revivalproject | Should I Stay or Should I Go

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Should I Stay or Should I Go - The Clash

WHO: Billy Hargrove, ~~Princess~~ Steve Harrington, later additions of Eddie Munson and Robin Buckley
WHERE: Hotel
WHAT: Billy's hightailing it out leading into the event
WHEN: Right before the event
WARNINGS: Fighting

["If I go, there will be trouble..."]

It's been a couple of weeks since the...conversation on the beach. The conversation that he had ended when he had slipped up with that word. Billy knows he's prone to slip-ups - it's going to happen. Rome wasn't built in a day, attitudes weren't changed with one hand stayed from a beating. But since Tommy showed him that decrepit cabin on the beach, it's all he could think about.

There were massive renovations needed. He hadn't talked to that Reeve guy yet, had been stewing on the conversation with Tommy. Strange, how a word he used so frequently on Eddie was a slur to someone else. And that was a hard change. All those times he bit it back weren't enough when it had slipped like a notched arrow and the speedster had just left.

Now, hotel door open, Billy's made a decision. The way people seem to toe around him like he's a walking minefield. The way Steve talked to him about hurting people during their bonding conversation in Calibrations. The blond's had a horrible enough home life to recognize when people do not want him around.

He doesn't have a lot to his name here. The last few cigarettes and his lighter, the clothes on his back, and Max's walkman. That tin-foil looking blanket Tommy gave him. There's some small bits of food he's saved from the diner, and all of his stuff bundled up in the blanket to make a sort of bag to use for now. The beach was going to be better for him anyways. Away from all of these people that don't want him around in the first place, and he had all the beach to himself. To someone like Billy, that was going to be like a paradise here in this city. He grabs the pillow from his bed and adds it to the bundle before starting to tie it off.

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Steve has been happy the last few days. Eddie and he had their first date and, with his new knowledge about plants and shit, he actually felt like he was able to do something around here. He felt useful and cared for and all of that was so incredibly novel to him that he could be perhaps forgiven if he forgot about the experiences in Calibrations. Specifically the experiences he had with a certain blonde that explained quite a bit of his personality and behavior, in hindsight.

Steve just hadn't thought about it. Hadn't really seen Billy and certainly hadn't sought him out. Which is why, as he passed by his room and saw the guy packing, it was such a double punch to the gut. One just because he was remembering he was here and all he know knew about Billy. The second because...

"What are you doing?"

Steve stops in the doorway and frowns. There's a tin-foil bag of items and a pillow being taken off the bed. Steve looks up at Billy and reflexively puts his hands on his hips.

"Are you...moving?"

He hears someone in the hallway, but Billy doesn't think anything of it. Could be on one of the other floors and it wasn't like he and the other Hawkins people were the only ones that lived here. So the sounds are ignored in favor of making sure everything he wants is in the bundle. Better take the blanket for good measure, too.

Billy stiffens hearing the feet stop at his door and the familiar voice at it. He hadn't gone out of his way to find anyone else from Hawkins. Finding Tommy and Wesker had been enough to keep him occupied at least. The walkman in hand, Billy straightens up to look at Steve in the doorframe.

"I'm packing. Because yeah, I'm moving. What about it?" He shouldn't be so defensive. But it's the go-to in a situation like this. For however much it's worth, he's only defensive and not aggressive.

Yet.

Steve's hip leans into the door frame and he crosses his arms over his chest. The frown on his face is stuck between 'looking at an F on a test you thought you aced' and 'mother's response to the same exact test scenario'.

"What? Why?" He shifted his weight a little, not sure whether he should just walk away or not. Something told him though that he needed to understand whatever the fuck was going on here though. "Where are you even going? There's not that many options, dude."

Billy doesn't like that look. A look that reminds him a bit of his mother before she became a bittersweet memory. She'd look at his spelling tests with that same look, but then tell him he'd do better next time if he studied just a little harder.

The questions have Billy turning his back and going back to sorting the stuff to be easier to carry. Grabs the blanket from the bed, too. "People walk on eggshells here when I'm in my room. I've been around enough people, Harrington, to know when I am not wanted around so close."

Finally satisfied with how the bundle is, Billy hauls it over a shoulder before standing to face Steve. "There's a cabin on the beach. Needs some fixing, but I'll be away from people," away from Munson and that other chick that's from Hawkins, "and I'm by the ocean."

