morning. Right now he just needed Billy to rest, to regain some of the strength he'd need to have those conversations. "I made you a promise. I don't make those lightly."

He felt Billy start to relax against him and judged it a good opportunity to start washing his partner off. Reaching for the shampoo, he let go of Billy's waist to squeeze some into his palm to start working through Billy's hair. "This may sting against that cut on your forehead. But it'll be better than a bug bite."

Thankfully, he didn't have the energy to be stubborn. "I think you're really overdue for me to take care of you." Okay, maybe he still had a bit of energy for stubborn.

"Nn- it's not that bad," Billy assured after a brief hiss, sighing once that initial sting wore off. The real aches would probably come in the morning once the adrenaline had worn off.

"Later." A beat. "I promise." Hopefully that would reassure Billy that the favor could and would be repaid, when the time was right.

"You'll feel better when you're clean." Blood had dried into Billy's hair; the Soldier worked carefully to wash it out. Physical cleanliness was the smallest thing compared to the trauma that Billy had suffered over the past few hours, but it was the easiest thing to put right.

Edited 2024-06-02 11:46 (UTC)

He nodded, letting his eyes fall closed and focusing on the feel of those fingers massaging through his hair, allowing the rest of the world to fall away for the moment. An image of Tommy's hair stained with blood cut through his minds eye, and he turned his cheek to Soldier's chest. His fingers glowed dimly, wanting to 'fix', but even if he had the energy, he didn't have the permission, and the glow faded again with some effort.

"Sorry."

"It's okay." A quiet murmur, and he reached down to grab Billy's hands and place them on his hips. "Keep these here. Can you do that for me?"

Maybe giving Billy a small task on which to focus would distract him from too many thoughts of the outside world. Either way he'd move back to the task of rinsing shampoo out of Billy's hair, before thinking about soap for the rest of him.

"...think so."

Hands. Hips. Billy nodded, and simple a task as it was, it did help. He didn't know how Soldier was so good at calm redirection, but god he appreciated it in moments like this. If there positions were switched he wasn't confident he would be able to handle things nearly so well. And hell, their positions very nearly had been switched, if their respective bites had happened a little differently. Would Billy have been able to stop a rampaging Soldier?

Too many thoughts. Hands. Hips.

"...thank you, Soldier."

"You're doing great." Honestly the fact that Billy was still standing under his own power helped; supporting his weight and washing him would be difficult. "I'm going to work on getting the rest of you clean. Let me know if you feel like you're going to lose your balance."

If Billy could handle standing on his own the Soldier would take up soap and washcloth, staring at Billy's shoulders and moving methodically down to his feet. He murmured softly in response to the thanks, less a word and more just sound. If their positions were reversed Billy would do what he could to comfort the Soldier, he had faith. It didn't matter to him if the actions were the same.

Is he? Mostly he was just trying to keep standing and keep his brain from going to that completely numb place it did after Cassie was killed. But he gave another faint nod. "M'okay-" he assured. At least enough to stand. For now.

He'd reflect later o the intimacy and shared trust of this moment, but while living it- it just felt natural.

Billy hadn't passed out, that was as great as the Soldier needed him to be right now. Anything else they could address afterwards when they didn't have to worry about water and slick tile surfaces.

Kneeling at Billy's feet, the Soldier carefully cleaned each leg and foot, making sure Billy could support himself through the potentially dangerous one-legged standing. Fortunately Billy at least seemed to have enough energy to keep himself upright, and the Soldier soon finished to return to standing.

Taking up a second washcloth he carefully cupped Billy's chin to clean his face, trying to remain gentle around delicate skin.

That disassociative urge was strong, but Billy focused on Soldier, on staying balanced for him, and moving where and when he needed. They were both quiet then, and Billy watched Soldier's face as he moved so gently. His head turned almost reflexively to press a chaste kiss of gratitude to the fingers holding his chin.

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