revivalproject | The blizzard doesn't last forever;

WHO: Billy Kaplan, Soldier (Closed)
WHERE: The Hangar
WHAT: Trapped and paranoid
WHEN: Backdated to: Feb 10-14 (Event)
WARNINGS: Paranoia, Anxiety attacks, TDB

Today was laundry day. Admittedly Billy could have just magicked everything clean, but it wasn't really about laundry. It was a little bit of domestic socializing. Chatting (mostly Billy), while they used the ships machines, passed the time with nothing all that out of the ordinary (Billy attempting a few different combinations with the food dispensers, and Soldier trying them without complaint. Not one of them was good.) They'd folded (mostly Soldier) and packed up, and Billy continued to chat as they stepped out into the chill of the hangar (something about Tommy wanting Soldier to come round for dinner). It was a bit colder than when they'd gone in. Which hadn't seemed all that alarming until their communicators went off in tandem, and not long after the howl of the wind followed.

This would be troubling at any time, but for some reason Billy could feel an uneasiness brewing in the pit of his stomach that didn't feel quite...right.

With the now familiar sensation of power loss- Billy's coat faded away. With how often he magicked his clothes he thought he'd been clever keeping it a matter of his will and not strictly 'real'. Big mistake. Huge.

"...Crap."

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"It's not a conversation we need to have now." The Soldier felt vulnerable himself, though he felt that he hid it well. He had to focus on Billy and on the storm and its very real danger. Feelings could come later, when they were more comfortable.

"You haven't offended me," he tried to reassure. "So stop worrying."

That earned a grateful nod, and Billy gave Soldier's hand a squeeze as he leaned back into his side.

"...you're sure?" he asked, looking up at Soldier's face, trying his best to push that worry down.

He let Billy lean close, untangling their hands only to wrap that arm around his companion. It was the least he could do to reassure Billy that the Soldier wasn't angry or upset.

"I'm sure," he replied. "I promised to be there when you needed. A pinky promise. Remember?"

"Thought you claimed to be bad at rememberin'." The gruff tone matched the expression on the face of the figure striding up out of seemingly thin air. The Soldier's posture instantly stiffened, wariness in every inch of him as the colonel looked down at the way he huddled close with Billy. "Leanin' on that excuse really doesn't work if you're not gonna be consistent with it."

The reminder prompted a smile, and Billy relaxed a little. He was still flushed, which honestly was maybe good, it might help ward off the cold, but he felt slightly more confident that his crush being forced out into the open wouldn't necessarily end in Soldier wanting nothing to do with him any more.

"I remember."

He started at the new voice, and the way Soldier stiffened, making Billy touch a grounding hand to his chest to reassure him. "You're good, just ignore him," he advised, trying to echo Soldier's own advice.

"Thing is," the Colonel continued, as if warming to the topic, "you do remember a lot more than you're pretendin'. Could even write it all down, put out all in order in those journals of yours. But if you do, you're afraid you'll have to stop pretendin' that you don't know how to be a person. I reckon that scares you."

Through the speech the Soldier closed his eyes, as if that would make the ghost disappear. The words dug in, sinking their claws much deeper than Billy's light touch. And of all the people to hear it—!

"Go away," he tried, falling far short of anything authoritative; his arm tightened around Billy a little more. "You don't belong here." It sounded much more like a plea than anything else.

It's not as if Billy hasn't suspected Soldier remembers more than he claims, though he's never broached it. He levels a glare at the Colonel to try and will him to shut up. No one gets to push that timeline on him.

He's never heard Soldier sound like that before, and every feeling Teddy had stirred up moments earlier is forgotten for the moment, solely concerned with protecting Soldier.

"Don't listen to him. Listen to me, okay?" he instructs, sounding as sure as Billy's ever managed to sound, "You don't owe anyone, anything. You're you. That's all you have to be. No one gets to tell you the right way to be a person, or how to get better, or what...better even is. And you're allowed to be scared. I'm scared ALL of the time, and you make me feel save, and loved, and-" Billy tries to keep going, to just drown out the fear mongering with reassurance instead.

The phantasm seemed unconcerned with Billy's animosity. Much like the vision of Teddy earlier it wouldn't be stopped from saying its piece.

"Thing is, all that rememberin' comes down to one piece: you were good at killin' before HYDRA ever got ya. Best sniper I ever saw. Maybe they were Nazis an' maybe they were HYDRA but your list was a mile long before Uncle Sam ever lost ya. All of this wouldn't've worked if somethin' wasn't already there."

The Soldier shuddered in Billy's arms, unable to deny accusations that hit as hard as physical blows. They touched on things he tried to keep buried deep, old scars far beyond the reach of Billy's reassurances. He didn't even feel able to lash out or slip away, trapped as they were by the cold and the lack of their abilities.

"You're a killer, James Buchanan Barnes." The Colonel turned, looking lighter around the edges. "It's what you were, and what you'll always be." Seemingly satisfied, the phantasm faded out.

When his magic comes back Billy was going to conger this ghost up just to have the pleasure of taking them apart again. He feels Soldier shuddering, and shakes his head emphatically, holding him close- even daring to try and pet through his hair.

"...he's wrong. You know he's wrong, right?"

"He's not." He didn't try to shake off Billy's small affections, focusing on them and on their situation to try to banish the emotions stirred up by the phantasm. (Fingers combing through his hair actually felt nice, and he didn't quite know what to do with that.) "It's all true."

He took a deep breath, pulled Billy closer to him. No space at all between them now, close enough that it would take very little to turn the embrace intimate, if that was on their minds. Right now he just wanted to focus on their situation; by making them both a little physically uncomfortable they could perhaps forget the shame. "Help me pull the blanket around us. It feels like it's getting colder."

"You've killed. You're not a Killer. There's a difference," Billy counters softly, continuing those soothing gestures since for once Soldier doesn't seem to stiffen or put up with it, but actually draw some comfort from it.

He easily moves closer, pulling the blanket round and continuing to coax Soldier into accepting whatever physical comforts he can offer. "...we'll be okay."

"Is there?" He still did it. Willingly or not, a lot of blood was on his hands. He couldn't change that, nor would he allow himself to forget it.

He curled his arm around Billy as they settled, warm from the proximity to each other. He wondered briefly how anyone could let something close like this for an extended time; didn't one come to feel trapped? And what about potential attacks? But Billy seemed so comfortable next to him, not afraid of the Soldier at all. Strange. "I promised to keep you safe."

"Do you like killing? Because I'm met people who do, Soldier. People who want to kill. So have you. And you should know there's a difference," Billy insists softly.

He offers a gentle smile and nods. "...we keep each other safe. That's the deal."

The blizzard doesn't last forever;

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