Billy figures he doesn't need anything else. Not in a place like this.

Steve doesn't move from the door. If anything he just shifts from leaning to standing on both feet. Planting them, as someone once recommended. He stares at Billy, confused but without giving any quarter for it. He tries to broadcast how he's not gonna move before Billy attempts to brute force his way out.

"You're gonna leave? And sleep in a cabin on the beach because you think people don't want you here?" He couldn't exactly argue that wasn't true; Steve hadn't exactly been thrilled to know Billy had moved in. But after Calibrations and their talking, things had changed.

A little, but still. They changed.

"Dude. You can't just bail out and be a hermit. That's insane."

Billy scoffs. "I'm not going to be a hermit. I'm still going to be around in town, I just won't be here in the hotel." He notes how Steve stands, how he seems to anchor himself in that doorway like he's not going to move at all. It's almost enough to get Billy to smirk. At least Steve listened to what he said on the court.

He strides over, but keeps out of hitting distance - either of their distance, to be specific. And he'd be at a disadvantage anyways with the bundle he's holding onto. "You're afraid I'm going to hurt people, and with the way you two look at each other, you're afraid I'm going to hurt Eddie. So I'm just cutting the tie here and going to the beach. No one here has to walk like they're navigating a fucking minefield if I do that, and I get the ocean back like I've wanted since we fucking moved from San Diego."

He doesn't mean to start raising his voice. But he does. Because he feels challenged and his first instinct is to always rise to it. It's easier to do that when Neil isn't here to choke him back with an invisible leash.

The fact that Billy wanted the beach so badly almost gives Steve pause. It is a nice place to be, he has to admit. Who wouldn't want to be on the water every day? But the fact of it is that he'll still be out there alone for large chunks of the day. Maybe whole days at a shot without a good reason to leave. It doesn't sit right with Steve.

"Calm down," he says as levelly as he can. "I'm not... Fuck, man. You could push me out of the way if you really wanted to. I'm not stopping you. I just..."

He runs a hand through his hair. "If something happens out there, we wouldn't know until it was probably too late. Or if we need help over here, you'll be in the same boat just backwards. I just don't know if it's a great idea in a fucking alien world we all just got plopped into to be out and alone..."

"I know."

He could push Steve out of the way. It wouldn't take much because even with planted feet, if Billy does it right, it won't take much to knock him on his ass. Billy's mind helpfully points out how Tommy could've done the same thing on the beach - twice - but didn't either. Both times he could've taught Billy the lesson on what happens when you keep using slurs after being corrected once.

It probably says more that he's not pushing Steve out of the way and storming out. His hand may have a death grip on his stuff, but Billy is still here. Listening.

"If you need help over here, you've got all the other Hawkins freaks to help out, and then other people." People like Radley or Tae or maybe Wesker. (He's not very certain about that last one). Billy turns to look at his windows, open and overlooking the city below. "Look. You say all these things making it sound like you want me to stay. But I'm not going to fucking deal with taking steps backwards, hurting people, and then having you chew me out like a damn parent scolding a kid."

Why. Why was he pushing Steve away now? Billy wants people in his corner and yet his first instinct is to push them out of it.

Steve rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I could go to everyone else in the entire world. Got it. But dude, what is the point of any of this then? You're making amends and trying to be someone we can trust so your immediate instinct is to say 'If shit goes down, miss me with it?' C'mon."

He takes a step into the room which is also a step closer to Billy's striking zone. It's not one he's entirely comfortable with but he doesn't want to have the rest of this conversation half out the door.

"Look. Can you put the bag down and talk about this?"

Now it's Billy's turn to stiffen his pose. He's planting his feet like Steve's coming in to challenge him. Even though he was trying to leave it, until he did it was still his room. His space. He looks at Steve when he hears the footsteps closing in a bit.

"Back up," is the first thing out of his mouth, and it's said like a threat before he can stop it. The filter is taking some work and it's not fully capable of stopping everything. Once and if Steve does that, Billy weighs the options and also debates getting one of his cigarettes out. He decides against that though - he's getting low.

Billy could shove past Steve right now. He could push the other teen into the door and storm out. He wants to go to the beach and live there. But the cabin isn't exactly habitable at the moment and needs at least enough work to replace the door and roof. He could go swimming whenever he wants, maybe figure out how to make surfboard and do that too. He could do whatever the hell he wants and not have people tense around him.

