What's going on in your head

[demjiin]

WHO: Kaz Brekker and Merrin
WHERE: Abandoned Temba store
WHAT: Kaz has asked Merrin to use the Force on him so he can learn how to resist it
WHEN: mid-August
WARNINGS: Okay this log will contain but warnings are not limited to; disease, death, graphic descriptions of decay, and corpses. If you don't like any of those, then please do not read this


There were many buildings in Temba that were already abandoned and finding one that was far enough away from any place that often had people going in and out wasn't difficult. It was as quiet and secluded here as if it was the middle of the forest, with the added bonus that rain would be kept mostly out by the cracked roof.

Kaz had sent coordinates (something he was learning made using maps easier) to Merrin already. He was dressed in black pants, a black waistcoat, and matching black cane and gloves. The only thing he was wearing that wasn't black was the white spider-silk shirt that Lark had made for him. For the record? He was not the least bit happy about the purpose of this arrangement but he also didn't want Force-sensitives, Jedi or otherwise, to be able to go sifting through his memories whenever they pleased.

Comments

[noch]

She shakes her head with resignation. "No, it is simpler. I cannot have my revenge. Not against ghosts."

Dooku and Grievous are gone, cut down by the Jedi. The Separatists have fallen to the Empire, even if they ultimately played no part in the betrayal between master and apprentice that led to her people's massacre.

"I have no choice but to move forward." The problem is, she doesn't know how. Kaz still has something to hold onto: his anger and pain and vengeance, honed for purpose. What is she supposed to do with hers? It's building up inside her and she has nowhere to release it.

[demjiin]

That was the problem with vengeance, it had a way of consuming the victim that lived for vengeance alone until there was nothing left of them. And once it was fulfilled, what then? That, perhaps, is why Kaz's own quest for revenge has made him realize that simply killing someone is not real revenge. He's realized that emotional pain is far more effective and instead lets his vengeance play out more slowly, making someone suffer over and over again during a person's natural lifetime.

That still left the same question, though. What do you do without that vengeance? Kaz certainly couldn't say for sure but he said what seemed to make sense at that moment;

"I don't know if you're telling me something or asking me something, but seeing your life from another person's point of view is how you find that way forward when you can't find it for yourself."

[noch]

Honestly, she's not sure if she's telling him something or asking him something either. It's just that—in looking through his thoughts, she'd seen something they shared, something that reflected back at her and the questions she'd been asking of herself lately.

And Kaz would understand. What it's like to live your life for vengeance. Not even Cal does, for all that they have in common.

A look of dawning understanding crosses her face, and she nods her head. "Yes, you are right." It's exactly how she found a way forward before, after all. Then she stands, wiping dust from the back of her tunic, her expression a little softer, more thoughtful.

"You will need more practice. Tell me when you are ready."