But he could stay, too. The Californian looks at Steve again, then takes steps back into his room to give the other space to come back in. "Better make a good argument for it Harrington. I've got a fixer-upper with my name on it out there."

Steve steps back when he's told to. It's a fair request, all things considered, and he doesn't fault Billy for wanting it. He wouldn't like someone who'd been openly hostile up in his space either. Filter or no filter, he raises his hands up in the universal sign of surrender and goes back to the perch at the door until invited otherwise. When that's given, he still keeps a foot or so between them and leans instead against a wall.

"I'm not...I'm not saying that I think you having a place on the beach is a bad idea. But I just want to understand it, man. It's one thing to go because you really dig the location and whatever but it's another to be doing it for us. Because..." He exhales a short burst. "Because you think we don't want you here..."

Billy feels that itch to fight starting to make itself known under his skin. The one he had to harness every time Neil got in his face, or a teacher scolded him for some bullshit. It's instinct to feel it, to want to turn and choke the other party until they either leave or fight back. He fought Steve once before, he knows he could do it again.

Steve closes the distance and Billy opens it again, going for the window with his arms crossed over his chest. He wants to pace. He wants to leave and be done with the hotel. Just stay at the beach in whatever peace he can find before he's sent home to the axe waiting to fall for him.

"I don't know if you remember, Princess, but I love the beach. Almost everything I ever liked is in California. The beach here feels like a little piece of it back." He finally turns to fix Steve with a hard look. "You barely fucking like me on a day when you're in a good mood. You don't like having me here so close to Eddie, you've made all of that known the day you found me down there on the beach when Max was still here. I know there's other people here besides you and the others but why stay somewhere where I'm not going to fucking fit, Harrington? We have a truce and even if I play nice and behave, there's always going to be that barrier up to protect others from me." Billy's voice fluctuates between shouting and being calm. God, he's venting. Saying some things that've weighed on his mind since Calibrations and shit.

"Jesus, man. There's not always going to be that barrier unless you do fucking nothing to work on bringing it down. This...this is just like what happened in the weirdo brain place."

He flaps his hands in frustration and crosses them again over his chest before frowning at Billy.

"I said it there and I'll say it fucking again: you are the one giving up on you. You want people to have faith in you or whatever and then you just... you say shit like this which makes me feel like you've already declared the whole thing a wash."

He should just let Billy go. He should let him run away to the beach and the memories he wants to wrap himself in. But something in Steve wants to just stop him from disengaging like that. From taking an easy way out of this discomfort. Steve thinks back to knocking on Jonathan's door when hurt pride was the scariest thing he had to face. He remembers staring at a house with pulsating lights, half in his car and half out of it, needing to make a decision.

He sees Billy and he sees himself and the lens might be ill-fitting but it's the only one he's got.

"I'm here talking to you, right? I am here when I could just walk away and let you fuck off to a cave. Doesn't that say at least something?"

Weirdo brain place. Calibrations. If Billy never sees that bunker again, it would be too soon. Way too soon. Even if he had made at least one friend while down there. And then promptly pissed him off on the beach.

And here in his room, he feels crowded by all of Steve's words. That he's given up on himself already, that he's pretty much already given up on people liking him and he feels cornered. Even if Steve is right that he's here still. Still talking to Billy to try and get him to stay despite everything in their history.

"Aside from 'bad shit happening', why are you trying to hard to even keep me here?" He figures Steve would've been the first to tell him to get out, or even run to the cabin instead of walk. But the question is to get all of the attention off of him for the moment, to try and get that crowded feeling off of him before he lashes out against it. Against Steve.

Because he wants to do that, but it's not going to win him anything here.

It's a fair question and Steve has no answer at first. He's working off instinct right now. All he knows is that Billy is leaving and that doesn't seem like a good idea. It takes another few seconds to actually tease out any reasoning for why.

"I didn't get better by myself," he says finally. "Dustin did it. And Robin. And all the other people that annoyed the shit out of me but who I learned to care about. If Max were still around, you wouldn't be going to the cabin on the beach even if you did think everyone else was sick and tired of you. Right?"

He can feel the tension in the room growing and figures after this he'll need to back off if he doesn't want a split lip. Maybe.

"I'm just... I'm just saying, man. It's good to have people around. Better. I know from experience."

They've never really been in the realm of friends, so this seems to be coming out of nowhere to someone like Billy. They had been at odds while in Hawkins, and Steve wasn't exactly hiding what he thought of the younger teen after realizing he was in the city.

What changed? Something changed.

Maybe it was that brain sharing ordeal.

He visibly startles at Steve bringing up Max. Not because it scared him, but because it was true. He wouldn't be trying to escape to a dilapidated cabin that barely had a roof and a door. Max might have been sick and tired of him, but she probably wouldn't want him to go either. Thinking on all this, Billy looks ready to finally fight, but his mind is set on Max.

She'd yell at him, call him all sorts of names like the brat she was. But Max would get him to stay. Like Steve was doing now. And man, Steve was trying. There was no half-assed attempt to keep him here. He figured Steve would've just let himself be denied once and let Billy go, but no. He's here. Still here in the room. The room that Billy invited him into.

(Kind of.)

He raises and let his arm drop as Billy looks at Steve. "And I'm supposed to trust that you actually want me here in the hotel? That you're going to trust me to keep living here despite all of the other warnings you gave me?" The warnings that were all pre-Calibrations. And pre-truce.

Something did change. What that was is hard to identify even for Steve. He understands Billy a little more, maybe. He can see the fucked up logic that made him the terror he is (was?). He can see that things reach him. That Steve's words can reach him even if all he's really done with them really is aim to bruise.

And maybe that was also what changed. Not just how Steve sees Billy but how he sees himself. The bruise on Billy's face in the Calibration room could have been Billy's dad or him. If there's one thing that can turn his stomach it's being in a situation --any situation-- where that confusion can happen.

"If I didn't want you here you'd be out the door already, man. You can trust that. And all the warnings..." Steve exhales. "Look. We have a truce now and it's doing alright. That is good enough for me."

"I'm still here so I can hear what you're trying to lecture me with," but there's no heat in his words. They're hard, but it's like an empty threat. Billy's been paying attention and while change isn't happening overnight, it's clear that there's something in him willing to try. Even if it's met with a lot of pushback from things still ingrained from abuse.

Because that's what it was. Neil abused him. It was tough to think sometimes, especially in moments like this where he was starting to feel vulnerable. "I know I can send you flying on your ass instead of standing here listening to you. I can't fucking change like people want overnight and I've already pissed off at least four people I can think of off the top of my head here, five if we count you." Again, that ire is back on his face, looking like the blond is ready to fight again. It's like a roller-coaster with Billy, because he doesn't know how to handle emotions like this. He's never had to before. Not in a setting like this.

"I was going to leave because I keep fucking up, everyone's fucking nervous when I'm around, and it's fucking lonely, Harrington. There? Are you fucking happy now?!" He yells that last part. Billy doesn't mean to be aggressive about it. It's a work in progress.

Steve rolls his eyes a little when he's included in the people Billy pissed off. It's not wrong but it's not really the whole story. Still, he's not gonna fight it when there is more going on in this moment than an argument about semantics. Especially not when Billy raises his voice and confesses more than he likely wanted to.

Steve purses his lips a moment, fighting the urge to step back at the yelling. He doesn't want the aggravation of a fight and he definitely isn't willing to retreat in the face of hostility. Stuck for a second, he waits to hopefully let the anger in Billy simmer.

"It's gonna be even lonelier in an isolated hut on the beach," he points out. "And nothing is gonna change if you're gone. Nothing."

The bundle finally drops to the ground as Billy lets go in favor of hitting his fist against the wall out of frustration. There’s an impact point left in its wake but the hotel wall was closer than Steve. Then he kicks the bundle, finally feeling some of the aggression freed. Still it boils, but doesn’t boil over.

Not yet at least.

The blond leans against the wall and presses his forehead to the cool stucco of it. Calm down. He needs to be calm. He can’t think when he’s angry as hell and then he’ll just lash out and start at square one.

Again.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Think of Mom. Think of Max. Think of being better for them.

Down in his bundle, the device glows and beeps, insistent for the attention he’s not giving. More breathing in and out. Think of Tommy and how he said he’d be in Billy’s corner.

God he wants to punch something so bad. His fist flexes against the wall.

"…I’ll…I’ll stay."

The reaction startles Steve enough that he finally flinches backwards. But as surprising and violent as it was, Billy hit a wall instead of Steve's face. And more than that, he brought himself down. Not all that easily and not before the blow up, but it is progress. Actual, visible progress.

Too bad the glowing and beeping of Billy's communicator interrupts the moment before Steve can say something about it.

He is in the middle of telling Billy about that when his own communicator starts doing the same thing. Steve frowns, wondering what message is getting sent out to all of them right now. He opens it up and sees Ga Re's odd face for the first time. It surprises him enough that he almost misses the start of the warning. Almost.

His face gets paler the more he hears until finally the whole thing stops and Steve is practically ghostly. God, he thought that the danger was gone for awhile. He thought he could rest. But this? He can't even fight this. Eddie and Robin can't join him in bringing down a volcano.

Which is when he realizes the bigger issue.

"Shit. Fuck... Eddie and Robin..."

He wants to punch Steve in the face. Like everything about the conversation was challenging Billy in a way he didn't like. But they had shaken hands on the truce. Max would want him to keep up with it and even if she wasn't here to call him out, Billy could hear her voice in his head.

Fucking brat.

It's all interrupted by Steve rummaging about and getting the device from his pocket. Or wherever he had it stored. It gets his attention and the anger drops from him at the message. Volcano? Shit. They had those on the west coast, but nothing active. But it still puts him on edge. He can't fight a volcano, the best he can do is help with earthquake aftermaths.

He looks from the device to Steve, his gaze rather unreadable. But they had to evacuate, right? They couldn't stay here. He goes and digs out the walkman from his pack and Billy clips it on his waist and slings the headphones around his neck. "We need to get to wherever they're telling us to go. City center." He was only half-paying attention.

"But Eddie and Robin!" He looks almost frantic as he tugs a hand through his hair, trying to think. He was never the plan guy. He hates being the plan guy but he needs to find Eddie and Robin before going underground. What if one of them gets stuck? What if one of them is taking a nap somewhere and misses the message? Robin has her bike so she can be anywhere. Eddie? He was probably somewhere around town, honestly, but he isn't sure. And he's pretty sure he won't be lucky enough to find them together as he races around.

They don't have a lot of time, really. Those hours are going to fly by looking for his friends and then trying to get their shit together. Steve can almost feel himself getting torn in two as he thinks about what he needs to do. He needs to be in two places at once. He needs to get Robin ready for the evacuation and Eddie too. But how? How when he's just him?

Him...and Billy...

Steve stares at him and can feel what others must when a plan forms in their mind. He hates it, but it's a plan and it will work. They split up. They each go for someone. But Robin...she hasn't spoken to Billy yet. She knows only the worst about him and nothing else...

Steve swallows and straightens his spine up as he looks at Billy.

"I need your help."

Billy recognizes the frantic tone. He's heard it from people visiting California experiencing a disaster for the first time. It's nothing new to the blond, but he can't have Steve like this right now. He marches over quick and gives the other teen a little slap. Not enough to start a fight or physically hurt him like their fight in the Byers house. It's enough to hopefully keep Steve's head on straight.

But God does it make the fight itch through his skin and make him want to keep going until the slaps turn into punches. Instead he just grabs onto Steve's shoulder (maybe a little too hard) to keep himself from doing just that.

"You can't panic, Princess. Not here, not now. Panic is how people fucking die," and he sounds incredibly serious about that.

Blue eyes stare right back into Steve's, then his face drops a little at the admission.

"My help? What kind of fucking help?"

The slap has its desired effect. Steve focuses on Billy, furious for a second and then coming back to himself and understanding. He nods, immediately agreeing about the panic. The last time he panicked real bad was when he first saw the demogorgon and no one had been helped then. His only hope had always been to keep a level head and follow his instincts.

Hopefully the concussions left most of those alone.

"I can't be everywhere at once," he explains in a much more steady voice. "Robin is out there and Eddie is too. Chances are not they're not together and we don't have time to play hide and seek all over this fucking place. There's too much to do."

Robin has to be his priority. He knows that but it still doesn't go down easier knowing that leaves Billy as the person he needs to trust to get his boyfriend and get him to safety. But he has no choice.

"You and Eddie. You are part of the truce. I need you... I need you to find him. Get him packed up and down to safety. Okay? I need to go get Robin so...it has to be you finding Eddie." He swallows back pride and bile. "Please..."

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